Damn Good - Day 21

Friday 21st December 2018 

21 Shillings make a Guinea - although no longer circulated (it ceased being minted in 1814),
the term guinea survives as a unit of account in some fields, including horse racing, Oxbridge May
Ball tickets and the sale of rams to mean an amount of one pound and one shilling (21 shillings)
which is £1.05. It was the first English machine-struck gold coin, originally worth one pound sterling,
equal to twenty shillings, but rises in the price of gold relative to silver caused the value of the guinea
to increase, at times to as high as thirty shillings. From 1717 to 1816, its value was officially
fixed at twenty-one shillings.

I am not going to be back in the office until after Christmas - it has been so full-on over the past few days and weeks that that feels really weird. We had a great party last night. Today I am driving to Somerset to take my mother to hospital. All being well, she and I are looking forward to going out to dinner tonight with friends and some other members of the family. It will be wonderful to spend some quality time with loved ones. The older I get the more I appreciate the importance of love and relationships. Is there someone or some people you can see or renew contact with at this festive time? My mother is sliding into severe dementia; I am so glad that we made and cherished our moments together over the years, as you can never get that time back.

Today's post is reflective and open. It is by Sara Duxbury, whose post last year caused a lot of positive and active discussion about mental health, friendship and the workplace.  Sara is an amazing lady, full of energy and ideas; she works as a business psychologist and is Head of Commercial at Carter Corson. After studying Psychology, Sara commenced her career in Retail and held operational roles before moving into Learning and Development and through that into HR. She has been an award winning HR Director with particular expertise in Professional Services. Sara has an excellent reputation as a thought-leader and is an active and engaging member of the social media community; you can connect with her on Twitter (her handle is @SaraJDux).

All the illustrations and music in this post were selected by Sara herself.

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#MyStory – the sequel

If last year’s blog was about putting myself out there, this year is about how I lost myself out there.

When I wrote my Advent Blog this time last year (http://kategl.blogspot.com/2018/01/mystory-day-37.html)  the response I received was completely unprecedented. I was incredibly humbled by words of respect, admiration, love and the “we knew you were mad, and we love you anyway”. I was in fact quite speechless (which for those who know me, you will know the world must have been considerably quieter for a moment!). The whole experience at the time, felt like the ultimate high five!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmDzqWqTXa8

Martin Luke Brown - Opalite

When I reflect on the year that has passed since, I can see that there have been unexpected consequences, which have caused me heartache

Having a public support network meant that what I used to keep private, I now get support from my work colleagues and my friends – I have help. I bet you’re thinking how can this be a bad thing Sara? But all my coping strategies involved up until then… me. To now have people caring and wanting to share the burden was and is strangely difficult. I find it hard not to withdraw.

My self-confidence took a serious battering – I felt afraid and doubted myself. I still do on an hourly/daily basis. By being so honest to myself, I think I have made myself vulnerable and my imposter syndrome just LOVES that. I’m still learning how to channel that negative drain into positive energy.

My worst fear did come true – some people did and do judge me. Some do view my behaviour without understanding where it might be coming from. I think if they could spend some time inside my head, they might be kinder?

I’m overdoing it – my off-switch has completely left the building. You know you need to look at your wellbeing when you are conducting a three-week sleep study on yourself to determine if you are getting enough sleep! Maybe I think I need to prove myself more? (see previous two points)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dmQ3QWpy1Q

Linkin Park & Kiiara – Heavy

I remember disagreeing with quite a few people last year who described me as brave. I feel more like this year I have needed to be brave, and I think I will need to continue to be brave to begin/carry on making good choices in this brave new Dux world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwPa71UZRaQ

The Wombats – Lemon to a Knife Fight

I can only do my best and I think I need to learn that my best is good enough. Hope is seeing photos of me like the below (thank you Kelly Swingler!) where I see captured, just for a moment, a glimpse of that girl who still gets so much joy from a wonky life (especially if it involves tacos!).

So, if you are someone who doesn’t struggle with your mental health, use your powers for good.

To quote this awesome girl I know: “My biggest hope is that by sharing my story, you who are sitting there battling on both sides, or you managing someone with mental health struggles. Look at me and see you CAN be the best version of you, be DAMN good at what you do, and be a bit bat-shit crazy” Here’s to hope…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_5WHnQd9pY

Curtis Walsh – Full Recovery

Loving Life - Day 30

Day 30 (Saturday 30th December 2017)

30 December 1986 was the day that the UK government finally ruled out the
use of canaries in coal mines to detect the presence of noxious gases. Canaries were
introduced into mines in 1911, due to their sensitivity to poison and in particular their
reaction to carbon monoxide. Mice were also used, but were less swift in their reactions.
There were 200 canaries still being relied upon by 12,000 miners British mines in 1986.
This is an early example of technology taking over a role - canaries were replaced by
hand-held gas detectors with digital readers.

This evening a small family group of us are going to visit Dennis Severs' House in Spitalfields, London. It is a time capsule - each room of the house depicts a period in the lives of a family of Huguenot silk-weavers from 1724 to the dawn of the 20th Century. I have been once before, but tonight will be even more magical - we will have a candlelit wander around - with the rooms to ourselves - before choosing a room to sit in with the curator, to ask questions about the museum and its artefacts, whilst sipping mulled wine and enjoying mince pies.

The post today is by a much-loved and regular contributor to the Advent Blogs series, Bina Briggs. It has become a tradition for Bina to fill us in on her year just gone, and this post will not disappoint. I'm sure Bina would love to hear from you- one of the easiest ways of contacting her is on Twitter, her handle is @PlainTalkingHR.  Bina runs her own business with the same name as she uses on Twitter, Plain Talking HR Ltd, which she took sole control of when her former business partner, Bronwen, retired on the 1st June. The business is just as described, and so is Bina's approach to HR. She is unfailingly polite and supportive, never the less, Bina is quite capable of getting her messages across and guiding people when necessary to change their ways. She is an excellent mentor and friend, probably because she is steered by her values. Her business provides advice and support to small to medium size businesses and the testimonials and the fact that she is a regular contributor to her local radio's business panel discussions give a flavour of how she is perceived. Judging by her social media comments, one might think that Bina spent most of the time travelling the globe - certainly she is a devoted supporter of her husband, who is a regular participant in cycling races around the world.

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So here I am, once again on a plane to Poland to visit my ‘Polish family’ and to deliver their Christmas presents. This has become a tradition and funny enough usually I travel across at the end of November when the writing of the advent blog takes place too. This year, my trip was delayed and so the post didn’t get written either and it's 1st December and I've just read the first Advent blog of 2017. I feel a bit like a naughty child, should have written my blog by now! 😊😊

Christmas is such a special time for most people, no matter what religion you follow or not as the case may be! The lights, the music, the festivities, being with the people we love and the presents! Each year, the months seem to go faster and we all get caught up in its fervour. Of course, we all say it every year that this year I’m not going to do as much, it’s so commercialised and that I’m not having any of it! Guess, what, come November, most of us get drawn into it once again and off we go! I just love it! But then there are so many of my friends and family who LOVE the festive season and counting the days when they can start getting ready for the BIG DAY without feeling weird about it.

I feel that I live in 2 worlds and I’m sure I’m not alone. There is that one world that is happening out there, it occupies news headlines in the media on an hourly, daily basis round the clock and then there is that world that is my own personal space.

The world out there at times seems to be getting darker and out of control, to the point that it’s surreal. When you think that you have seen everything and heard everything, surely, it cannot be happening, it cannot continue to happen, then, smack, a headline appears which is more bizarre than ever. Enough said about all that...

Last year was one of those years where we were moving on with life and travelling a lot and as I had said in my 2016 advent blog that hubby was looking forward to retiring which meant only one thing, more awesome cycling races.

Although 2017 started with a high, it was also a period of frustration, waiting for others to make up their minds, to action things that had direct impact on us and in general, trying out our patience. Isn't it amazing how some people make others'  lives so miserable by not doing what they are supposed to do, it's their job but they don't give a damn, or are incompetent or totally oblivious of the fall-out they are creating by their inactions!  For the first couple of months, it seemed as if we were in a retrograde motion.

For some of the earlier months, it has also been a dark year for some of our friends and family too, health wise and work wise. Their unhappiness of course affected us. It's natural when our loved ones suffer, we suffer too. In addition, I have lost a couple of my loved ones, nearby and in India. These losses are insurmountable, closing of chapters and just left with memories of wonderful, loving people, never to be in my life, in our lives again. Death is so final.

Hubby retired in February and hey presto, he found new lease of life. More bike races galore, he entered almost one a month in any part of the world he/we could travel to with ease! 

Last year was a pretty full year in travelling, however, I'm sure that once again we have set a new record this year!! There is a standing joke with my FB friends about our travelling. They often wonder if we ever spend any time at all at home. We love checking out new places and of course meeting new people, people who often become very much part of our lives.

The business also has grown wings this year and it's started to fly. People and the universe have been most kind and all in all, the year is ending on a very high for me, my family and friends. All is coming together by the grace of all those looking after us.

We can't wait for 2018 as we look forward to all the great things it's bringing to us.

So, here's wishing you all a very merry, peaceful and loving festive season.

Bina

A personal reflection on 2017 - Day 9

Day 9 (Saturday 9th December 2017)

Nine foot is the maximum height available for a commercial artificial Christmas tree.

The tallest artificial Christmas tree was displayed in 2016 in Colombo, Sri Lanka (see above).

It was 73 meters tall, decorated with pinecones, lit with 800,000 LED lights and crowned by a 20ft star.

Although many consider artificial trees to be more environmentally responsible than having

a real tree, the carbon footprint of an artificial tree is such that it would need to be used for 

more than 20 years to match the ecological "footprint" of erecting a harvested tree each year.

The second weekend of Advent and I am sure that you all have a lot to do. Having partied quite heavily yesterday, I must confess that I am not on best form for tackling all that I need to get done today. I only hope that you are having an easier time. 

I regret to report that today's post is not about having an easy time. It's author, Kerry Smith is new voice to the Advent Blog series, although she does write occasionally on her own blog HRKez. Kerry (or Kez as she is known) has decided to be brave this Advent and wants to share some of the darkness of her past year although there is also some light. Kez and I met via Twitter (you can follow her too, her handle is @HR_Kez). Kez lives in North Yorkshire. She works in York as the Operations Manager of TMS Development International, who produce a psychometric profiling tools that are used by many Learning and Development professionals. Kez is caring and compassionate. She is a devoted dog lover, for many years she has worked as a volunteer for the RSPCA. She also cares about people and is an advocate of being kind. She is actively involved with the CIPD and helps organise events for the North Yorkshire Branch. Kez is creative, good fun and prepared to give things a go.

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I’ve been working out how to write a blog about my 2017, but didn’t know where to start as it’s not the easiest thing to write about – then I noticed the theme for Kate’s advent blogs this year: Darkness and Dawn – and just sat and wrote this, in less than an hour, amazingly for me without a tear – thank you Kate for unlocking these words!

What do you do when you’re in your darkest hour when all you really want to do is hide away?

Turn that on its head, how can you support the people you work with to allow them to go from Darkness to Dawn in the least traumatic way?

2017 hasn’t been the best for me but then actually it has…how so?

• ·  I’ve gone through two of the most traumatic experiences I’ve ever had to cope with – making it the worst year ever on the personal front.
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• · I’ve had fantastic and amazing support from work to help me cope with these events – making it the year of my best employee experiences.

Being on the receiving end of the support of the kind of support I normally give out, has really highlighted for me how good people stuff can positively impact those you work with, even in their darkest hours.

April (as anyone who knows me will know) was what I thought would be the worst month of 2017 – we lost our furbaby Savannah to spleen cancer, all very sudden, all very traumatic – and I wanted to hide away for a long time. The support of TMSDI and my colleagues was immense and there was a huge understanding that Savannah wasn’t ‘just a dog’ she was my family and we’d been through so much together. 

And so I was given the freedom and time to grieve, to choose how I wanted to work, be that in the office (sometimes with my door shut when I couldn’t face people) and at home in silence. Recognising that every loss is unique to the person and giving them the freedom to manage that loss in their own way is so important and I’m sure it helped me return to ‘normal’ (as normal as that was going to be) sooner than had I been forced/coerced back to work the next day to carry on regardless.

And so we moved on, Savannah still there in our hearts and minds. From the darkness of losing Savannah we had a new dawn being able to help another rescue dog, Sheba, who was being rehomed because her family couldn’t give her what she needed any more. Incidentally we’re still trying to discover what was so difficult to fulfil…other than a little extra time and patience to give her confidence to do the stuff most dogs do instinctively….3 months to get her confident enough to go on the sofa – wow!

We were happy and content – and life felt good although we missed Savannah a lot and always will. Little did we know that a new darkness was around the corner, one that we’d struggle to understand or make any sense of, largely because we knew so little about it. No one talks about this stuff so we really were in the dark.

I have chosen to be open with those I’ve spoken to since, because I really do feel it’s a taboo topic (like mental health used to be), yet so many people suffer this darkness. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve told who then said things like ‘that happened to me, it was awful, I wish I’d been able to speak to someone about it…’.

In October we were hoping to be able to spread some happy baby news – something we’d hoped for but weren’t sure would happen given life didn’t put us together until so late in the game. July and August were spent being excited, hopeful, and careful (I was the tourist travelling around London on tubes insistent on sitting down whenever possible etc).

Sadly on 8 September, we had another day of darkness, yet it took another 2 weeks to have our worst fears confirmed, that our mini me had decided they didn’t fancy our big scary world (that’s how I have to choose to look at it because it feels less painful that way). I told 2 of my closest colleagues what had happened on the 8^th – they knew before we’d actually left the hospital and they were the only other people to know until everything was confirmed on 22^nd, and I felt able to tell them because we have a culture of trust and support.

Because of that culture, once everything was confirmed I felt comfortable with all my other colleagues knowing – and their support has been amazing and invaluable. Over the last few weeks I’ve been able to work in whatever way I’ve needed to, to get me through the exhausting physical side (the emotional and mental recovery takes a back seat to start off with – and I know I personally have a long way to go on that journey). The flexibility, understanding and compassion really has allowed me to keep working, and not lose myself in a very dark hole that I might otherwise have done.

One important piece of learning that I had no idea of, the physical side of a miscarriage does not just happen in one go – for some it does, but for many it doesn’t – it can be a very complicated and lengthy process. What we see on TV programmes when these things happen in isn’t what happens in reality – we’re 11 weeks in and still ongoing on with the physical stuff. This has meant it’s been even more important to have the culture we have at TMSDI – without it I suspect I’d have had to take long-term sick leave, with it, I’ve been able to carry on in my role albeit we’ve had to flex a few deadlines.

I would urge everyone to find out a little more about miscarriage and how you can support those going through it (the mums AND the dads who’ve lost their babies) – because at least 1 in 4 pregnancies end this way, so for every 3 pregnancies you know about you can bet there is at least 1 couple you know going through this. The Miscarriage Association provides some great support and they also have a leaflet for employers - www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Miscarriage-and-the-Workplace.pdf

We’re hoping we get a new dawn in 2018, and will be very glad to see the end of 2017. However that’s tinged with sadness because this is one of those times when ‘time is a great healer’ really doesn’t really. The further we move from 8 September, the closer we get to Christmas and the ‘enforced happiness’ it brings (we’ll do our best but it’s going to be hard) and then more importantly even closer to our early April due date – and the closer the 4 people we know who are having spring babies also move to their due dates. We don’t know what seeing and hearing about these new babies is going to feel like, or what emotional roller coaster it will involve, but I do know that there is support and understanding not just outside work with friends and family, it’s also waiting at work, if I need it, with my ‘work friends and family’.

You can’t write policies for this kind of stuff, but you can create cultures of trust, kindness, compassion and understanding – we have, and having been on both sides, I know it really does work.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a 2018 full of kindness.