You have the power - Day 27

27th December 2018

27 moons circle the planet Uranus. Uranus is lopsided - it spins at a 90% angle to our solar
system's other worlds - it is presumed that this is due to a collision with an object at least twice
the size of Earth. The 27 moons, which also spin at an angle, are called: Cordelia, Ophelia, Bianca,
Cressida, Desdemona, Juliet, Portia, Rosalind, Cupid, Belinda, Perdita, Puck, Mab, Miranda, Ariel,
Umbriel, Titania, Oberon, Francisco, Caliban, Stephano, Trinculo, Sycorax, Margaret, Prospero,
Setebos and Ferdinand.  Uranus's moons are divided into three groups: thirteen inner moons,
five major moons (Miranda, Ariel, Umbriel, Titania, and Oberon), and nine irregular moons. The inner
moons are small dark bodies that share common properties and origins with Uranus's rings. The five
major moons are massive enough to have reached hydrostatic equilibrium, and four of them show
signs of internally driven processes such as canyon formation and volcanism on their surfaces.

Today is my last day not in the office for a while. A break has done me good. I have not written about it here, but the past 3 months have been ghastly (outside work, not in, but a combination of both has been exhausting). However, the past few days has reminded me of how fortunate I am. We have fed well, done interesting things and been showered with thoughtful gifts and good wishes. I am very grateful. We are going out tonight for a family outing to see Hansel and Gretel. There will be 3 generations of us, with ages ranging from 11 to 87. I'm sure that it will be an excellent end to our Christmas celebrations (although, our tree will remain up until 12th Night and there are still a number of presents beneath it that we look forward to unwrapping). I am very fortunate.

Today's post is another new voice for the series - I love the way that the Advent Blogs grow year-on-year. Day 27's author is Norman Murray. Welcome! Norman is a Director at Learning for Success. For a decade Norman was a Director of the Industrial Society. Norman has a flair for enabling people to see things differently and for pragmatic training solutions and coaching that helps achieve results. He and his team have worked with many of the UK's most well known organisations, including American Express, DHL, GSK, Kerry Foods, Kone, Premier Foods, South East Water and Tesco. They also provide open workshops. Norman is based in Eastbourne and works out of Brighton. He is a Qualified ACAS Mediator and also has expertise in: Strength Deployment Inventory: Belbin: Action Centred Leadership: Business Excellence Assessor: Master Practitioner and coach in NLP. He is on Twitter (his handle is @mediationforsuc) He is warm and supportive with amazing enthusiasm. I am delighted that he has written for the series about the heartache that having a lack of self-belief can cause.

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A lack of self-belief can cause heartache and contribute to stress and anxiety. Conversely, taking steps to raise your self-belief can make you less anxious and have a significant and positive effect on the way you handle stressful situations.

You have to believe in yourself. Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-assurance, it's a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes - the abilities, inner resources, talents and skills to handle whatever life throws at you, and create the results that you desire.

Believing In Yourself Is An Attitude 

Believing in yourself is a choice. It's an attitude you develop over time. Although it helps if you had positive and supportive parents, the fact is that most of us had average parents who inadvertently passed on the same self-limiting beliefs and negative conditioning that they grew up with.

But remember the past is the past. There is no point in blaming them for your current level of self-confidence. It's now your responsibility to take charge of your own self-concept and beliefs. You must choose to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to - anything at all - because, in fact, you can. It might help to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self-talk and positive visualisation, anyone can learn to do just about anything.

If you assume in favour of yourself and act as if it's possible, then you will do the things that are necessary to bring about the result you desire. If you believe it's impossible , you will not do what is necessary , and you will not produce the result. EIther way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

See Your Troubles As Blessings

You would not have the wisdom and knowledge you now possess were it not for the setbacks you've faced, the mistakes you've made, and the suffering you've endured. Realize that pain is a teacher and failure is the highway to success. You cannot learn to play the piano without hitting a great many wrong notes, and you will never learn how to sail without tipping the boat over a few times. Begin to see your troubles as blessings, resolve to turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones and vow to turn your wounds into wisdom.

Most people encounter problems as they advance along the path of life. It's important to remind ourselves that our character is shaped not through life's easiest experiences, but during its toughest ones.

It's during life's most trying and difficult times that we discover who we really are and the fullness of the strength that lies within us. If you are currently facing challenges of your own, think about the following words from Rainer Maria Rilke.

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves liked locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They could not now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

Stop Worrying About What Other People Think About You

If having others believe in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything.

You need to base your decisions about what you want to do based on your dreams and your goals - not the goals, desires, opinions and judgments of your parents, friends, spouse, children and colleagues. Stop worrying about what other people think, and follow your heart. Remember Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 rule: 

"When you're 18, you worry about what everybody's thinking about you; when you're 40, you don't care about what anybody thinks about you; and when you're 60, you realise that nobody's been think about you at all."

So there you are! Most of the time, nobody's thinking about you at all ! They're too busy thinking about their own lives, and if they are thinking about you, it's only to wonder what you're thinking about them. People think about themselves, not about you. Think about it. All the time you waste worrying what other people are thinking about you, your ideas, your goals, your clothes, your hair - all that time could be far better spent thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals.

Inspiration

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself

----- Author Unknown.

LESSONS OF LIFE . . .

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself. I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try. I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself. I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway. I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself. I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth. I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies. I feared life until I experienced its beauty. I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning. I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had the power to change my life. I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance. I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny daysI feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself. I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day. I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better. I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me. I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight. I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength. I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

And ..... AFTER A WHILE.....

....you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul And you learn that love doesn't mean leaving, that company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises; And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held up and you eyes opened. with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much; So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers; And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong and you have worth.

                                                    
---- Author Unknown

I am what I am - Gloria Gaynor

Here. Now. - Day 8

Day 8 (Saturday 8th December)

Eight is a rowing class recognised by the International Rowing Federation and is the
term for a rowing boat, propelled by eight oarsmen and steered by a cox, used in competitive sports.
Rowing started as a means of transport and progressed into a sport - its modern form was developed
in England in the 1700s. It is an amateur sport and an Olympic event. When Pierre de Coubertin
created the Modern Olympics, he modelled the International Olympic Committee on the
Henley Stewards. The stewards organise the Henley Royal Regatta, one of rowing's most prestigious events.
I was Captain and stroke of our crew at University but have also rowed bow and been a cox.

Normal service is slowly resuming at my end and as a result I am delighted to commence posting Advent Blogs that have been crafted specifically for us for this year. And what a cracker today is - especially for me, as it shows that there is light ahead and that emotional objectives can be achieved. I am grateful to people who have been so understanding to me in my current dejection. I am not ready to share on here as the situation I find myself in is not about me but hurts those I love and care about. Perhaps this is why I love today's post so much - it is all about love, emotions, self-awareness and finding happiness and contentment.. 

It is my good fortune that is the first blog I received for the 2018 season - as you know, the theme for this year is "Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives". It is an honest piece of self-reflection and an enjoyable read. I suspect that its words will resonate with many of us and I hope it raises a smile. Its author is Phil Marsland who, after a very successful career in HR, now runs a Leadership and HR consultancy, Blue Tree. Over the years I have got to know Phil - he is pragmatic and values driven with a dry sense of humour. He is active on social media, particularly Twitter where he tweets under his own name @FulfordPhil and also under his business' @BlueTreePhil. Phil is 

supportive and caring and does much to promote the HR profession 

as a mentor and speaker. 

He founded ConnectingHR York in 2015 and it is a thriving a vibrant 

community.

As well as his passion for people, Phil loves music (and by love I really do mean love - it is his third space). He is also a keen fan of Manchester City Football Club. Although, perhaps the thing that drives Phil most (other than his devotion for his family) is his love of learning.

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I normally write when emotions are high. The words just pour out, often getting published unedited, unexpurgated.

The process for this year's Advent blog has been harder.

I've been thinking about why that is, and I think I know.

I'm currently calmer, happier, possibly the happiest I've ever been since I got keys, responsibilities and bills.

Here's the kicker. It won't stay like that. It never does. I've always fluctuated, wobbled, rocked. Been forever in search of balance. Getting stuff wrong.

Prioritising work - whatever the hell that is?! - over family. Getting too attached to work, and people there. Too emotional, too passionate, too irrational and unreasonable. It's probably just me. Probably just how I am. I have peaks and troughs.

I have peaked at various things. Got really really good, then a bit bored, then look for something else. Don't get me wrong, I've never been world class at anything. But I've won stuff, captained teams, won tournaments, won cruises.

I think flow works for me as a wave. My peaks are better than most people. I excel at focus and intensity and real insight. But I can't hold it there, I have to crash down. Slump in my music room with a beer. Reflecting. Recovering.

It's taken me a half century of actual years, and probably a few decades less in conscious years to realise this stuff about me.

In the intervening haphazard-stumbling through life, I have coped less well. Been sharp verbally, been uncompromising, unreasonable. Pushed folk away. Felt lost, felt lonely. And wanted people and contact.

So 'Happy' is something of an undiscovered country for me, until recently.

10 years ago I set myself 3 objectives:

• to be happy
• for Chris to be happy
• for the kids to be happy and have rewarding and fulfilling childhoods and the best possible start in life

We've got there... through risk and uncertainty.

And now I want for nothing. Not fancy clothes, possessions or holidays. I've done all that. For me, I don't want anything more. And in this state I'm loving music, mates, family time, footy and a beer or two. All of this is gravy.

And we all know that Northern boys love gravy.

PS this is the first draft, unedited.

An intake of breath

I’m in the grip of nervous anticipation; this week I will have my first conversation with Chantelle, an enterprising young woman and entrepreneur, based in South Africa, who, whilst studying to become a clinical psychologist, has found the time to establish a charity, Educating Athletes, which seeks to support aspiring athletes from disadvantaged backgrounds through their secondary education, by providing financial, academic and emotional assistance. Chantelle and I have been paired through the Queen’s Young Leaders Programme, with whom I have been a mentor since the Programme was established. The Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust, in partnership with Comic Relief and the Royal Commonwealth Society, created the Queen’s Young Leaders Programme in honour of The Queen’s 60 years of service to the Commonwealth, with the goal of helping the next generation to achieve their aspirations.

Chantelle will be my third Queen’s Young Leaders mentee and I can’t wait to get to know her. I hope in some small ways I can help her achieve her goals. I find it immensely rewarding being a mentor; I learn so much from the people to whom I am introduced, not just about them, their challenges, visions and hopes, but also I gain an insight into myself, and a better appreciation of what I value. The Young Leaders really are inspirational – they blow new energy and insights into me, and the others who come into contact with them. (The etymology of “inspirational” comes from the Latin “spirare” meaning “to breathe” and was originally used to refer to a divine or supernatural being imparting a deep truth or idea – each of the Leaders I have met to date is driven by strong personal values and a vision of what they hope to achieve).

If you are interested in mentoring an extraordinary young person, and, by doing so, helping them to make the world a better place, then contact Frances Brown, the Education and Mentoring Director for the Programme. She is based at Cambridge University, in the UK and her email is frances.brown@ice.cam.ac.uk. Over the course of its five-year life span, the Programme aims to discover, celebrate and support young people from every Commonwealth nation to transform their own lives and the lives of others around them. I have had the good fortune to mentor Edmund, who is based in Kenya and has founded a thriving charity, the Xavier Project, that is now functioning in a number of countries, it provides support to refugees and their families; and a young lady, Seini, who works as a volunteer in Papua New Guinea and champions equality for women and the necessity of learning from past generations so as to reduce the negative impact of decisions that we make and the actions we take now.

In some ways, Seini’s vision is the theme of the ballet I went to see on Saturday night - Ghost Dances, performed by Rambert at Sadler’s Wells. 

Ghost Dances was inspired by the moving book written by Joan Jara, the widow of the Chilean teacher, theatre director and folk singer, Victor Jara, who was kidnapped and then murdered shortly after General Pinochet’s brutal coup in 1973. Joan wrote her heart-rending record of events in Victor: An Unfinished Song, it describes the rise and then loss of this inspirational and creative man.

Victor Jara

Her words have moved others into confronting the horrors of oppression and have inspired many to strive for a compassionate and more humane world. Chile suffered a period of intense and ruthless repression following the coup, an estimated 35,000 civilians were put to death and thousands more imprisoned and tortured. Ghost Dances was last performed at Sadler’s Wells 14 years ago, which is where I first saw it. The memory of that performance has stuck with me as if it was yesterday. Each time I have seen the ballet I have been reduced to tears. I remain appalled by the horrific manner in which we treat our fellow man – we seem incapable of learning from our past - look at the ghastly bombing in Manchester this week, the ongoing war in Syria, terrorism in Nigeria, Sudan and Mexico, the list feels endless. We will only change the world for the better if we take personal responsibility and inspire others to do the same.

Some who disappeared in Chile during Pinochet coup
picture taken during demonstration in Santiago on 40th anniversary of coup.

So, what makes a person inspirational?

Do people who inspire have to have overcome something in order to make an impact on others? Probably not, but they do need to demonstrate bravery, hence the phrase “having the courage of their convictions”. Most of the inspirational people I have known have willingly walked a different path from those around them and have not been afraid to buck the trend. My grandmother has been a major source of inspiration for me (and still is, despite no longer being here to act as my mentor) – she was born the illegitimate daughter of a housemaid in rural southwest Scotland. Through her own drive and determination she studied hard, qualified as a nurse, emigrated, married an engineer (who was involved in pioneering exploration in the Middle East) and she herself became a significant influence in the region and in London on their return. Her husband died when she was still young, but she raised two children – both of whom became notable people – my father was the Attorney General of Hong Kong, he is an exceptional lawyer and remains a Bencher of Middle Temple, and his sister married my father’s best friend from Cambridge and became the wife of the Lord Mayor of London as well as a champion of charitable causes. Humble roots need not hold you back if you have values, drive and determination. My grandmother was very popular with my father’s friends - her flat became a haven, a place where they could study and debate topics of interest. She always encouraged people to think, to believe in themselves and to act with integrity. Every day I think of her (and miss her) but her spirit and lessons, in how to live life well, remain with me.

My grandmother

Inspirational people clearly care – and are usually driven by a greater cause, rather than their own self-aggrandisement.

They have an understanding of their environment and are aware and appreciative of others, but they are also self-aware and comfortable in their own skin. Empathy and authenticity – both are needed to carry people with you.

Most of the inspirational people I have met have been humble and very grateful for the opportunities they have had – be that an education or the ability to mix with and help others and/or the assistance others have given to them – they seldom seem to appreciate that people give to them and support them in their cause because of who they are and what they do.

A person cannot be inspirational through fine words alone – they need to “walk their talk”. I know that I will never be inspirational because, all too often, I fail to follow my own advice, when I should be leading by example. For example, I work stupid hours instead of spending time with precious loved-ones. I’m not aware of anyone when on their deathbeds saying: “Thank goodness I finished that extra spread sheet” – in the modern workplace it is all too easy to get sucked into the morass of demands and timelines and thereby lose sight of what’s important.

Working late - by TULP

Most inspirational people are surprisingly pragmatic and well-grounded – they know their goals, but are willing to adapt the path and pace in order to ensure that they get there. They seldom take themselves too seriously as they know that the praise and accolades (when they come) are for what they do and not just for who they are. In ancient Rome a victorious General was permitted to process in Triumph in a four-horse chariot through the streets, wearing a laurel crown and a toga of imperial purple. For that day he was viewed as above other mortals and near divine. However, he was required to conduct himself with dignified humility - a slave would travel with, standing behind him in the chariot, whispering reminders of his mortality to help him escape hubris. The Ancient Greeks and Romans even had specific goddesses who enacted retribution against people who succumbed to hubris – in the ancient Greek religion it was Nemesis and in Roman times, Invidia.

A panel from a Roman sarcophagus showing the Triumph of Marcus Aurelius
Capitoline Museum, Rome

Truly inspirational people do not engender envy in others, instead they encourage people to become the best they can be.

Inspirational people seem to breathe encouragement and confidence to do the right thing into those around them. No wonder I am waiting to speak with Chantelle with bated breath and a degree of nervous anticipation. It is nearing my time to inhale.

"Breathe" - Pink Floyd

Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave but don't leave me
Look around and choose your own ground

For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be

Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down, it's time to dig another one

For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.