Here. Now. - Day 8

Day 8 (Saturday 8th December)

Eight is a rowing class recognised by the International Rowing Federation and is the
term for a rowing boat, propelled by eight oarsmen and steered by a cox, used in competitive sports.
Rowing started as a means of transport and progressed into a sport - its modern form was developed
in England in the 1700s. It is an amateur sport and an Olympic event. When Pierre de Coubertin
created the Modern Olympics, he modelled the International Olympic Committee on the
Henley Stewards. The stewards organise the Henley Royal Regatta, one of rowing's most prestigious events.
I was Captain and stroke of our crew at University but have also rowed bow and been a cox.

Normal service is slowly resuming at my end and as a result I am delighted to commence posting Advent Blogs that have been crafted specifically for us for this year. And what a cracker today is - especially for me, as it shows that there is light ahead and that emotional objectives can be achieved. I am grateful to people who have been so understanding to me in my current dejection. I am not ready to share on here as the situation I find myself in is not about me but hurts those I love and care about. Perhaps this is why I love today's post so much - it is all about love, emotions, self-awareness and finding happiness and contentment.. 

It is my good fortune that is the first blog I received for the 2018 season - as you know, the theme for this year is "Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives". It is an honest piece of self-reflection and an enjoyable read. I suspect that its words will resonate with many of us and I hope it raises a smile. Its author is Phil Marsland who, after a very successful career in HR, now runs a Leadership and HR consultancy, Blue Tree. Over the years I have got to know Phil - he is pragmatic and values driven with a dry sense of humour. He is active on social media, particularly Twitter where he tweets under his own name @FulfordPhil and also under his business' @BlueTreePhil. Phil is 

supportive and caring and does much to promote the HR profession 

as a mentor and speaker. 

He founded ConnectingHR York in 2015 and it is a thriving a vibrant 

community.

As well as his passion for people, Phil loves music (and by love I really do mean love - it is his third space). He is also a keen fan of Manchester City Football Club. Although, perhaps the thing that drives Phil most (other than his devotion for his family) is his love of learning.

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I normally write when emotions are high. The words just pour out, often getting published unedited, unexpurgated.

The process for this year's Advent blog has been harder.

I've been thinking about why that is, and I think I know.

I'm currently calmer, happier, possibly the happiest I've ever been since I got keys, responsibilities and bills.

Here's the kicker. It won't stay like that. It never does. I've always fluctuated, wobbled, rocked. Been forever in search of balance. Getting stuff wrong.

Prioritising work - whatever the hell that is?! - over family. Getting too attached to work, and people there. Too emotional, too passionate, too irrational and unreasonable. It's probably just me. Probably just how I am. I have peaks and troughs.

I have peaked at various things. Got really really good, then a bit bored, then look for something else. Don't get me wrong, I've never been world class at anything. But I've won stuff, captained teams, won tournaments, won cruises.

I think flow works for me as a wave. My peaks are better than most people. I excel at focus and intensity and real insight. But I can't hold it there, I have to crash down. Slump in my music room with a beer. Reflecting. Recovering.

It's taken me a half century of actual years, and probably a few decades less in conscious years to realise this stuff about me.

In the intervening haphazard-stumbling through life, I have coped less well. Been sharp verbally, been uncompromising, unreasonable. Pushed folk away. Felt lost, felt lonely. And wanted people and contact.

So 'Happy' is something of an undiscovered country for me, until recently.

10 years ago I set myself 3 objectives:

• to be happy
• for Chris to be happy
• for the kids to be happy and have rewarding and fulfilling childhoods and the best possible start in life

We've got there... through risk and uncertainty.

And now I want for nothing. Not fancy clothes, possessions or holidays. I've done all that. For me, I don't want anything more. And in this state I'm loving music, mates, family time, footy and a beer or two. All of this is gravy.

And we all know that Northern boys love gravy.

PS this is the first draft, unedited.

A Cheeky Little Smile and a Work Life Balance - Day 8

Day 8 (Friday 8th December 2017)

Eight reindeer pull Father Christmas' sleigh, according to the
1823 poem, Clement C. Moore "A Visit from St. Nicholas"(also known as"Twas the Night
Before Christmas". Their names are: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dunder
(variously spelled Donder and Donner), and Blixem (variously spelled Blixen and Blitzen), with Rudolph being a 20th-century inclusion.Reindeer can run at speeds of up to 48 mph (Usain Bolt ran at 27 mph).
Illustration by Scott Gustafson

Wow that first week has passed swiftly. We are having our team Christmas lunch today (yes I know it's a bit early, but some of the team are going away for a few weeks and so it makes sense to meet up now, while we are all still around). I wonder what Secret Santa will bring me. I love this time of year: the sparkle, surprises, smiles and generosity (more of spirit than of gifts).

Today's piece should raise a smile. It is always a joy to read about personal transformation based on values and who doesn't love a happy ending? It is written by Craig Kaye, who works as an L&D specialist for the charity Addaction, one of the largest Public Health Services across Substance Misuse, Mental Health, Young Persons, Safeguarding and Criminal Justice Sectors. He studied Criminal Psychology at university. He is active on social media (his Twitter handle is @TheCraigKaye ) and occasionally he adds pieces to his fine blog, also called theCraigKaye. Craig, as you will see from below, is a keen football player. He is also interested in Science, Politics, global affairs and things that make the world (and the people within it) tick.

NB All the colour illustrations were selected by Craig.

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As I sit on the 8 hour train journey from St. Helens, Merseyside to Truro, Cornwall I thought I would use this time to make a contribution to Kate Griffiths-Lambeth’s (@KateGL's) Advent Blog Series. With the title of Darkness and Dawn I had the intention to write about: Trumpism, then Brexit and give an anthropological, objective view of why society has decided to take these long lasting political decisions. I'm very, very passionate about decision making processes and behaviouralism, so this initially appeared a really interesting opportunity to air my observations - but would I class this as being in a personal category of darkness and dawn .......... 

The answer is ‘no’ - I want this blog to have more internal, meaningful resonance!! 

So, as I depart Birmingham New Street, my thoughts instantly turn to being a father to our two year only little monkey Oscar Kaye - and the contrast between the person sitting on the train writing this blog and the one of three years ago - this sounds deep. 

Three years ago, I would class myself as first and foremost a loyal husband, however what came next where two personal obsessions of mine: ‘work’ and ‘football.’ 

Firstly, ‘Work’ - prior to joining, in my personal opinion, one of the best Learning and Development Departments money can buy for quality, enthusiasm and professional insight, I was a Manager involved in a service working directly with ‘Vulnerable Adults and their Families.’ When I wasn't working in the office, I was working at home, when I was on annual leave I'd always have my work phone accessible - just in case someone needed my professional guidance or a decision which needed to be made. Yes, I'm putting my hand up - not only was I a careerist but also identified with the term Presenteeism. I didn't wish to take annual leave, just in case a decision was made in my absence and didn't wish to take a day off poorly in case this affected my chances of a promotion. 

Then ‘Football’ - The above amount of work needed its own avenue of stress release, I had been playing football since I can remember and three years ago was easily playing up to five times per week with various teams, friends and work colleagues. If a match at the weekend was called off I'd have a little sulk to myself, if something else occurred, e.g. being injured or feeling poorly, this didn't not matter one inch, my football boots were still going on my feet, eager in anticipation to walk on to the green turf.

Then on the 19th November 2015, a cheeky little monkey, weighing in at only 5lbs was placed in my arms. I still vividly remember his little baby-blue Winnie The Pooh Cotton Hat and Gloves and he made no more than a tiny squeak whenever he wanted a few mls of ready-made milk formula.

What followed, due to complications very much not spoken about in pregnancy, meant remaining in the hospital for an additional four weeks due to his amazing mum's health. You don't really see it in the soaps, I assumed prior to then that we would be in and out with enough time to catch the end of the match and the start of the new series of ‘I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here.’ - we weren't!

A vast number of people told the Craig of three years ago, that having a baby is the biggest life-changing moment in your life, I gave the usual smile and nod without paying it too much notice.

‘What do they know?’ I thought to myself. ‘I manage my time brilliantly, it won't change my beliefs, views or attitudes that much’ I reflected at the time - it does!

I started my new role in Learning and Development in January 2016, based from home. Some can struggle with not working in close proximity with colleagues and no office politics or banter. I very much do not, I have someone working next to me with a cheeky little smile and day by day watching him develop into a confident and happy little toddler who loves nothing more than to get his hands on Penguin Chocolate Cake Bars and to play Hide and Seek behind Daddy's Office Door.

What happened to me in November 2015 was that, before any thought process I had, I weighed up what Oscar needed first. Seeing him and his Mother smile became my primary goal, not work, not football but both their health and happiness and seeing the slightest progress in his emotional or physical development filled me with more joy than a promotion or scoring any goal could.

What's more is that my new role placed a strong emphasis on a healthy work / life balance, personal and professional development through expert coaching and internal opportunities as well as a team who all have such strong specialisms it can only make you even better at what you do when in their presence.

As I reflect over the last year or two and losing my careerism and presenteeism where I would beat myself up if I wasn't the best at everything I did either in work or on the football pitch, I have become a far more skilled, empathic and resilient professional than I ever was pre-2015 and my goal scoring record is actually better too!

I'm incredibly thankful to my Wife and Son for helping me become the incredibly happy person writing this blog, my Manager and Team in Learning and Development who help me become a stronger, more confident professional and my friends and family who regularly listen to my rants about such topics as: Politics, Science, Football Results and Social Injustice.

And a massive thank you for spending the time reading the above!!!!

Craig

Heights, Hearts & Hollows

Day 8 (Thursday 8th December 2016)

8th adjournment, on 9th November 2016, of the trial of Al-Saadi Qaddafi,
3rd son of the former Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi. Al-Saadi, a former football player,
and commander of Libya's Special Forces for his father's regime during the Libyan Civil War,
was arrested in Niger and extradited to Libya in March 2014. He is being held (and allegedly tortured)
in Habda Prison. The charges against him murder of the former team coach,
Bashir Al-Rayani, war crimes, false imprisonment and drinking alcohol.

I am always interested to see what writers come up with in response to the Advent Blog theme and Sandy Wilkie has not disappointed. Sandy started out in IT and moved into HR where he could use his analytical skills. After time at Standard Life and then at the University of Saint Andrews (his alma mater where he had attained a first class degree in Geographical Studies), he changed sector to work in organisational development for the NHS in Dumfries (a town where I spent many weeks per annum in my youth). Sandy took some time away from organisational life and found love. He has moved South and returned to working within the NHS - he is now the Staff Engagement Lead at Bolton NHS Foundation Trust, where he works with staff at all levels from Directors to people on the wards and in the broader community. He knows that by improving the quality of the staff experience it is possible to strengthen the patient experience. At work Sandy focuses on workplace culture, organisational values, communication an effective leadership.  Communication comes naturally to Sandy - he is highly creative and a talented wordsmith - a keen observer of the world around him. 

Outside work and creative writing, Sandy is a follower of Partick Thistle - a football club with a rich history and friendly fans. He also has a passion for land and landscapes (as demonstrated in some of his previous Advent Blog posts). As the following post shows, he also has a penchant for music.

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Heights, Hearts & Hollows  

After the 2015 'Comet Tails and Coal Dust' series of blogs, our host Kate decided to make it even more challenging with her chosen theme for 2016. So 'Heights, Hearts & Hollows' was ostensibly about a world in flux. But I couldn't even begin to address Brexit, Trump or the loss of the original Toblerone shape, so I sought solace in music. 

Three tracks which echo the theme. Three tracks which are loosely connected in time around a 4 year period covering the Millennium, but then take us into 2016. Three tracks which speak to me of flux, optimism, anger & hope. It's time to get out my musical soap box...

'Heights' (1997)

Our story begins in May 1997, when Tony Blair sweeps to power after 18 years of Tory rule.  And in the same month, that word-Meister Paddy McAloon released his album 'Andromeda Heights' with Prefab Sprout. The title track from the album includes lyrics which reflect that sense of optimism about the future:

"We're building a home on the side of a mountainAbove the clouds, next to the skyOur plans are ambitious, a blueprint of wishesThat will come true and when they do"

I still remember the beautiful Spring sunshine on the Edinburgh streets that greeted the Labour victory that Friday morning; there was a real sense of relief & optimism for our country. We had collectively ascended the heights.

Tony Blair campaigning 1997

But that optimism disintegrated when Blair decided to join President Bush in the Iraq War. They couldn't find those weapons of mass destruction, so attempted to justify the reason for invasion (in hindsight) on humanitarian grounds. It felt a bit desperate. It was a moment when politics lost its authenticity and David Kelly lost his life in the woods on Harrowdown Hill, Oxfordshire. I still feel anger to this day.*

So do Heights come before a Hollow? Or are there hearts to be found, scattered around?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Za_WgkRtoG0&sns=em

'Hearts' (1999)

Two years after 1997, the Beta Band, follow-up their critically acclaimed 3 EPs with a somewhat overblown but creative eponymous debut album. It may not have been a perfect record, but it contained a true gem in the form of a 10 minute track called 'The Hard One'. The wonderful Steve Mason can be heard singing a sample from 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' by Bonnie Tyler:

"Once upon a time I was falling apart, now I'm always falling in loveOnce upon a time I was falling apart, now I'm always falling in love, in love"

In amongst the creative mayhem and general eccentricities of the Beta Band, was an incongruous reference to an 1983 Jim Steinman track sung by a power-balled singer from South Wales. And a true coal miners daughter at that. 

From coal dust to hearts, from the blackness of politics to the true hope provided by love. On the cusp of the Millennium, would love in our hearts conquer all; even the sense of betrayal by Blair that was to follow? And can it still today?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQinr76Hick&sns=em

'Hollows' (2001)

Steve Mason was later to record a track called 'Oh My Lord' on his 2013 album, Monkey Minds in the Devil's Time. But Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds did a track with the same title back in 2001. This earlier song contains the lyrics 

"The ladders of life that we scale merrilyMove mysteriously aroundSo that when you think you're climbing up, manIn fact you're climbing downInto the hollows of glamour, where with spikes and hammerWith telescopic camera, they chose to turn the screw"

Nick & Susie Cave had twin boys in 2000, Arthur & Earl. Such lovely innocence at the start of a new Millennium. Yet I don't think anyone can better understand the hollows of despair than parents who lose a child. 

On 14th July 2015, Arthur died in an accident; he fell off the cliff in Ovingdean, near his home in Brighton. I might have felt hollow when Trump won in America, or when the Brexit referendum result was announced. But nothing can possibly compare to the impact of Arthur's death on his parents. That is Hollow. That is the bottom of the pit. That is fucking despair.** Truly.

Flowers left in tribute on the cliff-top where Arthur Cave fell to his death

The harrowing documentary 'Once More With Feeling' (2016) follows Nick Cave and his band recording their latest album Skeleton Tree before, during and after the tragic death of his son. In the film, Nick is bereft; he can hardly recognise himself or sing as he did before. His friend Warren Ellis keeps him going with some friendly cajoling. You see, Warren has a real heart.

It's simply the most powerful documentary I have ever seen. Grief almost tears the recording sessions apart. And yet, in the final two  tracks of the album, Nick Cave talks about the sun rising and everything being alright now. Out of the hollow comes hope. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xCVgsI5h9p0

Coda

So there we have Heights, Hearts and Hollows captured through music; at moments in time: 1997, 1999, 2001/16. But actually it could be any sequence in time. Heights can crash to Hollows. Those Hollows can generate renewal again. And perhaps our human Heart keeps the candle of hope burning strong.

Make a difference this Christmas, show your heart to those that you love. Keep them close, keep them safe, let them see you care.

* I apologise for the anger

** I am sorry for the swearing