Day 25 (Monday 25th December 2017 - Christmas Day)
Happy Christmas! Regardless of your religious beliefs, may you enjoy light and bright times, filled with love and laughter, and, if your life is beset with troubles, experience respite from the worst the dark can bring. A number of this Series' authors have written about their own personal struggles during the year. I know of others who either have decided either not to share their pain or who chose not to contribute a piece at all, due to finding the current demands of life almost too much to bear. Traditionally today is a day of generosity, please spare some thoughts and/or provide support to those in need, grief or pain.
Today's post is by a new voice to the Advent Blogs - Paula Whylie. As you will see when you read her piece, Paula belives in providing love and support. I think it is an ideal post for Christmas Day. Paula is the Engagement and Development Manager for the charity Bolton at Home. I first met Paula via Twitter, her handle is @Paula_BaH. She is a loving wife and daughter, proud mother to three wonderful children and devoted carer of Eric a handsome, clever and cuddly young "Staffie" (Staffordshire Bull Terrior). She is an accomplished artist, even though she modestly refers to her drawings as doodles. She believes in trying to make the world a better place and often does through her sheer passion and exuberance. Paula selected her own illustrations for today's post.
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It’s the first time
ice contributed to Kate’s (@KateGL) annual Advent Blog although I’ve been
writing the occasional blog on and off for a while now, some for the lovely
folk at www.thecounsellorscafe.co.uk
some on Medium and the odd few here there and everywhere, I
started blogging after experiencing a bout of poor mental health which
distanced me from my friends, family and work for a period of around eight
months. I learnt a lot about myself during that time and have continued to do
so. My first lesson was every cloud has a silver lining.
After some of my
darkness had lifted I wrote The
Day the Dam Burst it was a cathartic experience and one I’d recommend to
anyone (even if you don’t publish it) as it serves as a reminder that you’re
stronger than you think you are. I experienced loneliness which is hard to
describe, if I think of it as a painting its Edvard Munch’s The Scream. The impact of feeling lonely was another
lesson which in retrospect I was glad to be taught, it made me think
differently about my lovely mum who lives alone and whilst we’ve always been
close, thinking differently about what life is like for her has made a
difference to how we spend time together.
Earlier this year I wrote
A
Genuine Smile about my mums seventieth birthday. I’m smiling now as I write
this, as this year we carried on giving her some sort of treat each weekend
from picnics in her lounge as she’s mainly house bound to buying her a stuffed
dog when we got a puppy earlier on in the year, Mum’s dogs called Ralph as she
sits cuddling him. We’re also trying to make December as special as possible
for her again by giving her a treat each weekend leading up to December and
each time we give her something she always replies “I’ll bloody kill you, don’t
waste your money on me” at which point we all laugh.
This year Age Concern
UK have launched their#NoOneShouldHaveNoOne campaign to help
address the fact that almost 1 million older people feel lonelier at Christmas
than any other time of the year. Loneliness is a social monster, it lurks in
dark places and creeps up on our loved ones, I live and work in Bolton and its
estimated we have around 4160 lonely people. We are lucky to have another Angel
@KatieHuddleUp set up a business in Bolton this year and she’s not prepared to
let this continue, Katie and her team are inviting anyone who feels lonely on
Christmas Day to join them at @HuddleUpAllSouls
Whilst I wouldn’t wish poor mental health on anyone, my
silver lining was realising that I could make a difference by talking openly
about my mental health in the workplace and home, which I have done and will
continue to do so as its enabled many conversations to take place and support
to be put into place, for that I’m grateful to take something positive from the
experience.
26% of the Far North, the most pristine area of Australia's Great Barrier Reef has died. During 2016 the Reef suffered the worst bleaching on record. Scientists claim that the damage is caused by rising sea temperatures (in February, March and April, sea surface temperatures across the Great Barrier Reef were the hottest on record, at least 1C higher than the monthly average).
It is Boxing Day - a traditional time to sit, read something and reflect. I am sure that David D'Souza's post below will make you do just that - it should provoke thoughts, regardless of whether you manage people, work for others or just know people who fit into either camp. His piece has made me stop and contemplate how I work, what I do with and how I lead others and also to consider the approach of the wider business within which I sit. Are you aware of how you make others feel? David is the Head of London and Head of Engagement (Branches) at the CIPD (Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development - the UK-based professional body for HR and people development with over 140,000 members). Previously he has worked within HR (with a strong bias towards learning and development) and has run his own consultancy. I am fortunate to have had him in my team and I can vouch for the fact that he is as values-driven, and family-orientated, as he comes across on social media. He is also a genuine polymath who can turn his hand and intellect to most things. He is a natural communicator and connector - you can meet and tweet with him on Twitter (his handle is @dds180) or else read his thought-provoking blog - 101 Half Connected Things or else his posts on LinkedIn. David is a regular speaker at conferences and events, but just as impactful in a quiet one-to-one chat. He is a genuine, super-bright and awesome person. I am honoured to call him my friend.
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A Ten Step Guide to Losing Hearts in The Workplace
Rather than a deep confessional I wanted to give people something constructive for the New Year. A workplace guide to losing hearts and leaving people hollow. A 'How to' guide for anyone wishing to spend a year removing trust and destroying group dynamics, should you be so inclined. I've had a reasonably long career and I've worked with some experts in this field over the years. Their lessons stuck with me and my commitment to people being entitled to the opposite is one of the reasons I joined the CIPD.
Of course, if you wanted to avoid doing the things on this list you might find that, at the very least, you don't do bad things. People often say that 'not bad' isn't the same as 'good'. I'd agree, but sometimes 'not bad' is good enough.
How to lose hearts:
Heroically take upon yourself the burden of the critical decisions and then get them wrong. Work with assumptions as if they are facts and LinkedIn quotes as if they are strategy.
Lead so well no other voices can be heard or recognised. Become the only voice that matters in the organisation. Go big.
Create a distance so great between your espoused values and your deeds that people point to it from afar as though it is a wonder of nature. They whisper in hushed tones in the corridors, they whisper of that gap. They marvel at your lack of realisation.
Involve people at the point their involvement is largely redundant and then rail at them for a lack of 'engagement'. Dictate the rules of engagement and then object to being called a dictator. Use an annual survey to indicate commitment to everyday involvement.
Keep your friends close and your budgets closer. Invest only in people and things that are conspicuous in their proximity to your world view. Create a comfort blanket of vanity projects and acolytes.
Keep talking about not being able to be half on the bus - until only the people on the bus are the ones that aren't smart enough to challenge the destination and timetable (even though it makes no sense)
Pay no attention to the physical environment. People are lucky to have a building at all and if they were as good as you they'd get a nicer space to work in - with windows and a supportive chair and everything.
Communicate what you want to communicate or what people want to hear. Leave the trickier task of telling them what they need to hear for another day
Make unfair reward your target. From exec pay down to saying "thank you", be selective, preferential and shun transparency. Tell yourself that if someone wouldn't object then you aren't making the tough decisions
And finally, remember why you hired all those bright people: to make you feel good about taming their intellect and having them all agree with you.
Even if it means the bright sparks within them no longer shine.
15 miles per hour (c 25 kph) is the swimming speed of a Gentoo penguin. Generally larger species swim faster than smaller ones. Penguins reach their top speeds when they are porpoising through the water (i.e leaping in the air while swimming). There are 18 species of penguin. The Emperor is the largest standing at 4 feet and weighing 90 pounds; the smallest is the Little Blue, which is 10 inches tall and weighs 2.5 pounds.
Today's piece is written by Peter Cook, it looks at the highs and lows of his career and the year just gone. As he mentions below, he has been in business for 21 years (working in Pharmaceuticals, Academia and Consulting), but his life is and always has been inspired and interlaced with music - especially rock music. If you get the chance to spend and evening with Peter, ideally with his guitar and a group of friends, I would urge you to join him - you will leave with a beaming grin. Peter writes his "musings" in an engaging blog as well as writing for Virgin and he has been invited to write a book this by a leading business book publisher, having self-published some popular volumes himself. He is an active participant on social media (follow him on Twitter via @AcademyOfRock or catch one of his rock interviews).
I always enjoy the process of downloading what I’ve learned through the year with a view to uploading changes for the next year, finding the process cathartic and renewing. It’s one of the processes I’ve used for 21 years in business, mostly with my wife Alison, who patiently listens to the highs and lows of running a business.
Mrs Cook is NOT like this
I’m convinced that the art of reflection, learning and adaptation is one of the most important rituals that have contributed to my personal resilience and longevity in a world where the half-life of most businesses is in free-fall.
In recent times, I’ve been able to give Alison some respite from this reflective practice by sharing my hopes, fears, fantasies and nightmares in the full glare of the world.
The process of downloading and uploading is a cathartic ritual that helps build an adaptive organisation, whether you are a small business or a large one.
Strategic Improvisation
My background as a scientist instilled curiosity and the understanding that most of life is a series of experiments. It has been very good for my life as a musician and even better now we live in an age of disruptive change. In a VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous) business environment, life in a business requires perpetual change and experimentation to find new focal points. This is a subtle but important difference than a “random walk” which can leads to fad surfing and a lack of consolidation of your value. I’ve probably been involved in what I call “strategic improvisation” for at least 10 years, through one of the deepest recessions for many decades and, at last, some of the results are beginning to show from what I did when there was not much to do in terms of paid activity during those times.
This year has finally been one when a number of businesses have started again to use the services of external people after many years of simply treading water whilst people halted projects or suspended the use of outside people to contain costs. We’ve been fortunate to deliver a range of projects from HR reviews, facilitated strategy summits to leadership and innovation conferences for companies as diverse as FujiFilm, Pfizer, Roche, University College London, Bentley and MSD in the UK, Ireland, Italy, Greece, Denmark, Germany and Poland.
Private joys and public disappointments
I believe that we work best when we do what we love. In my case that means occasionally doing things that some people tell me are dream jobs. Amongst the private joys I’ve had in 2015, I’d mention these:
1. Taking Robert Peston to a P-Funk concert with George Clinton and subsequently writing him a song for his departure from the BBC in support of Cancer Research UK. Check “Pestonomics” out here:
2. Interviewing John Mayall, the Godfather of the Blues, Prince’s sax player, Marcus Anderson and Prince’s first lady, Sheila E, about flow, improvisation, music and a range of other topics. I was delighted to find that Sheila had read one of my books “Sex, Leadership and Rock’n’Roll” – just an incredible result from networking. Check Sheila’s interview out here:
4. The greatest love of all was recording four songs as a tribute to my good friend Bill Nelson, who has inspired the likes of Kate Bush, David Bowie, Brian Eno, Brian May. Bill has been a constant source of inspiration and wisdom for over 40 years of my life and remains to this day a permanent flame when the lights go out. Check out our song “Crying to the Sky” which was itself an homage to Jimi Hendrix and one of my earliest musical influences “Adventures in a Yorkshire Landscape”, written about Bill’s home area. Recording these songs was not an idle adventure. It introduced me to Robert Craven, Virgin author and business speaker, also a Bill Nelson nut.
One big disappointment came via a small business owner who showed up in a Bentley to ask me for some friendly advice in transforming his career from a recruitment boss to a personal development speaker and author. After some analysis I told him that, whilst his transformation was not impossible, it would be a vertical climb from his current business and that he needed to operate from his existing expertise base as a recruitment business owner.
He said he was willing to do the work and I assisted with some mentoring to help him reach his goal. However, he had also approached a "branding and social media guru", who advised that there was a much easier way to achieve his transformation. She told him the answer lay in simply creating a website and a series of social media banners for his new enterprise. She also advised him to adopt the "spray and pray" approach to social media, buying Twitter followers, etc. He followed the “guru's advice” as it was easier but it didn’t work. Moreover shortly after his visit he told me that he had gone bankrupt and could not pay me for the work I’d done. Later on it turned out he was caught pimping his young girlfriend out at a hotel. I have never had a bad debt in 21 years, nor dealt with a man with a Bentley who turned out to be a charlatan. Well, we live and learn I guess!
Stranded Bentley
Hopes and fears
“I made it through the wilderness, yeah I made it through” – Madonna
Having come through the recession over 8 years, I come out of it having refined what I do, branded it, become much better networked and with a range of artefacts to show for my efforts, the most precious one of which is a major new book called “Leading Innovation, Creativity and Enterprise” for Bloomsbury.
Of course, I am 8 years older into the bargain and this occasionally worries me as young things can see such people as irrelevant in a workplace that values apps over application and wisdom.
App-reciation
To survive in business in an adaptive environment requires improvisation, curiosity and the willingness to learn new things without becoming distracted by every shiny new thing that passes you by. As an improvising musician and scientist I feel up for the challenge. Tonight as I finish writing this I am off to the after party at the Assembly Halls in Tunbridge Wells with Mel C, Spike Edney from Queen, Graham Gouldman (10CC), Cheryl Baker (Bucks Fizz) and Madeleine Bell of Hot Chocolate, having just received a personal invite to the show from Patti Russo, Meatloaf’s singing partner. I was blessed to meet Patti on a pavement smoking a fag a year ago without having a clue who she was. She was kind enough to credit me as playing a part in her reinvention after Meatloaf gave up live performances. I guess this goes to show that being young at heart is what really counts and not all those that wander are lost …
Welcome to the second half of my summary, analysis and thoughts on the Advent Blogs. Although the series has ended, many of the messages made remain pertinent and, in my opinion, all the posts merit re-reading for the inspiration and delight they offer.
Paths and Perceptions
Unlike many blogs, the Advent Series’ contributions usually tell you quite a bit about the authors themselves, not just their stance at work, or what they do or sell – many pieces are verging on confessional. Most importantly, there is a genuinely nice feel to the series, both the posts and the readers’ responses, full of trust and goodwill. They almost resemble a confidential chat with a close friend, indeed, given the interactions I had with each writer, behind the scenes, all the contributors feel like close friends to me. Here are a few more of my observations:
As stated above, over the years it has become a tradition that the annual Advent Blogs series is more intimate than most conventional blogs – 41 posts were personal in content – with writers commenting on their own experiences, fears and hopes. Despite having never participated in the previously and his being a very early post in the series, Paul hit just the right tone – he has made the courageous choice to change career and clearly values the support of his loving wife (who does not require a satnav). Khurshed confessed to the initial horror he felt at being asked to sing in public with strangers but how he discovered the meaning of commitment. Katharine told us about the tears tracing her cheeks as she sat, Zazen style, and reevaluated her life and priorities. Ali’s depiction of living with the debilitating effects of Endometriosis was searingly honest - I hope it has alerted others to the symptoms and how best to cope. What stunning photos Jon shared with us to illustrate his life and thoughts in 2014 - I found the trAIL and the lack of physical boundaries and limitations, only man made ones, in the Alps, particularly thought provoking.
Many of the contributors come from an HR or L&D background, so perhaps I should not be surprised that 32 people were happy to share their learning and the personal development that occurred as a result of the events that had occurred in their lives and the opinions that they formed over 2014. Trevor has realised that in order to understand others’ points of view it is important to listen carefully and to drop your preconceptions and personal baggage. Alison has come to the enlightened realisation that it is better to lead by example than to preach at the entrenched who have no desire to change. David has spent much time over 2014 contemplating his priorities and focus and has come to learn that he must let some things go, stop doing other things, tread his own path and trust it to lead him to the right destination. Rachel has learned to reconnect with the things that matter to her and as a consequence is re-enthused by the possibilities of L&D. Jo too has been on a voyage of acceptance and discovery - she appreciates that need for dark and light to experience the komorebi.
Mindfulness has been a recurring theme in business and the media for the past couple of years, so perhaps I should not be surprised to discover that 48 posts emphasise the importance of “being in the moment” or appreciating life, as well as being aware of the mindset you have that influences the way in which you experience the world. Vera has learned to enjoy life, to live in the moment and is content in her knowledge that the best is yet to come. Susan actually commented on the fact that “just being” was a theme in the series and that how people see you may not be how you are and vice versa, so it is important simply to know and be yourself and try to have a positive impact. In a way, Annette’s charming story of Wizard Oscar demonstrates the need for mindfulness - it is only when he sits still and breathes deeply, taking in the beauty of his surroundings by the lake, that his thinking clears and he begins to appreciate his own “magical” but not supernatural problem solving capabilities.
Change was a strong thread that ran through many pieces (29 to be exact) – people spoke of variations in ways of living, career changes, altered circumstances, personal loss, discovery, relocation and redirection. Ailsa shared with us her move out of London into the Sussex countryside, her beginning to gain traction at work and becoming a valued member of the community, as well as letting her now beloved canine companion, Pamela, into her life. Tim’s thoughtful piece entreated the reader to challenge how he/she look at things, as it is often our perceptions, resulting from personal biases and reactions formed from similar incidents in the past, that cause distress or misunderstanding. Karen spoke of how she and two of her university girlfriends have changed, whilst retaining their strong bond of friendship. Inji encouraged us, in her piece, to change our mindsets, away from a scarcity mentality - our lives would be better and less stressful if we learned to appreciate, give and trust. Matt’s post provided a refreshing look at attitudes toward Career Paths and how attitudes towards work have changed over the past 22 years - he advocates the use of stories to enhance understanding.
Acceptance was a theme for some - accepting themselves, their role in the world, the current state of their lives, their past, etc… Peter told us about how his life can be viewed in distinct stages, each connected by a Sigmoid Curve, he has a desire to consolidate on what he has been building since 2008 and, both personally and at work, achieve his true potential. Tony spoke openly about the experience of being a gay man in what has, at times, been a discriminatory and judgemental world - he asked us to reconsider our preconceptions and make an effort to make others feel included. Ryan has been through huge change, which made him question whether his life had a purpose, but he has come to the realisation that there is sunlight ahead. Who could fail to be moved by Paul’s distress at the death of his beloved cat, Robbie, and yet he himself knows that this is just a step on the path and that it is important to keep on walking. Michael too, in his short but deep piece, offered encouragement that the wheel of fortune turns and we have choices but should appreciate that “There will always be setbacks. There will always be reasons for tears. There will always be joy”
22 people made public commitments to doing something new or in a different manner from 2015 onwards – I hope your resolutions are holding – Gemma provided us with a great example of what can be done it you are determined to achieve stated goals. Janice, inspired by her experiences when ill and the terrible occurrences in her beloved home city of Glasgow, made a public commitment to change her ways by acting as well as feeling compassionate. Perry, despite feeling that at times his efforts were spurned or backfired, re-confirmed his commitment to being kind and urged us all to follow suit.
The 12 most popular posts of the series, determined by the number of views, commencing in descending order were:
No Longer Disorientated in the Haar – Day 34 (appeared on 3rd January 2015). A beautifully crafted post by Sandy Wilkie - your words and journey to a new route and companionship were erudite, evocative and inspiring. A link to the post was picked up on Twitter and shared by a popular author in the U.S.A. and the page views soared.
Treading a Better Path - Day 35 (appeared on 4th January 2015, my wedding anniversary). Gemma Reucroft had previously touched on the ability of individuals to change their lives in a former Advent blog. This post clearly struck a chord with many people – indeed there are a few I have agreed to support, since reading the post, to help them remain inspired to get fit or lose weight and I myself have lost 5 lbs so far (admittedly, I have a lot more to go, but it’s a start…) Thank you for the inspiration.
Survive and Thrive – Day 19 (19th December 2014) – a moving piece from Julie Drybrough, who had a challenging year that left her “bone weary. Soul-tired, afraid…” yet she still found the words and courage to share her thoughts and admit to being hopeful for the years to come and curious about the opportunities they will bring.
Beguiled By Beginnings – Day 24 (24th December 2014). Simon Heath’s posts always make me think and this was no exception. His Christmas Eve contemplation on the tendency to clone and to maintain a rigid approach towards qualifications and Society’s limited attitude as to what makes a person fit for work - when he himself is a shining example that there are other ways to succeed - made many people reconsider how we are preparing the next generations.
Choosing Paths – Day 32 (New Year’s Day) by Ian Pettigrew was an excellent way to start 2015. Ian is a wonderful example of a man who chose to walk a different path and, in doing so, has made a better life for himself and the many with whom he comes into contact (both in and outside work). His example of being prepared to give it a go, whilst remaining sufficiently self-aware to appreciate when he had made a mistake, and hence to move on to better things, is a good lesson for many of us to learn.
Precious People – Day 39 (8th January 2015) by Bina Briggs made many of us smile and realise not only how much we love those close to us, but also that we should let them know how cherished they are and make time to be with them. Bina celebrated the fact that she found her prince (even though he was not the dark Indian one she had imagined as an adolescent). He (her husband) has stood beside her for 34 years and she made public commitment to spend more meaningful time, centred around him, in 2015 and beyond.
Walking with the Spirits – Day 44 (13th January 2015) written by Chris Kane celebrated friendship, teamsmanship and people’s desire to belong to something and be part of a community with a purpose and a sense of place, instead of just existing. I know how hesitant Chris was about writing for the series and yet his Irish charm sparkled on the page and people loved it (it was not just a post for rugby fans and Celts).
In equal 8th place are: The Meadow Walk – Day 36 (5th January 2015), a tour de force of creative writing by Neil Usher. Neil is well known for his inventive prose and poetry and for being a deep thinker. Albeit brief, his post said much about what the future could be like, if technology acts as a leveller and neutralises society, so that being outspoken becomes the bland norm and true sentiment and innovation are lost in the porridge of similitude.
And: Reach for a New Day – Day 42 (11th January 2015) by Steve Toft. A fitting contract to Neil’s dystopian vision. Steve, who is often criticised for being down-beat, using facts and analysis to paint a pessimistic picture of today’s working environment, confessed to being a long-term optimist. He has faith in Man’s ability to get us out of our current tight spot and overcome “the immense challenges to come”. Like many of the posts, Steve found his inspiration for the future in music, hence the title of his post, which is taken from a 1970’s song by Airwaves, a favourite of his lovely wife.
The Paths of My Upbringing – Day 37 (6th January 2015) by Keith Gulliver. Keith gave us a treat for Twelfth Night, initially seeming to be a trip down Memory Lane – sharing a glimpse of his childhood – his post blossomed into an outlining of his values, forged by his youth, and some wise advice on the best ways to live an enjoyable, memory-filled and meaningful life.
Known Unknowns – Day 45 (14th January 2015) was written by my son Charles. In his post he used scientific explanations, written in the press, to challenge us to be wary of obfuscation and brevity. He urges us to look deep into a subject, instead of being beguiled by first impressions and to appreciate that most statements should be taken with a pinch of salt; we should never stop questioning what we are told. Being his mother, I can vouch that he has been asking “Why?” for many years.
Hooked on a Feeling – Day 58 (27th January 2015) was the final post in the series, written by the globally renown and ever-supportive HR guru, Steve Browne. Steve’s enthusiasm and love of connecting with people is almost palpable. In his piece he explains that, being an extreme extrovert, he needs to connect with others but that he has learned that the most effective way of doing so is by adapting how he interacts to get the best out of any relationship. He maintains that anyone’s life will be improved if they make genuine, emotional connections with others.
In equal 12th place are: Happy Holidays – Day 22 (posted on 22nd December 2014) a wonderful festive piece by Christopher Demers that tells us all, like Dickens’ Scrooge, to see the light and take the best of the season and apply it to our daily lives to make the world a better place all year round,
and finally Weekly Walk – Day 41 (10th January 2015) written by my youngest son Hamish, which records his weekly pilgrimage to and from the station in order to come home to visit his mother. The maternal/filial link is like a fine golden thread or a chain that links and pulls us together.This was his second guest post for me, following the success of his piece on gaming in 2012.
One thing that strikes me about the top 12 listed above is that the majority were posted in 2015. There is much to be said for the statement “standing on the shoulders of giants” – it was noticeable that the series gained momentum, with views and global reach increasing as the days went by. The calibre of posts was so high that, by being grounded on the excellent foundations created by earlier posts, it is hardly surprising the number of views continued to rise daily. On behalf of all of us readers, who gained so much enjoyment and insight from your words, I would like to thank each and every author - without you, there would have been no series. I salute you.
