A fond farewell and a huge thank you - Day 32

New Year's Day, 1st January 2019

All good things come to an end, or so they say. I can tell from how wretched I feel writing this goodbye how lucky I am to have hosted the Advent Series for the past five years. (This adieu is my own personal "Heartache"). I have learned so much, made some amazing friends, strengthened bonds with others and discovered information about contacts that I would never have guessed had it not been for writing on here. I have unearthed more odd facts and chosen a larger number of illustrations and music for other people's pieces than I care to remember. It is humbling to see how the series has grown since 2014: it now has a wide, global following and contributions have been submitted from a range of locations around the world; writers have aged from teens and to grandparents and people facing up to growing old, and subjects have been equally wide from births and babies to fathers, grandmothers and elderly great aunts; and it has been wonderful to see how people who have joined in from various sectors (including HR, artisan cheesemaking, economics and forecasting, research, Tech, L&D, Facilitation, Facilities and Workplace Design, Artists and Consulting);  and a wide range of attitudes and opinions have been voiced, including through stories, autobiographical reminiscences, confessions of loss, comments on the landscape, and poems. I love the fact that the series is not commercial, it is something that has been created for a community out of individuals' consideration for others and the simple joy of writing something to share. Some people find contributing to the series cathartic or hope to help others, others wish to describe experiences, make a record of the year, or vital moments that have passed,  to share a sadness, talk about loved ones, make sense of the past,  extol a joy or inspiration, light the way, or simply find their voice - the series has been the launch pad for a number of now well known and respected bloggers.  I am not going to call names and single out specific posts - there have been far too many exceptional posts over the years although all the links above are to posts that proved particularly popular. Every blogger has left their mark and the series would have been the poorer for any loss of contributions. "High-fives" to each and every writer.

Being the curator, taking the series on after its initial foundation by Alison Chisnell, I have been privileged enough, to interact quite frequently with the people who have crafted blogs. When people have wished to remain anonymous I have tried hard to protect their identity. Some contributors have written posts that have helped others and which have commenced discussions on important matters such as mental health, bereavement, ageing, sustainability, the future, society and relationships. People have been so open and shared things that have often surprised others. I have learnt a lot from you, and many of you have inspired me and others in so many different ways. Thank you.

As you know, I am passing on the baton to a new curator - Gary Cookson. I am confident that under his stewardship the series will be enhanced and continue to thrive. The series has "become a thing" and I know that it will get bigger and better under Gary's careful eye. I look forward to being a contributor once again and crafting a piece for his chosen theme(s).

My "Hope" is that you all have a splendid 2019, full of joyous experiences, amusing incidents and handy tips that you will be able to use in the posts you craft for Gary near the end of the year.

FAREWELL and THANK YOU!

So long, farewell... and

Thank you!

Making connections - Day 20

Thursday 20th December 2018

20 is known as a "score' not for sporting reasons (although a dart board has 20 sectors),
but because in the past when livestock, such as sheep, were being counted it was usual
to score a notch in a piece of wood to record twenty animals before counting the next 20
in the flock or herd. The first citation was in 1100.

It is our company's Christmas Party this evening - it is going to be a great event with an amazing live band brought together by one of our talented employees (who knocked the Beatles off number 1 in the charts back in the 60's). It will be a great evening at which to celebrate all we have achieved over this past year. I am so grateful to so many both in and outside work. Thank you!

Today's post is a charming and uplifting poem by Helen Amery. Helen is a coach who likes to work with leaders unleashing their true potential through their Clarity, Contentment and Connection. She is married and has two much loved children. She (and her business) are based in Leicester in the East Midlands. After obtaining a degree in Chemistry from Edinburgh, Helen commenced training as an accountant with PwC but then realised that she was better suited to HR. She then took a postgraduate diploma in Personnel Management at Nottingham, before joining Boots (initially within employee relations).  Helen succumbed to her entrepreneurial spirit and runs her own successful business Wild Fig Solutions. You can follow Helen on Twitter (her handle is @WildFigSolns) and read her people-centred blogs on her business site.

*********

Heartache it hurts
But it need not be feared
We are all OK
No matter what we feel

Hope is the light
The chinks in the dark
That leads to a rising
Of energy sparks

High fives connect
They remind we are one
Today, tomorrow, always
With ev'ry rising sun

H., H. H-5s….version 2 - Day 19

Wednesday 19th December 2018

19 is the number of guards (known as Zabaniyya) who support the angel Maalik in Hell, according to the Qur'an (it is the angel's duty to administer "Hellfire" and he never smiles). 

As well as juggling work, I have to have a difficult family discussion today. I wish life wasn't quite so challenging at the moment. On the plus side, all being well, I am hoping to meet up with some wonderful people whom I have got to know via social media. I hope you have something fun to look forward to today.

This blog has had a very unusual gestation and just reading the title makes me smile. As you can see this blog is version 2 - Garry Turner had told me a while ago that he wanted to participate in the Advent Blogs series but I was remiss in that I failed to explain that the blogs need to be novel, as, being an Advent calendar, each day should be a new surprise for the readers and not a post that has been regurgitated from elsewhere. Garry was very enthusiastic when he saw the theme, had a bit of spare time while sitting in the airport at Mumbai ,and wrote a splendid post on the topic of Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives on his own blog. It is a wonderful, uplifting read full of gratitude. However, he then contacted me to ask if it could be included in the series and I had to explain that, as it was already published, it was with regret that I had to decline it. Garry has been amazing (and very patient) - he has written a fresh post (hence the version 2) and it is below.

Garry is values driven and, increasingly over the past few years he has become comfortable with who he is and how he feels. He is brave, caring and alert to the requirements of others. I have also discovered that he is patent and forgiving when someone else has been an idiot. He is the founder of The Listening Organisation, which works to help organisations and the people within them to help them to be the best they can be. I have learned from him. You can connect with him on Twitter, his handle is @GarryTurner0. 

*************

Heartache, hope & high fives ….version 2

Today, on my flight between Mumbai and New Delhi for an exhibition tomorrow, I was re-looking at some of the chapters of one of my reads of the year, indeed of my life; “Everybody Matters” by Bob Chapman of Barry Wehmiller & Raj Sisodia and I started to well up.

Not just once, but multiple times.

I have read this book before and it has moved me, but something different impacted me today.  Was I suffering heartache?  Was it a deep sense of hope?  Was it the realisation that Barry Wehmiller have embedded a high five culture in so many aspect of their business, it just blew me away?

I think honestly, a combination of all three, but I would like to unpick the heartache part further.

Personal purpose & development (to avoid further heartache)

When I looked to change career back in 2013 because I was fed up intrinsically, despite having the nice car, nice house & nice life, everything that the outside world classes as success, but all of it had little meaning; my work heart was aching.

In love with my fiancé who I will marry next year, my personal life was great, but my work live was soulless.  Literally soulless.

My then line manager who is very entrepreneurial saw an opportunity for me to start-up in essence a L&D strategy & function, from a blank sheet.

This was a great opportunity and fuelled my desire to #learneveryday, my personal hashtag, but after 3 years of success, I was advised by a senior leader (not the one that opened the door originally) that “I let you play at the L&D stuff.” 

Out of the blue, I was suddenly ‘playing’ at L&D despite saving the company c£100k over 2 years and engaging a wide cross section of colleagues in the ideation, design and delivery - all from zero.  I was ‘playing.’

This was like a knife through butter in terms of how it a) made me feel after 3 years of hard work and b) it impacted my self-worth.  This was the same leader that would defend workplace bullying of another senior leader as “he has something going on at home, so just leave it.”

At this same time I lost it at work – I went bang, leaving the business for 3 days and needing to call the employee assistance line as there was no one I trusted or could turn to.  My heart, and head, was aching.

Perry Timms, who I was only starring to know back in 2016 suggested I attend a WorldBlu Power Question event at Happy Ltd and that lit the touch paper of what would be a frenetic learning journey which includes, but not exclusively, the following:

• Obtaining chartered membership of the CIPD
• Attended Corporate Rebels event at Happy Ltd
• Led the transformation of my work team culture over a 3-year period such that without any M&A or extra headcount, we are now > 40% higher turnover and > 40% gross margin vs pre-cultural change
• Attended two of the WorldBlu summits in San Diego in 2017 and 2018
•  Attended the Zone event in Arizona in 2018
• Taking over 100 proactive action steps per quarter between 2^nd half 2017 and today (Q4 2018 will just creep over 200 proactive action steps) which involves attending events, meeting new people (a mix of virtually & face to face), peer to peer coach sessions, regularly attending Helen Amery’s Learn Connect Do events, etc etc
• Set up a new company called The Listening Organisation to use my own personal journey of self-discovery, humanity & vulnerability to try and serve individuals, teams and organisations to the best versions of themselves 

All of the above has been actioned whilst holding down a full-time job as an International Product Manager.

I do not share this to show off.

One of the reasons that I had tears in my eyes re-reading Everybody Matters on the plane today is that no-one, ever, in a workplace has ever told me that I matter.

You are good with people – thanks.  You are a great salesman – thanks. You can work from home by the coast – massive thanks.

But never you matter in over 20 years of work.

How many of us have ever been told we matter over and above hitting the numbers/targets?

A mending heart

One of my more recent learning experiences that has led to me being able to start to heal that heartache was attending a Quality of Mind 3 day retreat in July 2018.

This retreat was led by a great chap called Piers Thurston who teaches the 3 principles – the principles of mind, consciousness and thought.

Some of the shifts that have led me to be more present, calmer and less impulsive – which many people see in me – has been realising that my mental health challenge was all my own thinking.  I over-thought my way into that challenge, although I believed, wrongly, that it was in a major part that ex line manager.

I used to blame him, that previous line manager.  I used to think he was my problem, but in the end,  it was all my own thinking.  Yes, he did say some terrible things, but it was always up to me how I took it/reacted.

I forgive him and I forgive myself.  That removes a lot of the heartache – be kind to yourself.

He has his, as we all have our own issues/pressures/challenges of life, but knowing that we are only one dropped thought away from shifting everything, is such a free way to live life.

Going forward

I now know that my frenetic learning journey, only today on that flight between Mumbai and New Delhi, has been in part, to put a sticky plaster over that previous heartache.

That heartache that is actually my thinking.

That heartache has fuelled an incredible drive to serve others to the best possible version of themselves, resulting in The Listening Organisation being formed.

No-one wants to live with heartache long term however, thus as you read this blog, I am deeply reflective, yet present, about what all of this learning, The Listening Org and my current job role all means (outside of paying the bills)

I am OK though – really, I am - my heart is definitely not aching like it was and I remain hopeful and grateful for all for those high 5 influences in my life and that humanity is on the mend.

I have so much to be grateful for and I just hope there are more organisations soon, that embody their own version of Barry Wehmiller’s & Raj Sisodia’s humanity.

We all have a part to play in ensuring that the world stops it’s combined heartache.

What steps are you going to take?

Finding Hope - Day 17

Monday 17th December

17 years is the period of time that some species of periodic cicada spend underground
as nymphs in between mating periods. It is believed that they have evolved do this to reduce
the impact of predators both by starving them, whilst their food source is safe
underground, and then by emerging simultaneously in such huge numbers that predators are
stated before all the cicadas can be consumed. I love the sound of cicadas - it reminds me of
my youth and growing up in Hong Kong or heady days spent on Greek islands.

Today will be both good, thankful and slightly wistful - I have a meeting in Cambridge to celebrate the end of the Queen's Young Leaders programme. It has been a genuine pleasure and honour to have been involved from the start. In 2014 a search was launched to find exceptional young people to receive the first ever Queen’s Young Leaders Awards. Hundreds of applications flooded in from incredible young people all dedicated to making lasting change in their community and beyond. The Programme has now come to an end, as this was its final year; it has formed a unique community of 240 influential change-makers, who represent 53 Commonwealth countries. I have mentored a few of them and watched in awe and respect as each of these extraordinary young people have each managed to make the word a better place. Congratulations to all involved. What a wonderful legacy in every way. Thank you to Her Majesty The Queen for having the initial concept and for making it possible. 

Today's post is by Niall Gavin. Niall is a much-liked and highly respected independent L&D and learning technologies specialist (after a successful career working in both the public and private sectors). He runs a company called ARG Training. Prior to helping people develop and grow, Niall spent some time as an actor, a postman and a fruit picker. He writes an enjoyable blog, A Little About a Lot and is active on social media, you can find him on Twitter (his handle is @niallgavinuk). He usually has some great insights that he shares on #LDinsight every Friday morning on Twitter. Niall lives near Worthing on the south coast of England. He is a devoted husband and father. In his spare time he enjoys walking and is also an "armchair astronomer". As you will see from what he has written, this year's Advent Blogs' theme struck a chord with him. 

************

As the theme of this year's Advent Blog series is "Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives", starting this blog is a no-brainer! I am my own best example of experiencing heartache. In April 2015, I developed Angina - actual, real, physical heart ache - the result of which was that two weeks later I had a triple cardiac bypass operation. I have previously blogged about that experience (https://niallgavinuk.blogspot.com/2015/06/heartfelt.html). 

That dealt with my previously unknown cardiac problems and my surgeon and consultant immediately pronounced me "good for another 25 years" (Not sure what that means for when I turn 85, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it). And I'm still here. Hoorah!

But right now and, I suspect, like many, I am suffering emotional heartache. In a country dramatically divided over a vote on something that was never understood by the electorate and which played to the baser, biased, self-preservatory instincts of many, we find ourselves stepping into a horribly uncertain national future outside the European Union. 

I also look at what's happening in America and am still surprised how much actual, physical revulsion I experience when I see or hear the current Presidential incumbent speak and the blatant, shameless ignorance and willful blindness to fact that his narcissistic persona plays out on the global stage.  

And don't get me started on global warming and species extinction! It's a world that I don't recognise and am embarrassed and upset to be handing over eventually to my - and your - children to work through and sort out. That hurts my heart too.

So the challenge now is to be hopeful, to find something to be hopeful about. I'm struggling with this right now and I find myself wanting in this regard, with a sense of personal impotence and, yes, even despair about these things. My hopes lie in the next generation, my own children, their contemporaries and peers, and in the work that I am doing with Apprentices at our local college. I am working hard with them all to try to encourage and develop a sense of curiosity, of challenge, to see themselves as current and future professionals and citizens, whose voice and actions will make a difference and contribute to a safe, sustainable and secure future for all. As a father and a skills development facilitator, it's my best attempt to 'make up' for the mess we're in and equip them with the resilience and skills they'll need to cope with and/or fix it, if we haven't done so together before we move on and leave them to it. They will carry my hopes with them.

Maybe that's where we could all be focussing a larger part of our attention and efforts now. I know many who are. I hope that I can too.

And finally, my High Five. As Kate Griffiths-Lambeth announces that she's handing over the curation and publication of the Advent Blog series - to the excellent Gary Cookson (@Gary_Cookson) - I can think of no-one better deserving of our thanks and best wishes for the future than Kate herself. In the midst of her own personal challenges, she has inspired many of us to contribute to the series over the years, enhanced our humble contributions and ensured the continuation of what has become a high point of the festive calendar. BIG High Five, Kate, right there!

Nice to finish what has been a difficult blog to write on a positive, grateful note. Happy Holidays.

Note from the curator