Flying the nest

This weekend, I experienced what I suspect will be a profound moment in my life – I helped my eldest son to fly the family nest and move into his own home. The experience made me reflect on the nature of change and the importance of recognising when it’s time to embrace new chapters in life and career. My eldest son moved into his own home the same month the world saw President Biden acknowledge that he should stand down from the US election. Both events, though vastly different, share a common theme: the right time to accept change.

Seeing my son step into his new home filled me with a mix of pride and nostalgia (and yes, a few tears were shed). It’s a monumental step, signifying his transition into true adulthood. For years, he has prepared for this moment— saving diligently, learning to budget, buying useful items, and making plans. As a parent, it’s a bittersweet milestone. We nurture our children, provide them with guidance, and support them until they’re ready to fly solo. When that moment arrives, it’s both a validation of our efforts and a poignant reminder that change is constant and inevitable. I am going to miss waving him off to work in the mornings – he always left the house earlier than me. However, as the saying goes: If you truly love something, let it go. On a more positive note, I am glad not to be loading up and driving a transit van again this week.

On a broader stage, President Biden’s decision to step down from the upcoming election is a pivotal moment in political leadership. Leadership is not just about knowing how to govern but also understanding when to pass the baton. President Biden’s tenure has been marked by significant achievements and challenges. His decision to not run is a testament to his self-awareness and commitment to the greater good. It’s an acknowledgment that new leadership might bring fresh perspectives and renewed energy, essential for addressing future events.

These two occurrences prompted me to think about the right time to accept change in life and career. Here are a few reflections:

1.     Self-awareness: Understanding your strengths, limitations, and the context around you is crucial. Whether it’s moving out, like my son, or stepping down from a role, like President Biden, recognising when your current path no longer aligns with your goals or the needs of those you serve is key.

2.     Preparation and Planning: Change is less daunting when it’s planned. My son’s move was the result of years of preparation (if his lawyer had had any more involvement, it might even now still be an on-going project). Similarly, effective career transitions often come from thoughtful planning and readiness to embrace new opportunities.

3.     Courage to Let Go: It takes courage to let go of the familiar. For my son, it was the comfort of home – laundry, cleaning, a full fridge all laid on; for President Biden, it’s the power and responsibility of leadership. Embracing change often means stepping into the unknown, which requires bravery and confidence in the future.

4.     Openness to Growth: Change often brings growth. New challenges and environments push us to adapt and evolve. By moving into his own home, my son will learn and grow in ways he couldn’t under my roof. For President Biden, stepping aside allows for new leadership to tackle emerging issues with fresh vigour.

5.     Legacy and Impact: Ultimately, the decision to embrace change should consider the legacy you leave behind. My son’s independence is a part of the legacy of our family’s values and way of being (we are all strong-minded individuals). President Biden’s decision reflects his desire to ensure a stable and prosperous future for the nation, valuing the legacy of his leadership.

Change is inevitable and necessary for personal and collective growth. Whether it’s watching a loved one embark on a new journey or witnessing a leader make a selfless decision, these moments remind us that the right time to accept change is when it aligns with our values, readiness, and the greater good.

Here’s to embracing change with wisdom, courage, and a forward-looking perspective. And may Charles be very happy in his new home.

Who do we choose to be? - Day 20

Day 20 (Wednesday 20th December 2017)

20 metres is the minimum height of the Christmas tree erected every year since 1947 

in Trafalgar Square, London. The tradition commenced in 1947, when the Norwegians 

offered a Norway Spruce to the British as a token of gratitude for support in the Second World War. 

Each tree is 50-60 years old. The tree is cut in Norway in November, during a ceremony attended 

by the British Ambassador to Norway, Mayor of Oslo, and Lord Mayor of Westminster.

The tree is lit on the 1st Thursday of December at a special ceremony with bands and a choir. 

It remains a focal point for carol singing and poetry until just before Twelfth Night when it is taken 

to be recycled into mulch. It is always lit with simple lights.

Please whisper... it was a good night last night, but I am a tad tired.

Today's inspirational post is written by Helen Green, the founding director of the specialist change consultancy Orient8 Consulting Limited. A former FTSE 250 Director, Helen decided to leave conventional corporate life and found her own firm in 2011. Helen is a psychologist by initial training (indeed she still works occasionally as an associate consultant for the occupational psychologists Rothwell Douglas). She is also a much-valued coach. Helen believes in kindness and does her bit to make the world a better place, for example she volunteers as a coach at the charity Save the Children and she is very supportive of those wishing to learn via social media. You can connect with her on Twitter (her handle  @orient8you). She writes an occasional, informative, business focused blog 

via her company website - here is the link. 

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In 2017, I have continued to be inspired by the work of Dr. Margaret (Meg) Wheatley, both in person and via her brilliant writing. This is an extract from her bio:

“Margaret Wheatley writes, teaches and speaks about how we can use our power and influence and willingly step forward to serve this troubling time. As things grow darker and more difficult, she summons us to reclaim leadership as a noble profession that creates possibility and humaneness in the midst of increasing fear and turmoil, by creating Islands of Sanity.”

This year, my Advent blog draws heavily on her words. At the end, I share my my own “so what?”

From Meg’s 2017 book, “Who do we choose to be? Facing reality, claiming leadership, restoring sanity”:

“We can no longer solve the global problems of this time at large-scale levels: poverty, economics, climate change, violence, dehumanisation. Even though the solutions have been available for a very long time, they require conditions to implement them that are not available: political courage, collaboration across national boundaries, compassion that supersedes self-interest and greed.

I realised years ago that large scale change was not possible. Leaders were grasping for control, over-reacting to crises rather than thinking systemically, treating people as ‘units’ rather than as humans.

I began to challenge every leader I met with these questions: Who do you choose to be for this time? Are you willing to use whatever power and influence you have to create islands of sanity that evoke and rely on our best human qualities to create, produce, and persevere?”

So what?

Well my conclusion has been to create my own Island of Sanity. Mostly that’s about choosing more mindfully who to spend my time with, both in and out of work. It’s also about choosing more mindfully how to spend my time when I’m alone.

In Meg’s book, she writes: “Teddy Roosevelt enjoined us: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”

In my work, as a Change Consultant and Coach, I choose to “do what I can, with what I have, where I am.”

Inspired by Meg and her words, this is my take:

I can’t change the world, none of us can, but I can focus on serving others. I can offer insight and compassion. I can be present. I can stay and not flee. No matter what is going on around me, I can attend to the people in front of me and offer what I can.

It doesn’t sound very grand or ambitious, does it? It’s small. It’s do-able. And to me right now, it seems right.

Now I am asking you as a leader of your life, your family, your community, your people,

WHO DO YOU CHOOSE TO BE FOR THIS TIME?

An Indian Love Story - Day 2

Day 2 (Saturday 2nd December 2017)

Two hands are required to pull a Christmas cracker. Tom Smith of London
invented crackers in 1847, they were a development of his bon-bon sweets
sold in twists of paper and for quite a while what we call crackers were called
"Bangs of Expectation", bon-bons or cosaques, but the name cracker stuck because of t
he noise they make. Crackers usually contain a small gift a joke and a paper crown or hat - 
the wearing of festive hats dates back to Roman Saturnalia celebrations.

The first weekend of Advent and I am sure that you have a lot to do. It is amazing how the days rush by at the start of the festive period. I'm off to my first official Christmas lunch today - escorting my mother and sister to the British Legion's annual event in Somerset. Every year for the past 17 years my sister has dedicated a fortnight in late October/early November to standing in her local shopping precinct selling poppies on behalf of the Legion. Invariably she manages to raise more funds than the other local poppy sellers. Despite having her own problems, she is proud to be doing her bit to support others and making their lives easier. I think she is amazing.

Today's piece is written by David Head. David combines sound commercial nouse with an empathy for his fellow men and is a highly respected executive coach and mentor. Many years ago, longer than either of us probably want to acknowledge, we were colleagues and I learned much from David. For a long time before the sector became the lynchpin of most organisations, David was a leading name in Technology recruitment. Many a CIO owes their career success to David's advice and judgement, even now he specialises in supporting people through periods of change and career transition. About five years ago David decided to move down a slightly different branch in his own career and qualified as a coach. Since 2013 he has worked for the award winning, London-based business performance and leadership consultancy, Accelerating Experience, as an executive coach and mentor. David for many years has been a keen sportsman (tennis and golf) and is also well read and an erudite writer - you would probably enjoy his articles posted on LinkedIn. You can follow him on Twitter - his handle is @DavidAHead2 - and, as you might surmise from his piece below, he is a loving family man. 

David's piece is an amazing snapshot into history and we are privileged that he has chosen to share it here.

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I am, and always have been curious about people’s lives, the choices they make and how these come to shape them.  This year I decided to research and write a family history.  As a father of three children I would like to do my best to preserve what is known of my family, before it slips into the sands of time.

I have learned of some very interesting and colourful characters, including a Great Aunt, Margaret, who led an extraordinary life. We have much of Margaret’s correspondence in letter form from these years and therefore know quite a lot about it. My sister is currently putting it into publishable format and I would like to share some of it with you today, both because it is interesting social history, and because it has resonance with the theme of Darkness and light.

Indian postage stamp from 1938

Margaret’s parents (my great Grandparents) were philanthropic sorts whose lives were shaped by the First World War.  After fighting on the western Front in WW1 my great grandfather Edward became a vegetarian pacifist, utterly opposed to violence and war. 

Early PPU poster prompted by the horrors of WWI

The influence of her parents would certainly have shaped Margaret and in 1938 she travelled alone to India to join her future husband George, to work with the poor for the Peace Pledge Union (PPU).  It was an experience which was to shape and define both of their lives.

PPU Youth Section in 1920s

Margaret headed off to India in 1938 just as the dark clouds of war were becoming ever more ominous.  On her journey she wrote;

‘The news sounds disturbing from Europe and I feel that the powers that be are precipitating a disaster. There is trouble everywhere…neither side will get anything but disaster’

Elsewhere her tone is lighter and rather like a backpacker today she describes the scenery on her journey in vivid detail.

‘It was marvellous going down the Suez Canal. There was desert each side and Arabia was quite lifeless looking. There were several interesting sights on the Egyptian side and the Suez Canal hospital was very Eastern looking, with Palm trees all around and people in weird black robes and men in Night gowns.’

Painting by Heribert Schroepfer of a ship travelling along the Suez Canal in the 1930s

In the 1950’s my Dad would fight in the Suez ‘war’ which in truth was a complete farce. I sometimes reflect that he would have seen similar scenery to Margaret back in 1938.

When she arrived in India she spent some time staying on a Swedish missionary hospital, although her cause was more about saving lives than saving souls. Her reflection on the missionaries and their work was quite telling.

‘The Swedish missionaries with whom I am staying are very sweet people but place too much stress on ‘converting souls to Christ’. I must say that the Christians they’ve ‘converted’ look more miserable than the others, which shouldn’t be.'

Elsewhere again the tone is lighter.

‘We visited a little village..the birds and flowers are beautiful . The people, or Gonds (original Indians I am told) are childlike and simple, but also very charming. They gave Barbara and I 12 baby tomatoes as a gift, which we peeled and ate before them to show our appreciation.’

But Margaret was there to help the poor and the sick and other entries give an insight into some of the suffering she encountered during these years. In one village she reports;

‘One baby was almost blind, others had sores, fever and other dreadful things.  One girl had blackwater fever.  Her urine was black and she was in an awful state. They (the adults I presume) spend their money on toddy and opium.’

Margaret later went on to work with Gandhi and lived on his Ashram during the 1940’s. He said that he regarded her as a daughter and had a nickname for her which was Kamala Bai, Sanskrit for Lotus Flower.  In Hindi the lotus is a symbol of beauty, fertility and all that is good in life.

By now Margaret was a trained midwife and worked with the Gond people to help them to understand the importance of hygiene in childbirth, as well as supporting Gandhi and his people in other work with the poor.  She later helped them during the painful process of partition - specifically helping women and children who got caught up in the chaos of the time.

"Muria Gond girls of Bastar wearing solid silver necklaces and many strings
of glass beads; their saris are invariably white." 1940 Photo from
Christoph von Fürer-Haimendorf book Tribes of India: The Struggle for Survival.

Her letters refer to Gandhi as a friend and spiritual leader although much of their correspondence was matter of fact, perhaps reflecting the pared back, simple life they chose to live. In one telling passage she did however praise Gandhi for his religious tolerance;

‘Gandhi has qualities Christians should possess themselves.  They (Gandhians) use the best of all religions to base their lives upon.  Gandhi is a Hindu, but the “Sermon on the Mount” and the commandments to love god with all one’s self and ones neighbour as oneself are all wrapped up in his philosophy of life together with the best of the Koran and ideas from famous thinkers.’

If Margaret was quite matter of fact in her correspondence about Gandhi (who was known for being distant from his own wife and family), the reverse was true when she describes her husband George, who was a fellow philanthropist in India.

‘All I ask is that I may prove to be a worthy wife… things and people who don’t demand much of one, one easily forgets..one must love the highest when one sees it’

It is interesting that the language becomes more formal, almost deferential when she describes her admiration for him. My best guess is that this is a reflection of the times, as well as her great love.

George worked himself to exhaustion looking after the poor, building them sanitation and farming with them. Margaret describes his decline in great detail in her correspondence.  This, from a trip to the Friends' Mission in Pashmari, gives a lasting sense of her kindness and spirit.

‘George isn’t well so he’s come up here too.  He is sleeping and resting most of the time.  I am glad he is able to sleep now.  This is a simply lovely spot in the hills of central provinces. Caves, great high, huge rocks, trees bursting into fresh green leaves.  Pools of crystal clear water right away down in the depths away from anybody..’

Sadly he became very ill and eventually died of fever. Margaret was heavily pregnant by now and you can feel the pain in her correspondence.

‘I feel like a bird without a wing..he was a great inspiration and although the responsibility is tremendous, it will be a great comfort to have our baby as a life companion and try to see how well I can serve India and bring up George’s baby to be the best he can be.’

In a letter to her Mother (my Great Grandmother) she wrote;

‘I’m trying to be calm now. I was fairly calm until he died and then I gave way for 3 or 4 hours.  But it’s hard.  Death is so final in one sense of the word never another chance. He was a grand man – he knew no limits – his generosity, courage and love all selfless, were beyond compare – I’m proud of him; proud of being his wife and shall be just as proud to be the mother of his child and the carrier on of his work.  He was a darling but didn’t know it. He was true as steel and clear as crystal “He being dead, yet speaketh”.

P.S. He wants no mourning.  He once said, so I wore my prettiest sari to say goodbye for the present to him who I loved best of all, and am wearing it now.  Please write and comfort me.’

Four months after George died, Margaret caught Pneumonia and her baby daughter was stillborn. She recovered but I can only imagine how painful this double blow would have been, in a land torn apart by sorrow and division.

Against all expectations, Margaret stayed in India and continued her vocation, working with Gandhi and later Lady Mountbatten during the partition. She set up a training school, at Gandhi’s behest, for pupil Midwifes for the lower casts of ‘Wadia’ people.  She eventually returned back to her home in Dorset in the UK and we know little of her life there, save for the fact that she died at the age of 48 as a result of Liver cancer. She never drank alcohol or smoked, was a strict vegetarian like her father and appeared to live a faultless, altruistic life.

I find the fortitude and sheer goodness she showed through her life’s work to be inspirational. Molly Tandy, a friend from her time in India, quoted Margaret in her epitaph speech thus;

‘My own belief is there is an inner light in us all and that people are given hands and hearts and minds to express the love of God in the world around’

Margaret certainly lived her life that way and she leaves me with a sense of light and hope rather than its opposite.  

What stands out most from her letters is the love she had for the Indian people, her own family, and particularly for George. 

I have attached two photographs of Margaret, who appears on the left hand side of both pictures, the first taken before her departure to India, 

the 2^nd at Itarsi Hospital in 1939. 

There is also a picture of George playing Cricket in happier times.

Dr Bill Tandy, who worked with Margaret in India and looked after her when she was dying, described her as 

‘one of the finest and most courageous women that I have known’

I cannot imagine a more fitting epitaph.