The blog that it became!

Day 47 (Monday 16th January 2017)

47% of UK children eat confectionary at least once a day, only 1 in 10
has 5 portions of fruit and 20% have no fresh fruit or vegetables
at all on a daily basis. Nearly 40% of Millennials surveyed my Mintel said
 that cereal was inconvenient for breakfast, because they had to
wash up after eating it. Less than 60% of suppers in the UK were
cooked at home last year, compared to 75% 30 years ago. A 2014 survey
by Braun found that 82% of parents used to do household chores
when young, but of those parents, only 28% of them required their children to do chores.

Today is my father's 86th birthday. Yesterday my sons and I went to a Burgundy and Bangers party that he hosted for 28 friends. Great fun. I'm looking forward to next year's event and hope that he has a brilliant day today.

Denise Sanderson-Estcourt, the author of today's post, is an HR, OD and Learning specialist, working at the Royal College of Physicians. Denise describes her interests as Family, Fashion, Faith and Football. She is been a fearless campaigner, raising awareness of and funds for breast cancer, and has even been a glamorous Calendar Girl for the cause. She is also a fashion stylist and image consultant with her own business, Damson Belle - advising individuals on colour, style and cut (hair and outfits) to ensure that they look and feel their best. She is a loving and proud mother of a gorgeous son. Denise is an active blogger with various sites to cover her interests - work, fashion, and health. She lives in London. 

She is active on social media, you can follow her on Twitter (her handle is @DamsonHR).

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The blog that it became!

This is not the blog I'd intended to share. That one (drafted weeks ago) will for now, remain a long, disjointed reflective letter to self.

Instead this is the blog I can write right now. The one that I feel I can share, that talks about where I'm at in this moment.

Writing about the highs and the heart stuff wasn't that much of an issue.

At work, we've had a focus on celebrating success, so thinking about work highs (brand, putting OD on the map, some great training organised and training delivered that was well received) was no issue.

Thinking about life's highs was also a nice experience - the family holiday, re-learning how to ride a bike, most of the time with my son (parenting isn't always a joy!) and seeing the lantern exhibition - an unexpired pleasure, with said son,  would all be on the list. Such things also speak to the 'heart' bit - family time, downtime, fun time, bright things, learning and creativity for example.

Magic Lantern Festival at Chiswick House, West London

The writing about the "hollows" however was a different story - as a usually open person, the block felt like an odd, self-challenging situation. Somehow I just can't get the words around that theme so as to make sense from my head to the page. In truth, I'm not yet brave enough to go into the memory of the heavy hollows that I found myself in last year.

I've struggled therefore to write on all three aspects of the title (and that was feeling like a bit of a cop-out to me), and so I nearly submitted nothing at all.

But thanks to kindness and patience from Kate and a bit of a talking to (by me from me), here I am, sharing something written on a long train journey home.

The hollows piece may show up at some point, but for now I'll just share what I knew was the summary point of my previous attempts to write on the hollows part of the original blog:

• Sometimes your heights are swiftly followed by your hollows - I think to keep you grounded.

• Sometimes your hollows lead you to heights (of sorts!) for example how, for me, attending a funeral last year lead to reconnecting with much loved but long (emotionally) lost family.

• Sometimes your hollows lead you to your heart's needs and dreams and other such things.

• Sometimes your hollows lead to you seeking help and finding the heart in others.

• But always, always the heart will get you through the hollows and to your heights, if you'll go with it.

So there you have it.

The blog that wasn't going to be is now this blog, you see!

And finally, the lesson for me in finally submitting this is...

Doing something over nothing = Feeling like a failure averted!

How to lose hearts

Day 26 (Monday 26th December 2016)



26% of the Far North, the most pristine area of Australia's Great Barrier Reef 
has died. During 2016 the Reef suffered the worst bleaching on record. 
Scientists claim that the damage is caused by rising sea temperatures (in February, 
March and April, sea surface temperatures across the Great Barrier Reef were the 
hottest on record, at least 1C higher than the monthly average).

It is Boxing Day - a traditional time to sit, read something and reflect. I am sure that David D'Souza's post below will make you do just that - it should provoke thoughts, regardless of whether you manage people, work for others or just know people who fit into either camp. His piece has made me stop and contemplate how I work, what I do with and how I lead others and also to consider the approach of the wider business within which I sit. Are you aware of how you make others feel?

David is the Head of London and Head of Engagement (Branches) at the CIPD (Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development - the UK-based professional body for HR and people development with over 140,000 members). Previously he has worked within HR (with a strong bias towards learning and development) and has run his own consultancy. I am fortunate to have had him in my team and I can vouch for the fact that he is as values-driven, and family-orientated, as he comes across on social media. He is also a genuine polymath who can turn his hand and intellect to most things. He is a natural communicator and connector - you can meet and tweet with him on Twitter (his handle is @dds180) or else read his thought-provoking blog - 101 Half Connected Things or else his posts on LinkedIn.

David is a regular speaker at conferences and events, but just as impactful in a quiet one-to-one chat. He is a genuine, super-bright and awesome person. I am honoured to call him my friend.

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A Ten Step Guide to Losing Hearts in The Workplace

Rather than a deep confessional I wanted to give people something constructive for the New Year. A workplace guide to losing hearts and leaving people hollow. A 'How to' guide for anyone wishing to spend a year removing trust and destroying group dynamics, should you be so inclined. I've had a reasonably long career and I've worked with some experts in this field over the years. Their lessons stuck with me and my commitment to people being entitled to the opposite is one of the reasons I joined the CIPD.

Of course, if you wanted to avoid doing the things on this list you might find that, at the very least, you don't do bad things. People often say that 'not bad' isn't the same as 'good'. I'd agree, but sometimes 'not bad' is good enough. 

How to lose hearts:

1. Heroically take upon yourself the burden of the critical decisions and then get them wrong. Work with assumptions as if they are facts and LinkedIn quotes as if they are strategy.                                                                     
   
2. Lead so well no other voices can be heard or recognised. Become the only voice that matters in the organisation. Go big.                                            
   
3. Create a distance so great between your espoused values and your deeds that people point to it from afar as though it is a wonder of nature. They whisper in hushed tones in the corridors, they whisper of that gap. They marvel at your lack of realisation.                                                             
   
4. Involve people at the point their involvement is largely redundant and then rail at them for a lack of 'engagement'. Dictate the rules of engagement and then object to being called a dictator. Use an annual survey to indicate commitment to everyday involvement.                                                      
   
5. Keep your friends close and your budgets closer. Invest only in people and things that are conspicuous in their proximity to your world view. Create a comfort blanket of vanity projects and acolytes.                                         
   
6. Keep talking about not being able to be half on the bus - until only the people on the bus are the ones that aren't smart enough to challenge the destination and timetable (even though it makes no sense)                         
     
7. Pay no attention to the physical environment. People are lucky to have a building at all and if they were as good as you they'd get a nicer space to work in - with windows and a supportive chair and everything.                    
   
8. Communicate what you want to communicate or what people want to hear. Leave the trickier task of telling them what they need to hear for another day 
   
9. Make unfair reward your target. From exec pay down to saying "thank you", be selective, preferential and shun transparency. Tell yourself that if someone wouldn't object then you aren't making the tough decisions          
   
10. And finally, remember why you hired all those bright people: to make you feel good about taming their intellect and having them all agree with you.    
    

Even if it means the bright sparks within them no longer shine.

Reflected Brilliance and Volatility

Day 4 (Friday 4th December 2015)

4 is the smallest number of colours sufficient to shade the countries on a planar map.
In 1852 Francis Guthrie guessed that the answer is 4 for any map, no matter what shape the countries take.
This concept was only claimed to be proved in 1976 by Wolfgang Haken and Kenneth Appel, but their proof is so 
complicated, involving significant computing calculations, so it has been almost impossible to check.

It gives me great pleasure to introduce Mark Husband, the Managing Director of specialist Legal headhunters, Cogence Search. You can follow Cogence on Twitter or indeed Mark himself via @MarkHusband. I first met Mark when I was HR Director for an eminent international law firm - he and his team worked with us to achieve some significant lateral hires. Mark is a former litigator and has a genuine passion for the legal sector, as well as his business. Mark's Advent post is candid and, unlike many senior executives working in recruitment, he is prepared to own up to and learn from his mistakes. I am delighted to welcome him as a contributor and hope that he will become a regular blogger.

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Recruitment at every level is a gamble; as in all games of chance the odds are immutable - there is only so much that one can do to mitigate the chance of a loss. People are generally what they seem to be so, as employers and recruiters, we win far more often than we lose.

Cogence Search have been responsible for a host of successful client hires and we have hired lots of great people ourselves, but, in our market, as much as in any other, success has several fathers and failure is an orphan. 

We all love to talk about our successes but our silence in relation to failures serves no one – least of all ourselves, so I would like to talk about a client hire we supported which did not work out and a hire of our own which was a spectacular failure.

Client Hire – Comet Tail

This person’s CV could not have been better – they had led large corporate practices as a partner in some of the largest firms in the world, their client base was well established, they were genial, a team player and an absolute fit for our client. Six rounds of interviews – innumerable internal discussions and an extremely detailed analysis of the person’s business case were conducted over many months. Our client is a very cautious firm and pre-offer invested in an external non-competing agency to undertake an exhaustive referencing process.

The references were all glowing; nobody had a negative thing to say and where client comfort was sought it was given: the hire proceeded.

Their apparent brilliance was an illusion created by the radiance of the firms they had been part of, absent that they were nothing.

This person was a Comet Tail, a dazzling cloud of ice crystals – ultimately nothing but frozen water made temporarily spectacular by the glow of a nearby star.

Comet Lovejoy near the Pleiades star cluster

Their employment lasted 18 months.

Appearances can be deceptive

Our Hire – Coal Dust

Some time ago we were approached through a recruiter to the recruitment sector with a request that we consider a lateral with a fabulous track record – extraordinary personal billings and exceptional sector experience. Like our clients we went through an exhaustive interview process – we looked at past transactions and gained references. We liked the person, believed in them and invested heavily in them and their future.

As we got to know them through their work we found disturbing inconsistencies: they were by no means as capable as their history would suggest; they were commercially naïve when acumen was advertised and had the emotional maturity of a toddler despite their chronological age.

We found our new colleague could spend inordinate amounts of time doing little followed by absurd bouts of sulking, temper tantrums and attention-seeking behaviour of extraordinary proportions.

This person was Coal Dust: an inert mass capable of doing nothing indefinitely, followed by spontaneous combustion or sudden explosion.

Their employment lasted 18 months.

Coal dust explosion

The temptation when these things happen is to cast about for blame – to look at hiring procedures, to apply 20/20 hindsight or search frantically for people to blame. The truth is that it is very unlikely anything could have been done to prevent an errant hire – unfortunately people do not come with warning labels and once in a while we all suffer the consequences: all that glisters is not gold but not all that is rotten comes with wavy “stink lines” warning of its nature.

Knowing when things have gone wrong and acting quickly to fix them is the only way to beat the bookies. Perhaps the fear of blame, in these circumstances, causes us to delay admitting to ourselves that we have made a bad hire.

May the odds be forever in your favour.

My favourite tattoo

The Art of Leaving

From being a teenager onwards my father has delighted in teasing me with the following rhyme (written by Ogden Nash in the 1930s, when women wearing trousers were frowned upon): 

Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants;

Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.

You look divine as you advance –

Have you seen yourself retreating?

This is neither a post about sartorial elegance nor a debate as to whether the female figure suits a skirt better than britches, instead it is a few thoughts on “retreating” – leaving a job and saying goodbye.

The Antarctic survivors on Elephant Island waving farewell
to Shackleton and the James Caird crew, April 24 1916 

During my career I have encountered many “retreats”, some simple resignations because an employee has an attractive offer that will forward their career or quality of life, others forced departures due to sickness, personal circumstances, inappropriate conduct or business need. I must confess to finding the latter, which are predominantly accomplished through redundancies, particularly challenging, as they impact on people’s lives and yet the exit decisions are made by the business according to organisationally defined criteria, often with little thought to the impact that verdicts will have on the individuals and their families. No matter how much you stress that the exits are not a reflection on those who are impacted (both the people leaving and those left behind), but are based on an assessment of the roles they fulfil, it is hard for those selected (unless they have opted for voluntary redundancy) not to feel their forced departure on a very personal level.  I see one of business leaders’ and HR’s primary roles as ensuring that leavers, as well as joiners, have as good an experience as possible.

I discovered yesterday that I have been included in a book, How To Stand Out, by Dr. Rob Yeung, the leading UK psychologist, author and orator – he and I have known each other for over a decade, having worked together and I hold him and his work in high regard. Nearly a year ago, we had an interesting discussion about careers, values and impact; I thought what I had said were just words lost in the breeze at the end of the evening, but, in addition to acknowledging my desire to continuously learn and grow, he picked up on my determination to always treat people with respect and understanding, especially during times of change and transition. In the book he has used some examples from my past to illustrate how businesses can achieve the best outcomes both for themselves and exiting employees.  In 2008/9 my team and I went out of our way to secure new roles for people who were being made redundant, when we had to lay off 20% of the workforce. We flew HR directors and recruiters in from overseas locations where there were opportunities, to enable them to select their new hires from our excellent staff. All parties were happy with the outcome. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if more people considered the impact they have on those around them and made an effort to soften the blow, so that those leaving and those left behind can get on with life without undue anxiety. Seven years later I am still in contact with (and friends with) many of the people who set out on new paths at that time. Some have even thanked me for the opportunity it presented that has changed their lives for the better and commented on the consideration I showed during tough times – even now their comments are a truly humbling experience.

The need for respect works both ways – when a person chooses to leave their employer, the manner in which they resign and then conduct themselves in the lead up to and following their departure is important.  In reality, few people wish to go leaving a lasting bad taste in the mouth of their former boss and colleagues (and this is not just because they are concerned at getting a bad reference); who knows what the future will hold? I have on more than one occasion been involved in an acquisition where there are employees on the other side who find themselves becoming colleagues again with people they thought they had said “goodbye” to. So, my advice is be careful what you say in your resignation letter – although, there are times when you have a duty to inform the company as to what is causing your departure, especially if ethics or workplace issues are involved. If there are things that can be done to make a better environment then you have a duty to explain, as the information should be used to improve the workplace for others after you have gone. 

One of the most popular resignation themed posts on Forbes is a very frank explanation by a recruiter as to why she felt compelled to leave. It is clear from follow up interviews with her that she has no regrets at being so honest and that her letter has acted as inspiration for others. However, a resignation should not simply be an opportunity for revenge and bad-mouthing. 

Despite the end of the Job-for-life there is a duty of trust and care that rests on both an employee and their employer. Individuals are expected to work to the best of their ability whilst employed, in exchange for a salary and benefits, the chance to develop and a suitable place to work; in return an employer should respect those who toil for the benefit of the business. Managers and leaders should do their best to treat staff with courtesy – communicating in an honest and open manner, paying a fair wage and treating employees with trust and appreciation.

Advice to those about to leave: 

• tell your boss first, before you speak with others– your manager/supervisor should never find out via someone else that you are planning to go;
• discuss the timing of your departure and, if needs be, agree to stay until a certain matter is concluded or goal achieved;
• once the decision is made and public, refrain from talking overmuch about your new opportunity;
• stay focused on what needs to be done to ensure a professional departure; remain considerate to others especially as some of them may be having to take on some of your tasks and responsibilities;
• offer to help and leave detailed notes or provide a personal handover for those who will have to pick up where you will leave off;
• be appreciative - use the opportunity of your departure to thank people and provide feedback  to them (positive as well as constructive) – this may be your most important legacy; and
• contemplate what went well and what you could have done better in your old role - were there things you loved or are particularly pleased to have done? Are there situations, types of people or aspects of your job that you should avoid in the future? Learn from your mistakes and figure out how to improve on your triumphs, so that you can develop your skills and be even better in your next role.

The best departures are those where you appreciate that the time is right to go but retain the memories and an appreciation of the benefits and the good things you gained from the time with your employer and colleagues.. In the words of the Pulitzer Prize winner, Ellen Goodman:

There’s a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognise when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over – and to let go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its value.

And finally, be happy and celebrate the good times (both those that you have enjoyed with your employer and those yet to come). Fireworks may be excessive but farewell drinks are the norm…

Washington's Farewell by Alonzo Chappel, 1866

So to end where I started, and close with a “retreat”, namely a piece of military history and pageantry that would provide a spectacular finale to the end of anyone’s employment – Beating Retreat. This ceremony was originally called the “watch setting” and occurred at sunset by the firing of a single round from the evening gun. It has its origins in the early days of chivalry, when it was customary to end the day’s fighting by signalling to soldiers to return to camp and to commence the mounting of the guard for the night. In 1690 James II of England ordered the use of drums to beat an order for troops to retreat, this was expanded in 1694, by William III, who proposed that regimental drummers respond to the initial notification. Beating Retreat is now one of the most spectacular military ceremonies in many countries around the world. So I shall sign off with pomp, ceremony and a grand climax of fireworks. Farewell.

Snowflakes - Day 23

Day 23

Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times
What many don't know is that he may have been stabbed by his own son; he had had an affair
with Sevilla (the daughter of a prominent Roman Household) and she bore a son
whom she named Marcus Junius Brutus (known as Brutus).
The famous Shakespearean line "et tu Brute" was in fact, according to Suetonius, a
consul member and witness of the assassination, "you too, child?" referring to Brutus.
Amongst other things Julius Caesar was responsible for the creation of Leap Years.
Morte di Giulio Cesara ("Death of Julius Caesar"). Vincenzo Camuccini, 1798

The only person I have met for a mini tweet up in an airport is the author of today's enchanting and informative post. Sara Wyke lives and works in Geneva and is a courageous HR professional, CTI coach-in-training and wonderful mother and wife (she is British and with her Belgian husband has two little girls whom she refers to as Tiny and Bean). Although a quiet voice, she is a social media enthusiast, active in the ConnectingHR community and is often to be found on Twitter, her handle is @TeenyTinyBean.

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♪Snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes♫

I adore watching Tiny and Bean, they are amusing to watch and each time I pause and indulge in parental pride of watching them my heart fills with joy. I also learn from them, more than I thought possible. Not just learning my own limits of patience, but much more. The other day I watched as they were walking along the wall in front of our house, Tiny was determinedly walking as only a 4 year old can do. Each obstacle blocking the path led to her jumping off the low wall, walking around the obstruction and climbing back up. When she reached, what I considered to be the end of the wall, the place where it narrows to just a few centimetres wide, she refused to give up. Instead she called over her big sister to hold her hand. With the support of Bean's strong (that’s sarcastic... Bean is a skinny thing) hand, she continued the few meters to where the wall actually ended. She happily jumped off with a huge grin and clearly satisfied that she had completed the challenge. Where I saw the end, she saw a possibility to try something more daring.

How many times in life do we perceive the end of a path, closing a door because we couldn’t see the way ahead clearly? How often do we turn away from a challenge because the path has become unrealistically difficult? And yet, with some additional support from those around us, we could continue to the real end, to the satisfying jump for joy at the end of a job well done.

I have often closed the door due to the perceived difficulty, such as the time I cancelled a training session because the logistical organisation required to find a suitable time to get the 24 presenters in a room together seemed unsurmountable. I am a chicken and have in the past just avoided that hard path instead of asking for support from those around me. I have always found it difficult to ask for help, it felt like defeat and admitting that I wasn't any good at my job. But that was just my perception. My colleagues consistently give me great feedback and, seeing my big workload, often offer help... which I usually turn down. How mad is that?

So when my lovely UK team mate told me that cancelling this particular meeting was now causing a problem and suggested I delegate to him... I had no choice but to accept. I did so grudgingly and felt rubbish about myself for the rest of the day. And then something happened, I got an email from another colleague who thanked me for having the courage to share the workload. She was often in a similar position and rarely had the courage to ask for help, but she appreciated my honesty that things were too hard. She saw it as an invitation to also share how she was struggling with some things. We laughed together about how ridiculous it is that we find it hard, when we are telling employees all the time to ask for help.

We discussed her challenges and, for the first time in ages, I was completely honest with someone about how hard things were. She offered support in a specific area and I readily accepted. In return, I offered to help her with a technical issue, so that she could crack on with another project. We both came away from the conversation with renewed energy and determination to reach the end of the wall. And the path didn’t seem quite so hard, or so lonely.

If only everything in life could be so simply resolved.

But it can be... I hear a voice in my head say. I remember the quote "You can’t push the river, it flows by itself".

Instead of using lots of energy to go against the flow, is it not more effective to go with the flow? I think of a snowflake, it doesn’t waste energy trying to fall in a particular trajectory. No, it just floats where the wind takes it and falls exactly where it should. This is the approach I am now trying to use, floating where the wind takes me. And I am grateful that the wind seems to be taking me on an amazing journey in my career. A conversation with our head of HR a few months ago is leading me to a special place where I am starting to use my creative streak more and more. I would never have thought 6 months ago that I would be asked to create images to be used to represent the company values. This has given me such a boost in confidence. I would have never dared dream that I could incorporate my doodling into work, if I had not gone with the flow I may never have had the chance to do this.

And yet the snowflake is a symbol of another challenge I face, you see I am flakey.

There I said it. I am that annoying person who has loads of ideas but can be guilty of not completing things. Maybe I think the path is too hard, or maybe I am distracted by the next sparkly thing, sometimes both. Sometimes its pure procrastination. I get frustrated with myself, and angry that I allow myself to be this way, but it doesn’t always get me doing things. Even as I type this, I am avoiding doing my 2015 L&D planning, because I just don’t know where to start. The thing is, I too jump for joy when I finish something, and I love that sense of achievement even in something really simple.

So as I commit to floating like a snowflake and asking for help from people around me, I also commit to reach the end of the path so that I can spend more time jumping for joy with a grin on my face.

Let It Snow, sung by Doris Day