On Emerging - Day 23

23rd December 2018

23 randomly-selected people is the smallest number where there will be a probability higher
than 50% that two people will share the same birthday. This is part of the Birthday Paradox;
99.9% probability is reached with just 70 people.

Today I am driving my mother and sister to Bath to meet up with my father and his wife. It will be a chance to have a fine lunch and to wish each other a happy Christmas and good start to 2019. The next time we will all eat together will be at my son's 21st party on the 5th January.

In a way today's post is a sort of celebration, in that, for me, the Advent Blog series is not complete without a post by Neil Usher. I first got to know Neil when he was the Workplace Director at Sky - he was one of the truly innovative property and facilities experts who understood the impact that the workplace has on work, the people within it and the wider environment. He has moved on from Sky to work as a property, workplace and change consultant under his own advisory business - workessence, this is also the best place to read his blogs (he has been writing them since 2011 and there are many gems in his archive). He has also written an excellent book, The Elemental Workplace. It is an interesting read and demonstrates his passion for ensuring that everyone can have and deserves a fantastic workplace. It is a pragmatic and entertaining read by a genuine expert who can demonstrate that he has practiced what he preaches. He will be writing a second book in 2019 to be published in 2020. If you want to know more about Neil, you can find him on Twitter (his handle is @workessence).

Neil is an exceptionally talented and creative writer. His pieces have a flow to them and need to be read without distractions for maximum impact. In consequence, there are no punctuation illustrations.

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On emerging

Something was wrong. Something had been wrong before, but never like this. The severance of Lou’s umbilical cord during a spacewalk was calming, a soft suffocation in isolation. She had realised she was the lone passenger on the bus home, just herself and the driver, focussed and disinterested.

The bus slowed at each stop and sped again when they revealed themselves to be empty. It didn’t stop from the pick-up through to the lone bell when Lou only alighted.

Christmas shrieked silently; garish, primary, immediate.

Lou lived across a field. Anywhere else she would have been nervous about walking alone along the main path lit by lanterns made to look old and hiding the scrub in darkness.

There was none of the sound of shuffling feet and snuffling dogs, the exhausted exasperated forced chatter of parents to babies in buggies, the duller half of a dull phone call. No-one whistled anymore, she thought. It was just Lou. The glow from a hundred lounges was at its warmest, the air she breathed in step with her pace at its coldest.

Why was this time so wrong? She ran through a list. She liked lists, when something made it onto a list it was half done, the easy half at least. The list was of stuff she was always told was important, that the vacuously-profiled always posted and shared with unwavering conviction. Solutions are easy on the internet; six things, eight things, ten things other people do that you can do and everything’s alright.

There was purpose. She knew why she was there, she understood what the big idea was and believed in it just like all those around her, she punched the air when the others punched the air when something went well and she frowned and searched her soul when the others frowned and searched their souls when it didn’t. Often, they searched each other’s souls. Usually without asking.

There was no doubt, not a flicker. She knew people who complained that they didn’t have a purpose they and their people shared, and she felt bad for them but comforted that she did.

There was meaningful work. She understood how what she did fitted in, why it was needed and how important it was. She knew that she could do things the others couldn’t, so she felt needed and valued. People would say ‘this is a job for Lou’ and this made her happy because it wasn’t ‘Lou or’ or ‘Lou and’ but just Lou.

She knew that what they were all working towards was better than anyone else had ever done anywhere and so it was special, and this had stopped her stepping off the conveyor belt so many times when she wanted to. Even if it wasn’t true.

She learned and grew, she was better at what she did and knew more stuff and was better able to handle tricky moments and worked things out better than when she joined. She didn’t need to sit in a classroom for this, every day was its own training course with no agenda or discussion of ‘what she hoped to get out of it’, just a randomly-assembled corporate assault course.

She felt resilient, even though at times she could have sworn she was broken yet always found something, enough, to get through it. Then it was forgotten all over again.

Her team were incredible, the most angled and impossible jigsaw fitted together beautifully, and everyone know that without the other pieces they were nothing. She knew she had found many of these shapes and would sometimes stand back and watch and see the completeness playing out before her eyes and wonder just how that could have been possible.

The jigsaw needed her too and she knew that. She had painted the picture on the box lid, at least with words. They had wanted to be part of it. Without her they would have been part of a lesser jigsaw, that you could do with your eyes closed.

She had a life, too. She saw her family, they valued the time spent but all wished it could have been more but knew plenty of stories of absent Mums and consoled themselves that what they had was better than what they could have had, that the grass was green enough right where they stood.

They coped with her morning distance, busied themselves with their own awakening, her flitting eyes elsewhere in a random landscape. Her children drew pictures of what she was like when she came home in the evening, her fuse cropped, her voice drawling, an unwillingness to arrange anything even stuff that was fun, pushing everything away, clawing at peace.

That was the list. Everything was okay, the pieces were in place, it should all be right. But instead she was lost.

The abandoned bus and field and path suggested she was still searching as she resolved that it could not go on. That was one conclusion, far too late, at least. She would resolve that when the string of tiny lights was back in its shabby box.

She flicked through the days past like vinyl records in their whitewashed wooden boxes, stacked, ordered, regular, inspecting some, passing over others.

Perhaps, she mused, if there weren’t other agendas playing out then the charcoal of her dolour might have made sense: the entirety of the diaphanous mesh of unarranged meetings hurriedly held, whispers loud but indiscernible, comments clumsily coded, laughter lurched and suppressed, ideas made flesh before disclosure, papers hurriedly scooped and folded, glances without words, and shallow reasons for having to go. She was there, but not always, included, but not always, visible but not always; a life, almost.

With that, it made sense. It was not what she had been looking for, but what she had been looking through.

The front door opened, the warmth prickled her face, and familiar voices scrambled to be heard. Her own voice was clear, her mind was clear. It had lifted.

Palatable Prioritisation

This year has started like a whirlwind – there’s so much to do, with eye-wateringly short deadlines (resulting in short tempers for some), and everyone is convinced that they have a right to pole position in the queue for my attention.

The Tornado Woman - oil on canvas, by Mark Bryan

If I am not to go pop or to tie myself in a knot, I have to prioritise, whist carefully managing relationships with those who are relying on me. So how do I do it?

• Like many people, I write lists of all the tasks I need to complete and star those that are important either because of impact on the business or because of an time related factor that necessitates the task to be completed sooner rather than later. 

• I tend to write a list as my last activity of the day/week - when the day/week's events are fresh in my mind. I then review first thing the following morning/at the start of the new week to "sanity check" my plans and confirm that the importance placed on each task is accurate and reflective of business/personal need.

•  I diarise events and activities - I have in the past used a hard copy file that I put time specific tasks and relevant documentation into, so that, as I work through the weeks and months, the required tasks are not forgotten and are undertaken/completed in a timely manner. I now do this electronically, with early warnings and reminders. 

• I continually communicate with others, asking people what else they are working on and how what I am doing fits in with/impacts on their plans.

• I consider the anticipated time required to complete important tasks – I usually find that the more time needed to do a good job, the sooner the project has to commence, if I want to get it finished in a timely and professional manner. 

•  I tell people what I am doing, to help set their expectations and sometimes this results in plans being changed and work being taken off my plate.

• I make sure there is no unnecessary duplication, with someone else in another area also trying to do the same thing – one of us will be wasting our time. 

• I sometimes have to remind myself that ”Good enough is often good enough” – so that I don’t feel that a piece of work has to be perfect when it is more important that it is done swiftly, it just has to be right, fit for purpose and of a standard that is acceptable to others.

• I look at whether there are any areas/people where/with whom I can come to an agreement to compromise (on time or amount to be delivered) – by discussing the situation with others who are relying on me (and thereby letting them know that I can see that the outcome is important) it makes them appreciate that I am not shirking the task, and that I am trying to accommodate them in a way that suits both sides.

• I look to see what I can delegate – it is often a good learning experience for someone in my team and takes a bit of the pressure off me.

• As Sara said in her blog just before Christmas – asking for help is not a sign of weakness and by doing so you often build better bonds with others and make them realise that you value them and their skills.

• I look to see if there is anything I can use to make a task easier – is there an App or a tool I can use (I’m much faster stringing and slicing beans with the French bean slicer my mother gave me than just using a knife)?

• It is important not to be knocked off course by those who shout loudest or who are most persistent (or even annoying) - I have occasionally persuaded people to see sense by bringing small groups of people together to discuss and agree amongst themselves what the real business priorities are - this has the added advantage of making them aware of others' requirements and pressures and, if required, an understanding as to why there might be delays or a need to amend plans.

• Change is a given - do not be afraid of amending your priorities or actions, if so required, when the situation in which you are trying to work changes, but be sure to inform others if things are going to be different, as it may have an impact on them.

• I talk with others who have had similar challenges to see if I can learn from them – there are often better ways of doing things, problems that can be avoided or different approaches that might not have occurred to me. Do you have a coach, a mentor or know of an expert/experienced person who could help you?

• I am learning at getting better at saying “No” – I hate letting people down, so it is not my natural response, but saying that you will do something and then  failing to do so is one of the worst ways of disappointing people.

Sometimes I try to prioritise by looking at a task or project from 3 angles – the cost, the scope and the length of time required to complete what needs to be done. You can seldom change one without impacting the others, for example, if I have 4 friends coming for supper on Saturday I can’t change the scope (we will eat supper together) but I could change the cost (for example we could go out to a local restaurant, or I could buy in a pre-prepared food or hire a chef for the night). Hiring a chef could also impact the time element, as two people can prepare a meal faster than one, especially if one of them is professional, which could free me up to do something else. Otherwise, if I need the time on Saturday and cannot afford a chef or a restaurant, I could prepare and cook after work on Thursday and Friday to make sure that I can put a meal on the table at the intended time on Saturday evening.

My final piece of advice may sound counter intuitive, but it does work – give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Sometimes it can be more productive to step away from the pressure and take a bit of time away for yourself. Many people have written about the benefits of yoga, or Street Wisdom or mindfulness. It is true that an uncluttered mind, free from distractions, is better able to come up with creative solutions. I find taking a walk helps me get things in perspective the ideas percolate through my brain, I have a friend who always goes to an art gallery when he needs to get things in perspective, my father fishes – he cannot fret about issues when he has to concentrate on not falling inn and decide how best to catch an elusive sea trout. I am sure, when you return to the problems they will feel less daunting and you will be the better for that and able to get things done.

Breathe - by Pink Floyd, from Dark Side of the Moon, 1973

Whirlwind - oil paining by Lisa Strazza