The Power of Praise - Day 25

25th December (Christmas Day)

25 (or "Pachisi", which is "25" in Hindi) is the national board game of India. It is a game for 2-4
participants played on a board shaped like a symmetrical cross. It was first mentioned in records
in Medieval India. It requires a combination of strategy, numeracy, probability and luck for
a player to win - bit like life.

Welcome to Day 25, Christmas Day - I hope you are enjoying the series to date. I think we have had some exceptional posts and today's is no exception - it is by a new voice, Diane Fennig. Diane is based in Atlanta in the USA and works as a search consultant for the Human Capital Group Inc. - part of the global Cornerstone  International Group. Diane is lively, positive and passionate. She is an excellent storyteller and writes beautifully, as you will see. I love the joyous tone and generosity of her piece - perfect for Christmas Day ( although I suspect that she wanted it posted slightly earlier in Advent). Its message applies to any and every day of the year.

At work Diane focuses on assisting within the higher education sphere, working  with universities and colleges. Prior to moving into search she served as Director of the Career Center at Augusta State University, where she developed and implemented a comprehensive Alumni Career Services Program and authored GeorgiaHire.com, a shared resume database program for 34 institutions within the University System of Georgia. Diane has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and Secondary Education from Marquette University and a Master of Science degree in College Student Personnel from Miami University. She also holds a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Educational Leadership and Organizational Behavior from the University of South Carolina. Diane is a graduate of the Relationship Masters Academy and serves as an ambassador in the Relationship Management Program. Outside work, Diane is a very capable cook. You can follow her on Twitter, her handle is @FansofFennig.

Both she and I wish you a joyous day, please spare a moment to proffer some praise to someone else who has done something good. (I am going to start by mentioning Diane herself for being so kind writing this post for the benefit of all of us).

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The Power of Praise

Born and raised in the Catholic Church and schooled there too, I still can recount the many symbols of Catholicism. I can still recite the Act of Contrition and the Rosary to this day, but I digress. When I heard Advent, I was transported to a church pew of yesteryear.

As a teen, I recall the December Sunday morning banter between siblings and a mom before church. The young girl noted, “someone should tell the priest that the candles do not match?"  As the mom readied an answer, the older brother chimed in, when we get to pink, the real count-down begins. The third candle, the sole pink candle of the Advent wreath, represents joy. 

The young brother got it right, joy is the answer.

In this challenge from Kate Griffiths-Lambeth, I was immediately drawn to the high fives and the power of praise and joy along our journey. 

Praise and joy can be offered, witnessed and received in so many ways….

--it is the unexpected hello, acknowledging a stranger, and bidding a sincere hello?

--maybe, a random act of kindness, from paying for someone’s coffee or bringing the morning paper to the door of a neighbor? 

--or, a hand-written note thanking someone for their efforts on a project or for a special gift?

--it could be a public acknowledgement of someone for their work or efforts?

--maybe, an unexpected favor? 

--or, is it the gift of time to gather and celebrate? 

--maybe, it is a bouquet of flowers?

--it might be a homemade treat? 

--could it be complimenting a young boy for exceptional manners? 

--maybe, permitting someone who appears in a rush, to step in-front of you? 

--or, is it commending a sales person for exceptional service? 

--might it be shoveling a neighbor’s driveway?

These efforts take little more than time. I can promise that you will continue to smile long after this act and the recipient will remember this event with a similar smile.

It is magic, spread some joy and more will come your way…

This power of praise is available 24/7/365.

Back to my Catholic roots, make a Joyful Noise...

The Wassail Song

Here we come a-wassailing

Among the leaves so green;

Here we come a-wand'ring

So fair to be seen.

REFRAIN:

Love and joy come to you,

And to you your wassail too;

And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year

And God send you a Happy New Year.

Our wassail cup is made

Of the rosemary tree,

And so is your beer

Of the best barley.

REFRAIN

We are not daily beggars

That beg from door to door;

But we are neighbours' children,

Whom you have seen before.

REFRAIN

Call up the butler of this house,

Put on his golden ring.

Let him bring us up a glass of beer,

And better we shall sing.

REFRAIN

We have got a little purse

Of stretching leather skin;

We want a little of your money

To line it well within. 

REFRAIN

Bring us out a table

And spread it with a cloth;

Bring us out a mouldy cheese,

And some of your Christmas loaf.

REFRAIN

God bless the master of this house

Likewise the mistress too,

And all the little children

That round the table go.

REFRAIN

Good master and good mistress,

While you're sitting by the fire,

Pray think of us poor children

Who are wandering in the mire.

REFRAIN

A place in your heart

Day 13 (Tuesday 13th December 2016)

13 days - the amount of time it took in 1962 to defuse the Cuban Missile Crisis.
 Fidel Castro was instrumental in pushing the world to the brink of nuclear war.
(Russian leader Khrushchev wanted to install Soviet R-12 MRBM nuclear
missiles on Cuba to even the power balance with America.)
Castro died on 25th November 2016 aged 90.

Have you noticed how many of this year's writers have made observations on society or expressed gratitude for something or someone? The thankful post below is written by the delightful and self-effacing Fiona McBride. I have known Fiona for a number of years, we first met face-to-face when she was just setting up her own business. After graduating from Brighton, Fiona commenced her career in HR and was the People Development specialist at the RNIB before founding her own learning and development consultancy. She is a highly supportive and active member of the HR community, both on social media (her Twitter handle is @fionamcbride) and IRL. She is great at organising events and meet/tweet-ups. She became Vice Chair of the Central London Branch of the CIPD in June of this year.

Fiona is one of the key people at the forefront of Emotion at Work - founded by Phil Willcox. She believes in authenticity and recognising that emotions are a powerful part of what makes us human, both in and outside work. Fiona is married to Mark and they live in west London. Fiona is fun and social - a woman of many talents ranging from baking and cocktail making, to playing a mean game of Scrabble or helping others feel good about themselves and their capabilities.

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A place in your heart 

I know my family love me and that they have a special place in their hearts for me. I’ve known that all my life, I feel lucky to have that. However, what I didn't bank on, was meeting pretty much by chance some wonderful people, who I now call friends (some of you are even reading this). These people are generous and caring and I treasure the fact that they, without being related to me, have also given me a place in their heart.

This year has had its ups and downs. Both personal and work related highs and lows.

I've had moments of amazing success and moments of despairing sadness and grief.

There were times when I struggled to keep a place in my own heart for myself.

Do you know what I’ve noticed as I reflect back over this year? Those colleagues and friends who I’ve become closer to in the past twelve months, the place they gave me in their heart has never changed.

I'm still there… taking up that little bit of space… that they gave me. How precious, generous and amazing is that..?

I was trying to work out examples, what does this look and sound like.. but it's so so many things. It’s laughs, trust, working well together, listening and hugs, it's advice and challenge, smiles and more hugs. It's a feeling I get, where I don't feel judged. I feel friendship and cared for and kindness… it feels from the heart.

It provides me with such comfort and warmth, knowing.. knowing that you want me there, that you trust me and believe in me to give me that little bit of space…

If I could ever find a way to express to you how much that means to me I promise you’ll be the first to know. Because there are no words, or at least I don't feel there are enough words to convey that feeling I get from you all.

So for now I’m just left with: Thank you

Thank you for that place in your heart.

“Sometimes the heart knows things the mind could never explain” (Ranjeet)

Star Gazing

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

An apt observation, made by Ralph Waldo Emerson, the 19th century American philosophical writer.

Work is frequently demanding and can be stressful. However, in my experience, things can usually be made easier through the support and understanding of others. If you raise your head from the silo in which you operate, try to put yourself in colleagues’ shoes (in particular make the effort to consider the struggle of those who work in different areas), and offer to help, you and they are likely to benefit. In the organisation I joined near the end of last year, we are going through a period of significant change and this has to be achieved at pace. During the past six months (that’s how long I’ve been there now) we have designed and run our first employee survey (with a 76% response rate - not bad when most people had been discouraged in the past from voicing their opinions). We wanted to determine the main areas of concern across the business (as well as raising awareness of the good things we need to celebrate and share – we had some world-leading results, for example 83% for being a friendly place to work).

Friendship is important; it has the ability to enhance health and wellbeing – research has shown that being in a strained relationship can extend the time it takes for physical wounds to heal and it can also have an impact on a business’ bottom line - Gallup research shows that employee engagement can be increased by up to 50% when people have a close friend at work, with those individuals with a “best friend” at work being seven times more likely to engage fully in their role, responsibilities and broader environment. 

In January we held a two-day Group conference, open to anyone who wanted to attend, to discuss matters raised and to ask people to become actively involved in enhancing our business and our clients’ experience. Nearly 20% of the company have put themselves forward, to play a role in addition to their day jobs. Each volunteer has stated the areas of required change in which they are interested. The table debate facilitators from the conferences have been brought together as team coordinators and given training in how to project manage, interact with stakeholders, build enthusiasm and maintain their personal resilience. Each change theme has an executive team sponsor (and the sponsor is responsible for an area that is NOT their usual day job – so, for example, the executive championing Reward and Recognition is usually busy with asset management). The executive top team came to meet with their core support groups on the second day of the training and one executive commented to me afterwards that “it was marvellous” but that he felt like he had “entered a parallel universe”. He was energised by their enthusiasm (being honest, much of his and my current day job is grinding hard work) and it gave him greater optimism for the future. He should not have been so surprised. People are social and, provided that they feel supported, they will want to work together to build a better future. Who goes to work with the intention of doing a bad job or wishing to be unhappy?

As some of you know, I am finding life challenging at the moment, and I am happy to confess that it is my friends who are making it bearable. They are my stars. Over the past few weeks, a cherished few have made regular contact with me to check that I’m OK. Their concern and thoughtfulness has humbled me. They haven’t sought me out because they have to, they’ve done it because they care and that is the sign of true friendship. They know that I am juggling difficult things in my home-life, as well as a demanding new job. They have offered to help and to carry some of the load. They can’t cure my mother; support my autistic or troubled sisters; enable my father to recover; be a mother to my sons sitting life-changing exams; mend my car and hold my home together, but they can help me remain resilient and give me advice and encouragement. 

There is truth to the statement “A friend in need is a friend in deed” (please note that it is “in deed” and not “indeed” – a true friend is one who is prepared to act to show it). Some of my friends significantly have gone the extra mile (in one case soon-to-be literally) and offered to put themselves personally out for me – for example, I have pledged to go to Uganda in September as part of Connect HR Africa, but, at present, due to needing physically to care for a number of close relatives scattered across the UK, and hence spending my non-work hours fully utilised, I am failing to find time to fundraise – Doug Shaw, who is neither a confident nor a regular swimmer, has volunteered to undertake a sponsored 2000 metre (so just over a mile) swim at the start of July. Doug, who made friends with me shortly after the death of his father, really appreciates the value of family and empathises with my current struggle. His offer to secure funding for Retrak on my behalf (more details to follow) is extraordinary. Another cherished friend has offered to auction himself (or rather his skills) as a way of raising funds – I am amazed at their generosity.

I am equally amazed, but delighted at the generosity of strangers (and probably some friends) who nominated me for the People Management Power List – the HR Top 20 on social media. The final list was determined from nominees proposed by members of the public from around the world. Over the years that I have been active on social media, I have got to know most of the people on the list and I am honoured, and a little surprised, to be there with them. I am extremely grateful to those who put my name forward, but I am not very comfortable with being seen as a peer of the others on the list – they are an inspirational collection of people and I encourage you to follow them. Each has at some stage over the years inspired, advised or encouraged me. I assure you that my comments are not false modesty (and I am aware of Imposter Syndrome), but I know too well my own frailty and limitations. Perhaps that is where friends come back into this

“We always see our worst selves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to tell us we’re wrong. Someone we trust.”

David Levithan - author

 Social media has, for many, myself included, provided a route to new friendships. We do not choose our work colleagues; they, like us, are there to do a job. Nor do we choose our family. We cannot choose our followers on social media, but we can select those with whom we wish to connect and communicate. I have a treasured collection of contacts all of whom I know I can call on and whose judgement and advice I trust. It works and, just like in the off-line world, that is because we are prepared to make time for each other. Humans are social creatures and, as Robert Frost’s poem “A Time to Talk” (published in 1920) shows, friendship demands time, respect and the ability to take advantage of moments when offered: 

When a friend calls to me from the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I don’t stand still and look around

On all the hills I haven’t hoed,

And shout from where I am, “What is it?”

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade-end up five feet tall,

And plod: I go up to the stone wall

For a friendly visit.

If you make time for friends (both on and offline) then they will make time for you and they will be there when you need them. This post is my way of saying “thank you” to some special people – you know who you are. Just knowing that you are there is making all the difference. You are my stars.

 

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller (American deaf & blind humanitarian, author and political activist.)

(At present I am driving 3 hours to and from my mother at least one night each week to take food and provisions, as she cannot cope with on-line deliveries. Each time I stop near her house and gaze at the Milky Way and thank my lucky stars.)

Deeper Appreciation

Day 51 (Wednesday 20th January 2016)

51 percent of live TV is watched live. Betraying my age, when I grew up we all watched the
same programmes at the same time (or missed seeing them). Live television viewing was at 81%
in 2008, according to research by NBC Universal, but increasingly people now view TV via
streaming on demand at a time when it suits them - digital broadband is rapidly changing our lives.

Today, the Advent Blogs and Post Advent Blogs series come to an end, and what better way to end than with a post based on appreciation? I am so grateful to all of the wonderful writers who submitted pieces for this year's series. What a breadth of topics have been covered under a theme that many found difficult to tackle. The pondering and effort has paid off - I think that this year has been the best yet. Thank You! I will provide a more detailed breakdown of themes and views later this month.

David Goddin is the author of today's excellent piece. Having initially met David via social media (his Twitter handle is @ChangeContinuum), I have worked with him on a number of occasions and it comes as no surprise to me that he has written an encouraging, celebratory piece about what makes people great. David has a talent for making people see things in a constructive light and for enabling people to achieve more than they believe they are capable of. David is the founder and Managing Director a Change Continuum, a specialist consultancy that focuses on business performance and enabling positive change for both individuals and the organisations in which they work. He is a wonderful husband and father and lives with his wife and two sons in Norfolk.

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In thinking of both “Comet Tails and Coal Dust”, I’ve been struck by how culturally each seems often to be seen in a singular view. There are deeper meanings beyond that are perhaps commonly missed... appreciation that is the understanding of the worth, quality or importance... appreciation of that full awareness or understanding.

“Comet Tails”. Our immediate appreciation is perhaps for the existence of a comet, its apparent beauty and perhaps connections and time beyond our own mortal reach. I wonder if we appreciate that the decay of the comet is what creates its tail? I wonder if we appreciate that it is only through the comet's long slow, and perhaps lonely death that we may see a comet's tail pass us by for a time?

Comet Lulin

“Coal Dust”. Dirty, useless remnants to be discarded perhaps. I wonder if we appreciate the 300 million year journey that brought coal dust to us here today? I wonder if we appreciate that its existence at all is a sign of the value we’ve obtained?

Appreciation is something we see written about quite frequently and it’s often beautifully given in the sense of gratitude. Appreciating what is good. Appreciating the help & support of others. Appreciation.

Yet, in the “Coal Dust” sense there is often little or no appreciation given to that which we perceive to be useless or troublesome. In the “Comet Tail” sense there can be appreciation but perhaps with some superficiality.

It’s naturally human behaviour. We can choose to take what value and appreciation that we find immediately useful to us. And I wonder if that’s enough?

We love the new, the shiny, the sexy, the appealing... often without an understanding of what sacrifice, trouble or consequence may lie behind.

1996 making of balls for Nike in Pakistan

We dismiss what we immediately see as useless and troublesome... often without understanding that it is a very limited and limiting lens that we look through.

Yet we can forgive the failings and failures of those nearest and dearest to us... We can catch those who need our help when they fall, without question... We can find abundance of friendship, love and support without asking. That appreciation is the deepest in every sense and we can all show it.

I think that capacity is where we are brilliant as humans. I think it also demands us to seek a deeper appreciation more often than we may be inclined to.

"What a Wonderful World" sung by Louis Armstrong