You have the power - Day 27

27th December 2018

27 moons circle the planet Uranus. Uranus is lopsided - it spins at a 90% angle to our solar
system's other worlds - it is presumed that this is due to a collision with an object at least twice
the size of Earth. The 27 moons, which also spin at an angle, are called: Cordelia, Ophelia, Bianca,
Cressida, Desdemona, Juliet, Portia, Rosalind, Cupid, Belinda, Perdita, Puck, Mab, Miranda, Ariel,
Umbriel, Titania, Oberon, Francisco, Caliban, Stephano, Trinculo, Sycorax, Margaret, Prospero,
Setebos and Ferdinand.  Uranus's moons are divided into three groups: thirteen inner moons,
five major moons (Miranda, Ariel, Umbriel, Titania, and Oberon), and nine irregular moons. The inner
moons are small dark bodies that share common properties and origins with Uranus's rings. The five
major moons are massive enough to have reached hydrostatic equilibrium, and four of them show
signs of internally driven processes such as canyon formation and volcanism on their surfaces.

Today is my last day not in the office for a while. A break has done me good. I have not written about it here, but the past 3 months have been ghastly (outside work, not in, but a combination of both has been exhausting). However, the past few days has reminded me of how fortunate I am. We have fed well, done interesting things and been showered with thoughtful gifts and good wishes. I am very grateful. We are going out tonight for a family outing to see Hansel and Gretel. There will be 3 generations of us, with ages ranging from 11 to 87. I'm sure that it will be an excellent end to our Christmas celebrations (although, our tree will remain up until 12th Night and there are still a number of presents beneath it that we look forward to unwrapping). I am very fortunate.

Today's post is another new voice for the series - I love the way that the Advent Blogs grow year-on-year. Day 27's author is Norman Murray. Welcome! Norman is a Director at Learning for Success. For a decade Norman was a Director of the Industrial Society. Norman has a flair for enabling people to see things differently and for pragmatic training solutions and coaching that helps achieve results. He and his team have worked with many of the UK's most well known organisations, including American Express, DHL, GSK, Kerry Foods, Kone, Premier Foods, South East Water and Tesco. They also provide open workshops. Norman is based in Eastbourne and works out of Brighton. He is a Qualified ACAS Mediator and also has expertise in: Strength Deployment Inventory: Belbin: Action Centred Leadership: Business Excellence Assessor: Master Practitioner and coach in NLP. He is on Twitter (his handle is @mediationforsuc) He is warm and supportive with amazing enthusiasm. I am delighted that he has written for the series about the heartache that having a lack of self-belief can cause.

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A lack of self-belief can cause heartache and contribute to stress and anxiety. Conversely, taking steps to raise your self-belief can make you less anxious and have a significant and positive effect on the way you handle stressful situations.

You have to believe in yourself. Whether you call it self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-assurance, it's a deep-seated belief that you have what it takes - the abilities, inner resources, talents and skills to handle whatever life throws at you, and create the results that you desire.

Believing In Yourself Is An Attitude 

Believing in yourself is a choice. It's an attitude you develop over time. Although it helps if you had positive and supportive parents, the fact is that most of us had average parents who inadvertently passed on the same self-limiting beliefs and negative conditioning that they grew up with.

But remember the past is the past. There is no point in blaming them for your current level of self-confidence. It's now your responsibility to take charge of your own self-concept and beliefs. You must choose to believe that you can do anything you set your mind to - anything at all - because, in fact, you can. It might help to know that the latest brain research now indicates that with enough positive self-talk and positive visualisation, anyone can learn to do just about anything.

If you assume in favour of yourself and act as if it's possible, then you will do the things that are necessary to bring about the result you desire. If you believe it's impossible , you will not do what is necessary , and you will not produce the result. EIther way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

See Your Troubles As Blessings

You would not have the wisdom and knowledge you now possess were it not for the setbacks you've faced, the mistakes you've made, and the suffering you've endured. Realize that pain is a teacher and failure is the highway to success. You cannot learn to play the piano without hitting a great many wrong notes, and you will never learn how to sail without tipping the boat over a few times. Begin to see your troubles as blessings, resolve to turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones and vow to turn your wounds into wisdom.

Most people encounter problems as they advance along the path of life. It's important to remind ourselves that our character is shaped not through life's easiest experiences, but during its toughest ones.

It's during life's most trying and difficult times that we discover who we really are and the fullness of the strength that lies within us. If you are currently facing challenges of your own, think about the following words from Rainer Maria Rilke.

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves liked locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They could not now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

Stop Worrying About What Other People Think About You

If having others believe in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything.

You need to base your decisions about what you want to do based on your dreams and your goals - not the goals, desires, opinions and judgments of your parents, friends, spouse, children and colleagues. Stop worrying about what other people think, and follow your heart. Remember Dr. Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 rule: 

"When you're 18, you worry about what everybody's thinking about you; when you're 40, you don't care about what anybody thinks about you; and when you're 60, you realise that nobody's been think about you at all."

So there you are! Most of the time, nobody's thinking about you at all ! They're too busy thinking about their own lives, and if they are thinking about you, it's only to wonder what you're thinking about them. People think about themselves, not about you. Think about it. All the time you waste worrying what other people are thinking about you, your ideas, your goals, your clothes, your hair - all that time could be far better spent thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals.

Inspiration

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be. That's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. There are times when people disappoint you and let you down.

But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself. There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be.

Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep Believing in Yourself

----- Author Unknown.

LESSONS OF LIFE . . .

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself. I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try. I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself. I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway. I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself. I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth. I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness in lies. I feared life until I experienced its beauty. I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning. I feared my destiny, until I realized that I had the power to change my life. I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance. I feared love until it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny daysI feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself. I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day. I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better. I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me. I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight. I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength. I feared change, until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a metamorphosis before it could fly.

And ..... AFTER A WHILE.....

....you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul And you learn that love doesn't mean leaving, that company doesn't mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises; And you begin to accept your defeats with your head held up and you eyes opened. with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much; So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers; And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong and you have worth.

                                                    
---- Author Unknown

I am what I am - Gloria Gaynor

Dawning through the dark - Day 4

Day 4 (Wednesday 4th December 2018)

May the Fourth be with you

Today I am spending with my industry regulator undertaking what they describe as a "culture sprint". The intention is for us to devise ways in which we can make Financial Services an environment in which people feel comfortable speaking out when they are concerned and/or if they see something that should be stopped or changed.  Cultures of blame, fear and hierarchy are increasingly being proven to be harmful to all working within them and research shows that this is also true for customers, clients and the wider community. Perhaps my day ahead is what triggered me to post this piece, which was first seen in December last year. I know that the author has had a turbulent year full of change and challenge. The way she copes and the amount she achieves on behalf of and for others is inspiring. In accordance with this year's Advent Blog themes - I would like to award her a "High Five" - she has and is experiencing "Heartache" but there is "Hope" for the future.

She is extraordinarily caring - I should know because I have seen her in action: encouraging desperate children living on the streets in Uganda and supporting the staff trying to help them turn their lives around; doing mad things that she hates doing, in order to raise funds for the charities she supports (Retrak, Team Margot and the Anthony Nolan). I am also privileged to have her as part of my team and to see, on a daily basis, her skill in helping people learn and achieve their potential; she possesses and extraordinary ability to enhance individual lives. Her name is Donna Hewitson. Following a tough childhood, spending her teenage years in foster care, she came into HR when her talent with people was spotted whilst she was working in an operational role behind a bar. If you want to know more, read the article published in HR Magazine about her last November. Her career success is entirely due her own determination, natural skill and attitude. She is active on social media (her Twitter handle reflects her roots: @PubDonna). 

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This year has challenged me in ways I never expected. I have had to adapt, change and morph into the next incarnation of me; a bit like the new Doctor Who (I’ve never seen it, but I get the drift).

I have still not yet developed into the next person I need, or want, to be. But, I know what that will look like, and feel like, to me.

How do I see the person who saw out 2016? I see someone who was so focussed on filling the gap in their soul, it became all encompassing. Not “A” gap, “The” gap. It was deep, so deep-rooted, that I’m not sure if I truly knew who I was, or wanted to be. When I found myself in that space, I defaulted to the “it’ll be fine, it’s just a dip, it will get better.” It had to, didn’t it? What were my options otherwise?

September 2016 changed all that and guided me onto a new path, in a totally different direction, a path, on which, I can say I feel truly complete. Even if, at times, it feels like I’m travelling the wrong way up a one-way street.

My brain is odd. It is constantly going at a gazillion miles per hour; do this, sort that, always say yes and work out the “how” after. Always thinking “what next, what can I do bigger, bolder, stronger, better, how can I make my life, our life, better, what difference can I make to the world we live in?” If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, so what? That kind of stuff. It’s fair to say that it’s never a dull moment “up there”. But it weighs. Heavily. I spend so much of my time seeking to understand the troubles and challenges of others, and stretching myself to find a solution, that I forget about me. And then it comes. The dark descends, and it envelops all of me. 

But my face cannot change, I will not allow for others to see the impact of, metaphorically, the rocks I’ve been gifted weighing down the backpack I’m carrying. Then the mask slips and “ta da”, I find myself vulnerable with other people seeing the darker side of me.

I’m OK with that now. It’s important. With the best will in the world, maintaining the expected face all the time is a big old ask. Impossible.

I cried at work today. Twice. That’s OK. It’s also OK for other people to see me showing emotion. The reason for me being so emotional today? Someone showed, quite publicly, appreciation. I find this hard to accept. When I relayed to hubby, he immediately said WTF? You don’t cry. 16yrs we’ve been together, and he’s not seen “that face” often. This face I have suppressed for many years, but a wise and wonderful lady taught me it was, indeed, “cool to cry”.

Friends who know it's #CoolToCry

I am not a machine. I now express my emotions, I do speak freely, and directly (it’s not to everyone’s liking), I operate very efficiently and, for the most part, can keep my shit in check. There are times, however, when I am not able to. I don’t want to. I recognise this and I’m OK with it. It weirds me out, but I’m really thankful, for the first time in my life, I am able to me. Truly me.

I have many faces (thanks to Phil Willcox for educating me on this subject) and it is for me to choose which face I show. I can mask it, or share it. I choose the latter. The response from people who constantly tell me how strong I am, how inspirational my story is, the good I’m doing equal those people, who know me well, who express concern, tell me stop, slow down, take time for me.

What concerns me? I know it will not all be plain sailing and I’m sure that I will get burned sharing so much of me. I am vulnerable, I will be susceptible, and I will get turned over. I have spent years protecting myself and had built a fortress around my heart. 

It will take time to unpick, unlearn, re-learn and build confidence. I am thankful to have the most brilliant people around me, who trust me, believe in me and afford me the space to be me. All of me. The good, the great, the bad and the downright shite. How I respond, and not react, will make the difference of whether I see the start of the darkness descending or the beginning of a new dawn.

Nina Simone singing "Feeling Good"

Another step - Day 18

Day 18 (Monday 18th December 2017)

18% of British Police officers are expected to work on Christmas Day.

In other parts of the world there is a mixed response to police involvement

in the community. There is tension in Catalonia, ever since eleven days prior 
to the 1st October referendum, when the Civil Guard mounted Operation Anubis 
to raid the offices of government ministries and detain officials involved in the referendum, 
which resulted in large protests by independence supporters. The Civil Guard (the Spanish 
non-urban police) positioned 5,000 officers in a large ferry boat decorated with Looney Tunes' 
characters Sylvester , Wile E. Coyote and Tweety Pie. In Catalonia it has been a tradition since the late 
17th century for the nativity scene to include a "Caganer": a small model of a defecating figure 

(originally a peasant wearing the distinctive local hat and rustic clothing). Since the 1940s the model has

increasingly become a caricature of someone famous or a political figure. This year the most

popular figure is proving to be a defecating Tweety Pie, symbolising the Civil Guard/The Police.

For those who celebrate Christmas, you, like me, must feel that you are about to enter the home straight... although I must confess that I am far from prepared, I haven't even got enough wrapping paper.

Today's piece is written by Trevor Black. I had the pleasure of working with Trevor a few years ago - he is very bright and an inspiring and capable colleague. Mind you, he is inspiring and capable regardless of whether he is a colleague or not - gifted academically, with artistic flair and a constantly curious mindset. For two and a half years he stepped off the corporate career ladder (despite having excellent prospects), to spend time reading, engaging, thinking, learning and writing. He wrote a daily blog about his thoughts and experiences on his long-standing site, swartdonkey, (he still blogs now) and deliberately went out of his way to try new things and test his concepts. He remains interested in investment and concerned about the tensions between global and local, the issues of migration and land ownership/exploitation, Universal Basic Income (where he is at the bleeding edge of thinking and application) and community and empowerment. He has recently resumed investing to support his other ventures - some of which are linked to South Africa, where he was born and raised (he is back in South Africa at the moment visiting family and friends). You can find him on Twitter - @trevorblack or, if you are lucky, you might bump into him in the beautiful town of Burford in the Cotswolds, in the UK, where he lives. 

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Detachment isn't the same as not caring. It is the practice of separating who we are from what we are experiencing, but also recognising the part everything plays. Just a little distance. 

Darkness and dawn are not separate. 

Their contrast allows us to think and feel. We know things through their opposites. 

We exist in our opposites. 

Recognising and being aware that I am struggling isn't the same thing as being a weak person. 

Weakness and strength are not separate. They are both part of the same powerful force that pushes us on. That pushes us back. 

That is. 

We pulse with the stuff of life. 

Detachment is the awareness that dawn follows darkness, which follows dawn, which follows darkness. 

We can't be something temporary. We can't be the darkness. We can't be the dawn. 

That little twist to the story allows us to enjoy both. 

With a wry smile. 

With a pervading calm. 

With another step.

A dawning through the dark - Day 13

Day 13 (Wednesday 13th December 2017)

13 is known as a "Baker's Dozen". 
There is a traditional festive tale, originating in Dutch colonial New York, 
about Van Amsterdam the baker, famous for his honesty and his St Nicholas cookies.
However, he was pedantic - giving customers exactly what they asked for, nothing more and 
nothing less. He is cursed by a crone for declining to give her 13 cookies when she requested
a dozen on St Nicholas' feast day. Over a year his business dwindles and fails. However, after dreaming 
of St Nicholas' generosity and a further visit from the crone, the baker mends his ways and 
from henceforth gives 13 cookies when asked for a dozen. Other bakers emulated him and hence the 
"Baker's Dozen" became a term. The phrase "Baker's Dozen" actually originates from medieval law 
that specified the weight of loaves, to avoid punishment bakers would offer an extra loaf to ensure that t
he required weight was met. Illustration by Wendy Edelson in "The Baker's Dozen: A Saint Nicholas Tale"

I had an amazing day yesterday - a day of personal learning about myself and others followed by chairing a Committee on Quality of Patient Care and patient, community and worker Engagement in London. The evening was humbling, hearing how the staff and medical professionals at two of London's leading hospitals (and the wider Trust of which they are part) are raising standards and rising to the challenges of the current environment - cash is tight, patient numbers are increasing, the pressure on people working at the Trust is immense, and yet they remain constant, focused and dedicated to providing appropriate care for those in need. An example to us all.

Today's blogger is also extraordinarily caring - I should know because I have seen her in action: encouraging desperate children living on the streets in Uganda and supporting the staff trying to help them turn their lives around; doing mad things that she hates doing, in order to raise funds for the charities she supports (Retrak, Team Margot and the Anthony Nolan). I am also privileged to have her as part of my team and to see, on a daily basis, her skill in helping people learn and achieve their potential, and her ability to enhance individual lives. Her name is Donna Hewitson. Following a tough childhood, spending her teenage years in foster care, she came into HR when her talent with people was spotted whilst she was working in an operational role behind a bar. If you want to know more, read the article published in HR Magazine about her this November. Her career success is entirely due her own determination, natural skill and attitude. She is active on social media (her Twitter handle reflects her roots: @PubDonna) and she writes an excellent blog: PubDonna.com. 

**************************

This year has challenged me in ways I never expected. I have had to adapt, change and morph into the next incarnation of me; a bit like the new Doctor Who (I’ve never seen it, but I get the drift).

I have still not yet developed into the next person I need, or want, to be. But, I know what that will look like, and feel like, to me.

How do I see the person who saw out 2016? I see someone who was so focussed on filling the gap in their soul, it became all encompassing. Not “A” gap, “The” gap. It was deep, so deep-rooted, that I’m not sure if I truly knew who I was, or wanted to be. When I found myself in that space, I defaulted to the “it’ll be fine, it’s just a dip, it will get better.” It had to, didn’t it? What were my options otherwise?

September 2016 changed all that and guided me onto a new path, in a totally different direction, a path, on which, I can say I feel truly complete. Even if, at times, it feels like I’m travelling the wrong way up a one-way street.

My brain is odd. It is constantly going at a gazillion miles per hour; do this, sort that, always say yes and work out the “how” after. Always thinking “what next, what can I do bigger, bolder, stronger, better, how can I make my life, our life, better, what difference can I make to the world we live in?” If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, so what? That kind of stuff. It’s fair to say that it’s never a dull moment “up there”. But it weighs. Heavily. I spend so much of my time seeking to understand the troubles and challenges of others, and stretching myself to find a solution, that I forget about me. And then it comes. The dark descends, and it envelops all of me. 

But my face cannot change, I will not allow for others to see the impact of, metaphorically, the rocks I’ve been gifted weighing down the backpack I’m carrying. Then the mask slips and “ta da”, I find myself vulnerable with other people seeing the darker side of me.

I’m OK with that now. It’s important. With the best will in the world, maintaining the expected face all the time is a big old ask. Impossible.

I cried at work today. Twice. That’s OK. It’s also OK for other people to see me showing emotion. The reason for me being so emotional today? Someone showed, quite publicly, appreciation. I find this hard to accept. When I relayed to hubby, he immediately said WTF? You don’t cry. 16yrs we’ve been together, and he’s not seen “that face” often. This face I have suppressed for many years, but a wise and wonderful lady taught me it was, indeed, “cool to cry”.

Friends who know it's #CoolToCry

I am not a machine. I now express my emotions, I do speak freely, and directly (it’s not to everyone’s liking), I operate very efficiently and, for the most part, can keep my shit in check. There are times, however, when I am not able to. I don’t want to. I recognise this and I’m OK with it. It weirds me out, but I’m really thankful, for the first time in my life, I am able to me. Truly me.

I have many faces (thanks to Phil Willcox for educating me on this subject) and it is for me to choose which face I show. I can mask it, or share it. I choose the latter. The response from people who constantly tell me how strong I am, how inspirational my story is, the good I’m doing equal those people, who know me well, who express concern, tell me stop, slow down, take time for me.

What concerns me? I know it will not all be plain sailing and I’m sure that I will get burned sharing so much of me. I am vulnerable, I will be susceptible, and I will get turned over. I have spent years protecting myself and had built a fortress around my heart. 

It will take time to unpick, unlearn, re-learn and build confidence. I am thankful to have the most brilliant people around me, who trust me, believe in me and afford me the space to be me. All of me. The good, the great, the bad and the downright shite. How I respond, and not react, will make the difference of whether I see the start of the darkness descending or the beginning of a new dawn.

Nina Simone singing "Feeling Good"