Today's post is by a delightful man, whom I met for the first time on 8th December 2016 - Bede Northcote, the Managing Director and founder of Northcote Internet Ltd, a business that provides videos for online annual reports and live events production. Bede has had a fascinating route to where he is now - with a degree in Nuclear Engineering and a period in the British Royal Navy as a submariner, before working in software development and as a consultant for a range of organisations including IMR Global, Thomson Financial and Morgan Stanley International. I met Bede because he and I share a love of rugby - having both played in the front row when younger. We enjoyed watching The Varsity Match together - I am pleased to report that, being supporters of Cambridge, we had much to celebrate (Cambridge broke a six year run of losing to take the title).
Bede can be found on Twitter (his handle is @northcote_b), although he is seldom active in a personal capacity. His post is on the theme of heart and the impact people have on others through the way they interact.
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Common Courtesy For some years now, I have been trying to be more
polite.
It has the most wonderful
benefits.I started by thanking bus
drivers and now try to look back at the driver and wave my thanks as well.This invariably results in a smile and a wave
back.I now hear more bus passengers
also thanking the driver.We rely on so
many people doing hard jobs in difficult situations at odd hours of the day and
night that politeness is the least that we can do.
London Transport's first female bus driver, Mrs Rosamund Viner,
at the driver training centre in Chiswick 1974
Britain has always thought of itself as a polite country.We need to work at being more polite and
remembering that manners, etiquette and civility all help us get along.This is particularly true in the coming years
as we face a new future.
This thought has lead me to another level.I have a wonderful multi-national and
multi-cultural team working for me.A
lot of them are from Europe and the morning after the Brexit result, they felt
that they weren’t as welcome here as they had felt before.Meanwhile all of the rhetoric from our
politicians assumes that we can just get what we want.
We need to be more polite, we offer help to the world and we
should be polite in asking for it back.We should be generous in our offers and un-assuming in our
expectations.We have no right to expect
a better world for ourselves.
Banksy drawing in Clacton
If we approached the future negotiations with utter
politeness, maybe it would be much easier.People achieve so much more happiness and success when they are polite
to each other rather than assuming that everything is in conflict.Countries are only huge collections of people
and politicians are only representatives of people.If the people demand politeness, then contentment
will follow.
The first thing we could do is offer the wonderful people
who are British by choice, the protection of our country.
13 days - the amount of time it took in 1962 to defuse the Cuban Missile Crisis. Fidel Castro was instrumental in pushing the world to the brink of nuclear war. (Russian leader Khrushchev wanted to install Soviet R-12MRBM nuclear missiles on Cuba to even the power balance with America.) Castro died on 25th November 2016 aged 90.
Have you noticed how many of this year's writers have made observations on society or expressed gratitude for something or someone? The thankful post below is written by the delightful and self-effacing Fiona McBride. I have known Fiona for a number of years, we first met face-to-face when she was just setting up her own business. After graduating from Brighton, Fiona commenced her career in HR and was the People Development specialist at the RNIB before founding her own learning and development consultancy. She is a highly supportive and active member of the HR community, both on social media (her Twitter handle is @fionamcbride) and IRL. She is great at organising events and meet/tweet-ups. She became Vice Chair of the Central London Branch of the CIPD in June of this year.
Fiona is one of the key people at the forefront of Emotion at Work - founded by Phil Willcox. She believes in authenticity and recognising that emotions are a powerful part of what makes us human, both in and outside work. Fiona is married to Mark and they live in west London. Fiona is fun and social - a woman of many talents ranging from baking and cocktail making, to playing a mean game of Scrabble or helping others feel good about themselves and their capabilities.
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A place in your heart
I know my family love me and that they have a special place in their hearts for me. I’ve known that all my life, I feel lucky to have that. However, what I didn't bank on, was meeting pretty much by chance some wonderful people, who I now call friends (some of you are even reading this). These people are generous and caring and I treasure the fact that they, without being related to me, have also given me a place in their heart.
This year has had its ups and downs. Both personal and work related highs and lows.
I've had moments of amazing success and moments of despairing sadness and grief.
There were times when I struggled to keep a place in my own heart for myself.
Do you know what I’ve noticed as I reflect back over this year? Those colleagues and friends who I’ve become closer to in the past twelve months, the place they gave me in their heart has never changed.
I'm still there… taking up that little bit of space… that they gave me. How precious, generous and amazing is that..?
I was trying to work out examples, what does this look and sound like.. but it's so so many things. It’s laughs, trust, working well together, listening and hugs, it's advice and challenge, smiles and more hugs. It's a feeling I get, where I don't feel judged. I feel friendship and cared for and kindness… it feels from the heart.
It provides me with such comfort and warmth, knowing.. knowing that you want me there, that you trust me and believe in me to give me that little bit of space…
If I could ever find a way to express to you how much that means to me I promise you’ll be the first to know. Because there are no words, or at least I don't feel there are enough words to convey that feeling I get from you all.
So for now I’m just left with: Thank you
Thank you for that place in your heart.
“Sometimes the heart knows things the mind could never explain” (Ranjeet)
Now back on UK soil, I will post a couple of blogs
that were written in Uganda – the Wi-Fi at our hotel in Kampala was
intermittent and very unreliable and, not surprisingly, there was none in the
centres with the children, so, after 5 hours of trying late into the night, I
decided to wait until I was back in the luxury of London before publishing. The
following is my observations on the centres and our times spent with the
children and staff.
The Connecting HR Africa team, standing on the shore of Lake Victoria with Chris from Retrak, our guide and friend We are, from left to right: Sophie, Ian, Katrina, Lisa, Donna, Helena, Kate (me), Alice, Amy, Julia and Laura
We are nearing the end of Connecting HR Africa’s
trip to Uganda, where we have spent time working with the staff of Retrak and supporting street children; the word that
everyone keeps using to describe our experience here is “amazing”. Since last
Sunday we have seen and participated in many extraordinary events and
activities (staff learning forums and one-to-one meetings, slum visits, art and
craft sessions with the children, some wonderful discussions with the inspirational
and extraordinary people who care for the children on a daily basis, we have
participated in football and volley ball matches,
Playing volleyball at Clubhouse
met up with fellow HR professionals
for a networking evening (the birth of Connecting HR Kampala),
Inaugural meeting of Connecting HR Kampala
and danced
simply for the love of it, basking in the companionship of those around us in
the sun and rain in Africa.
Dancing in the rain in Africa, at Clubhouse, the 1st Retrak centre
We have had a lot of fun, but, more importantly, we
have held meaningful conversations with the potential to influence lives for
the better, and done things that have had a genuine impact on others much less
materially fortunate than ourselves.
Donna and friends at Clubhouse
Members of Connecting HR (Katrina, Helena, Amy, Ian and Julia) and girls at Bulamu
Lisa helping boys to read
It is worth noting that, for the main
part, the people we met (unless desperate on or just off the streets) were more
content in their skins than most of us are in the West – the pace, pressure and
rush of life is in a different gear in Uganda – local people refer to “Uganda
Time”, which is a reflection of their being relaxed and accepting. It’s OK to
turn up late to a restaurant or a networking event, what is more important is
to have a genuine connection and productive discussion
Boys playing and making bunting at Tuda, helped by Sophie, Alice, Lisa and Helena
or experience once you
are together. The outcome is more important than the route, but you should
enjoy the view when on the journey.
Some of the Connecting HR Africa team enjoying the sunset on the bus back to our hotel
Ugandan village near the rainforest
Fields of sugar cane
Each of us in the Connecting HR Africa team has gained
a better appreciation of Uganda, its people and customs. Of equal importance
for each of us is that we have learned things about ourselves. We have been
fortunate to share experiences that have altered the way we view our world. In
my case, it has crystallised my appreciation of the importance of legacy and the value of paying it forwards and it has made me slow down and enjoy the moment. I have
also started to learn that it is OK to be me and that I am not unworthy of
being liked.
Me being presented with my necklace by a 5 year old little girl (What makes a 5 year old run away from home)
For many complex reasons, I have never liked myself much, as
people I love dearly often told me that I was a failure in their eyes and that whatever
I did was never good enough. While away with Connecting HR Africa, I was able to accept that others appreciated me simply for who I am. So,
on a personal level Uganda has been transformational.
Some of the outstanding Retrak staff (Timothy, Jackie and Juliette) relaxing with me
There is no doubt that we have given something of
value to a few – I read a book to a delightful eight year-old girl – her friend quietly informed me, although it was obvious, that her little companion did not speak
English. However, we found that we could both interact in that universal language of
making silly animal noises whilst looking at pictures. With much giggling we
pointed at farmyard creatures and imitated the sounds they make, I then told
her the name in English and she repeated it. It was clear that she understood,
because when she saw the same animal later in the book she pointed at it and
said “Dog”, or whatever it was. I believe she learned 7 new words while she and
I were sitting in the welcome shade by the wall of the girls' dormitory, and our mutual chortles (as
we both quacked like ducks and bleated like sheep) did us both good. She needs
to be able to speak and read English if she is to rise above her disadvantages
going forwards.
Reading together - "quack, quack! Duck"
Although the youngsters in Bulamu (Retrak’s
girls-only centre in Kampala) were vocal in their frequently avowed affection
for all of us, they seemed to make a particular fuss of me – shy little hands
slipping into mine, furtive smiles, personalised drawings
and loom-band
bracelets offered with a smile, and then the honour of being, not only the
first person called to the dance floor, but also the first person to be
presented with the very attractive necklace that they had made (one for each of
us) as a farewell gift.
I suspect my dancing made them laugh (I’m not graceful
at the best of times and when dancing can resemble a grinning elephant swaying
to the beat) and the other interest was most likely due to my being the oldest
in our group and hence culturally deserving of respect, but for me it was a
learning to try and accept being the centre of attention (I tend to shine the
light on others and am uncomfortable being in the glow).
The girls’ centre made all of us think – their
behaviour was so different from that of the boys. They were light fingered,
slipping pens and pots of nail varnish into pockets and under sashes. They were
watchful and at times scheming or openly squabbling with others – trying to
manipulate situations to their personal advantage and surreptitiously taking
things off their fellows, seeking to be given anything regardless of use or
value, or stealing it if they thought we weren’t looking – even the most simple
items like stickers, elastic bands and thread.
Katrina helping children draw on paper plates
A scramble for loom bands
We had been told that, in many
ways, the girls had had more traumatic experiences than the boys. All the ones
we met had endured horrific situations, you could see it in their eyes and
their disinclination to make genuine connections (the majority of them had been
trafficked, suffered rape and physical/mental abuse; many had been detained in
domestic servitude and reduced to working as slaves for strangers) – all of the
girls at the centre had been handed into Retrak’s care by the police.
The girls at Bulamu
I suspect that the police involvement might be part
of the explanation for the marked contrast in the girls’ behaviour versus the
boys’. We had two former UK police officers in the Connecting HR Africa group
(one had been an expert in domestic violence and the other in youth issues and
child support). Talking with each of them, they confirmed that being in police
custody could prove an additional stress factor impacting on an individual – the
girls were needing to overcome multiple trauma, as well as the societal
expectations that they, as women, should be sending money home to support their
families back in their villages (often the reason for their being trafficked in
the first place) – no wonder they felt the need to grab what they could. Donna
and I ran a jewellery making session and little hands grabbed and snatched at
loom bands, like gannets swooping on fish.
Donna and I were not as talented as the girls at making bracelets, but we watched and learned.
Donna also noted that girls were
more violent when inspecting her tattoos – pinching and hurting her, while the
boys just touched and wanted to know if it was real.
Tattoos are uncommon in
Uganda - they are mostly seen on TV or in the media on celebrities. Many of the
children wanted to know if Donna was famous or an artist, the girls almost seemed
jealous of her and so surreptitiously took the opportunity to hurt her while
appearing interested.
I know from running change programmes at work that
success often depends on people feeling that they have the freedom to make a
choice as to their future. Learning has to start with self and the desire to
change. At the boys’ centre, Clubhouse, the majority of children had arrived
via outreach activities on the streets and in the slums. Of the 80 who followed
us back to the centre on Monday (for lunch and a snooze away from the dangers
of the streets) 5 had chosen to remain at Retrak when we returned to the centre
on the Friday. They had had a right to decide as to whether to be in the centre
(which entailed an agreement to abide by centre rules – no drugs, blades or
unacceptable behaviour and a commitment to wanting to change, ideally to going
home to be reunited, but supported, within their own family). In Tuda, the
second boys’ centre at which we spent time, the boys had been with Retrak for
longer and understood and wanted to be part of the centre’s life – living
according to Christian values. They willingly helped cook, clean and do things
for others.
Boys cooking lunch at Clubhouse (NB building behind is having its leaking roof repaired)
One little lad had lost his leg, but he was
proactively helped to join in the dancing.
They watched out for each other and
were relaxed in their skins. In contrast, having been placed in the Retrak
centre by the police, I believe that the girls felt that they had been deprived
of their freedom to choose – it’s not a genuine choice to be told that it is
either police custody (often incarcerated with adults in a crowded cell, where
awful things happen) or else to be enclosed in a centre run by a charity. In
the boys’ centres they were free to leave at any time. In contrast, the girls
were in a secure unit with a security guard on the gate – it was for their own
protection, but may not have felt that way. Girls are more vulnerable and
occasionally adults have tried to enter to take advantage of them. Perhaps I am
over-reading the situation – the difference in behaviour might just have been a
reflection of the depth of abuse that the girls had had to endure prior to
reaching the haven of Retrak. However, what could not be ignored was the
passion and care of the staff in all the centres, working tirelessly to try to
create an environment in which the children could thrive and have a future.
The nurse at Clubhouse
The cooks at Bulamu
Uganda Retrak Staff Top Team at L&D session at Head Office Florence, the inspirational CEO, is addressing us
Alice with Charles (it was his 2nd week working at Retrak) Charles shares a name and age with my eldest son.
With all the privileges we enjoy and take for
granted in our day-to-day lives, it was humbling to see children so clearly
delighted by the most simple of things. We sang, we danced, we drew, we played
– all things that should be part of every childhood. Some generous friends of
mine had donated toy cars and the boys at Tuda lined up behind a rail, almost
like receiving communion, to be handed a small vehicle each.
Their joy was
tangible – no squabbling and no “your car is bigger than mine” fights. I have
never seen a group of boys so delighted by such a simple gesture. It was an
honour, in even a small way, to make these people’s lives better and see them
smile.
I would like to thank all of you who have supported
the trip – every penny that you have donated does make a difference. If you
would like to donate now, here is a link to my
JustGiving site. Many Ugandans live off US $1 per month, so the amount we
have raised so far will feed and sustain lots of children. It costs £105 to
educate a child for a year and £8 for them to have a proper medical check-up. However,
it was clear from being on site in Uganda that the charity would benefit from
more support. I think a second girls’ centre – one that girls could elect to
move to if they wished to progress according to Retraks’ values and goals
(similar to Tuda for the boys) would make a huge difference. Clubhouse, the
boys’ centre near the slums, only has 25 beds – we had 80 additional boys join
us at lunchtime on Monday – what if they all had decided that they wanted to
stay?
A 25 bed boys' dorm
It is estimated that there are 10,000 children on the streets in Uganda –
6,000 of which are in Kampala. We are in the fortunate position that we have
plenty and hence can help. However, it’s not just money, the staff said that
the thing that made the biggest difference for them was that we, as a group of
HR professionals, wanted to share our skills, get down and dirty, understand
their issues and help.
L&D session lead by Amy and Lisa at Retrak Uganda Head Office
I gather that most visiting groups just want to gawp at the
children and have photos taken with them. I fear the girls at Bulamu felt that they had to lay on a show for us, but they did sing and dance so well.
My next post will touch on our
experiences with the staff and our ability to make connections.
Staff attending a training session at Tuda
I am proud to be part of a group who can honestly
say that they have made a difference and I know, from the feedback that we have already been given, that the Connecting HR Africa trip
is viewed as having been a success for Retrak. There will be future excursions.
Perhaps what I have said has inspired you to wish to be involved. If you want
to know more, drop me or any of the others a line.
