Enabling wisdom to show through - Day 36

Day 36 (Friday 5th January 2018)

36 years ago, on the 5th January 1982, South Korea lifted its nationwide
curfew. It was originally imposed by American occupation troops 36 years
previously at the end of World War II. The midnight-to-4am. curfew was
ended on the orders of President Chun Doo Hwan. He stated that the South Koreans
were "mature' enough to do without the curfew. I suspect that the White House
staff would like to impose a curfew on Trump's tweeting. The word "curfew"
comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "fire cover". It was later
adopted into Middle English as "curfeu", which later became the modern
"curfew". Its original meaning refers to a law made by William The Conqueror
that all lights and fires should be covered at the ringing of an eight o'clock
bell in winter (or 9.00pm in summer) to prevent the spread of destructive
fire within communities in timber buildings. Watchmen would patrol to ensure compliance.

The end of the first working week of January 2018 has arrived. I am proving slower at acclimatising to being back than I would wish, but that may be because we are still celebrating in our household. We have 3 birthday as well before the end of the month.

Today's post is by Maggie Marriott - a wonderful lady based in Gloucester in England. Those of you who read her post last year will know that she is a devoted mother. In addition, Maggie runs her own business, an organisational change consultancy ENKI. She is also as highly effective coach - she has been the coach of choice for members of the civil service supporting the UK Government, helping effect transformation, especially in the areas of cyber security and assurance and also for the National Crime Agency. Since last year she has also been a coach for Ambition School Leadership, providing support to the leaders of the future within Education.

Maggie is a qualified Gestalt practitioner (she won the British Gestalt Journal Essay Prize for 2015) and she believes in enabling humane change via the approaches she devises. Being highly analytical and systematic, Maggie commenced her career as an IT programmer and worked for many years in the Public sector moving from a technical team leader to a business change specialist. As you will tell from her below post, she is very capable of embracing change and believes in authenticity. Maggie is a warm and active voice on social media and she takes excellent photos - you can connect with her on Twitter, her handle is @maggiermarriott.

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Living in the UK means the visible cycle of darkness and dawn is a daily occurrence but in life, the cycle isn’t always so obvious outside our own minds and bodies. I could write about never feeling good enough, about always worrying I’ve done things wrong, about losing my fabulous Mother in law who showed me how to be a mother but instead I’m going to write about a very visible change from darkness to the light of dawn. During 2017 I transformed from the darkness of dyed brunette hair to the new dawn of white hair and so I begin 2018 with just the tips of my hair showing a reminder of the colour from 2017.

Why did I make this choice?  Because my 18 year old daughter lost all her hair to alopecia at the end of 2016 just as she was about to leave home for University which brought darkness just as a new dawn was breaking for her. And I’m a coach and I encourage people to bring their full selves to work and to be vulnerable. How could I possibly say trite phrases such as ‘your hair doesn’t define you’ and it’s the ‘person inside that matters’ when I was busily dying my hair to hide my true self.  Well obviously I couldn’t, so the hair dying had to stop!

The transformation has taken 12 long months and has been very public. And I’ve been amazed at how many age and gender biases it has exposed in those around me. The most common reaction has been of shock and disbelief.  Some asked why would I possibly want to do that? Some were concerned that I would become one of the invisible older women and treated differently once my hair was white. And others own identities were shaken as they tried to imagine having a friend with white hair. Wow, what was that about your hair doesn’t define you? It seemed at times that my hair didn’t only define me it also defined others.

Well, I spent the first 3 months covering up my emerging white stripe with a root covering spray so that was a gentle start. Then in month 4 the white stripe became too wide to hide so my hairdresser bleached some of the brunette colour out so I looked less like a black and white badger and more like a ginger fox. From then on I spent the rest of 2017 patiently watching this new white haired version of me emerge and watching people’s eyes slide up to look at my weird two-tone hair.

So now I am a white haired lady.

And I’m still surprised when I catch my reflection in shop windows.

And I’m not recognised by people who haven’t seen me since I was a brunette.

And now my hair matches the rest of me and I like it.

Reflecting on the dawning of a new year and the new white haired me I feel free. I recognise that for most of my career working in the male dominated world of technology I chose to stay small and tight in my chrysalis. I conformed to the norms of the office. I tried to bend my femininity out of shape to fit in, for my gender to not be an issue. I have too many #metoo stories to mention! But now the emergence of my white hair signals my emergence from the self-imposed darkness of my chrysalis into a new dawn of freedom and lightness where I am me and that’s ok.

And this means the beginning of other changes in 2018. I will be stepping away from working with my long-standing clients and beginning new work with clients involved in projects closer to nature where the focus is eco-centric rather than ego-centric.

And my daughter is thriving at University and has made amazing friends who appreciate her just as she is.

I know the cycle of darkness and dawn will continue and I will probably never get rid of feeling never good enough in my work and that’s part of me too just as much as my white hair. So now when people mention my white hair I just smile and say I’m letting my wisdom show through.

An intake of breath

I’m in the grip of nervous anticipation; this week I will have my first conversation with Chantelle, an enterprising young woman and entrepreneur, based in South Africa, who, whilst studying to become a clinical psychologist, has found the time to establish a charity, Educating Athletes, which seeks to support aspiring athletes from disadvantaged backgrounds through their secondary education, by providing financial, academic and emotional assistance. Chantelle and I have been paired through the Queen’s Young Leaders Programme, with whom I have been a mentor since the Programme was established. The Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust, in partnership with Comic Relief and the Royal Commonwealth Society, created the Queen’s Young Leaders Programme in honour of The Queen’s 60 years of service to the Commonwealth, with the goal of helping the next generation to achieve their aspirations.

Chantelle will be my third Queen’s Young Leaders mentee and I can’t wait to get to know her. I hope in some small ways I can help her achieve her goals. I find it immensely rewarding being a mentor; I learn so much from the people to whom I am introduced, not just about them, their challenges, visions and hopes, but also I gain an insight into myself, and a better appreciation of what I value. The Young Leaders really are inspirational – they blow new energy and insights into me, and the others who come into contact with them. (The etymology of “inspirational” comes from the Latin “spirare” meaning “to breathe” and was originally used to refer to a divine or supernatural being imparting a deep truth or idea – each of the Leaders I have met to date is driven by strong personal values and a vision of what they hope to achieve).

If you are interested in mentoring an extraordinary young person, and, by doing so, helping them to make the world a better place, then contact Frances Brown, the Education and Mentoring Director for the Programme. She is based at Cambridge University, in the UK and her email is frances.brown@ice.cam.ac.uk. Over the course of its five-year life span, the Programme aims to discover, celebrate and support young people from every Commonwealth nation to transform their own lives and the lives of others around them. I have had the good fortune to mentor Edmund, who is based in Kenya and has founded a thriving charity, the Xavier Project, that is now functioning in a number of countries, it provides support to refugees and their families; and a young lady, Seini, who works as a volunteer in Papua New Guinea and champions equality for women and the necessity of learning from past generations so as to reduce the negative impact of decisions that we make and the actions we take now.

In some ways, Seini’s vision is the theme of the ballet I went to see on Saturday night - Ghost Dances, performed by Rambert at Sadler’s Wells. 

Ghost Dances was inspired by the moving book written by Joan Jara, the widow of the Chilean teacher, theatre director and folk singer, Victor Jara, who was kidnapped and then murdered shortly after General Pinochet’s brutal coup in 1973. Joan wrote her heart-rending record of events in Victor: An Unfinished Song, it describes the rise and then loss of this inspirational and creative man.

Victor Jara

Her words have moved others into confronting the horrors of oppression and have inspired many to strive for a compassionate and more humane world. Chile suffered a period of intense and ruthless repression following the coup, an estimated 35,000 civilians were put to death and thousands more imprisoned and tortured. Ghost Dances was last performed at Sadler’s Wells 14 years ago, which is where I first saw it. The memory of that performance has stuck with me as if it was yesterday. Each time I have seen the ballet I have been reduced to tears. I remain appalled by the horrific manner in which we treat our fellow man – we seem incapable of learning from our past - look at the ghastly bombing in Manchester this week, the ongoing war in Syria, terrorism in Nigeria, Sudan and Mexico, the list feels endless. We will only change the world for the better if we take personal responsibility and inspire others to do the same.

Some who disappeared in Chile during Pinochet coup
picture taken during demonstration in Santiago on 40th anniversary of coup.

So, what makes a person inspirational?

Do people who inspire have to have overcome something in order to make an impact on others? Probably not, but they do need to demonstrate bravery, hence the phrase “having the courage of their convictions”. Most of the inspirational people I have known have willingly walked a different path from those around them and have not been afraid to buck the trend. My grandmother has been a major source of inspiration for me (and still is, despite no longer being here to act as my mentor) – she was born the illegitimate daughter of a housemaid in rural southwest Scotland. Through her own drive and determination she studied hard, qualified as a nurse, emigrated, married an engineer (who was involved in pioneering exploration in the Middle East) and she herself became a significant influence in the region and in London on their return. Her husband died when she was still young, but she raised two children – both of whom became notable people – my father was the Attorney General of Hong Kong, he is an exceptional lawyer and remains a Bencher of Middle Temple, and his sister married my father’s best friend from Cambridge and became the wife of the Lord Mayor of London as well as a champion of charitable causes. Humble roots need not hold you back if you have values, drive and determination. My grandmother was very popular with my father’s friends - her flat became a haven, a place where they could study and debate topics of interest. She always encouraged people to think, to believe in themselves and to act with integrity. Every day I think of her (and miss her) but her spirit and lessons, in how to live life well, remain with me.

My grandmother

Inspirational people clearly care – and are usually driven by a greater cause, rather than their own self-aggrandisement.

They have an understanding of their environment and are aware and appreciative of others, but they are also self-aware and comfortable in their own skin. Empathy and authenticity – both are needed to carry people with you.

Most of the inspirational people I have met have been humble and very grateful for the opportunities they have had – be that an education or the ability to mix with and help others and/or the assistance others have given to them – they seldom seem to appreciate that people give to them and support them in their cause because of who they are and what they do.

A person cannot be inspirational through fine words alone – they need to “walk their talk”. I know that I will never be inspirational because, all too often, I fail to follow my own advice, when I should be leading by example. For example, I work stupid hours instead of spending time with precious loved-ones. I’m not aware of anyone when on their deathbeds saying: “Thank goodness I finished that extra spread sheet” – in the modern workplace it is all too easy to get sucked into the morass of demands and timelines and thereby lose sight of what’s important.

Working late - by TULP

Most inspirational people are surprisingly pragmatic and well-grounded – they know their goals, but are willing to adapt the path and pace in order to ensure that they get there. They seldom take themselves too seriously as they know that the praise and accolades (when they come) are for what they do and not just for who they are. In ancient Rome a victorious General was permitted to process in Triumph in a four-horse chariot through the streets, wearing a laurel crown and a toga of imperial purple. For that day he was viewed as above other mortals and near divine. However, he was required to conduct himself with dignified humility - a slave would travel with, standing behind him in the chariot, whispering reminders of his mortality to help him escape hubris. The Ancient Greeks and Romans even had specific goddesses who enacted retribution against people who succumbed to hubris – in the ancient Greek religion it was Nemesis and in Roman times, Invidia.

A panel from a Roman sarcophagus showing the Triumph of Marcus Aurelius
Capitoline Museum, Rome

Truly inspirational people do not engender envy in others, instead they encourage people to become the best they can be.

Inspirational people seem to breathe encouragement and confidence to do the right thing into those around them. No wonder I am waiting to speak with Chantelle with bated breath and a degree of nervous anticipation. It is nearing my time to inhale.

"Breathe" - Pink Floyd

Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave but don't leave me
Look around and choose your own ground

For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be

Run, rabbit, run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down, it's time to dig another one

For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race toward an early grave.

Turn Down the Light

Day 26 (Boxing Day - Saturday 26th December 2015)

26 bones in a typical adult human foot and ankle. We seldom appreciate the mechanical
complexity and strength of our feet. The ankle acts as a shock absorber -
a foot can sustain enormous pressure (several tonnes over the course of a 1-mile run).
One quarter of the bones in the human body are in our feet along with 33 joints
and over 100 muscles, tendons and ligaments.

Due to the quality and number of posts submitted this year, not all of which could appear prior to the 25th December, the series will continue until mid-January 2016 as a Post-Advent selection. 

I hope you are enjoying the festive break. Today is a good day for gentle relaxation and contemplation and I am sure that reading today's blog will hit the spot... It is a candid post by Gary Cookson. Gary is an experienced HR and Organisational Development (OD) specialist based in Cheshire to the north of England. He has touched many people's lives for the better. He has held various corporate roles in HR and OD and has managed to fit in some independent work alongside these over the past few years. He is changing his full-time role shortly (more of that below). Gary is a keen sportsman (including participating in triathlons, dancing and amateur wrestling) and a devoted dad. Gary is a natural networker and active on social media - his Twitter handle is @Gary_Cookson. He is also a prolific blogger - you can read his posts on his blog, HR Triathlete or catch many of them on LinkedIn.

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I've thought long and hard about what to write in response to the advent theme of comet tails and coal dust. I wanted to make this post personal, but also relevant to those reading it. I've been inspired by reading some of the earlier posts and these have given me the idea to talk about my own experiences in job interviews this year.

Prior to this year I hadn't had one job interview for about five or six years. This year I've had five or six in the one year. And I've learnt as I've gone along, as one should, and the story has a happy ending because I've been offered and accepted another role in a really good organisation which I will start in February.

Lots has happened to me this year and the role which I started the year in disappeared, but I was given the chance to apply for other roles in the organisation. At the same time I became aware of a number of other similar roles coming available at other organisations.  And I applied for them all.

My approach was to try my hardest, and to prepare thoroughly for the processes. I figured there were one or two roles, and one or two companies, I really wanted to work for.

I rehearsed answers to likely interview questions.  I read dozens of books.  I practiced my presentations tens of times.  I looked up my interviewers on LinkedIn and Twitter, and imagined what kind of person they wanted me to be. I even tried adopting some behaviours I wouldn't normally in order to totally blow away the interviewers.

And in all applications this was enough to get me comfortably through the first stage, and sometimes the second stage, of the process. In the majority of the processes I got down to the final two.

Down to the last 2

I imagined at these points that my interviewers were so dazzled by my stardust (comet tail) that I'd be bound to be offered the job. I really did try ultra hard to impress people and brought what I thought was my A-game to each interview.

It didn't work. And in hindsight, I don't think I was being myself, the real me, in each of the interviews.  Ultimately, the interviewers saw something, saw someone, that wasn't 100% real. And they didn't give me the job.

And then last month I saw a job advertised that looked good, at an organisation that looked good. But I'd done some thinking of my own and had decided that I might not go for it, that I might tread a different path and look at self employment. I'd blaze my comet tail solo.

But something made me apply, but only half heartedly. I didn't put even half the effort in to this application that I did for the jobs earlier in the year. I wasn't bothered if I didn't get an interview.

I got an interview.

I didn't prepare much for it. I thought I'll just play it by ear and see what happens, and if I don't get through to the second stage then I'm not too bothered.

I got through to the second stage.

I had a task to prepare for, and decided not to prepare for it, but to simply turn up and be myself, and think on my feet and see what happened. I didn't think I'd blow them away with this strategy, and I hadn't stalked my interviewers on social media beforehand. I was me in that interview, relaxed, argumentative, sarcastic at times and not at all trying to get through to the third stage, just trying to approach it how I would in a real work situation. Showing my coal dust.

And I got through to the third stage. And did exactly the same, not expecting the job to be offered and feeling OK about that. I wasn't desperate and wasn't out to impress anyone or make them think I was someone I'm not.

And the job was offered to me.

I was blown away, but both pleased and flattered. And after working my notice, I'll be starting with the new organisation in February. I'm excited and I'll talk more about it on my own blog I'm sure.

But this advent series has made me reflect on who I've been this year.

I've tried to shine. I've tried to blaze. I've tried to outperform everyone, including myself.  And that hasn't worked. I've tried too hard, and got nowhere better than second place.

My comet tail wasn't as brilliant or as illuminatingly attractive as I thought it was. In the early half of the year I experienced more failure because of this approach than I ever thought possible.

And maybe failure is what shapes people. Maybe rolling oneself in coal dust and taking the shine off oneself is what is needed. Maybe one can shine brighter by turning down the light.

Here's to 2016 and being more natural.

It's in your hands

All we need is love

Day 10 (Thursday 10th December 2015)

10 past 10. In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch 
is approximately 10:10. The reason for this is to "frame" the logo of the watch maker.
The hands at that number cause the eyes to look right at the logo! 
contributed by Shaun Hussey, Graphic Designer

This inspirational post was written by respected Marketing guru and wit Alan Gilmour. Alan has recently started a new role as the Head of Acquisition and Retention for Police Mutual. Alan and I should have crossed paths at Lloyds TSB (as he was Head of Marketing at the time when the group acquired a business I co-founded). However, we only met face-to-face when he became responsible for the high profile project of establishing Identity Cards for the UK's Passport Office. He is highly engaging company and those I know who have worked with him describe him as an inspirational, entertaining and remarkable leader. You can follow Alan on Twitter (his handle is @alan_gilmour) or read his (sporadic) personal blogging. 

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You don't have to shine in a flashy and ostentatious manner to be a high flier.

Earlier this year Burt Shavitz died.

Burt, a bearded, free-spirited, hippy, who was 80 at his death, turned his affinity for nature and beekeeping into the multi-million dollar personal care products company, ‘Burt’s Bees’.

A man of deep principle who turned his back on the company he created and walked away with virtually nothing. And went back to the bees he loved.

Yet the company he created lives on and describes itself on its website as ‘basically a bunch of hands-on, tree-hugging, greased elbow do-gooders. It's kind of what makes our company special. We think the bees would agree.’

Burt would have approved.

And Burt’s story begs the question - Why is that ex hippies have built and run some of the world’s best brands?

Think about it

Michael Eavis and the Glastonbury Festival.

Richard Branson and Virgin.

Anita Roddick and Body Shop.

Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield and their eponymous ice cream.

Yvon Choinard and Patagonia.

And the biggest hippie and biggest Hippie Brand of them all, Steve Jobs and Apple.

The list goes on.

And if some of these companies were not exactly begat by the Hippie era, their founders certainly betray Hippie-esque tendencies.

But what is it about the Hippie culture that it has spawned such a litany of great brands?

It is because they have a cause.

A clear mission and vision statement that transcends making money or being first in our chosen market or improving shareholder returns. Or some other corporate guff.

They want to change the world for those they serve, those they work with.

For us a brand must have a cause.  A cause that inspires and motivates all who work for the brand, all who buy the brand. A cause rooted in a brand truth.

Brands do not necessarily need to change the world. But all brands must have a belief in what they are doing, why they are doing it, who they are doing it for, where they want to be.

The more succinct, the more inspiring, the more emotional, the better the brand.

Maybe Hippie Brands are just better at doing this.

At building a vision and a mission for the brand that resonates, that is distinctive, that is believable. Better at creating a cause for their brand.

And if you want to see what great looks like in this context, here is one example:

‘Build the best product, cause no unnecessary harm, use business to inspire and implement solutions to the environmental crisis’ (Patagonia)

But no matter the words on the paper all will come to naught if your brand and its people cannot live and breathe the brand, strive for the cause. It all comes down to brand execution.

Great brands, hippie or not, not only define what they stand for and what they want to achieve, but can execute against this with great consistency and great rigour through the organisation and across all touch-points. Including those who work for the brand.

This is how you build a brilliant brand and soar.

It is not about being a hippie.

It is about defining and being true to an inspiring, emotional and motivating brand cause.

We can all do that.

The "Hippy Hippy Shakes" - sung by the Swinging Blue Jeans