Star Gazing

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

An apt observation, made by Ralph Waldo Emerson, the 19th century American philosophical writer.

Work is frequently demanding and can be stressful. However, in my experience, things can usually be made easier through the support and understanding of others. If you raise your head from the silo in which you operate, try to put yourself in colleagues’ shoes (in particular make the effort to consider the struggle of those who work in different areas), and offer to help, you and they are likely to benefit. In the organisation I joined near the end of last year, we are going through a period of significant change and this has to be achieved at pace. During the past six months (that’s how long I’ve been there now) we have designed and run our first employee survey (with a 76% response rate - not bad when most people had been discouraged in the past from voicing their opinions). We wanted to determine the main areas of concern across the business (as well as raising awareness of the good things we need to celebrate and share – we had some world-leading results, for example 83% for being a friendly place to work).

Friendship is important; it has the ability to enhance health and wellbeing – research has shown that being in a strained relationship can extend the time it takes for physical wounds to heal and it can also have an impact on a business’ bottom line - Gallup research shows that employee engagement can be increased by up to 50% when people have a close friend at work, with those individuals with a “best friend” at work being seven times more likely to engage fully in their role, responsibilities and broader environment. 

In January we held a two-day Group conference, open to anyone who wanted to attend, to discuss matters raised and to ask people to become actively involved in enhancing our business and our clients’ experience. Nearly 20% of the company have put themselves forward, to play a role in addition to their day jobs. Each volunteer has stated the areas of required change in which they are interested. The table debate facilitators from the conferences have been brought together as team coordinators and given training in how to project manage, interact with stakeholders, build enthusiasm and maintain their personal resilience. Each change theme has an executive team sponsor (and the sponsor is responsible for an area that is NOT their usual day job – so, for example, the executive championing Reward and Recognition is usually busy with asset management). The executive top team came to meet with their core support groups on the second day of the training and one executive commented to me afterwards that “it was marvellous” but that he felt like he had “entered a parallel universe”. He was energised by their enthusiasm (being honest, much of his and my current day job is grinding hard work) and it gave him greater optimism for the future. He should not have been so surprised. People are social and, provided that they feel supported, they will want to work together to build a better future. Who goes to work with the intention of doing a bad job or wishing to be unhappy?

As some of you know, I am finding life challenging at the moment, and I am happy to confess that it is my friends who are making it bearable. They are my stars. Over the past few weeks, a cherished few have made regular contact with me to check that I’m OK. Their concern and thoughtfulness has humbled me. They haven’t sought me out because they have to, they’ve done it because they care and that is the sign of true friendship. They know that I am juggling difficult things in my home-life, as well as a demanding new job. They have offered to help and to carry some of the load. They can’t cure my mother; support my autistic or troubled sisters; enable my father to recover; be a mother to my sons sitting life-changing exams; mend my car and hold my home together, but they can help me remain resilient and give me advice and encouragement. 

There is truth to the statement “A friend in need is a friend in deed” (please note that it is “in deed” and not “indeed” – a true friend is one who is prepared to act to show it). Some of my friends significantly have gone the extra mile (in one case soon-to-be literally) and offered to put themselves personally out for me – for example, I have pledged to go to Uganda in September as part of Connect HR Africa, but, at present, due to needing physically to care for a number of close relatives scattered across the UK, and hence spending my non-work hours fully utilised, I am failing to find time to fundraise – Doug Shaw, who is neither a confident nor a regular swimmer, has volunteered to undertake a sponsored 2000 metre (so just over a mile) swim at the start of July. Doug, who made friends with me shortly after the death of his father, really appreciates the value of family and empathises with my current struggle. His offer to secure funding for Retrak on my behalf (more details to follow) is extraordinary. Another cherished friend has offered to auction himself (or rather his skills) as a way of raising funds – I am amazed at their generosity.

I am equally amazed, but delighted at the generosity of strangers (and probably some friends) who nominated me for the People Management Power List – the HR Top 20 on social media. The final list was determined from nominees proposed by members of the public from around the world. Over the years that I have been active on social media, I have got to know most of the people on the list and I am honoured, and a little surprised, to be there with them. I am extremely grateful to those who put my name forward, but I am not very comfortable with being seen as a peer of the others on the list – they are an inspirational collection of people and I encourage you to follow them. Each has at some stage over the years inspired, advised or encouraged me. I assure you that my comments are not false modesty (and I am aware of Imposter Syndrome), but I know too well my own frailty and limitations. Perhaps that is where friends come back into this

“We always see our worst selves. Our most vulnerable selves. We need someone else to tell us we’re wrong. Someone we trust.”

David Levithan - author

 Social media has, for many, myself included, provided a route to new friendships. We do not choose our work colleagues; they, like us, are there to do a job. Nor do we choose our family. We cannot choose our followers on social media, but we can select those with whom we wish to connect and communicate. I have a treasured collection of contacts all of whom I know I can call on and whose judgement and advice I trust. It works and, just like in the off-line world, that is because we are prepared to make time for each other. Humans are social creatures and, as Robert Frost’s poem “A Time to Talk” (published in 1920) shows, friendship demands time, respect and the ability to take advantage of moments when offered: 

When a friend calls to me from the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I don’t stand still and look around

On all the hills I haven’t hoed,

And shout from where I am, “What is it?”

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade-end up five feet tall,

And plod: I go up to the stone wall

For a friendly visit.

If you make time for friends (both on and offline) then they will make time for you and they will be there when you need them. This post is my way of saying “thank you” to some special people – you know who you are. Just knowing that you are there is making all the difference. You are my stars.

 

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

Helen Keller (American deaf & blind humanitarian, author and political activist.)

(At present I am driving 3 hours to and from my mother at least one night each week to take food and provisions, as she cannot cope with on-line deliveries. Each time I stop near her house and gaze at the Milky Way and thank my lucky stars.)

Paths, Baths and Other Words - Day 11

Day 11

Apollo 11
launched at 0932 EDT 16th July 1969
It was the spaceflight that enabled the 1st manned landing on the Moon
Space flight does weird things to human bodies - on average people grow 3 inches 
after a couple of weeks and following a few months in space their bones get weaker

Today's high flier and excellent Advent Blog writer is Ali Germain. Her piece is personal, brave, informative and inspiring. Be warned, as you will see, Ali has had quite a year, indeed, quite a life leading up to this year. Her post makes me appreciate how important it is to connect, understand, prioritise and to acknowledge the best (both in outcomes and others). Ali is an Organisational Development Director for a major media and entertainment business. You can follow her on Twitter via @AliGermain1 or admire and be inspired by her photos - she is a talented photographer (especially of birds).

Female Kestrel taking flight
copyright Ali Germain

*********************************************************************

Paths and Perceptions.  Paths and Perceptions. Perceptions of Paths…  “There are no Paths”, I said to my friend.  “No baths?” my friend said. 

Before I launch in to a blog about how my other half and I have just taken 14 months to build a new shower room, the Perceptions of Paths…

On the day I graduated I was too tired to share the drive home. I laid down on the back seat of the car whilst my family ribbed me for not pulling my weight. 

Graduating at Manchester

The next day I collapsed in a pub garden, and not from alcohol! I had a series of operations over an 8 week period and was eventually sent home to my parent’s house with a wheelchair and a diagnosis of Endometriosis.  Endo what?

I read the leaflet I had been given.  1 in 10 women have it. I was young to have it at 21.  Average length of diagnosis is around 9 years.  Best thing you can do is get pregnant.  That’s a tough one because it is a chronic disease that can make that particularly tricky.  When you don’t have a boyfriend it’s even harder.  No-one knows why you get Endo and no one can make it go away.  People don’t tend to talk about it openly and most people know someone with it.  Cue sisters and aunts, nieces and cousins.

(The science bit – basically the magical cells women have in their womb that respond to hormone levels each month and bleed, have created a faction, sometimes many factions, and have escaped on a mission to take up position elsewhere, most commonly in the tightly packed pelvic area – think bowel, ovaries, bladder…The mission is unknown.  What these cells do well is bleed wherever they may be, in response to hormone levels changing, causing scabs (adhesions) and cysts and pain and pain, and the need for patient partners and friends, and warm bathroom floors for curling up on sometimes, and all of this is totally invisible. Women who have this will mostly look radiant.  Smart cells.  Smart women.)

Source: www.endofacts.com

So.  My MA in American Literature was put on hold.  My move to Nottingham was postponed.  I moved back home and was looked after by my parents and I thought about stuff a lot.  Dr Slack had told me that there was a 90% chance I couldn’t have kids.  I had a lot on my mind.

It was a tough year at home as I convalesced and managed my rehabilitation at a time my friends were taking their place in the world, following their paths.  MAs, graduate jobs, setting up cosy nests with their partners from Uni.  A preface to dog ownership and a mortgage, and a bigger car, before the terrible twos appear on Facebook.  That path. 

At that point in time, for the first time in my life, I didn’t have a path in front of me.  I had no idea what was next. 



Seems to be the end of the road
© Copyright Richard Croft
licensed for reuse under this Creative Commons Licence.

Now we have to fast forward 17 years.  Come with me now!  With no paths, time travel is possible! 

Over the years, living with my Endo packaging, I have become a Master at not having a path to follow.  I follow my nose.  I simply focus on having a really good day.  And over time, I have loads of those because they pile up one after the other.  Paths are a product of hindsight for me.  Something that only makes sense once it’s all strung together behind me. 

In January this year I was sitting at my in-laws kitchen table and I got a sharp stabbing pain in my back.  I swore.  Everyone decided I had a gall stone and we left with promise of me going to the Dr.

I didn’t go to the Dr, because I knew what it was, and I wasn’t ready yet. 

 And then it began.  After 4 consecutive years of good health I was back, a customer in the NHS system.  Endo can be cumulative.  Month after month, faction on faction, energy levels flickering, attitude chanting – be strong, be strong, be strong.   Diet adjustments, social engagements cancelled and cancelled and cancelled again.

The enclosure of an anchorite by a bishop
early 15th-century illumination from a Pontifical manuscript
(Image: Master and Fellows of Corpus Christi College, Cambridge)

My days quickly became narrow in real terms– work, eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, repeat.  Yet on the days on the sofa between Columbo and NCIS, I went on plenty of adventures thanks to my curious mind and my iPad.  Time to think is a precious thing and I am lucky to have that interwoven in to my days.

Curiosity - the Mars rover
Self-Portrait by Curiosity Rover Arm Camera
NASA

This year I realised how much Endo has taught me about how to be.  From the practical to the sublime.  How to stay steady, how food works, how to rely on myself, how to trust others, how to show up, how to know when not to, how to never say yes to local anaesthetic ever again, how to explain how I feel, how to let others respond, how to deal with uncertainty, how to be generous when I don’t feel like it and how to feel a bit shit when that is what I want to do.

Endo teaches me the discipline of focus.  It teaches me to go hell for leather at the priorities and not to waste any energy that I don’t have on the small stuff.  It reminds me constantly that we are all products of the support network around us.

(The gushy bit - Thank you to my brother who came for dinner at 7.30pm every night for 2 weeks and listened to my drug fuelled ramblings.  And to my manager who let me wibble at him about adopting dogs day after day.  And to wonderful Tom who reminds me to deal only in what I know.  And my friends who leave me with my family ‘til I am right again because they know, that’s how I know, how to heal.  And my mum, who I know would do anything to have this herself and make it okay for me, but she can’t, so instead she diligently reminds me I told her I needed to walk every day, even on the tough ones, and she is there, rain or shine, in her brilliant purple walking shoes).

Mum's boots

Ali in 2013 with her Mum after raising £1k
for Endometriosis UK by walking

All this love and collaboration means I have quality of life. 

And suddenly it’s not about Endo anymore.  It’s about an approach to the day ahead, an approach to life.   “You must have to take care of yourself well” someone said to me.  “Yes I do,” I replied. “Just like everyone else”.

In a year where I am corporately “Exceeding Expectations”, have spent enough hours on the sofa to finally figure out Twitter, have met some wonderful like minds who can do corporate and be creative (no way!), and I have had 2 blogs published, Endo still does not define me.  It continues to inform me.   For the 21 year old English Lit grad who is still in my heart, with aspirations to be a writer one day, this year has been a very very good thing.

Just not the thing I thought it would be.

So no, I don’t think there are paths.  There are just perceptions of paths.  I think there is stuff we would like.  And there is stuff we are aiming for.  And there is stuff we need to be better at experiencing in the moment it happens.  And there is stuff we will never know about too. 

(The motivational ending – I’m looking forward to the stuff of Christmas.  To enjoying some walks, to digging out the bag from the spare room cupboard that has all of our decorations in it, to sharing some laughs with my family and to eating myself silly as long as its wheat free.  Let’s look after ourselves and each other this holiday.  Let’s be generous in our spirit and show up wholly to our days, no matter what they may bring us). 

Happy Christmas!

Robin in flight

Black-tailed Godwits at the harbour, Hengistbury Head
copyright Ali Germain

Fighting Fit

People keep telling me that I am “glowing” and noticeably relaxed, having just returned from a fortnight holiday. Although we have been home for nearly a week, memories of India still crowd my mind – the sizzle of spices frying in a pan; the scent of crushed ginger leaves underfoot as we walked through the spice plantations; the panicked flight of parakeets and pigeons over the palace in Madurai as an eagle swooped to catch its lunch;

and the harsh clash of metal and sparks flying as two men with swords and shields tried to defend them selves from the other’s onslaught. I now know what it must have been like to be a spectator at a Roman gladiatorial fight. On a local contact’s suggestion, we went to watch a display of Kalaripayattu – the traditional martial art of Kerala (a beautiful region of Southern India). The demonstration was varied, ranging from group warm-ups and stretching, which resembled a yoga session combined with modern dance;

carefully choreographed fights that would not have been out of place on the stage or in a Bollywood film;

displays of skill and dexterity; and

high impact demonstrations of bravery and timing, which at times rivalled anything presented by the world famous Cirque du Soleil.

In India Kalaripayattu is known as the “Mother of Martial Arts”- it is certainly an ancient skill that came into being before the 11^th century AD, during a period of extended warfare between two Indian dynasties, the Cholas and the Cheras.  It was formally taught in places of learning “Kalari” (which translates as “school” or “gymnasium”), prior to the introduction of the modern education system – not dissimilar to the Ancient Greek approach. (“Payattu” means “to fight” or “to exercise”.) During the colonial period the practice of martial arts was discouraged, but the practice, which was practiced by devoted followers from a range of castes and religions, was not stamped out.  Today the Kalaris are still treated as places of worship, with a shrine and offering lamps lit when they are in use.

The dedication, fitness and determination of the men demonstrating their skills to us were impressive – if only I could inspire similar degree of focus and effort from my children at home or employees at work.

India was a wonderful holiday. There is no doubt that taking a break, away from the constant flood of emails and incessant demands, has been good for me; I am confident that my thinking is clearer, my ability to prioritise is more effective and I am not letting day-to-day pressures get to me as much as they did a month ago.  Long may this continue…

Chalk kolam on pavement outside family home
for prosperity and good fortune
Pondicherry, India

Given my current state, I can understand why French unions and employers, in the high-tech and consulting sectors, have formed a labour agreement enabling workers to establish a set period during which they have an “obligation to disconnect communication tools”. Various organisations are encouraging their staff to switch off their smart phones and Blackberries and take a break – the German car and truck maker, Daimler, has installed “Mail on Holiday” software, which permits employees to set their out-of-office response systems so that all incoming emails are deleted, with the sender notified and offered an available alternative contact in case the matter is urgent. This means that employees can return to work refreshed and without the time-consuming distraction of an over-flowing inbox. Other organisations, primarily those in the financial services sector, are introducing policies to control email and phone usage for employees while on vacation. Deutsche Bank allows staff to monitor emails, but forbids them from conducting business or influencing transactions, and Barclays permits emails but bans the receipt of or response to phone calls.

For many years Compliance and Risk specialists have advocated employees taking an uninterrupted fortnight’s vacation, as that length of absence is usually sufficient time for fraudulent activity to come to light. In my opinion it is good now to see organisations beginning to be more mindful of the health, wellbeing and effectiveness of their people, instead of being solely focused on corporate risk. I am aware of one CEO who banned all internal emails for a week – after a degree of initial shock and resistance, employees realised that email is most effective as a means for delivering supporting documentation and not a tool for project managing or getting things done (other than simple admin such as diary coordination). For many employees, email takes up significant hours of their working life, without it people found that they had time to do the tasks that formerly they had put off. They also found that they had to be better at prioritising what actually needed to be done and taking ownership of tasks and outcomes.

I am of the opinion that exhausted and stressed employees are a risk to their employers as well as to themselves. People make mistakes when they are tired – last year there was a case in Germany where a tired bank clerk dozed off, but left his fingers resting on the number 2 on his keyboard, resulting in a transfer of 6222 million Euro, as opposed to the 62.40 Euro amount that a customer had expected. A Harvard Medical School study claims that insomnia may be the cause of as many as 274,000 occupational accidents in the USA with an annual cost of US $ 31.1 billion per annum. Few, if any, employers have policies relating to rest, sleep and insomnia although the risks posed by exhaustion are formidable.

That Dreadful Insomnia by *Sheeyo on deviantART

Stress can prove as damaging to individual health and productivity as exhaustion. Throughout my career I have noticed that accident levels increase when individuals are put under pressure. This pressure/stress can result from a range of causes, including:

• Periods of enforced change (such as the introduction of new systems or procedures);
• Inappropriate relations with colleagues;
• Times of audit or inspection;
• Corporate actions, such as when redundancies, divestments or M&A initiatives occur, and the anxiety that these can arouse in employees if communication is poor and people are left to speculate on what the future may hold;
• Poor management (especially from critical and dictatorial individuals who establish fear in those who work for them which results in a blame culture where people hide things or pass blame to others);
• Long hours, performing similar and usually repetitive tasks; and
• The actual work environment (for example poor equipment, misaligned seating, inappropriate floor layouts, bad lighting, etc...)

The UK Health and Safety Executive has identified six factors that can lead to stress in employees if not managed properly: Demands, Control, Support, Relationships, Role and Change.

Weeping Woman, 1937
Pablo Picasso

My maternal grandfather, Guy Crowden OBE (known in the family as "GP"), was a leading Professor of Applied Physiology. As an aside from this post, amongst other things he helped with the creation of the iron lung, (he advised Philip Drinker, whom he had met through their mutual research into industrial hygiene, (Drinker was the editor-in-chief of The Journal of Industrial Hygiene and GP had numerous research papers published ranging from the similarities in twins to the need to encourage physical activity across society to foster better health). GP was against patenting the discovery of the iron-lung, (originally designed to help with industrial respiratory issues), as he felt it should be a life-giving gift to mankind – it is interesting to note that when John Haven Emerson introduced an improved and less expensive iron lung in 1931, Drinker and Harvard University sued him for patent infringement. Emerson’s defence, which proved successful, was based on the moral requirement to keep lifesaving devices freely available).

Image from The Use of a New Apparatus
for the Prolonged Administration of Artificial Respiration."
Article published by Drinker and McKhann, 1929

My grandfather dedicated most of his life to researching the impact that working and the work environment has on people and their bodies – he believed in bridging the gap between research and everyday life. He was keen to find ways to enhance employees’ experiences at work as well as their performance, by researching the impact that the working environment has on people – he was very hands-on, for example attaching pedometers to nurses and postmen to determine some of the physical demands that their jobs made on them and assessing the correct height of desks for typists. He was a leading global expert on the impact that hours of work and the rate of working have on exhaustion and stress. An area of particular concern for him was “cumulative fatigue” – something which, in our constantly in touch, globalised world, is a serious risk for us all.

We need to switch off, in order to be fully switched on later when required to be alert. The Kalaripayattu practitioners looked after their health and wellbeing, through stretches, exercise and healing massages, as well as ensuring that they were suitably prepared before providing their demonstration. We have a duty of care to ourselves, as well as to others (including family, friends, the wider community and our employers), to ensure we too are fighting fit to face whatever the world throws at us.

Fighting mongoose and cobra