Hollows hopes and high fives - Day 9

(Sunday 9th December 2018)

nine-tailed fox (九尾狐), is a mythical fox entity originating from Chinese
mythology, that is a common motif in East Asian mythology with specific names in
Japan, Korea and Vietnam. These mischievous foxes could shape shift (usually into
the form of a beautiful woman). Nine-tailed fox (illustration comes from the
British Museum and is a Chinese woodblock depicting a nine-tailed fox and a court lady,
made circa 1849). The nine-tailed fox is depicted as a character in both
League of Legends and Pokemon e-games.

I am humbled by the various ways in which people respond to the Advent Blog's call to write on a theme and to have their words shared for the enjoyment and benefit of others. Each year I am amazed at the variety of was in which people respond. Today's post, by Maggie Marriott is a poem. It has a subtle message about self-care and awareness and yet is based around an activity that each of us does, often without thinking.

Maggie is a devoted mother and a generous friend. She runs her own business based in Gloucestershire, England, an organisational change consultancy ENKI that provides "balanced business wisdom". She specialises in supporting individuals and groups through desired transformation and is an effective coach - she has been the coach of choice for members of the civil service supporting the UK Government, helping effect transformation, especially in the areas of cyber security and assurance, and also for the National Crime Agency. She also works as a coach for Ambition School Leadership, providing support to the leaders of the future within Education, and for the Relational Change Organisation.

Maggie is a qualified Gestalt practitioner (she won the British Gestalt Journal Essay Prize for 2015) and she believes in enabling humane change via the approaches she devises. Maggie is deeply empathetic and caring and is also highly analytical and systematic - she commenced her career as an IT programmer and worked for many years in the Public sector moving from a technical team leader to a business change specialist. It may come as a surprise that someone with such a background could write the beautiful and thought-provoking poem below that she has submitted for this year's Advent blog.  However, those who know her will not be as astounded. She is a deep thinker (as well as a deep breather!) and believes in authenticity. Maggie is a warm and active voice on social media - you can connect with her on Twitter, her handle is @maggiermarriott.

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Each life begins and ends with a breath and so does each living moment. Becoming aware of the quality of each breath gives us clues about how I and those around me are feeling. Is the breath being held or released? Is the breath shallow or deep? Is the breath fast of slow?  And from this awareness, choices appear. And from choice anything is possible. And so my blog this year is a poem in celebration of the breath of life and hope.

Every breath I take - Hollows, hopes and high fives.

Breathing out

A hollowing

Releasing

Settling

Reflecting

Feeling

The pause

Holding

Waiting

For air again

Breathing in

A heightening

Learning

Connecting

Reaching

Moving

The pause

Holding

Waiting

For rest again

Every breath a moment of hope

Every pause a moment of choice

23,400 breaths a day

8,409,600 breaths a year

From the hollows and hopes of each breath I’m alive!

To my oft forgotten body I give a joyous high-five

 Pink Floyd, Breathe

Enabling wisdom to show through - Day 36

Day 36 (Friday 5th January 2018)

36 years ago, on the 5th January 1982, South Korea lifted its nationwide
curfew. It was originally imposed by American occupation troops 36 years
previously at the end of World War II. The midnight-to-4am. curfew was
ended on the orders of President Chun Doo Hwan. He stated that the South Koreans
were "mature' enough to do without the curfew. I suspect that the White House
staff would like to impose a curfew on Trump's tweeting. The word "curfew"
comes from the French phrase "couvre-feu", which means "fire cover". It was later
adopted into Middle English as "curfeu", which later became the modern
"curfew". Its original meaning refers to a law made by William The Conqueror
that all lights and fires should be covered at the ringing of an eight o'clock
bell in winter (or 9.00pm in summer) to prevent the spread of destructive
fire within communities in timber buildings. Watchmen would patrol to ensure compliance.

The end of the first working week of January 2018 has arrived. I am proving slower at acclimatising to being back than I would wish, but that may be because we are still celebrating in our household. We have 3 birthday as well before the end of the month.

Today's post is by Maggie Marriott - a wonderful lady based in Gloucester in England. Those of you who read her post last year will know that she is a devoted mother. In addition, Maggie runs her own business, an organisational change consultancy ENKI. She is also as highly effective coach - she has been the coach of choice for members of the civil service supporting the UK Government, helping effect transformation, especially in the areas of cyber security and assurance and also for the National Crime Agency. Since last year she has also been a coach for Ambition School Leadership, providing support to the leaders of the future within Education.

Maggie is a qualified Gestalt practitioner (she won the British Gestalt Journal Essay Prize for 2015) and she believes in enabling humane change via the approaches she devises. Being highly analytical and systematic, Maggie commenced her career as an IT programmer and worked for many years in the Public sector moving from a technical team leader to a business change specialist. As you will tell from her below post, she is very capable of embracing change and believes in authenticity. Maggie is a warm and active voice on social media and she takes excellent photos - you can connect with her on Twitter, her handle is @maggiermarriott.

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Living in the UK means the visible cycle of darkness and dawn is a daily occurrence but in life, the cycle isn’t always so obvious outside our own minds and bodies. I could write about never feeling good enough, about always worrying I’ve done things wrong, about losing my fabulous Mother in law who showed me how to be a mother but instead I’m going to write about a very visible change from darkness to the light of dawn. During 2017 I transformed from the darkness of dyed brunette hair to the new dawn of white hair and so I begin 2018 with just the tips of my hair showing a reminder of the colour from 2017.

Why did I make this choice?  Because my 18 year old daughter lost all her hair to alopecia at the end of 2016 just as she was about to leave home for University which brought darkness just as a new dawn was breaking for her. And I’m a coach and I encourage people to bring their full selves to work and to be vulnerable. How could I possibly say trite phrases such as ‘your hair doesn’t define you’ and it’s the ‘person inside that matters’ when I was busily dying my hair to hide my true self.  Well obviously I couldn’t, so the hair dying had to stop!

The transformation has taken 12 long months and has been very public. And I’ve been amazed at how many age and gender biases it has exposed in those around me. The most common reaction has been of shock and disbelief.  Some asked why would I possibly want to do that? Some were concerned that I would become one of the invisible older women and treated differently once my hair was white. And others own identities were shaken as they tried to imagine having a friend with white hair. Wow, what was that about your hair doesn’t define you? It seemed at times that my hair didn’t only define me it also defined others.

Well, I spent the first 3 months covering up my emerging white stripe with a root covering spray so that was a gentle start. Then in month 4 the white stripe became too wide to hide so my hairdresser bleached some of the brunette colour out so I looked less like a black and white badger and more like a ginger fox. From then on I spent the rest of 2017 patiently watching this new white haired version of me emerge and watching people’s eyes slide up to look at my weird two-tone hair.

So now I am a white haired lady.

And I’m still surprised when I catch my reflection in shop windows.

And I’m not recognised by people who haven’t seen me since I was a brunette.

And now my hair matches the rest of me and I like it.

Reflecting on the dawning of a new year and the new white haired me I feel free. I recognise that for most of my career working in the male dominated world of technology I chose to stay small and tight in my chrysalis. I conformed to the norms of the office. I tried to bend my femininity out of shape to fit in, for my gender to not be an issue. I have too many #metoo stories to mention! But now the emergence of my white hair signals my emergence from the self-imposed darkness of my chrysalis into a new dawn of freedom and lightness where I am me and that’s ok.

And this means the beginning of other changes in 2018. I will be stepping away from working with my long-standing clients and beginning new work with clients involved in projects closer to nature where the focus is eco-centric rather than ego-centric.

And my daughter is thriving at University and has made amazing friends who appreciate her just as she is.

I know the cycle of darkness and dawn will continue and I will probably never get rid of feeling never good enough in my work and that’s part of me too just as much as my white hair. So now when people mention my white hair I just smile and say I’m letting my wisdom show through.

From my heart to yours as you leave home.

Day 14 (Wednesday 14th December 2016)

14 major earthquakes (with magnitudes of 7 or above on the Richter Scale) 

have occurred during 2016 (compared with 19 in 2015, 12 in 2014 and 19 in 2013).

The worst earthquake of the year, with a magnitude of 7.8, occurred in Ecuador 

on 16th April (see photo) - with a death toll of 673. The second most devastating for 

human life, although only 6.2 in magnitude, was in Italy, 

on August 24th, and resulted in the death of 299 people.

What amazing blogs we have shared to date, full of highs, lows and love. Today's is one brimming with maternal devotion - a piece written by Maggie Marriott: it is a personal message to her two daughters (who are both now away at university). Maggie proposed all her own pictures and you might like to know that the drawings were actually done by her daughters to whom this post is addressed.

Maggie is a leadership coach and business consultant and the owner of the Gloucester-based organisational change consultancy Enki. She specialises in designing bespoke solutions for organisations that need or wish for change and has a personal flair for delivering difficult messages and working with troubled leaders. Maggie is a highly qualified Gestalt practitioner (she won the British Gestalt Journal Essay Prize for 2015) and she believes in enabling humane change via the approaches she devises. Being highly analytical and systematic, Maggie commenced her career as an IT programmer and worked for many years in the Public sector moving from a technical team leader to a business change specialist. Maggie believes in supporting and encouraging others; since 2014 she has been a mentor for the Aspire Foundation. You can connect with Maggie on Twitter - her handle is @maggiermarriott. When not working or helping people, Maggie is a voracious reader and relishes learning and gaining new experiences. I think the advice she provides below gives a good feel for Maggie and the way she views life.

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From my heart to yours as you leave home

On love…..

Never let gender, race or religion limit your love for someone.

Your heart will be broken and you may break hearts. Love anyway.

Some people will be in your life for just a short time. It’s ok.

Choose curiosity instead of judgement

On the future….

You don’t need to know what to do in the future, just take the next step and new choices will emerge.

If you don’t make a mess you won’t make anything. Take risks. Make a mess.

Say yes to as many things as you can and say no when it feels right.

Make sure you can always look yourself in the mirror

On being human…

You’ll get things wrong. Forgive yourself.

Listen to your body; it’s always talking to you.

Eating a little bit of what you fancy does you good.

If you like what someone’s wearing or what they’re doing, tell them. Tell them now, even if you don’t know them.

And always know…

I will be here for you if you call, ready to help you fly high again.