A fond farewell and a huge thank you - Day 32

New Year's Day, 1st January 2019

All good things come to an end, or so they say. I can tell from how wretched I feel writing this goodbye how lucky I am to have hosted the Advent Series for the past five years. (This adieu is my own personal "Heartache"). I have learned so much, made some amazing friends, strengthened bonds with others and discovered information about contacts that I would never have guessed had it not been for writing on here. I have unearthed more odd facts and chosen a larger number of illustrations and music for other people's pieces than I care to remember. It is humbling to see how the series has grown since 2014: it now has a wide, global following and contributions have been submitted from a range of locations around the world; writers have aged from teens and to grandparents and people facing up to growing old, and subjects have been equally wide from births and babies to fathers, grandmothers and elderly great aunts; and it has been wonderful to see how people who have joined in from various sectors (including HR, artisan cheesemaking, economics and forecasting, research, Tech, L&D, Facilitation, Facilities and Workplace Design, Artists and Consulting);  and a wide range of attitudes and opinions have been voiced, including through stories, autobiographical reminiscences, confessions of loss, comments on the landscape, and poems. I love the fact that the series is not commercial, it is something that has been created for a community out of individuals' consideration for others and the simple joy of writing something to share. Some people find contributing to the series cathartic or hope to help others, others wish to describe experiences, make a record of the year, or vital moments that have passed,  to share a sadness, talk about loved ones, make sense of the past,  extol a joy or inspiration, light the way, or simply find their voice - the series has been the launch pad for a number of now well known and respected bloggers.  I am not going to call names and single out specific posts - there have been far too many exceptional posts over the years although all the links above are to posts that proved particularly popular. Every blogger has left their mark and the series would have been the poorer for any loss of contributions. "High-fives" to each and every writer.

Being the curator, taking the series on after its initial foundation by Alison Chisnell, I have been privileged enough, to interact quite frequently with the people who have crafted blogs. When people have wished to remain anonymous I have tried hard to protect their identity. Some contributors have written posts that have helped others and which have commenced discussions on important matters such as mental health, bereavement, ageing, sustainability, the future, society and relationships. People have been so open and shared things that have often surprised others. I have learnt a lot from you, and many of you have inspired me and others in so many different ways. Thank you.

As you know, I am passing on the baton to a new curator - Gary Cookson. I am confident that under his stewardship the series will be enhanced and continue to thrive. The series has "become a thing" and I know that it will get bigger and better under Gary's careful eye. I look forward to being a contributor once again and crafting a piece for his chosen theme(s).

My "Hope" is that you all have a splendid 2019, full of joyous experiences, amusing incidents and handy tips that you will be able to use in the posts you craft for Gary near the end of the year.

FAREWELL and THANK YOU!

So long, farewell... and

Thank you!

The Power of Praise - Day 25

25th December (Christmas Day)

25 (or "Pachisi", which is "25" in Hindi) is the national board game of India. It is a game for 2-4
participants played on a board shaped like a symmetrical cross. It was first mentioned in records
in Medieval India. It requires a combination of strategy, numeracy, probability and luck for
a player to win - bit like life.

Welcome to Day 25, Christmas Day - I hope you are enjoying the series to date. I think we have had some exceptional posts and today's is no exception - it is by a new voice, Diane Fennig. Diane is based in Atlanta in the USA and works as a search consultant for the Human Capital Group Inc. - part of the global Cornerstone  International Group. Diane is lively, positive and passionate. She is an excellent storyteller and writes beautifully, as you will see. I love the joyous tone and generosity of her piece - perfect for Christmas Day ( although I suspect that she wanted it posted slightly earlier in Advent). Its message applies to any and every day of the year.

At work Diane focuses on assisting within the higher education sphere, working  with universities and colleges. Prior to moving into search she served as Director of the Career Center at Augusta State University, where she developed and implemented a comprehensive Alumni Career Services Program and authored GeorgiaHire.com, a shared resume database program for 34 institutions within the University System of Georgia. Diane has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and Secondary Education from Marquette University and a Master of Science degree in College Student Personnel from Miami University. She also holds a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Educational Leadership and Organizational Behavior from the University of South Carolina. Diane is a graduate of the Relationship Masters Academy and serves as an ambassador in the Relationship Management Program. Outside work, Diane is a very capable cook. You can follow her on Twitter, her handle is @FansofFennig.

Both she and I wish you a joyous day, please spare a moment to proffer some praise to someone else who has done something good. (I am going to start by mentioning Diane herself for being so kind writing this post for the benefit of all of us).

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The Power of Praise

Born and raised in the Catholic Church and schooled there too, I still can recount the many symbols of Catholicism. I can still recite the Act of Contrition and the Rosary to this day, but I digress. When I heard Advent, I was transported to a church pew of yesteryear.

As a teen, I recall the December Sunday morning banter between siblings and a mom before church. The young girl noted, “someone should tell the priest that the candles do not match?"  As the mom readied an answer, the older brother chimed in, when we get to pink, the real count-down begins. The third candle, the sole pink candle of the Advent wreath, represents joy. 

The young brother got it right, joy is the answer.

In this challenge from Kate Griffiths-Lambeth, I was immediately drawn to the high fives and the power of praise and joy along our journey. 

Praise and joy can be offered, witnessed and received in so many ways….

--it is the unexpected hello, acknowledging a stranger, and bidding a sincere hello?

--maybe, a random act of kindness, from paying for someone’s coffee or bringing the morning paper to the door of a neighbor? 

--or, a hand-written note thanking someone for their efforts on a project or for a special gift?

--it could be a public acknowledgement of someone for their work or efforts?

--maybe, an unexpected favor? 

--or, is it the gift of time to gather and celebrate? 

--maybe, it is a bouquet of flowers?

--it might be a homemade treat? 

--could it be complimenting a young boy for exceptional manners? 

--maybe, permitting someone who appears in a rush, to step in-front of you? 

--or, is it commending a sales person for exceptional service? 

--might it be shoveling a neighbor’s driveway?

These efforts take little more than time. I can promise that you will continue to smile long after this act and the recipient will remember this event with a similar smile.

It is magic, spread some joy and more will come your way…

This power of praise is available 24/7/365.

Back to my Catholic roots, make a Joyful Noise...

The Wassail Song

Here we come a-wassailing

Among the leaves so green;

Here we come a-wand'ring

So fair to be seen.

REFRAIN:

Love and joy come to you,

And to you your wassail too;

And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year

And God send you a Happy New Year.

Our wassail cup is made

Of the rosemary tree,

And so is your beer

Of the best barley.

REFRAIN

We are not daily beggars

That beg from door to door;

But we are neighbours' children,

Whom you have seen before.

REFRAIN

Call up the butler of this house,

Put on his golden ring.

Let him bring us up a glass of beer,

And better we shall sing.

REFRAIN

We have got a little purse

Of stretching leather skin;

We want a little of your money

To line it well within. 

REFRAIN

Bring us out a table

And spread it with a cloth;

Bring us out a mouldy cheese,

And some of your Christmas loaf.

REFRAIN

God bless the master of this house

Likewise the mistress too,

And all the little children

That round the table go.

REFRAIN

Good master and good mistress,

While you're sitting by the fire,

Pray think of us poor children

Who are wandering in the mire.

REFRAIN

Finding Hope - Day 17

Monday 17th December

17 years is the period of time that some species of periodic cicada spend underground
as nymphs in between mating periods. It is believed that they have evolved do this to reduce
the impact of predators both by starving them, whilst their food source is safe
underground, and then by emerging simultaneously in such huge numbers that predators are
stated before all the cicadas can be consumed. I love the sound of cicadas - it reminds me of
my youth and growing up in Hong Kong or heady days spent on Greek islands.

Today will be both good, thankful and slightly wistful - I have a meeting in Cambridge to celebrate the end of the Queen's Young Leaders programme. It has been a genuine pleasure and honour to have been involved from the start. In 2014 a search was launched to find exceptional young people to receive the first ever Queen’s Young Leaders Awards. Hundreds of applications flooded in from incredible young people all dedicated to making lasting change in their community and beyond. The Programme has now come to an end, as this was its final year; it has formed a unique community of 240 influential change-makers, who represent 53 Commonwealth countries. I have mentored a few of them and watched in awe and respect as each of these extraordinary young people have each managed to make the word a better place. Congratulations to all involved. What a wonderful legacy in every way. Thank you to Her Majesty The Queen for having the initial concept and for making it possible. 

Today's post is by Niall Gavin. Niall is a much-liked and highly respected independent L&D and learning technologies specialist (after a successful career working in both the public and private sectors). He runs a company called ARG Training. Prior to helping people develop and grow, Niall spent some time as an actor, a postman and a fruit picker. He writes an enjoyable blog, A Little About a Lot and is active on social media, you can find him on Twitter (his handle is @niallgavinuk). He usually has some great insights that he shares on #LDinsight every Friday morning on Twitter. Niall lives near Worthing on the south coast of England. He is a devoted husband and father. In his spare time he enjoys walking and is also an "armchair astronomer". As you will see from what he has written, this year's Advent Blogs' theme struck a chord with him. 

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As the theme of this year's Advent Blog series is "Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives", starting this blog is a no-brainer! I am my own best example of experiencing heartache. In April 2015, I developed Angina - actual, real, physical heart ache - the result of which was that two weeks later I had a triple cardiac bypass operation. I have previously blogged about that experience (https://niallgavinuk.blogspot.com/2015/06/heartfelt.html). 

That dealt with my previously unknown cardiac problems and my surgeon and consultant immediately pronounced me "good for another 25 years" (Not sure what that means for when I turn 85, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it). And I'm still here. Hoorah!

But right now and, I suspect, like many, I am suffering emotional heartache. In a country dramatically divided over a vote on something that was never understood by the electorate and which played to the baser, biased, self-preservatory instincts of many, we find ourselves stepping into a horribly uncertain national future outside the European Union. 

I also look at what's happening in America and am still surprised how much actual, physical revulsion I experience when I see or hear the current Presidential incumbent speak and the blatant, shameless ignorance and willful blindness to fact that his narcissistic persona plays out on the global stage.  

And don't get me started on global warming and species extinction! It's a world that I don't recognise and am embarrassed and upset to be handing over eventually to my - and your - children to work through and sort out. That hurts my heart too.

So the challenge now is to be hopeful, to find something to be hopeful about. I'm struggling with this right now and I find myself wanting in this regard, with a sense of personal impotence and, yes, even despair about these things. My hopes lie in the next generation, my own children, their contemporaries and peers, and in the work that I am doing with Apprentices at our local college. I am working hard with them all to try to encourage and develop a sense of curiosity, of challenge, to see themselves as current and future professionals and citizens, whose voice and actions will make a difference and contribute to a safe, sustainable and secure future for all. As a father and a skills development facilitator, it's my best attempt to 'make up' for the mess we're in and equip them with the resilience and skills they'll need to cope with and/or fix it, if we haven't done so together before we move on and leave them to it. They will carry my hopes with them.

Maybe that's where we could all be focussing a larger part of our attention and efforts now. I know many who are. I hope that I can too.

And finally, my High Five. As Kate Griffiths-Lambeth announces that she's handing over the curation and publication of the Advent Blog series - to the excellent Gary Cookson (@Gary_Cookson) - I can think of no-one better deserving of our thanks and best wishes for the future than Kate herself. In the midst of her own personal challenges, she has inspired many of us to contribute to the series over the years, enhanced our humble contributions and ensured the continuation of what has become a high point of the festive calendar. BIG High Five, Kate, right there!

Nice to finish what has been a difficult blog to write on a positive, grateful note. Happy Holidays.

Note from the curator

Awesome Diamonds

Day 11 (Friday 11th December 2015)

11 foot (3.3 m) - the average length of a Siberian Tiger,
the world's largest cat. An typical tiger's tail is 1/3 of its total body length.
Siberian Tigers differ from other tigers because they have fewer, paler stripes and a mane.
An endangered species, due to illegal hunting for their fur and body parts
(used in traditional oriental medicine), they are found in Russia, China and North Korea.

I am delighted to introduce you to this wonderful post by Bina Briggs, a well known and much loved person on Social Media. You can follow Bina on Twitter (her handle is @PlainTalkingHR). Bina is an experienced HR professional who, with Bronwen Philpott, runs Plain Talking HR - a consultancy that provides pragmatic advice and assistance. In last year's Advent post Bina shared with us the things that matter most to her in life and pledged to spend more time with her husband, the most important person in her life. Having followed her over the past 12 months, I think that she has achieved her goal. This year's post is also personal...

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This year's theme of Comet Tail and Coal Dust had me perplexed to some degree as I can't say I'm a high flyer nor did I feel that my work this year has been of no worth. I really want to do justice to this theme and of course want to maintain the tradition of contributing to the Advent Blogs so here goes.

An interpretation given to me about the theme by our lovely Kate Griffiths-Lambeth was that " You can interpret it in many ways: comets are high fliers and shine, they inspire and fill people with awe. They are also made of hot air and dirty ice! Coal dust is created as a result of hard work, although it is often considered of little worth, it is made of the same stuff as diamonds and my mother uses it to light wonderful and warming fires. Coal is often found in lowly and dark places but it is able to create light and warmth."

I started thinking of 'The High Fliers' whom I've admired, the world has admired such as Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, John F Kennedy, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama and Dalai Lama to name a few. Each one had/has that quality of shining through their deeds and actions. However, some of them had those faults too that people knew, were publicly known and yet were somehow pushed aside as if they did not matter or almost as if they were not regarded as faults.

Personally, I have come across leaders or trail blazers who have shone and yet there was a cold mean streak in them which got them to the status they were at. 

However, there are a few people I've been fortunate to have known whom I have admired in my life who have made a difference in people's lives, the people they've led. Two stand out for me, a CEO and a HR Director. Both had difficult remits to fulfil and jobs to do in challenging circumstances. Both did that with compassion, humility and empathy. Suffice to say that in their current positions of leadership, both continue to have the respect of the people they lead.

In the past 12 months, more than ever, I have become very conscious of people around me, people I'm meeting or interacting through the various Social Media platforms. On the face of it, they are just normal people, getting on with their lives, however, take a closer look, listening to what they have to say or watching  what they have done or doing and suddenly the ordinary person has become extraordinary. So, for instance, there's my cousin's wife, my SiL in India who has become the Chief Executive of a very respected charity for Blind People. She had been with the Charity for a number of years, as the second in command. If you met her, you'd never know what extra ordinary work she has been carrying out for the last three decades, the countries that she has visited around the world and the number of lives she's been instrumental in changing.

Then there is another cousin who retired early from her Bank Manager's position in India, decided to take up Yoga and Nutrition as a full time study because she loved it so much, achieved  the highest marks in the University and yet, when you meet her, there is just humility and ordinariness in her being. I know that even before she has embarked on a second career , she has impacted others' lives.

There are diamonds in every organisation, every workplace and in every family. In every workplace, you know those individuals who come in day in and day out, do their work, no problems of any sort, nothing is too much of a problem, you know you can rely on them and yet they don't expect any more than their fair dues.

A Diamond crystal in Kimberlite

Having been lucky enough to know a number of HR personalities through the social media, I am in awe  of those who have achieved fantastic success in their careers through sheer hard work and yet they haven't lost the personal touch, the inclusiveness or the sense of fun! I am grateful for their support and guidance whenever I've asked them for it over the past couple of years, you know who you are.

When it comes to families, for me, the more I think of the lives my parents had led or my aunts and uncles, the stories that I keep hearing, every time I visit India, of the ordinariness of my elders and yet the extraordinary challenges they met to get themselves ahead, bring up their families and give their children opportunities that they never had, they are my diamonds. 

My Maternal grandmother brought up 10 children singlehanded when my grandfather passed away suddenly at a very early age; my grandmother was expecting my youngest aunt at the time! My uncle number 2 who passed away this year at the grand age of 90, and whom I was lucky enough to meet for the last time this February, looked after the younger ones, looked after them all his life, made sure that he never missed any of their important dates and that of their offspring! He was a free spirit and made sure that he instilled that freedom of spirit in everyone who was lucky enough to meet him and know him. His inclusiveness had no limits or boundaries.

So, looking back over the past 12 months, yes, I have had my challenges in work and personal life like most people have but I am also grateful for being able to fly to many sunny destinations too (my kind of high flying!). 

Bina at Malaga Airport

I have been fortunate enough to be part of some people's lives who have become friends and we have become closer than we were last year. I am also very grateful for the spiritual growth (once again, thanks to some of the people in my life),  I have  experienced this year; things have just fallen in place, it seems that I have woken up to a world I had no idea existed. I am learning more each day and to be honest it feels like I have just started a fantastic journey of exploration.

My family around the globe is getting closer by the day, thanks to Social Media and also to our zest to travel! So all in all, thank you 2015, you have been kind, generous and as a friend says 'awesome' in  more ways than one, may that continue into next year and so here's looking forward to a diamond of a year in 2016! 

AWESOME! ☺

Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds - The Beatles

Positive Vistas

As my recent silence perhaps indicates, I have been on holiday for much of the past fortnight – firstly dashing round the country catching up with family and friends, then returning to work, to clear some urgent matters, before now finding myself seated on a plane bound to Crete to spend a week with close loved ones.  Like many, I find it valuable to step out of the work environment for a few days, not just for the rest and recuperation but also because I am able to see things from a different perspective or angle.  It is not uncommon for me to gain my best insights whilst I am slightly distanced from pressing priorities and demands.  Much to the surprise of some of the people I work with, I paid to spend the first morning of my vacation at a conference in central London.  It was on Positive Psychology with group discussions as to how it can best be applied within the work environment.  It was the best way to start my break - interesting and uplifting – all credit to Sukh Pabial who decided to organise the event, because of his knowledge and passion for the topic and his belief that it could be of value to others.

The atmosphere at the event was exceptional – it really was one of the best conferences I have ever attended. I agree with Dave Goddin’s comments in his blog that this is the way conferences should be http://peopleperformancepotential.com/2012/08/17/a-social-learning-masterclass/; every person who came was there, not out of a sense of duty or to please others, but because they wanted to be there and learn; we all shared a genuine interest in the subject.  Due to the way in which the morning was designed, not only did we find out about the subject, but we also had ample opportunity to mix and talk with fellow delegates and by so doing expanded our own knowledge, as well as making some great new connections.  I have come across various contacts through New Media (especially Twitter) and this was the first time that I met some of them in person – it was a genuine pleasure. 

People were eager to contribute to discussions, to expand on others’ observations (a lot of “Yes, and...” as opposed to “Hmmm, but...”) and I learned much.  In an attempt to maintain the spirit and enthusiasm, let me share some of our learnings: we explored the concept of our Third Spaces (places where each of us feel content and away from criticism and judgement).  I was not surprised to learn that a fellow fishing enthusiast is most at peace on a riverbank (tight lines to him going forward – it was great to see him at the event, especially after the past couple of months that he has endured).  Another pair, whom I have known for a while, realised how important their quiet time simply walking the dog was/is – a chance to revel in the pleasure of familiar landmarks, as their canine companion leaps ahead and dashes back to rejoin them, both clearly happy bounding across, or simply taking note of, well-known fields and paths whilst appreciating being with a much-loved escort.  A number mentioned the reviving power of water – Ian Pettigrew (who works under the name Kingfisher Coach) has known this for a while, hence his chosen name for his business. 

 

I am unsure as to whether I have a specific place (the Tithe Barn at Great Coxwell has always been a special spot for me, but I have not been there for over a decade) or whether I find contentment in a combination of factors, including being able to see the sky and having running water near me, that help me to recharge myself and relax.  I do know that when I lived in a town with tall buildings around me all the time I felt an aching need to see clouds and the horizon and I am seldom happier than when I am standing quietly on a riverbank, probably fishing.

We contemplated the difference between trying to view events in a positive light (“looking for positives”) and being genuinely happy and enjoying/living a positive life.  I am writing this from Crete and therefore feel it appropriate to add some Ancient Greek thoughts, which were not raised during the session.  To a certain extent Positive Psychology can trace its roots to the Ancient Greeks: Socrates advocated the need for self-awareness and establishing an understanding as to how you fit within the world around you to achieve true happiness; Plato’s allegory of the cave confirms Western thinking that happiness requires an understanding of deeper meanings. Some modern approaches in psychology (such as CBT) are echoed in spiritual “exercises” advocated by the Stoics, who believed that a life well lived needed to be grounded in being objective and reasonable. Aristotle philosophised on the merits of eudaimonia (which means literally “the state of having a good indwelling spirit, a good genius”) as the route towards having a happy and well-lived life, with a integral link between virtue and rational activity. 

Seeking succour in an appropriate Third Space can help to ensure a person remains happy and able to appreciate the world.  So can letting others know they have played an impactful role and done things to improve your life, or indeed being told by others how much you have helped them to become happy. 

I was quite struck by the power of this type of interaction during our discussions and wanted to help encourage some of us to do something positive as a result of attending.  To that end, I have promised my fellow attendees that I will meet with and thank someone who has had a significant impact on my life.  I know who I will be seeing – all I need to do now is arrange the meeting and take the time to go to Sussex.  I will report back after the event.  I would like to encourage you to undertake a Gratitude Visit.  My offer remains for any reader of this bog and/or any fellow attendee from the Conference that would like to thank someone and share their tale (perhaps of both why gratitude is felt and your actual meeting to thank that person for their impact on your life) - I would be happy to act as a receptacle for any stories that people would like to share.  When I return from Crete I will be setting up a website on which people can post their tales (I regret that I have found that I cannot do it from here as the Internet access is too intermittent).  It would be great to get together a collection of Gratitude Visits and Thank You Stories as a way of perpetuating the energy of the Conference and inspiring others to live more positive lives.

At the Conference it was interesting to discuss why we felt that certain cultures seem more contented than others – Bhutan, Jamaica, Ireland and parts of Africa were all named as countries whose inhabitants seem positive about themselves and their environment (I was also struck by the fact that, with perhaps the exception of Bhutan, each of these locations have also suffered severe social unrest within segments of their societies, yet the general opinion on the people is that they are cheerful and genuinely appreciate the lives they have).  I am now in Crete and I would like to add Cretan to the list of positive cultures – last night I sat under ancient olive trees with some elders of the village where we are staying.  It was a pleasure to sit with them, sipping their home made wine (and tasting fresh grapes, plucked off the vine from which the wine is made – both the fruit and the wine were soft and surprisingly floral).  Our host produced a simple platter consisting of chunks of local cheese (a delicious local hard one called Graveia and a ewes' cheese that is very more-ish named Myzitra), flavoursome black olives from his trees and a hard traditional Cretan rusk (called Dakos) that he had soaked to soften in olive oil and water.  Our table was a large used cable reel, turned on its side, none of the chairs matched and the wine bottle was a recycled plastic mineral water bottle.  Simple fare in simple surroundings and yet the contentment around the table was almost palpable.  Even the local cats seemed happy.

After last night, I can join with another group of Ancient Greek thinkers, the Epicureans, in believing that happiness can be achieved through the enjoyment of simple pleasures.