An Indian Love Story - Day 2

Day 2 (Saturday 2nd December 2017)

Two hands are required to pull a Christmas cracker. Tom Smith of London
invented crackers in 1847, they were a development of his bon-bon sweets
sold in twists of paper and for quite a while what we call crackers were called
"Bangs of Expectation", bon-bons or cosaques, but the name cracker stuck because of t
he noise they make. Crackers usually contain a small gift a joke and a paper crown or hat - 
the wearing of festive hats dates back to Roman Saturnalia celebrations.

The first weekend of Advent and I am sure that you have a lot to do. It is amazing how the days rush by at the start of the festive period. I'm off to my first official Christmas lunch today - escorting my mother and sister to the British Legion's annual event in Somerset. Every year for the past 17 years my sister has dedicated a fortnight in late October/early November to standing in her local shopping precinct selling poppies on behalf of the Legion. Invariably she manages to raise more funds than the other local poppy sellers. Despite having her own problems, she is proud to be doing her bit to support others and making their lives easier. I think she is amazing.

Today's piece is written by David Head. David combines sound commercial nouse with an empathy for his fellow men and is a highly respected executive coach and mentor. Many years ago, longer than either of us probably want to acknowledge, we were colleagues and I learned much from David. For a long time before the sector became the lynchpin of most organisations, David was a leading name in Technology recruitment. Many a CIO owes their career success to David's advice and judgement, even now he specialises in supporting people through periods of change and career transition. About five years ago David decided to move down a slightly different branch in his own career and qualified as a coach. Since 2013 he has worked for the award winning, London-based business performance and leadership consultancy, Accelerating Experience, as an executive coach and mentor. David for many years has been a keen sportsman (tennis and golf) and is also well read and an erudite writer - you would probably enjoy his articles posted on LinkedIn. You can follow him on Twitter - his handle is @DavidAHead2 - and, as you might surmise from his piece below, he is a loving family man. 

David's piece is an amazing snapshot into history and we are privileged that he has chosen to share it here.

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I am, and always have been curious about people’s lives, the choices they make and how these come to shape them.  This year I decided to research and write a family history.  As a father of three children I would like to do my best to preserve what is known of my family, before it slips into the sands of time.

I have learned of some very interesting and colourful characters, including a Great Aunt, Margaret, who led an extraordinary life. We have much of Margaret’s correspondence in letter form from these years and therefore know quite a lot about it. My sister is currently putting it into publishable format and I would like to share some of it with you today, both because it is interesting social history, and because it has resonance with the theme of Darkness and light.

Indian postage stamp from 1938

Margaret’s parents (my great Grandparents) were philanthropic sorts whose lives were shaped by the First World War.  After fighting on the western Front in WW1 my great grandfather Edward became a vegetarian pacifist, utterly opposed to violence and war. 

Early PPU poster prompted by the horrors of WWI

The influence of her parents would certainly have shaped Margaret and in 1938 she travelled alone to India to join her future husband George, to work with the poor for the Peace Pledge Union (PPU).  It was an experience which was to shape and define both of their lives.

PPU Youth Section in 1920s

Margaret headed off to India in 1938 just as the dark clouds of war were becoming ever more ominous.  On her journey she wrote;

‘The news sounds disturbing from Europe and I feel that the powers that be are precipitating a disaster. There is trouble everywhere…neither side will get anything but disaster’

Elsewhere her tone is lighter and rather like a backpacker today she describes the scenery on her journey in vivid detail.

‘It was marvellous going down the Suez Canal. There was desert each side and Arabia was quite lifeless looking. There were several interesting sights on the Egyptian side and the Suez Canal hospital was very Eastern looking, with Palm trees all around and people in weird black robes and men in Night gowns.’

Painting by Heribert Schroepfer of a ship travelling along the Suez Canal in the 1930s

In the 1950’s my Dad would fight in the Suez ‘war’ which in truth was a complete farce. I sometimes reflect that he would have seen similar scenery to Margaret back in 1938.

When she arrived in India she spent some time staying on a Swedish missionary hospital, although her cause was more about saving lives than saving souls. Her reflection on the missionaries and their work was quite telling.

‘The Swedish missionaries with whom I am staying are very sweet people but place too much stress on ‘converting souls to Christ’. I must say that the Christians they’ve ‘converted’ look more miserable than the others, which shouldn’t be.'

Elsewhere again the tone is lighter.

‘We visited a little village..the birds and flowers are beautiful . The people, or Gonds (original Indians I am told) are childlike and simple, but also very charming. They gave Barbara and I 12 baby tomatoes as a gift, which we peeled and ate before them to show our appreciation.’

But Margaret was there to help the poor and the sick and other entries give an insight into some of the suffering she encountered during these years. In one village she reports;

‘One baby was almost blind, others had sores, fever and other dreadful things.  One girl had blackwater fever.  Her urine was black and she was in an awful state. They (the adults I presume) spend their money on toddy and opium.’

Margaret later went on to work with Gandhi and lived on his Ashram during the 1940’s. He said that he regarded her as a daughter and had a nickname for her which was Kamala Bai, Sanskrit for Lotus Flower.  In Hindi the lotus is a symbol of beauty, fertility and all that is good in life.

By now Margaret was a trained midwife and worked with the Gond people to help them to understand the importance of hygiene in childbirth, as well as supporting Gandhi and his people in other work with the poor.  She later helped them during the painful process of partition - specifically helping women and children who got caught up in the chaos of the time.

"Muria Gond girls of Bastar wearing solid silver necklaces and many strings
of glass beads; their saris are invariably white." 1940 Photo from
Christoph von Fürer-Haimendorf book Tribes of India: The Struggle for Survival.

Her letters refer to Gandhi as a friend and spiritual leader although much of their correspondence was matter of fact, perhaps reflecting the pared back, simple life they chose to live. In one telling passage she did however praise Gandhi for his religious tolerance;

‘Gandhi has qualities Christians should possess themselves.  They (Gandhians) use the best of all religions to base their lives upon.  Gandhi is a Hindu, but the “Sermon on the Mount” and the commandments to love god with all one’s self and ones neighbour as oneself are all wrapped up in his philosophy of life together with the best of the Koran and ideas from famous thinkers.’

If Margaret was quite matter of fact in her correspondence about Gandhi (who was known for being distant from his own wife and family), the reverse was true when she describes her husband George, who was a fellow philanthropist in India.

‘All I ask is that I may prove to be a worthy wife… things and people who don’t demand much of one, one easily forgets..one must love the highest when one sees it’

It is interesting that the language becomes more formal, almost deferential when she describes her admiration for him. My best guess is that this is a reflection of the times, as well as her great love.

George worked himself to exhaustion looking after the poor, building them sanitation and farming with them. Margaret describes his decline in great detail in her correspondence.  This, from a trip to the Friends' Mission in Pashmari, gives a lasting sense of her kindness and spirit.

‘George isn’t well so he’s come up here too.  He is sleeping and resting most of the time.  I am glad he is able to sleep now.  This is a simply lovely spot in the hills of central provinces. Caves, great high, huge rocks, trees bursting into fresh green leaves.  Pools of crystal clear water right away down in the depths away from anybody..’

Sadly he became very ill and eventually died of fever. Margaret was heavily pregnant by now and you can feel the pain in her correspondence.

‘I feel like a bird without a wing..he was a great inspiration and although the responsibility is tremendous, it will be a great comfort to have our baby as a life companion and try to see how well I can serve India and bring up George’s baby to be the best he can be.’

In a letter to her Mother (my Great Grandmother) she wrote;

‘I’m trying to be calm now. I was fairly calm until he died and then I gave way for 3 or 4 hours.  But it’s hard.  Death is so final in one sense of the word never another chance. He was a grand man – he knew no limits – his generosity, courage and love all selfless, were beyond compare – I’m proud of him; proud of being his wife and shall be just as proud to be the mother of his child and the carrier on of his work.  He was a darling but didn’t know it. He was true as steel and clear as crystal “He being dead, yet speaketh”.

P.S. He wants no mourning.  He once said, so I wore my prettiest sari to say goodbye for the present to him who I loved best of all, and am wearing it now.  Please write and comfort me.’

Four months after George died, Margaret caught Pneumonia and her baby daughter was stillborn. She recovered but I can only imagine how painful this double blow would have been, in a land torn apart by sorrow and division.

Against all expectations, Margaret stayed in India and continued her vocation, working with Gandhi and later Lady Mountbatten during the partition. She set up a training school, at Gandhi’s behest, for pupil Midwifes for the lower casts of ‘Wadia’ people.  She eventually returned back to her home in Dorset in the UK and we know little of her life there, save for the fact that she died at the age of 48 as a result of Liver cancer. She never drank alcohol or smoked, was a strict vegetarian like her father and appeared to live a faultless, altruistic life.

I find the fortitude and sheer goodness she showed through her life’s work to be inspirational. Molly Tandy, a friend from her time in India, quoted Margaret in her epitaph speech thus;

‘My own belief is there is an inner light in us all and that people are given hands and hearts and minds to express the love of God in the world around’

Margaret certainly lived her life that way and she leaves me with a sense of light and hope rather than its opposite.  

What stands out most from her letters is the love she had for the Indian people, her own family, and particularly for George. 

I have attached two photographs of Margaret, who appears on the left hand side of both pictures, the first taken before her departure to India, 

the 2^nd at Itarsi Hospital in 1939. 

There is also a picture of George playing Cricket in happier times.

Dr Bill Tandy, who worked with Margaret in India and looked after her when she was dying, described her as 

‘one of the finest and most courageous women that I have known’

I cannot imagine a more fitting epitaph.

Looking forward to a happy X-mas - Day 1

Day 1 (Friday 1st December 2017)

One single Yule log was the celebrated heart of the household in times gone by
- in Northern Europe, at the darkest part of the year, it was traditional for a tree to be cut down
and dragged into the house to be burnt. It provided warmth and cheer and encouraged feasting.
A small piece was saved to the following year to act as kindling for the new log.
When Christianity took hold this pagan tradition was amended - in Germany it
became the Christmas tree. Nowadays it is often represented by a log-shaped cake.
Painting by Sir John Gilbert depicting Henry VIII greeting the Yule Log

It is the first day of Advent. It is with great pleasure that I welcome to the 2017 Advent Blogs Series, with pieces written on the theme of Darkness and Dawn. It is both a privilege and an honour to host this annual event. I know from people's comments, when they submit posts, and also from the observations that have been made on social media, that this series has become a much loved and eagerly anticipated annual tradition. I can promise you some wonderful blogs over the next few weeks. Last night I attended the most beautiful carol service, held by candlelight in St Bartholomew's church near Smithfield, the oldest church in London. It was exquisite, so much so that it reduced one of my colleagues to tears. It is an annual event, hosted by LHH Penna, and I always used to say that it was "the start of Christmas". Now that milestone has been usurped - the launch of the Advent Blog series is the commencement of the festive period for me. It gives me great joy to bid you "Welcome!"

The first post in this year's Series is written by Mark Hendy. Those of you who read his Advent Blog post of last year will probably remember that he lives in Wales and is a devoted dad to young Oscar, indeed being a father made him reevaluate his priorities. Mark is a highly respected HR professional and is a lynchpin in the HR social media and wider community. He established #HRHour, which takes place on Twitter every Thursday at 8.00pm GMT and is an excellent forum for the sharing of ideas and opinions (you can find out more by following @HR_Hour on Twitter) and I am sure that Mark would be delighted if you joined in. In addition, he is an active participant in #ldinsight discussions every Friday at 8.00am GMT on Twitter via @L&DConnect (his Twitter handle is @markSWHRF) and he both founded and chairs the South Wales HR Forum. He writes an excellent blog - Hendys HR Blog. In addition to HR and enhancing work and the workplace, Mark is an avid music fan (and musician) he also enjoys boxing and supporting Swansea FC (not at the same time). He is a genuinely an all-round good guy and well worth getting to know.

Mark's post touches on his love of being a parent, but be warned, it is a sobering read as well as reminding us that "this is the seasonal time for giving"...

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I’m writing this piece in November, at that point in the month where thinking about planning for Christmas is necessary. I’m at that particular mid-point between being jealous of those annoying people who cheerily brag about having completed their Christmas shopping (get a life!), and not being one of those who runs around on a fool's errand on Christmas Eve like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the movie ‘Jingle All The Way’..

Before having a family, I was a ‘do everything the week before’ type of person.

Not anymore.

I think about Christmas during my commute to work, a one hour drive in darkness across the South Wales Valleys, a route that rides parallel to my home town of Neath and across the Neath Valley, before it takes me up over Merthyr, where I drive on a dual-carriageway that runs above Merthyr’s Gurnos Estate, a notorious and vast council estate unfairly denigrated over the years, but undoubtedly a place with social problems. It is probably also filled with oodles of love and citizenship too, but people don’t seem to talk about that.

I think about a lot when I’m driving. I think about things I need to, things I want to, and of course, with the brain being a complex thing, I sometimes think about things that I could do with not thinking about. I’m human, and that’s normal.

But recently i’ve been thinking about Christmas.

Each year at this holiday season, my workplace supports a charity called The Mr X Appeal which started in 1959 when a gentleman from the South of England decided to do something. Mr X started with the aim of ensuring that children from disadvantaged backgrounds across the region who might not otherwise receive any presents on Christmas day, would wake up to at least one gift. The scheme transferred from the South of England to South Wales when Mr X relocated to the area some years later.

Mr X remained anonymous his entire life until he passed away at age 92 in 2016 when his identity was revealed as Mr Tom Bravin. Mr Bravin wanted to remain anonymous for this work as he did not want any of the spotlight to be on him, but to be on the good charity of those who donated gifts, and to focus on the plight of poverty across the country.

Mr Bravin, you are a hero.

Tom Bravin

The charity has continued since Mr Bravin’s passing, through a team of volunteers that he had assembled a few years before his death, and so his legacy lives on and each year more children are supported.

The way that the scheme works is that public bodies and charities provide to the team at Mr X the first names and basic details (gender and age) of children across South Wales who would be unlikely to receive any gifts at Christmas. Mr X acts as a middle-man to assign each child to someone who wishes to take part in the scheme and provide a gift/gifts. Obviously anonymity and safeguarding of real identities is extremely important. Many businesses and individuals across South Wales take part and last year over 4,500 gifts were donated.

Mr X Appeal - the facebook page is https://www.facebook.com/MrXAppeal/

So last week I made my annual phone call to the team at Mr X to be given the details of the children we could support this year. Usually we take the details of 2 children and so this year we have the same. The team at Mr X gave me details of the first child. A little girl who is just over a year old.

Then came the details of the second child. A boy near enough the same age as my son, 4.

This hit me like a dagger in the heart that manifested itself in an awkward silence. A lump in the throat formed and a tear grew. Something hit home that affected me and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it since.

I’ve been thinking about how a child like my son might have received nothing if we hadn’t made that call. I’ve been thinking about what the little boy knows and understands about Christmas and how difficult it’s going to be for him and/or his family.

Does he understand that he might not wake up to a gift?

Does he write Christmas lists in a school classroom for Father Christmas that he understands are likely to be irrelevant? Does he feel compelled to lie to his friends about what he thinks he’s going to get, whilst other children embellish enthusiastically as little children do, about what Santa is going to bring them?

Does he see and experience the heartache likely to be felt by his parents who watch on helplessly knowing that they are not in a position to provide a gift this year whilst most other children will receive something?

Does he even want anything, or would he prefer his siblings and parents receive something instead, if, of course, he has any?

Where will he wake up and what will Christmas morning be like for him?

And I think and worry about the parents too, not that I know whether he has any, and about what they must be going through. How are they surviving at this time of year? How much pressure must they be under and how cruel is it that this merry season has been commercialised to the extent that it creates this form of weight on the shoulders of so many.

And I think about my little boy, and how I would hate to be in the position of not being able to provide for him at Christmas. I think about the soundbites that say that most families are only ever “2 pay cheques away from poverty” and how I’m going to work so hard for the rest of my life to give him everything that he needs.

And then I feel guilty, because whilst it is awful that any child might wake up without a gift to open, the one I seem to think more about of the two children nominated for us, is the little boy, which I rationalise is due to the fact that I have a son the same age.

Each day, I leave the house and it’s still pitch black as I set off at around 6.45am for my journey to work. Each day as I drive in the darkness I think about this little boy who I don’t know and is the same age as my son. Each day I wish, somehow, I could do more.

Around 25% of the UK’s population is in relative poverty after housing costs, and that figure is closer to 30% when we look at children. Recently, The Independent reported that “the number of looked after children hit a new high of 72,670 in the 12 months to March 2017”. Over a million people used food banks between April 2016 to March 2017, and the horror stories are getting worse as the new Universal Credit benefits system continues to be problematic.

This is a tough time for so many.

But there is light, even, if not more so, at Christmas. There is dawn.

All across the country, people are doing stuff to help others at this time of year. 

People are taking part in the Mr X Appeal, volunteering at homeless shelters and donating to food banks.

People are rallying around family and friends and doing all they can to offer support and kindness.

People are making plans for elderly loved ones to make sure they’re not lonely.

People in care homes and at refuge centres are working hard to make people feel and experience the true spirit of Christmas, to feel loved, wanted, happy, warm and safe.

Outstanding acts of kindness and selflessness take place such as Sarah Millican’s #joinin twitter discussion on Christmas Day where people who are alone can have company online and talk with others throughout the day.

Amazing people are doing, and plan to do, amazing things. This is beautiful and is the very best in humanity. Because whilst it’s not perfect out there, there are many, many acts of kindness that help a lot of people in so many different ways. If the tough times are our darkness, only kindness can be our dawn.

(*Poverty Stats from the DWP, Households Below Average Income 2015/16 report, food bank usage from the ons website)

Advent Invitation

A year ago today the Americans elected a new president – what a lot has happened since then. I don’t think anyone could describe Trump’s first twelve months as “dull” – new laws (many now mired in dispute or which needed amending), Trump has signed over 40 bills, promises have been made but not yet delivered, scandals in the White House and beyond, no sign of a wall but less people are trying to cross into America from Mexico, and a constant flow of gasp-inspiring tweets. 

The USA is not alone in having complex political problems: here in the UK we have had resignations from two Cabinet ministers within the past week and a weak government (since the misguided decision earlier in the year to call an election in the hope of cementing a Conservative majority), sexual harassment and abuse testaments/allegations are rife and we seem to be making slow progress in negotiating Brexit. 

Saudi Arabia is in the midst of an investigation into top-level corruption. Europe has its own issues; following elections there are still no formal governments in the Netherlands or Germany and there is social unrest and economic concern in many areas across the region.

In the past twelve months there have been many terrible events, including:

• the terrorist bombing at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, on May 22^nd;
• the repeated testing of missiles by North Korea and a mounting crisis that could be devastating for us all;
• the on-going wars in Syria, Yemen, Iraq;
• the Nangarhar airstrike in Afghanistan, when the U.S. dropped the world’s largest non-nuclear weapon on an ISIL base;
• humanitarian issues in Miramar and Yemen;
• rioting and deaths in Kenya;
• floods in South Asia killing over 1,000 people;
• Hurricane Harvey caused mayhem and death in August, followed by Hurricanes Irma and Maria – that devastated the Caribbean;
• the rising tensions between America and Russia;
• the horrific earthquake in Mexico in September, killing 369 people;
• Las Vegas shooting in October;
• the vast truck bomb in Somalia;
• terrorist attacks using vehicles as weapons in Israel, Sweden, France, Canada, America, the UK and Spain;
• 76% decline over 27 years in flying insects according to German scientists; and
• the list goes on

For many it feels as though we live in dark times.

However, all is not bleak. In 2017 there have been many amazing scientific breakthroughs and discoveries, including final proof of gravitational waves, which validates Einstein’s theory of general relativity; hugh strides in gene comprehension with scientists in Portland successfully editing out a heart condition from a human embryo; metallic hydrogen has been created for the first time which could enable better technology through a more efficient superconductor; regenerative medicine (where we are able to grow new organs and human tissue in a lab) is now becoming probable - scientists at Wake Forest have found ways of speeding up the process, in the future it may even be possible to grow a limb; Google's Deep Mind is making extraordinary strides within AI with technology now able to navigate complex environments and learn from itself; new species of animals and plants have been discovered including a luminous frog, a new species of orangutan and a pistol shrimp that makes such a noise it has been named Synalpheus pinkfloydi; 

a therapy has been discovered in the Netherlands that reverses aging in mice; a spider's venom has been discovered to potentially halt stoke damage; after much searching a new antibiotic may have been found in the mucus secreted by an Indian frog; more than 450 Stonehenge like formations have been found in Brazil that may shed light on our past; an eighth continent has been found, beneath New Zealand, in the south Pacific and may be named Zealandia; there are so many new discoveries and breakthroughs that the future undoubtedly looks exciting.

So, to the point - why don't you do your bit by adding to people's knowledge, But, some things do not change – The Advent Blogs Series will be published again this year and I am both delighted an honoured to be the host. However, I cannot do it without your help…

By way of an explanation to those who are new - traditional Advent calendar windows start being opened from the 1^st of December, with a new surprise being revealed daily. The Advent Blog series is the same, in that a new post is published each day. However, despite being called the Advent Blog series, these blogs are not a religious countdown and the series is not limited to just 24 posts. In recent years the contributions have continued well into the New Year, with people contributing posts from around the world and from a mixture of backgrounds and outlooks. All authors are welcome. I remain indebted to Alison Chisnell for founding the series back in 2011; it is a credit to her and all the contributors’ enthusiasm that the Advent Blogs have now become a much-loved annual tradition.

Last year’s series, under the heading of “Heights, Hearts and Hollows” was amazing, with people commenting on a range of personal highs and lows, as well as individual family reminiscences and topical observations. This year’s theme is “Darkness and Dawn”. I hope at least one or both of these will resonate and inspire you to compose a piece to be included for the pleasure of all who follow and read the series.

So, what is the story that you want to share this year? What dark times have you endured, what new exciting projects have you been involved in?

Perhaps you find the warm hug of darkness a source of comfort

and find the view of the future disturbing, waking you into action like a terrifying alarm clock.

The Wake Up Machine - invented by Simone Giertz, an alarm clock with slapping rubber arm

What light have you shed over the past 12 months?

Has someone else helped open your eyes to a new way of being?

What are you aiming to achieve next year, what do you want to be different or better?

For me, one of the best things about the Advent Blog series is that people use it as a place to be themselves – open, honest, no sales or spin, just a global group of individuals, from diverse backgrounds, doing something together, simply for the pleasure of doing so and for each other. Each contribution is unique – every submission makes its own personal impact, and as a whole they create an extraordinary series.

If you would like to be part of it, please get in touch with me via the comments section below, on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn or by any means that you can find to track me down. I’d love to hear what you’ve got to say.