Damn Good - Day 21

Friday 21st December 2018 

21 Shillings make a Guinea - although no longer circulated (it ceased being minted in 1814),
the term guinea survives as a unit of account in some fields, including horse racing, Oxbridge May
Ball tickets and the sale of rams to mean an amount of one pound and one shilling (21 shillings)
which is £1.05. It was the first English machine-struck gold coin, originally worth one pound sterling,
equal to twenty shillings, but rises in the price of gold relative to silver caused the value of the guinea
to increase, at times to as high as thirty shillings. From 1717 to 1816, its value was officially
fixed at twenty-one shillings.

I am not going to be back in the office until after Christmas - it has been so full-on over the past few days and weeks that that feels really weird. We had a great party last night. Today I am driving to Somerset to take my mother to hospital. All being well, she and I are looking forward to going out to dinner tonight with friends and some other members of the family. It will be wonderful to spend some quality time with loved ones. The older I get the more I appreciate the importance of love and relationships. Is there someone or some people you can see or renew contact with at this festive time? My mother is sliding into severe dementia; I am so glad that we made and cherished our moments together over the years, as you can never get that time back.

Today's post is reflective and open. It is by Sara Duxbury, whose post last year caused a lot of positive and active discussion about mental health, friendship and the workplace.  Sara is an amazing lady, full of energy and ideas; she works as a business psychologist and is Head of Commercial at Carter Corson. After studying Psychology, Sara commenced her career in Retail and held operational roles before moving into Learning and Development and through that into HR. She has been an award winning HR Director with particular expertise in Professional Services. Sara has an excellent reputation as a thought-leader and is an active and engaging member of the social media community; you can connect with her on Twitter (her handle is @SaraJDux).

All the illustrations and music in this post were selected by Sara herself.

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#MyStory – the sequel

If last year’s blog was about putting myself out there, this year is about how I lost myself out there.

When I wrote my Advent Blog this time last year (http://kategl.blogspot.com/2018/01/mystory-day-37.html)  the response I received was completely unprecedented. I was incredibly humbled by words of respect, admiration, love and the “we knew you were mad, and we love you anyway”. I was in fact quite speechless (which for those who know me, you will know the world must have been considerably quieter for a moment!). The whole experience at the time, felt like the ultimate high five!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmDzqWqTXa8

Martin Luke Brown - Opalite

When I reflect on the year that has passed since, I can see that there have been unexpected consequences, which have caused me heartache

Having a public support network meant that what I used to keep private, I now get support from my work colleagues and my friends – I have help. I bet you’re thinking how can this be a bad thing Sara? But all my coping strategies involved up until then… me. To now have people caring and wanting to share the burden was and is strangely difficult. I find it hard not to withdraw.

My self-confidence took a serious battering – I felt afraid and doubted myself. I still do on an hourly/daily basis. By being so honest to myself, I think I have made myself vulnerable and my imposter syndrome just LOVES that. I’m still learning how to channel that negative drain into positive energy.

My worst fear did come true – some people did and do judge me. Some do view my behaviour without understanding where it might be coming from. I think if they could spend some time inside my head, they might be kinder?

I’m overdoing it – my off-switch has completely left the building. You know you need to look at your wellbeing when you are conducting a three-week sleep study on yourself to determine if you are getting enough sleep! Maybe I think I need to prove myself more? (see previous two points)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dmQ3QWpy1Q

Linkin Park & Kiiara – Heavy

I remember disagreeing with quite a few people last year who described me as brave. I feel more like this year I have needed to be brave, and I think I will need to continue to be brave to begin/carry on making good choices in this brave new Dux world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwPa71UZRaQ

The Wombats – Lemon to a Knife Fight

I can only do my best and I think I need to learn that my best is good enough. Hope is seeing photos of me like the below (thank you Kelly Swingler!) where I see captured, just for a moment, a glimpse of that girl who still gets so much joy from a wonky life (especially if it involves tacos!).

So, if you are someone who doesn’t struggle with your mental health, use your powers for good.

To quote this awesome girl I know: “My biggest hope is that by sharing my story, you who are sitting there battling on both sides, or you managing someone with mental health struggles. Look at me and see you CAN be the best version of you, be DAMN good at what you do, and be a bit bat-shit crazy” Here’s to hope…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_5WHnQd9pY

Curtis Walsh – Full Recovery

Take or break

We’ve just had a Bank Holiday long weekend in the UK and hence I had time on Monday morning to have a lengthy chat with Tian Sern Oon – one of the winners of this year’s Queen’s Young Leaders award. After a very difficult childhood, Tian Sern has founded a business in Singapore to help support people suffering from poor mental health and to raise awareness of the issues related to mental well-being and the benefits of diversity, with a view to reducing the stigma associated with mental illness. 

He does not want anyone to suffer as he did (he grew up with a schizophrenic mother and succumbed to depression himself after his father lost his retail job during the global economic downturn). As you can imagine, he is a brave and inspirational young man.

There must be something in the air, across the world in general, as one of the other young people whom I am mentoring for the programme, Hauwa Ojeifo, is also trying to tackle the stigma of mental health in her country and region – she is based in Nigeria and she and I had a call early on Monday evening before I went to a meeting with fellow governors of my local NHS Foundation Trust (where the topic of mental health was also raised). It is humbling seeing what both of these amazing young award winners are doing to make the world a better place for fellow sufferer, those around them and the wider community. I am sure that I will be providing further updates on here about them and their progress over the next few months.

Mental Health Awareness Week occurs in May in the UK.  It therefore seems apt for me to write a piece about health and well being, and, given that I have just enjoyed a Bank Holiday break, I am going to focus on the value of taking some time off. A few years ago, when I worked for a large global organisation headquartered in the U.S.A., I first became aware of the difference in the approach to work absences and holidays around the globe – on paper my American colleagues had many fewer days’ vacation than those of us based in Britain, Australia or indeed in most countries. It should be noted that there is no statutory right to paid vacation in the U.S.A., nor is there a requirement on a private company to provide paid Public Holidays, although the majority of employers do. However, unlike the rest of us, the American based employees had a specified number of days to take as sick days each year and this was included within their contracts. It seemed odd to me to require people to take time off “ill” (even when they were not) – as that is how colleagues treated it – it was seen as a right to a few days off with no questions asked and, if all their days had not been utilised, there was a rush to do so before the end of each year.

Acknowledging that sickness is an issue at work is not a modern concept. In 1500 BC at least some of the workers who built tombs for the Egyptian pharaohs received paid sick leave and state supported health care. 

In the Bible, in chapter 13 of the Book of Leviticus, it is suggested that a seven-day period of isolation should occur for individuals infected with a skin condition. In Victorian times all policemen in England and Wales were offered free medical care, sick leave and sick pay (provided that they became unfit for service in the execution of duty) and, as from 1839, the Metropolitan Police provided pensions to officers with more than 15 years’ service who, after a medical examination, were deemed to be no longer fit for police service. It is interesting that just this week Uber has announced that it will give its European drivers access to medical cover and compensation for work-related injuries – it may be cynical of me to note that Uber’s appeal hearing in September, which will determine whether it can operate in the UK, will pivot on whether the company has become a conscientious business (it’s licence was withdrawn on grounds of “public safety and security implications”). Uber needs to demonstrate that is has changed its ways and is fit to operate – back in 2016 it denied workers’ rights to holidays, but this decision was overruled. Uber may have been short-sighted in more ways than one – but it is not alone. Many other organisations still fail to appreciate the value that having a holiday or period of rest from work can have on a worker.

The word “holiday” comes from “holy day” and from medieval times onwards they were days on which everyone, regardless of background, could rest. Once the industrial revolution had occurred, it became common for factories to have a week’s closure, during which period machinery was repaired. This holiday (known as the Wakes Week in northern England) was a time when typically a different town closed every week over the period from June to September and this became the start of what many of us now think of as having a holiday. An agreement for twelve days’ annual leave was introduced in 1907 and this increased to fifteen in 1915. Workers would scrimp and save to escape from their place of work, often going to the seaside. Holidays were traditionally unpaid – this made life very hard for low paid workers. In the UK paid holiday rights were finally introduced via the Holidays With Pay Act 1938, following a 20-year campaign for paid leisure time.

It has been proved that taking a break boosts productivity – in mid 1920s Henry Ford reduced his workers’ hours from six days to five and 48-hour weeks to 40 – and, as he anticipated, this boosted productivity. However, recent research shows that many workers today are not using their holiday entitlement. In the British Airways commissioned research it was discovered that in 2017 one third of British workers did not use their full holiday entitlement (relinquishing on average 4 days of paid leave). We have quite a significant problem in the global workforce now, namely “presenteeism” (where individuals come to work but, usually because of mental of physical health issues, they are unproductive despite being physically in the workplace). I see a close link between presenteeism and mental health (and in particular stress). It used to be said that the reason people suffered from stress was because their body kept repeatedly releasing hormones such as cortisol and adrenalin in response to a perceived threat – the “Fight or Flight” response – but this definition has now been adapted to include the aspect of “Freeze” where an individual is incapable of doing anything. This is an observed aspect of presenteeism.

Humans need rest, and in particular we need sleep – 15 hours’ sleep deprivation impacts responses as much as swiftly downing 2 pints of beer. Sleep is vital – admittedly we all have slightly different sleeping patterns and needs, but for most adults fewer than eight hours over a protracted period is harmful (if you sleep fewer than 6 or more than 11 hours on a consistent basis you should perhaps seek medical advice, as both are probably causes for concern). However, if you are a parent, don’t apply this rule to your children. There is medical evidence that proves that as teenagers our sleep patterns change – making adolescents naturally more nocturnal than adults, with their melatonin being released as late as 1.00am as opposed to the more conventional time of 10.00pm, and their being in need of a lie-in as a result. Melatonin helps us feel sleepy. One of the reasons why many of us have trouble sleeping is due to our use of gadgets such as smartphones and screens late at night. Many tech devices emit blue light and this inhibits our natural production of melatonin. So, if you want to help yourself sleep better read a traditional rather than an e-book before bed.

If you are at work and struggling either through feeling drowsy or because of the pressure you find yourself under, it is unlikely that you can escape for a nap or enjoy an unplanned holiday, however, there is no reason why you cannot take care of yourself. Get up and have a wander – it’s good for you and you will perform better afterwards. Going for a walk in a place where there are plants and trees is proven to be more restorative than having an urban ramble. Earlier this week, I took a member of my team for a walk during our one-to-one, rather than sitting and just talking in a room. We went to the Postman’s Park – a relatively unknown site in the City of London.  It is a surprisingly moving venue due to an unusual memorial erected by the painter and sculptor George Frederic Watts in honour of Heroic Self Sacrifice. 

It was built in honour of Queen Victoria’s Golden Jubilee. The memorial commemorates normal citizens who courageously gave their lives to save others. I love the fact their acts will now not be forgotten.  I also find visiting the memorial strangely therapeutic - it reminds me that my life is easy in comparison to so many others and that there are things that I, un-heroic as I am, can do to take better care of myself. You owe it to yourself and those you care about you to take care. Don’t be ashamed of wanting to take a break. Better having a break than becoming broken.

Photo by Bing Wright

Life in Chiaroscuro - Day 52

Day 52 (Sunday 21st January 2018)

52 - the age at which Harry Houdini died - by this time he had amazed and baffled people
in much of Europe, Russia and the U.S.A. On 21st January 1903 he escaped Halvemaansteeg
police station in Amsterdam. 1903 was the year when Houdini really became an icon - he was
already known for being good at escaping handcuffs but he now began to make a name
for breaking out of jails. he also managed to break into a safe for a Moscow locksmith
(who had been trying to do so for 14 years) revealing a treasure trove of jewels and
earning Houdini $750 for 9 hours work (a significant sum at the time).

Today is my husband's birthday and we are going out for a family lunch. His mother is coming to celebrate with us. She is finding life without her husband very hard. Death is, in so many ways, so painful for those of us left behind.

The post you read today is by Jacqueline Davies. It is open, honest and at times a painful read (as well as being the second post in a row with a wonderful poem  written by the contributor). Jacqueline says much about herself below, so I will only say a few words... Some of you may remember Jacqueline's Call To Arms in the final post of last year's series. At the time of writing last year she was the Master of the Guild of Human Resource Professionals (@GuildHRprofs) and the first openly lesbian Master of any City of London Guild. She was also the HR Director for the FCA (the regulatory body for much of the Financial Services industry) - a huge and demanding role. In her post she made a statement of the role of HR that has resonated with me this year, we need to be:

"standard bearers for the best of what it means to be human. To hold ourselves and others to account and to be provocative when we see integrity or conduct threatened."

I genuinely believe that HR as a profession is in the best position I have ever known it to be in. Increasingly leaders, colleagues, clients and the communities in which we work are becoming aware of the importance of culture and conduct. That does not mean we should be complacent or smug - someone in HR clearly turned a blind eye to inappropriate behaviour in Miramax when Harvey Weinstein was at his most predatory. We need HR to be the moral compass (it is no coincidence that a compass is the symbol of the HR Guild here in the UK) and to ask the difficult questions. Since leaving the FCA Jacqueline has teamed up with Tania in their own business consultancy and I think you can tell from its name that she will not be shrinking from facing things head-on - Audacity Associates. In addition, she is an advisor to the Henley Business School, a Governor of Middlesex University and Chair of the National Skills Academy for Financial Services. You can connect with her on social media - her Twitter handle is @JacquelineLD.

The beautiful Chiaroscuro paintings and photographs used to illustrate this piece have all been selected by Jacqueline.

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The Italian’s use the term Chiaroscuro to describe scenes painted in ‘light-dark’, how tonal contrasts are created to provide shape, show character and tell stories.

Life in Chiaroscuro

Seven years ago my mother died. More precisely, I gave my consent for her life support to be switched off, then she died. This decision has weighed heavily with me, replaying while I wait for sleep and returning at dawn before I can crowd it out with plans for the day. This isn’t a post about grief, it’s a post about how we can re-mix the colours on our palette to make sense of living with both darkness and dawn. How I’ve learned that a ‘Chiaroscuro filter’ can distinguish the things that matter from the beautiful, daily distractions that fill our life’s canvas.

You see I lost my Mum some thirty years earlier. She disappeared inside a black cloak of depression. Up-to this point, she loved us unconditionally and taught us how to love back. As we progressed though high school, quite suddenly everything changed. She was unable to go out, unable to get up and when she did was so heavily medicated that when we looked into her eyes we couldn’t find her. This would mean returning from school never knowing if she would be in the kitchen or in bed or if the paracetamol packets would be empty. My father, a steelworker worked around the clock. My younger sister and I found coping strategies. I had wanted to be a painter, but being the oldest, I took charge and I followed my father’s lead; I dropped Art, working relentlessly until I could flee to university. I didn’t stop; travelling like a train through a tunnel, on and on while decades flashed by through the half-light.

The Young Singer by Georges de La Tour

Then, just before I turned 40, the same age Mum was when she became ill, I sat in the hospital, holding her hand and let her go. Just a year before, I had become a Mum and the wonder of holding a new life while letting another go, meant that even the most brilliant moments were outlined by loss.

I took a year out from paid work but I didn’t stop. We moved house, I also took on the Chair of a national charity and wrote a book. I then returned to work and ploughed on. Alongside this, becoming ‘THE BEST MUM I CAN POSSIBLY BE’ became my chief preoccupation. As any new parent will tell you, our radiant daughter brought a new type of light into our lives. It was initially, searing, so bright, I had to blink through the first year learning to adjust to the profound joy and then to the greying fear that arrived. Fear of loss, fear of repeated patterns, fear of not knowing what to do next. Learning how to live with this felt like picking glass splinters from my heart.

Madonna and Child with St Anne by Caravaggio (c1605-6)

Some seven years later, I sat still in a hospital bed watching the sun rise and fall through an oxygen mask. Pneumonia had pressed the pause button on my life. A close friend, shared a conversation with her husband that stopped me in my tracks; ‘your on the top of our list to go first because you’re living faster than anyone else’. In the year that has followed this I’ve stopped permanent work and started painting again. I’m learning to slow down, middle age is helping. I’m learning to look, to see darkness and dawn as an artist might. Noticing the line and shadow in the everyday and being able to distinguish what really matters and to teach this art to my daughter.

Photograph of an apple by Jimmy Wen

I wrote this poem to make sense of things.

Three Daughters

After you left us I waited,

Holding your hand until the silence

Holding my breath until

       the sun came up again and I could escape outside

Gulping the new morning air

And watching the circling gulls

       shrieking their songs of loss and longing, high above the hospital car park

I mostly remember your hands

How they put plasters on my grazes

Turned pages at bedtime

       stirred pots, brimming with love

These are my hands now

Life hardened palms

Stretching out to reach my daughter

       to teach her how to hold time

       and when to watch the sky.

Detail from "Rest on the Flight into Egypt" by Caravaggio (c1586)

The Mother Song, written and performed by Andrea Menard