Of Nice and Men

Day 34 (Sunday 3rd January 2015)

34 is the age at which men are "at their most attractive"
(according to research conducted by Allure Magazine,
using a sample of 2000 respondents);
for women perceived peak appeal is at the age of 30.
Personally I don't think that age is important.

How are you enjoying the first weekend of the New Year? I am off to West Sussex to visit friends. I will be taking traditional New Year gifts of food, drink, light and heat to wish them well for the months ahead. I am looking forward to spending some time with them relaxing and catching up on news.

After the rush of the past few weeks, it is good to sit quiet and contemplate. This reflective post by Tim Scott hits the spot. Tim is Head of People and OD at the charity Brook, based in Liverpool and winner of the HR Management category of the 2015 Charity Times Awards. Tim is a social media adept - active on Twitter (his handle is@TimScottHR), he blogs (his site is  , but he also writes guest posts for the CIPD and for HRD (HR Director) magazine, and he has even co-authored a book on "Putting Social Media to Work" and future-casting the world of work in a decade's time. Tim has an active life IRL - he is a devoted father, husband and a music-nut. He often brightens people's timelines through his quick wit, repartee, sound advice and music recommendations.

-----------------------------------------------------------

It feels to me like 2015 was a year of austerity and blame, celebrity and social antisocial-ness. All too often, what marked us apart was given more attention than the things we have in common. We saw it demonstrated time and time again that people are complex, messy and unpredictable. 

As we go about doing our daily stuff, we all leave trails in our wake through our actions, interactions and lack of action - like a comet's sparkly tail streams after it and coal leaves behind a dirty, powdery dust. The theme of this year's Advent blogs made me wonder whether, in this time of supposed mindfulness, we are really mindful of the trail we are leaving - and particularly the impact it has on others?

What I see on a daily basis suggests that not all of us are. For example, just a few minute ago I was walking to the station to catch the train I'm currently travelling on. Two men passed each other on the pavement in front of me, walking in opposite directions. Neither moved completely out of the others' way and they ended up catching each other's shoulders awkwardly. What surprised me most was that neither even broke their stride: without a backward glance, they carried on walking. 

Days of Judgement Cats in the City, sculpture by Laura Ford, 2015

This was hardly a life-changing incident - I imagine similar things happen thousands of times a day - but it was quite a forceful impact and for neither party to apologise or even acknowledge what happened didn't feel right somehow. Maybe I'm old-fashioned on this kind of thing but it all felt a bit, well, "not nice" as my kids would say. 

"Nice", is a seriously underrated attribute in my view. We see "nice" as being almost an insult sometimes, suggesting something insipid or just OK - particularly in business and management where we still regard Sir Alan Sugar's pantomime baddie act as something to aspire to. 

Personally, I regard being called nice as a compliment. I remember being involved with a disciplinary dismissal years ago and as I was escorting the unfortunate ex-employee from the premises, she thanked me. I said, somewhat incredulously, "why are you thanking me? We've just dismissed you!" She said "Yeah, but you did it nicely". 

Not every dismissal I have been involved with has gone quite so smoothly but that's an occupational hazard for a whole other blog...

My ultimate point I guess is that sometimes HOW we do stuff is as important as WHAT we do in terms of the impact on other people. In our day-to-day interactions, we can choose the how, even if we can't choose the what. Would it have hurt those two guys to have apologised to each other? Certainly not as much as the initial impact must have - and it might have eased the glowering look on the face of the chap coming towards me. So my challenge is, as we enter the start of the New Year and look back on the old: what is the impact you are having on the people around you? What trail do you leave in your wake? As someone said at a conference I was at recently, "Do you light up a room when you enter it - or when you leave it?" Are you sprinkling magical comet trails or depositing sooty coal dust?

P.S. Apologies for the appalling title. Sometimes once I think of these things I can't get them out of my head. Just like you are probably now singing Kylie to yourself. Sorry again.

Comet Tails and Coal Dust

Day 22 (Tuesday 22nd December 2015)

22 is referred to as "two little ducks" in Bingo. Bingo's roots can be traced back to Lo Giuoco del Lotto d'Italia - the lottery established in 1530 in Florence after the long Siege,
as a means of raising funds for the state. The game spread across Europe. It was called Le Lotto in France and consisted of a square of card marked out in 3 rows and 9 columns with
numbers from 1-90 arranged at random in the boxes. A caller announced numbers as they were drawn.
The game travelled to North America in the 1920's and was called Beano (due to dried beans being used
to cover numbers once called and also being shouted when the first horizontal row was filled).
Legend has it that the name Bingo came about through an over-excited mispronunciation of Beano.
100 million people play bingo today.

Today's blog has been written by Trevor Black. Trevor was born and raised in South Africa, but now he lives in the UK. His parents had a passion for learning and creativity (both traits Trevor has inherited). Being academically accomplished and highly intelligent, Trevor commenced his career by qualifying as an actuary and working within Investment Management. He is rare in that he is both highly analytical but also is charismatic and curious - Trevor enjoys stimulating conversation and challenge, so it is no surprise that he subsequently transferred into a direct client-facing role. In autumn 2014 Trevor decided to go it alone and pursue his own passions - he blogs daily, you can read him on http://www.swartdonkey.blogspot.co.uk/, is always up for a challenge, is a talented artist and entertaining and thought-provoking companion. You can follow him on Twitter (his handle is @trevorblack) 

------------------------------------------------------------

When you look at the Pale Blue Dot picture of earth, we are less than a pixel. We are all the same pixel. It is difficult not to feel insignificant when the comet passing the earth, and the ‘large’ rock we call home melt into one, from far enough away. And yet, as that comet passes by and it continues on its journey, it is the only thing that matters. Each time we do something, it is the only thing that matters. Each time we think something, it is the only thought we have. Each time we look at someone, they are the only person in that moment with us.

Pale Blue Dot

Our lives are composed of stories and patterns. We connect things. Nothing exists in isolation and so we constantly look for reasons why they do. 

To help us predict what will happen next. To give us a sense of control. But hidden in the tails can be events that define everything. That change everything. The thought that we had put such importance on previous specific choices brings a wry smile. Each thing we do doesn’t matter in the broader context of everything that matters to us. And yet each thing we do is the only thing that matters.

The patterns that define our lives may turn out to be noise. They may turn out to have contained grand directional meaning that withers into nothing. The thing that cannot ever wither into nothing is the AND. The individual connections between things are eternal in time and space. 

Life may not have meaning. Life is given meaning. The meaning is what a thing is connected to. Parent AND child. Mentor AND mentee. The relationship between two things is far more important than the direction. Moment AND meaning.

From those connections, we can find the energy to drive us toward the things that matter. The warmth of a glowing coal, whose energy is released. Whose energy is transformed. 

Those connections are the coals. They are the glow. Even as they may pass, or break, they lead onto something else. We are only partially in control of the pattern of life. What we are control of is how we respond. What we are in control of is the current moment. Even if real control is just the ability to focus. To savour the moments and connections with which we are presented.

So that when those moments become dust, and they will, they will have been worth it. When those moments become dust, we will not have been so obsessed with them that we didn’t have perspective. Yet their dust will be part of the fabric that makes us up. We will have been half-hearted fanatics. Saving energy. Keeping our fire burning. Looking after ourselves. Looking after those we love. Looking at the stars. Creating and appreciating a world and a universe to which we are deeply, and intimately connected.

What Matters - Day 50

Day 50 (19th January 2015)

50 - is a denomination found either as a coin or note in every currency around the world
Illustration - Trinidad & Tobago 50 Dollar polymer note 1st issued in December 2014
The American slang "50 Bucks" meaning $50 supposedly originates from the early
days when settlers traded or bartered with native Americans for animal skins

Today's post arrived just before Christmas and is from Rachel Burnham. Rachel is a respected Learning and Development (L&D) specialist, who is passionate about the impact learning and development can have on people from all walks of life. She runs Burnham L&D based in Manchester. She writes an excellent L&D focused blog - L & D Matters and is active on social media (you can follow her on Twitter via @BurnhamLandD). She hates heights but loves her family, jazz and gardening (as well as seeing people grow).

***********************************************

I love the way the seasons slowly unfurl and gradually, at times almost imperceptibly, change from one to another.  Lots of things mark those changes: the plants that stand out in the garden each having their brief moment of glory; the quality of the light; the religious festivals; the food that is in season – in our house you can always tell the time of year by the type of vegetable soup made on a Saturday – currently French onion & spicy parsnip are regular favourites, but we’ll soon move on to roast swede, vegetables with dumplings, then it will be leek & potato, asparagus, pea, carrot & orange, then the abundance of the allotment harvest, cucumber, carrot & courgette, yet more courgettes, butternut squash, celery and back to parsnips.

UK seasonal fruit and vegetables

Years are perhaps harder to distinguish one from another – looking back brief moments, one off events, stand out rather than each year being clear and distinct.  There are of course, exceptions, the year my son was born stands out sharply and memorably.  He was born at 28 weeks, a tiny thing of 1lb 13 oz less than a bag of flour, about 3 months prematurely and he spent those months in the hospital.  He was so connected up to various pieces of equipment that changing his nappy was at first more akin to wiring a stereo system.

That was a year of both joy and darker emotions.  When he was finally released from hospital we were told not to mix with anybody who came into contact with children for fear of infection and spent a very lonely first 6 months.   He’s now 19, taller than me.

This year has been another memorable year. Not perhaps as immediately momentous, but a stand-out year nonetheless. A year of doing differently. After many years in various roles that have involved training and L&D, I think I had got a little stale.  My view of the world and of my work had got a bit sepia and faded. I had lost my sense of smell.  I had lost my path, well mislaid it.

But the zest is back, the colours are fresh & vibrant again and the sounds are full on. I think what changed for me this year was that I got connected and not just with social media, though that certainly played a part.   

I got connected again to learning new things, to experimenting in my work, to meeting new people, to discussing ideas, to writing about what I was interested in.  I got enthused with the possibilities of L&D again & infuriated with slide-led talks masquerading as learning all over again! 

It wasn’t all work - I spent time visiting art galleries again, went back to the theatre after a very long gap, spent an amazing week at the Manchester Jazz Festival, gardened, made new friends – all the things that matter to me. Evaluated, took stock.  I started drawing again and found ways to use this in my work.  I took on new challenges, did some different things and turned a few things, old familiars, down.

It wasn’t all excitement and fun, there have been moments of:

‘I’ve no idea what I’m supposed to be doing’ confusion;

a few waking up at 3.25 in the morning panics ‘Oh, my goodness, I don’t have enough work booked in my diary after the next few weeks’  - usually followed a few weeks later with waking up at 5.25 am panics ‘Oh, my goodness, I have too much work booked in – how am I ever going to get it all done?’

and some days of real of pain & sadness.

Life Has Its Ups and Downs, by Canadian artist Ruth Palmer

But the main thing is that I’ve reconnected with why I do what I do.

People matter, we spend such a lot of our lives at work, that how that time is spent matters,

and so how people are managed matters.  

Of course people management is important, not because it’s what we do, but because of its impact.

I have been thinking about those people cared for in their own home, whose carers don’t get allocated sufficient time between calls for travel, so that they are always running late, under pressure and have little time to talk.  

I have been thinking about workers in garment factories and factories making gadgets who are poorly paid & working long, long hours and the ‘ethical’ policies of the companies that they supply for.
 

Garment factory, Bangladesh

I have been thinking about environmental disasters caused by too much concern for targets & the bottom line and too little for health & safety passed onto contractors.  

Crab crawling through an oil spill

I have been thinking about customers badly advised on any number of financial products by staff perhaps focused on earning their bonus rather than what is the right for them. 

I have been thinking about individuals suffering from stress caused by the way their performance is managed at work and a bullying management style. 

People searching for jobs, not hearing back from countless job applications.  

An economy faltering, in part, due to low productivity, a lack of investment in people and people management.

What we do matters.

I don’t know how I forgot this, because it is why I came into HR in the first place.  But I had. And now I’ve reconnected.

A path rediscovered - On the Road Again

performed by Gugun Blues Shelter at Mostly Jazz, Jakarta, 2012  

Rachel Burnham

22/12/14