Here. Now. - Day 8

Day 8 (Saturday 8th December)

Eight is a rowing class recognised by the International Rowing Federation and is the
term for a rowing boat, propelled by eight oarsmen and steered by a cox, used in competitive sports.
Rowing started as a means of transport and progressed into a sport - its modern form was developed
in England in the 1700s. It is an amateur sport and an Olympic event. When Pierre de Coubertin
created the Modern Olympics, he modelled the International Olympic Committee on the
Henley Stewards. The stewards organise the Henley Royal Regatta, one of rowing's most prestigious events.
I was Captain and stroke of our crew at University but have also rowed bow and been a cox.

Normal service is slowly resuming at my end and as a result I am delighted to commence posting Advent Blogs that have been crafted specifically for us for this year. And what a cracker today is - especially for me, as it shows that there is light ahead and that emotional objectives can be achieved. I am grateful to people who have been so understanding to me in my current dejection. I am not ready to share on here as the situation I find myself in is not about me but hurts those I love and care about. Perhaps this is why I love today's post so much - it is all about love, emotions, self-awareness and finding happiness and contentment.. 

It is my good fortune that is the first blog I received for the 2018 season - as you know, the theme for this year is "Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives". It is an honest piece of self-reflection and an enjoyable read. I suspect that its words will resonate with many of us and I hope it raises a smile. Its author is Phil Marsland who, after a very successful career in HR, now runs a Leadership and HR consultancy, Blue Tree. Over the years I have got to know Phil - he is pragmatic and values driven with a dry sense of humour. He is active on social media, particularly Twitter where he tweets under his own name @FulfordPhil and also under his business' @BlueTreePhil. Phil is 

supportive and caring and does much to promote the HR profession 

as a mentor and speaker. 

He founded ConnectingHR York in 2015 and it is a thriving a vibrant 

community.

As well as his passion for people, Phil loves music (and by love I really do mean love - it is his third space). He is also a keen fan of Manchester City Football Club. Although, perhaps the thing that drives Phil most (other than his devotion for his family) is his love of learning.

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I normally write when emotions are high. The words just pour out, often getting published unedited, unexpurgated.

The process for this year's Advent blog has been harder.

I've been thinking about why that is, and I think I know.

I'm currently calmer, happier, possibly the happiest I've ever been since I got keys, responsibilities and bills.

Here's the kicker. It won't stay like that. It never does. I've always fluctuated, wobbled, rocked. Been forever in search of balance. Getting stuff wrong.

Prioritising work - whatever the hell that is?! - over family. Getting too attached to work, and people there. Too emotional, too passionate, too irrational and unreasonable. It's probably just me. Probably just how I am. I have peaks and troughs.

I have peaked at various things. Got really really good, then a bit bored, then look for something else. Don't get me wrong, I've never been world class at anything. But I've won stuff, captained teams, won tournaments, won cruises.

I think flow works for me as a wave. My peaks are better than most people. I excel at focus and intensity and real insight. But I can't hold it there, I have to crash down. Slump in my music room with a beer. Reflecting. Recovering.

It's taken me a half century of actual years, and probably a few decades less in conscious years to realise this stuff about me.

In the intervening haphazard-stumbling through life, I have coped less well. Been sharp verbally, been uncompromising, unreasonable. Pushed folk away. Felt lost, felt lonely. And wanted people and contact.

So 'Happy' is something of an undiscovered country for me, until recently.

10 years ago I set myself 3 objectives:

• to be happy
• for Chris to be happy
• for the kids to be happy and have rewarding and fulfilling childhoods and the best possible start in life

We've got there... through risk and uncertainty.

And now I want for nothing. Not fancy clothes, possessions or holidays. I've done all that. For me, I don't want anything more. And in this state I'm loving music, mates, family time, footy and a beer or two. All of this is gravy.

And we all know that Northern boys love gravy.

PS this is the first draft, unedited.

“Let There Be Light, Sound…………..” - Day 12

Day 12 (Tuesday 12th December 2017)

12 Days of Christmas, also traditionally known as Twelvetide, are the

traditional 12 days of Christian celebration running from December into the New Year.

There is debate as to whether it starts on Christmas Day or Boxing Day and hence ends 

on the night before or the 1st day of Epiphany (the 6th January).

Many people view it as unlucky to keep Christmas decorations up beyond the 12th Day.

Twelfth Night was made famous by Shakespeare, who wrote the play of that name around 1601.

It was performed on 2nd February 1602 (that date being Candlemas, the official end of Christmastide

 at that time) in front of the lawyers of Middle Temple, in their great Hall

Above is a scene from the 400th anniversary performance, performed by actors from The Globe, 

starring Mark Rylance. I am fortunate to have seen it.

How's your week going? My diary is becoming increasingly complicated as the holidays draw nearer. Today I am commencing a two day training course on a psychometric tool that we are utilising at work, followed by chairing an NHS Committee on Quality and Engagement this evening - it will be a busy and interesting day at my end, I hope yours will be too. I will do my best to remain in contact during the day but no promises.

Today's piece is written by Phil Marsland. Phil runs his own HR and Leadership consultancy, based in North Yorkshire, the firm's work is founded on his passion for making a difference through pragmatic solutions. Before starting his own business, Phil worked in HR in a senior capacity for a number of global names. He is a respected and much valued member of the HR community and has done much to give back to the profession, including co-founding Connecting HR York in 2015. Phil has been a regular contributor to the Advent Blog series for a number of years, I'm sure you'd like his piece on shopping written in 2015 which was his second ever blog. He is now a well-known voice. He is a sporadic blogger with a business site - PhilMarsland.net -  and a more social one  - FulfordPhil - 'don't call me HR, call me Phil'.  You can follow him on Twitter - his handle is @FulfordPhil. When not doing people stuff Phil is likely to be commenting on or making music - he has an impressive vinyl collection, he also enjoys football and follows Manchester City.

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I may not know much.  I know that!  I'm not an academic or literary or musical or sporting or cultural or religious or societal authority on anything.  In fact, the only thing that I know is what I think.  And I do think, a lot.  Deep and dark at times.  Bright and sparkly and silly and superficial and fun at others.  And I write.  For me.  And to share.  To maybe spark something in you.  To maybe help.  

For me 2016 was a blur of whirling hope.  Sparks and oxygen, lighting me up and helping me to breathe in the suffocation of traditional HR.  Me pushing the edges.  Trying so so hard to light a fire in others, who frankly only wanted the comfort of their traditional HR fixed mindset.  Intent on forcing me back into my box.

So, I jumped off the edge.  Full of hope…………………….and I’ve been falling with(out) style since.

2017 has been filled with Darkness.  In the world.  In my world.   At times things have been horrible. Without out hope.  At times there has been hope, only to be snuffed out.

Tears, loneliness, eating badly, drinking, getting fat…………… descent.......falling from the point where I stepped off.  Falling further than I knew I would.  Not actually losing much (as I’d cushioned my fall so to speak)......not quite losing my mind.......not life and death.  But loss and change.  Small words.  Massive personal impact.

In many ways it's been about discovery and getting over myself.  It's been about letting go and listening.  Listening to the silence and the non silence.  Silence when I have reached out.  Silence from those who were such a part of my world.  Silence from job applications.  Silence that is deafening.  Silence that had stopped me from hearing.

Saying, without saying "You're not useful to me anymore”.  Or "You're not for us"

Silently telling me this.

In the Darkness, life can be very silent.

Eventually, things that I couldn't hear before became a faint whisper.  Something that I couldn't quite make out.  Frequency and volume almost drowned out by the Darkness.  But there nevertheless.  Insistent.  Persistent.  Waiting for me to listen.

"It's over. Move on"

Amplification of the whisper has come from special people.  People who care a lot.  People who I care about.  People who were close by, but who I couldn't hear.  People who helped with Joy and connection, vinyl re-discovery, and our shared love of rock, living on!

But I still needed to quieten. To calm. To focus. To come back. To be able to listen. To turn up the volume on the wordless whisper.

Until I could hear the wordless voice pushing me on

"You're not HR anymore. Let it go"

How hard is that? Letting go of what has been your identity for your entire working life?  Despite me shouting at my profession for years for being rubbish, it was still my profession.  How do I let go of that part of me?!

It was the persistent insistent whispers that helped me let go.  And great people.  In my face.

"You're really good at this (other) stuff.  At really seeing what's going on with people.  With leaders.  With teams.  Within businesses.  At articulating this.  At creating something else.  You've really got something. You inspire people........I need your help"

But the self doubt voice is still strong.  Holding me back.  Me holding me back. Fear and self doubt.   Can I do this?  What if I fail?  What about security?  Do they really mean it?  Need for approval, huh?

And now there is some light in the Dark.

Something new.  Something created.  Not perfectly formed first time.  Self conscious and of stumbling steps.  Failing a few times.  But definitely shafts of light on the horizon.  The Darkness pierced.  

Just a glow at first.  Deep purple, gradually softening gaining more colour more depth, more colours. Being clearer to me, to others, visible.  Light red, yellow, whitish into blue.  Briefly a rainbow in the dark, and now a bright sky blue sky. 

And I stand before it able to say.....

"I'm no longer HR. I have my own Leadership, People and Culture business.  And I’m here to help.”

And I'm smiling, in the light of my new Dawn.   Full of hope once more.  Older, wiser, a bit fatter (don’t worry I’m on it!).  But better, definitely better.  More able to hear, more able to help.

I hope you can hear too.  Hear what you need to hear. 

Because there is always light, sound (and maybe drums and guitars!!) And maybe at Christmas, just this one time, we should all……….Let There Be Rock!

A voice from the hollow, looking up with hope

Day 16 (Friday 16th December 2016)

16 years - the length of time it took to construct the 

Gotthard Base Tunnel in Switzerland, opened on 1st June 2016

It is the world's longest and deepest railway tunnel

(35.4 miles in length and 7,545 feet below the surface). It has 

cut an hour off the journey time from Zurich to Milan.

Have you noticed that there are some themes amongst the blogs in this year's series? There is no doubt that 2016 has been a very challenging year for a number of us. The below piece by Phil Marsland is a very honest reflection. Yes there have been heights, but the pain of the hollows is almost palpable. However, his post is not bleak... 

Phil himself is warm and engaging. He is based in York in the north of England and he is a loving partner and father as well as caring for the people around him. He is an active member of the HR social media community and founded ConnectingHRYork in 2015. You can follow him on Twitter (his handle is @FulfordPhil). He is knowledgable and inspires confidence, but at the same time he is very pragmatic and comes across as humble and human - you can get a feel for this in his blog - FulfordPhil - 'don't call me HR, call me Phil'. Phil has worked in HR for many years, most recently as the Head of HR, Talent and Resourcing for the Portakabin Group. He is now seeking his next challenge. If you, or someone you know is seeking a strategically minded, highly capable and proven to be effective HR expert, Phil may be your man.

As well as his passion for people, Phil loves music (he has rediscovered his vinyl and has established a hashtag for music lovers #fridaynightmusicroom that is shared on Twitter). He is also a keen fan of Manchester City Football Club. Perhaps the thing that drives Phil most (other than his devotion for his family) is his love of learning.

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A voice from the hollow, looking up with hope 

It's been an extraordinary year. Of heights, hearts and hollows. Just a list captures this: Trump, Brexit, Bowie, Team GB, Andy Murray, Children in Need, Syria, ConnectingHR Africa. I will write few other words. You all have your own thoughts.

Credit: @christhebarker

Some of the words I did write though included "Oh no. Starman", "America, what have you done?" and "Let's go, Mo!"

And this stuff has provided an extraordinary swirl of emotions during my 50th year on this swirling blue marble - a tiny dot, on a tiny dot, in the infinite.

I don't know if it has helped with context, or provided blinding light enhancement on my own heights and hollows.

For me, I've completed 50 new tasks or experiences in my 50th year #50x50. Too many to list here (they're on my blog site if you want to read and see them https://fulfordphil.wordpress.com) but including volunteering, professional recognition, heavy metal concerts, seafood adventures, reconnecting with my vinyl, driving down Highway One, and delighting in helping my girl smash her 'A levels' and getting her to University. Plenty and plenty and plenty of heights.

But the hollows have been awful. Having a terrible time at work being terrible about the home, losing my job, my status, and close relationships, and seeing the world take a sharp right-hand turn. I feel sick just writing this. A sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. A bad taste in my mouth.

And it's taking some time to come round from the extremes of emotions. But there is always hope. Hope for better. And I've spent more time with those that really really matter. Been there for them, rather than absent. And my heart feels better. My head calmer. My face more smiley.

Phil Marsland‏@FulfordPhil

Job search/interview prep/self employed contemplation - helped by #TheWho #fridaynightmusicroom #cipdACE16

And as a society, a country, we have to go forward with hope. We can't give in to fear and hate and vitriol. It's hard and it's going to take some time, but our kids are the hope. They are more calm, more reasonable and they will be here when we're gone. So there is hope. And maybe, because we brought them up, just maybe we haven't done such a bad job after all.

Do You EnJoy Shopping?

Day 2 (Wednesday 2nd December 2015)

The 2 second rule is a rule of thumb for a driver to ensure that they are following at a safe distance
a simple and common sense way of enhancing road safety. A driver should note as the vehicle
in front passes a stationary object (such as a road sign), the driver's own vehicle should
pass the same object no less than 2 seconds later.
Mind you, the above van would encourage you to keep your distance.

Today I am delighted to introduce a joyful piece from Phil Marsland, the Head of Talent and Resourcing for the Portakabin Group. Phil lives and works in Yorkshire (in England), but he can also be found on Twitter - his handle is @FulfordPhil. Please note that this is his second ever blog (you'd never guess if I hadn't told you). Phil is renowned for his dedication, focus and strategic approach at work (being a fine chess player perhaps helps) and he is respected by those who know him ( in particular for his authenticity and enthusiasm). He has a genuine passion for life (and Manchester City Football Club - his enthusiasm for football began at school, where he was Captain of the school team). It is a pleasure having him as the second contributor of this year's Advent Blog series. 

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It a time of Joy and glad tidings, and all those other Christmassy proclamations, but why do we tend to think and talk this way once a year, or perhaps at special occasions, birthdays and the like?

And what is Joy anyway? I’ve just looked it up and I find that it’s ‘a feeling of great pleasure and happiness’.  So who wouldn’t want that? It must be stuff that’s a really big deal, great things, things of enormous importance and note. 

Or is it?

Before I go any further I do just want to acknowledge that there are awful things in the world, everyday, and people in awful circumstances, and help that is needed.  In such circumstances its very hard to feel Joy – there are immediate practical things like safety, security, health, food and warmth. 

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

I’m not talking about the poor people in such circumstances.  I’m talking about every day, ordinary life.  Where people are ok, and safe and have the Maslow basics.  The general “us” who are lucky enough to enjoy safety, security, consumer goods, health care, education, good food, entertainment from shiny screens and night’s out and heck we even are allowed to speak up.

So do the general “us” feel Joy everyday?  Do we thrive and feel alive and feel Joyous and reJoice?  Are we alive to the Joy and warmth of human interaction, of meaning something positive to those around us and feeling the same in return?  Are we making this choice or are we making a different choice to be miserable?

I have a test for you.  Next time you walk around your local supermarket notice how you feel – are you trudging up and down, begrudging shopping, and people getting in your way, and it taking too long at the checkout.  Or are we noticing the choices we have from packed shelves, and feeling Joy that we are so lucky, as many others are not, and that this moment is part of our lives?  And then take a look at others in the supermarket.  

How many have their shoulders hunched, with frowning faces and down-turned mouths.  They are choosing to be miserable!  Choosing to be miserable about this moment in their lives. Perhaps, choosing to live a miserable life.  And what about interacting with others?  Is that allowed in a supermarket?!  Well of course it is and you would be amazed at the different reactions you get with a smile on your face and a few kind words – ‘sorry’, ‘no, after you’, - try speaking to the staff on the till too – enJoy the interaction and see them light up, a little bit.  It costs nothing, and is worth so much.

So its not all about the big things and events.  Its about all the little things, and the choice you can make.  Let’s all do it.  We could be a group, or a cohort, or a division…….a Joy Division!

Not many JOYful songs by Joy Division, so here's Pharrell Williams