The Power of Praise - Day 25

25th December (Christmas Day)

25 (or "Pachisi", which is "25" in Hindi) is the national board game of India. It is a game for 2-4
participants played on a board shaped like a symmetrical cross. It was first mentioned in records
in Medieval India. It requires a combination of strategy, numeracy, probability and luck for
a player to win - bit like life.

Welcome to Day 25, Christmas Day - I hope you are enjoying the series to date. I think we have had some exceptional posts and today's is no exception - it is by a new voice, Diane Fennig. Diane is based in Atlanta in the USA and works as a search consultant for the Human Capital Group Inc. - part of the global Cornerstone  International Group. Diane is lively, positive and passionate. She is an excellent storyteller and writes beautifully, as you will see. I love the joyous tone and generosity of her piece - perfect for Christmas Day ( although I suspect that she wanted it posted slightly earlier in Advent). Its message applies to any and every day of the year.

At work Diane focuses on assisting within the higher education sphere, working  with universities and colleges. Prior to moving into search she served as Director of the Career Center at Augusta State University, where she developed and implemented a comprehensive Alumni Career Services Program and authored GeorgiaHire.com, a shared resume database program for 34 institutions within the University System of Georgia. Diane has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and Secondary Education from Marquette University and a Master of Science degree in College Student Personnel from Miami University. She also holds a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Educational Leadership and Organizational Behavior from the University of South Carolina. Diane is a graduate of the Relationship Masters Academy and serves as an ambassador in the Relationship Management Program. Outside work, Diane is a very capable cook. You can follow her on Twitter, her handle is @FansofFennig.

Both she and I wish you a joyous day, please spare a moment to proffer some praise to someone else who has done something good. (I am going to start by mentioning Diane herself for being so kind writing this post for the benefit of all of us).

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The Power of Praise

Born and raised in the Catholic Church and schooled there too, I still can recount the many symbols of Catholicism. I can still recite the Act of Contrition and the Rosary to this day, but I digress. When I heard Advent, I was transported to a church pew of yesteryear.

As a teen, I recall the December Sunday morning banter between siblings and a mom before church. The young girl noted, “someone should tell the priest that the candles do not match?"  As the mom readied an answer, the older brother chimed in, when we get to pink, the real count-down begins. The third candle, the sole pink candle of the Advent wreath, represents joy. 

The young brother got it right, joy is the answer.

In this challenge from Kate Griffiths-Lambeth, I was immediately drawn to the high fives and the power of praise and joy along our journey. 

Praise and joy can be offered, witnessed and received in so many ways….

--it is the unexpected hello, acknowledging a stranger, and bidding a sincere hello?

--maybe, a random act of kindness, from paying for someone’s coffee or bringing the morning paper to the door of a neighbor? 

--or, a hand-written note thanking someone for their efforts on a project or for a special gift?

--it could be a public acknowledgement of someone for their work or efforts?

--maybe, an unexpected favor? 

--or, is it the gift of time to gather and celebrate? 

--maybe, it is a bouquet of flowers?

--it might be a homemade treat? 

--could it be complimenting a young boy for exceptional manners? 

--maybe, permitting someone who appears in a rush, to step in-front of you? 

--or, is it commending a sales person for exceptional service? 

--might it be shoveling a neighbor’s driveway?

These efforts take little more than time. I can promise that you will continue to smile long after this act and the recipient will remember this event with a similar smile.

It is magic, spread some joy and more will come your way…

This power of praise is available 24/7/365.

Back to my Catholic roots, make a Joyful Noise...

The Wassail Song

Here we come a-wassailing

Among the leaves so green;

Here we come a-wand'ring

So fair to be seen.

REFRAIN:

Love and joy come to you,

And to you your wassail too;

And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year

And God send you a Happy New Year.

Our wassail cup is made

Of the rosemary tree,

And so is your beer

Of the best barley.

REFRAIN

We are not daily beggars

That beg from door to door;

But we are neighbours' children,

Whom you have seen before.

REFRAIN

Call up the butler of this house,

Put on his golden ring.

Let him bring us up a glass of beer,

And better we shall sing.

REFRAIN

We have got a little purse

Of stretching leather skin;

We want a little of your money

To line it well within. 

REFRAIN

Bring us out a table

And spread it with a cloth;

Bring us out a mouldy cheese,

And some of your Christmas loaf.

REFRAIN

God bless the master of this house

Likewise the mistress too,

And all the little children

That round the table go.

REFRAIN

Good master and good mistress,

While you're sitting by the fire,

Pray think of us poor children

Who are wandering in the mire.

REFRAIN

These are not Hollow words

Day 32 (Sunday 1st January 2017)

32% of Fiji's GDP equates to $1.4 billion - which was the cost of the damage incurred by the
island as a result of Cyclone Winston that hit on 20th February 2016. Cyclone Winston is the
strongest recorded tropical storm in the Southern Hemisphere (with winds of 180mph).
Winston occurred just 4 months after the most powerful tropical cyclone was recorded in the
Northern Hemisphere, Hurricane Patricia, with winds of 215mph. Our climate is changing.

Happy New Year - may the next 12 months bring you joy, health, experiences that make you think and enable you to grow and memories that you can cherish. Today we have a short, impactful and wise post sent to me by Helen Amery; written while she was in hospital, accompanying her young daughter who had injured her arm. It is full of "heart" and acknowledges Life's highs and lows - hence it seems a perfect piece with which to start 2017.

Helen specialises in executive coaching and leadership development, via her own business, Wild Fig Solutions Limited. She is based in Leicester, but helps people and businesses across the UK. She writes an excellent blog - originally called People-ology but now hosted on her business Wild Fig site. After obtaining a good degree in Chemistry from Edinburgh, Helen commenced training as an accountant with PwC but then realised that she was better suited to HR. Before establishing her own consultancy, Helen worked for a number of years as a respected HR professional with Boots. She is active on social media and excellent at encouraging people to connect IRL (in real life) as well as online. Her twitter handle is @WildFigSoins.

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These are not Hollow words

The heights of laughing with my daughter to the hollow of her in surgery and the words from the surgeon of 'we lost a pulse' (thankfully not forever). Extreme swelling and breaking of my heart in the space of a day.

The extreme height of excitement of a new baby for the family. The bottomless hollow when he didn't make it, complications during pregnancy. Heart swells and wrenches for months and years.*

Sculpture by artist Martin Hudáček from Slovakia
 in memorial of unborn children who have passed away.

The daily muddle of mini heights and hollows when things go ok and then less well, good and then bad. Short-lived but each as real as the next and every one of them influencing how we feel from moment to moment. 

Emotional scale devised by Abraham Hicks

We're all different, and how we experience our heights and hollows is different. But we all experience them and too many hollows for too long can take their toll.

Pay attention to yours.  Get the help you need when you need it.  Someone is always there - someone you know. Or maybe someone you've not spoken to yet.  But they're there.

If you need them, the Samaritans are always there - 116 123.

*Our friends' experience this year. 

Hearth

Day 29 (Thursday 29th December 2016)

29 days - the number of days over which football was played during Euro 2016.
It was the 15th UEFA European Championship and was held in France from 10th June
to 10th July 2016. Portugal won the tournament for the first time, following a 1–0
victory after extra time over the host team, France.

The year is rushing towards its close. Today we have our second post from "Across the Pond". The author of this warming post is Christopher Demers, who is based in Austin, Texas. 

Christopher has worked with many of the big names in Tech: Dell, Apple, Home Depot's Technology Center, all in an HR capacity. He is currently at VMWare, where he is the Senior Manager for Employee Relations. Christopher cares deeply about people and is a highly effective coach. He is driven to help individuals and the organisation thrive as a result of his HR expertise and the service and support he can provide. Christopher has been described as "the happiest man on LinkedIn" and he is active on social media. He is an excellent blogger - you can read his thoughts on ChristopherinHR. 

I love the fact that Christopher has played on the heart in the blog theme of this year and shifted it into a warming hearth, often the centre of a home - usually a refuge from the heights and hollows outside.

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Hearth

Home is where the hearth is.

The end of year is oft a time to look back with some remiss and forward with some hope. We tend to think of highs and lows - heights and hollows - yet I find I think more of hearth as the years continue to pass.

There is a mythology about home for the holidays and renewal of vows to be more conscious of family and friend but these commitments often fade. So let's think about the end of year slightly differently.

Let's think about hearth this year.

Hearth is that place of warmth and comfort, but it need not be a physical spot. We have within our own psyche those experiences and moments that represent hearth. My home life is no Norman Rockwell painting (is anyone's?)  and as often as not my family is scattered to the winds with family and friends of their own to be with during the end of year. One rule for happy healthy adult children: never guilt them into spending the holidays with you - you have several hundred other days for that.

Yet I experience hearth in many ways throughout the year:

• The cashier who calmly worked with a customer who - wrongly - thought she'd been cheated. When I complimented the cashier she just said, "People get confused, so you have to help them." Were you that calm the last time you were chewed out in front of others?

• The neighbor who always takes in the trash can of his next-door neighbors even though they don't ask him to. His neighbors go away for the weekend a lot and he simply doesn't want burglars to get any ideas.

• The kid at school who sticks up for another, shy and quiet, so the bullying never begins.

• The landlady I've had for years who does everything with a handshake. We've never had a written piece of paper - or a problem - with anything. Some people you can just take at their word.

• The businessman who loads an old woman's (overstuffed) bag in the overhead without being asked. Just because.

The beauty in all these vignettes is they just happen as a part of life. It's what these people do when no one is watching.

As I get older the highs and the lows have smoothed out a little bit. Maybe it’s having grown children or not worrying about promotions at the office anymore or simply having gotten over myself: who knows? The point is I experience the warmth and hope of hearth throughout the year in the goodness of those around me.

The hearth is a touchstone. It gives us relief and resolve. I hope the hearth in your life is broad and strong and warm and safe as you find those moments throughout the year that remind you of what really matters.

Of Nice and Men

Day 34 (Sunday 3rd January 2015)

34 is the age at which men are "at their most attractive"
(according to research conducted by Allure Magazine,
using a sample of 2000 respondents);
for women perceived peak appeal is at the age of 30.
Personally I don't think that age is important.

How are you enjoying the first weekend of the New Year? I am off to West Sussex to visit friends. I will be taking traditional New Year gifts of food, drink, light and heat to wish them well for the months ahead. I am looking forward to spending some time with them relaxing and catching up on news.

After the rush of the past few weeks, it is good to sit quiet and contemplate. This reflective post by Tim Scott hits the spot. Tim is Head of People and OD at the charity Brook, based in Liverpool and winner of the HR Management category of the 2015 Charity Times Awards. Tim is a social media adept - active on Twitter (his handle is@TimScottHR), he blogs (his site is  , but he also writes guest posts for the CIPD and for HRD (HR Director) magazine, and he has even co-authored a book on "Putting Social Media to Work" and future-casting the world of work in a decade's time. Tim has an active life IRL - he is a devoted father, husband and a music-nut. He often brightens people's timelines through his quick wit, repartee, sound advice and music recommendations.

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It feels to me like 2015 was a year of austerity and blame, celebrity and social antisocial-ness. All too often, what marked us apart was given more attention than the things we have in common. We saw it demonstrated time and time again that people are complex, messy and unpredictable. 

As we go about doing our daily stuff, we all leave trails in our wake through our actions, interactions and lack of action - like a comet's sparkly tail streams after it and coal leaves behind a dirty, powdery dust. The theme of this year's Advent blogs made me wonder whether, in this time of supposed mindfulness, we are really mindful of the trail we are leaving - and particularly the impact it has on others?

What I see on a daily basis suggests that not all of us are. For example, just a few minute ago I was walking to the station to catch the train I'm currently travelling on. Two men passed each other on the pavement in front of me, walking in opposite directions. Neither moved completely out of the others' way and they ended up catching each other's shoulders awkwardly. What surprised me most was that neither even broke their stride: without a backward glance, they carried on walking. 

Days of Judgement Cats in the City, sculpture by Laura Ford, 2015

This was hardly a life-changing incident - I imagine similar things happen thousands of times a day - but it was quite a forceful impact and for neither party to apologise or even acknowledge what happened didn't feel right somehow. Maybe I'm old-fashioned on this kind of thing but it all felt a bit, well, "not nice" as my kids would say. 

"Nice", is a seriously underrated attribute in my view. We see "nice" as being almost an insult sometimes, suggesting something insipid or just OK - particularly in business and management where we still regard Sir Alan Sugar's pantomime baddie act as something to aspire to. 

Personally, I regard being called nice as a compliment. I remember being involved with a disciplinary dismissal years ago and as I was escorting the unfortunate ex-employee from the premises, she thanked me. I said, somewhat incredulously, "why are you thanking me? We've just dismissed you!" She said "Yeah, but you did it nicely". 

Not every dismissal I have been involved with has gone quite so smoothly but that's an occupational hazard for a whole other blog...

My ultimate point I guess is that sometimes HOW we do stuff is as important as WHAT we do in terms of the impact on other people. In our day-to-day interactions, we can choose the how, even if we can't choose the what. Would it have hurt those two guys to have apologised to each other? Certainly not as much as the initial impact must have - and it might have eased the glowering look on the face of the chap coming towards me. So my challenge is, as we enter the start of the New Year and look back on the old: what is the impact you are having on the people around you? What trail do you leave in your wake? As someone said at a conference I was at recently, "Do you light up a room when you enter it - or when you leave it?" Are you sprinkling magical comet trails or depositing sooty coal dust?

P.S. Apologies for the appalling title. Sometimes once I think of these things I can't get them out of my head. Just like you are probably now singing Kylie to yourself. Sorry again.