Stepping into the future - Day 2

Day 2

Thunderbird 2 is International Rescue's heavy equipment transporter. The 
craft's main pilot is Virgil Tracy. It appears in all but one episode of the Thunderbirds  
TV series (The Imposters being the exception) as well as every movie, 
making it one of the most iconic Thunderbirds' machines.

By way of a reminder, the theme for this year's Advent Blogs is "Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives". Please contact me if you would like to submit a post for later in the series.

Today's post was written in 2014 and was crafted by a man with whom I have had the privilege of working with and whose career I have watched rise with admiration and delight. He is doing so much to shape and influence the world of work (and the people within it) for the better. He is David D'Souza, Membership Director at the CIPD. He has been a wonderful colleague and is a valued friend. If it wasn't for Twitter we would never have met and my life would certainly be the poorer. He is a popular and well known voice, in work related and HR communities, (both on and off line); David is bright, passionate, values-driven, knowledgeable, funny, loyal, challenging and keen to encourage positive change (in individuals, organisations and society). He was the brains behind both Books of Blogs and hence many bloggers now can state in all honesty that they are published authors and that their book(s) made it to number 1 on Amazon. 

If you don't yet, you should follow him on Twitter via @dds180 and read his blog. He will make you smile, frequently surprise you and usually encourage you to think. I am indebted to him on many levels - the top image (International Rescue that can go to great depths and lengths to see that the right things occur) is very apt. I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank him for his support and encouragement (not just to me but also to many of the readers of this post).

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I've always been absorbed by the possibilities of what might have been. All of the realities that didn't come to pass.

I can't remember the first time I heard about The Butterfly Effect, but I do recall from an early age understanding how mistaken people were to say about football matches 'we would have scored three if we'd put those chances away'.

Because logic dictates that if you had scored the first of those chances then everything would have changed. Everybody would have returned to the centre circle and the patterns, behaviours, mentalities and choices that evolved would be completely different to what happened in the first reality. The romantic comedy Sliding Doors, featuring Gwyneth Paltrow (before she became odd) and John Hannah (before he was in a position to turn down films like Sliding Doors) featured this pattern of thought to its conclusion. What would happen to your day if just one small facet of it changed? In the film it was the main protagonist missing a train that led to the change in her life - in real life we are always just making trains or just missing them. Our days fundamentally change based on those events.

John Hannah and Gwyneth Paltrow in "Sliding Doors"

Unless you travel via Southern Rail in which case you spend most days watching departure boards giving you information on fresh delays...

This never-ending schism of possible realities manifests itself in similar ways with our careers, with our relationships and with every business. The impact of small things often dictates the path of the bigger things. My daughter is a notoriously bad sleeper. If she had slept better on just one night a few years ago then maybe my wife and I wouldn't have cracked and decided we couldn't survive without being nearer family. In which case we wouldn't have moved to the South East. Maybe I'd still be working and living in Yorkshire. And if I was still living in Yorkshire then I wouldn't be writing this blog about having moved to the South East. I probably wouldn't even be writing, I certainly wouldn't know the people that I know now. My life would be poorer for it - I assume. My life would certainly be different for it. That's all I can really know. 

It's A Wonderful Life remains my favourite film and my company was named after Clarence, one of the characters in it. Simon Heath is a person I'm lucky to call a friend and he created a wonderful logo for me based on Clarence that I never got around to using...I wouldn't have met Simon if my daughter was a better sleeper. That's how life works.

The film centres on the impact of a man by an incident outside of his control. The only thing he can control is his reaction to the event, but the beauty of the film is the gradual realisation of how much a difference to other people one person can make. Our worlds are shaped by the people around us. Social media allows for even more random collisions, but make no mistake that our interconnectedness is what determines our lives and always has been. This isn't new.

I was lucky enough to be Best Man at a friend's wedding a few years ago, It's A Wonderful Life happens to be his favourite film too and we now have a ritual of finding a way to watch it with each other every year. He is a far better person than I would ever hope to be and one of those who goes through life constantly making the difference for others. I read out the following quote from the film at his wedding as part of my speech - "Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?". What we don't tend to appreciate is that our lives are influenced not just by those closest to us, but by a network more complex and intertwined than we could imagine.    

When I was travelling to this year's CIPD conference I got talking to the lady opposite me on the train. I don't cope very well in an environment without stimulus and the very best type of stimulus is conversation, so if you are ever unfortunate enough to sit near me on public transport then please expect a conversation. The story of the mystery train woman was a wonderful 'sliding doors' story. She has been working in a special needs school for 7 years. After qualifying as a teacher she had taken a few years out and then found it very hard to get a job in a school. I hadn't realised how many applications there are for each teaching role - it was a sobering experience listening to her describe her job hunt. It is a tough market. Eventually she had give up on a permanent role and settled into supply teaching, but disliked the routine and the lack of certainty it brought. 

One day a teacher at a school on the other side of the city called in sick (sliding doors moment...). The request to get up at short notice and travel to the other side of the city on a rainy day was the final straw that triggered a decision. That decision was to call agencies and say that any kind of longer term contract work would be acceptable. She just wanted a permanent home.  One of the agencies had a role starting immediately. 


Nursery School, Henri Jules Jean Geoffroy, 1898

So this experienced and qualified teacher started work as a Junior IT Support technician covering for maternity leave. Whilst pushing around a trolley full of laptops and freely admitting she knew nothing about IT the teacher got to know the rest of the staff. When the first permanent vacancy (non IT related...) came up she got the job. She is still there now. 

Every career and every life is made up of little decisions. Every decision is the result of the events that shaped the thinking and feeling behind it.

A wise person once said you regret the decisions that you didn't make, but in reality we can never understand how different our parallel lives would have been. We can't change the past, but we can always change how we step into the future. I love the fact that I met someone on a train (thanks to Virgin for allocating that seat) - who has been supporting children who really need support for over 7 years.

I love that this came about because she decided to pretend to be an IT Technician. She decided to do that because she didn't like getting out of bed at short notice on a rainy day. That decision came about because someone she never met was sick - in some ways the most incidental person in the story is the most important trigger for all that went after. I hope that person was sick because they had consumed too much champagne and strawberries having the night of their life. They deserve it. 

Life is rich, unpredictable and full of stories that we never hear. I hope you get to make some great stories this year - I hope I get to hear some of them.

Merry Christmas and I hope you have the best New Year that is possible.

Thank you for Being a Friend - Andrew Gold

The darkest hour is just before the dawn… Day 4

Day 4 (Monday 4th December 2017)

Four toes on each turkey's foot - three in front with a shorter rear-facing one 

at the back. Prior to the turkey traditional Christmas fare included roast swan, 

pheasants and peacocks. An old favourite was a roast boar's head decorated with holly 

and fruit. Henry VIII was the first English king to enjoy turkey. 

It was Edward VII made eating turkey fashionable at Christmas.

Welcome to a new working week (or at least the earlier part of it, if you work in the Middle East and certain other parts of the world). I am constantly amazed at the global reach of the Advent Blog series. 

Today's post is a very personal piece by a becoming much-loved regular contributor, Gary Cookson. Gary is a respected HR professional with a flair for development. His first post for this series was on Boxing Day in 2015 and expressed his experiences of job interviews, Turn Down the Light. Last year's was also candid, shining a light into his family life in (Your love keeps lifting me) Higher and Higher  and which explained the transformation in his life after finding true love. This year's takes us on a further step along his journey of work and his wider life.

Gary is a natural networker and a popular contributor to many social media groups, he is also an accomplished speaker (as demonstrated at the CIPD's conference in November). His Twitter handle is @Gary_Cookson. He is crams a lot into life, he is a triathlete and also a prolific blogger - yso perhaps the title of his personal blog should not surprise you, HR Triathlete.

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I’m really pleased to be able to contribute again to this Advent series and grateful to Kate for giving me the opportunity. This year’s theme is Darkness and Dawn, and if ever a theme has immediately encapsulated my entire year, it’s that. 

Let me explain. 

I once saw an article that said that 42 is the peak age in men for depression, as it tends to be the age when all the responsibilities of family, work/career, financial commitments and other things all combine to reach a potentially terrifying peak. 

I turned 42 this year. 

And although I’ve not been depressed, I can see the point the article is trying to make. It’s been a tough year for me, both personally and professionally, and one I’m in no hurry to repeat. 

There’s been darkness. 

Darkness by Mikko Lagerstedt 

From a professional perspective I’ve had two main jobs this year. For the first six months of the year I was professionally very very frustrated, doing a job where I wasn’t challenged and I wasn’t doing anything I particularly got satisfaction from. I didn’t feel I was respected as a professional, or used to my full capacity. However, my work life balance was absolutely superb and I was able to manage this well. 

But overall, the first half of the year was difficult from a professional perspective. 

Dull job, by Duke, 1979

And then I moved jobs. 

All of a sudden I had a job where I was challenged professionally, where I was used to my full capacity, and was respected as a professional. However, my work life balance became awful because of the commute and amount of in job travel, and I became unable to manage this at all. 

So the second half of the year became difficult from a personal perspective. 

And this in turn made me start to wonder what I wanted from both, and how I could get balance. 

To add to my darkness, a number of factors combined. We fell out with my parents around this time too, and whilst that’s no doubt a temporary situation it still isn’t pleasant as they were a good source of support and advice. 

Falling out with parents
a temporary situation

Then my mum became very ill and was diagnosed with cancer. My son is in his GCSE year and under a lot of pressure at school, and that shows at home too - he’s bright, but struggling in some subjects and unfortunately ones where I feel unable to help and that makes me feel powerless. My eldest daughter is transitioning into her teenage years and is having difficulty redefining who she is. It means we often clash and she’s unable to explain why, and this causes a lot of family stress too. 

And my wife has been very ill for the last few months too, and has been unable to play a full part in family life, adding more pressure on me to step up. More on that later though. 

And in all of this darkness I’ve had to try to maintain a strong professional focus. To try to figure out what contribution I can make to the profession, whilst still keeping my family happy and healthy. 

But they say the darkest hour is just before the dawn, and how true that may prove to be. 

I’ve recently re-evaluated my priorities in life and realise it’s more important to keep my family happy. That’s my focus. And in doing that my professional needs need to fit around me doing that. 

So I’ve left the job that was causing my family pain. And I’m exploring self employed, associate and interim opportunities that will allow me to be as flexible as I can to support my family in such an important time for us all. 

And we are having another baby in May. (Hence why my wife has been very unwell.) 

And so there’s the dawn. A new life, a new professional focus, and a renewed focus on what’s important in life. 

I’m really excited by what the next year will bring. I aim to look back on it as a watershed year in which I finally balanced things. 

After a year of darkness, comes the dawn. 

And with it, hope.

Daybreak, the Old Forest (2007) by Tom Dubbeldam

The Pull

Day 37 (Friday 6th January 2017)

37 - the number of years that the singer, song writer, poet, painter, Jew and novice Zen monk,
Leonard Cohen was with the record label, Colombia. In 1988, when accepting an award, he
thanked Colombia, saying "I have always been touched by the modesty of their interest in my work."
Leonard was initially a poet, but turned to music as he wanted a better income. He died on 7th November
2016.  He was writing up until the end. His last album, You Want it Darker was released
on his 82nd birthday in October 2016.

Congratulations and welcome to the end of the first week in January. Today is often described as the last day of Christmas - traditionally in my family, midnight tonight is the time by which the decorations have to come down, as tomorrow is Epiphany. However, if you take the 12 Days of Christmas as being literal and the 25th as the first Day, then Christmas should have ended yesterday.

Today's post is a treat - a poem on the theme of emotional care and connection, written by Phil Willcox. Phil is passionate about the power and importance of emotions, having completed a MSc in Emotion, Credibility and Deception. He even ran a conference on Emotion at Work in 2016 and has established a movement, which is gaining in popularity and interest, as people begin to appreciate the impact that emotions have on individuals, business results and interactions within the workplace. He is continuing research into emotions  and their impact and has much science-based information that I am sure he would be glad to share with you.

Phil is the founder and Managing Director of e3 Consultancy Training and Coaching Ltd (e3ctc), a consultancy based in Lincoln, UK, which specialises in training and coaching to enable individuals and organisations to learn and develop. Phil is a regular and supportive voice on Twitter (his handle is @PhilWillcox). 

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The Pull

Like a thread right through me, pulling along

Unknown and unseen, yet saying "let’s go"

The places I visit, the people I meet

It is always there, moving my feet

Sometimes pulling back, fighting the move

Scared, unsure and nervous, saying "This? No!"

Doing things that are new, that make me fall

The movement + the blocks, I don't like at all

It still pulls me though, even if it means to crawl

Getting back up, to go again learn more

Looking back at the hollow, I was there, but now

I’m upright again, even if I’m not sure how

On occasion I run, it doesn't feel like a pull

More a fuel, extra juice to keep moving even more

The run and the fuel, helping reach an amazing height,

At times like these, it was worth the fight

I do wonder though, does it pose me a risk?

Caring this much, giving heart and helping all the time

And it does, really does leave me exposed

But I do it again, and I walk down the road

Working with feeling, and loving it so

I can't turn it off, and leave those occasions

Where people need me, or it is the right thing to do,

Come hollow or height, following my heart and seeing it through.

Gains, failures and feelings

Day 33 (Monday 2nd January 2017)

33% increase in hospital admissions for allergic reactions and anaphylactic shock,
compared to 5 years ago, according to data from NHS Digital released in October 2016.
Doctors and scientists believe that the increase is due to our living in cleaner environments
and hence not having to opportunity to build up natural resistances to substances like dust and pollen.

Today's post is a brave and honest poem by Maya Drøschler that reflects on the highs and lows of her past 12 months. As you will appreciate, once you have read her verse, Maya has experienced some significant heights, as well as some hollows, (in what she has described to me as "successes, failures and feelings") during the time that she has set up her own business. She has clearly learned from everything that has happened.

Maya is Danish and lives in Copenhagen (although her clients come from wider afield). Given the style of her post, it should perhaps come as no surprise that Maya's university degree was in Literature with a minor in Philosophy. She has retained her connections with Academia and now occasionally acts as a guest lecturer in HR and People Management. She writes a good and informative blog - in Danish - HR forretning (which translates as HR Business). She has a background in HR (and has worked in Retail, Engineering and Medical Technical Equipment and Analysis).

Maya now runs her own business and specialises in what she calls "The Point of HR" - that intersection between HR and communications. She is very commercial in approach, believing that a business and its leaders need to bear in mind: • a company's particular industry and its place within that sector, including the broader competitive environment • available research and knowledge • global trends in business creation and professional life. She is a huge fan of technology and believes that, used wisely, it will greatly enhance the workplace. Maya uses technology herself, you can find her on Twitter (her handle is @MayaDroeschler).

As well as being a passionate business woman, Maya is also a passionate parent and cares for mothers and children within society. She supports the charity Mødrehjælpen, which helps pregnant women, and families with children, in vulnerable situations with social, professional, legal and financial advice, as well as offering a variety of programs and interventions for young parents and those who have suffered violence, in particular vulnerable women and children.

All of the pictures used in the post have been provided by Maya herself.

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Gains, failures and feelings  

Leaving my job to become an entrepreneur: gains, failures and feelings   

Heights

The sensation of freedom when I quit my job

A leap into daylight, leaving the mob

I had clients; I had money coming in - 

There was no way I could lose; I was smart and thin

Hollows

I spent all my savings; I spent every dime

When clients stopped calling at the most crucial time

With agony growing, I met my deepest fears

My fear of not succeeding, neglected for years

Hearts

A heart is always broken; all perfection has a scar

My daughter moved away from home, my cat crushed by a car

I buried the cat, I promised the girl

She would feel safe & loved in her bright new world

Heights

The feeling of mastery, the concept of thrill

When I got a new, big client and they paid their bill.

I felt like a champion, I felt like a queen

I was developing into a money machine

Hollows

My flaws began appearing and they were real

Suddenly, I was no rock star; I could not close the deal

The world didn’t need me as much as I needed it

I was overwhelmed by doubt, I was ready to submit

Hearts

Apparently, I attracted scumbags and crooks

And this is a sad fact, but not as bad as it looks

Big-hearted people are not always those you suspected

But they are out there somewhere, and you need to collect them

Heights, hollows and hearts

I quit my job to face fear and challenge

I quit my job to give life a new balance 

No one will pay me just to show up

And no one, but me, will decide when to stop

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Should you follow your dreams and do something completely different with your life?

The New Year is an ideal opportunity to think about your future. I decided to quit my job during the Christmas holidays last year. I’ve never earned this little, I’ve never learned this much.         

Happy New Year!