Hearth

Day 29 (Thursday 29th December 2016)

29 days - the number of days over which football was played during Euro 2016.
It was the 15th UEFA European Championship and was held in France from 10th June
to 10th July 2016. Portugal won the tournament for the first time, following a 1–0
victory after extra time over the host team, France.

The year is rushing towards its close. Today we have our second post from "Across the Pond". The author of this warming post is Christopher Demers, who is based in Austin, Texas. 

Christopher has worked with many of the big names in Tech: Dell, Apple, Home Depot's Technology Center, all in an HR capacity. He is currently at VMWare, where he is the Senior Manager for Employee Relations. Christopher cares deeply about people and is a highly effective coach. He is driven to help individuals and the organisation thrive as a result of his HR expertise and the service and support he can provide. Christopher has been described as "the happiest man on LinkedIn" and he is active on social media. He is an excellent blogger - you can read his thoughts on ChristopherinHR. 

I love the fact that Christopher has played on the heart in the blog theme of this year and shifted it into a warming hearth, often the centre of a home - usually a refuge from the heights and hollows outside.

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Hearth

Home is where the hearth is.

The end of year is oft a time to look back with some remiss and forward with some hope. We tend to think of highs and lows - heights and hollows - yet I find I think more of hearth as the years continue to pass.

There is a mythology about home for the holidays and renewal of vows to be more conscious of family and friend but these commitments often fade. So let's think about the end of year slightly differently.

Let's think about hearth this year.

Hearth is that place of warmth and comfort, but it need not be a physical spot. We have within our own psyche those experiences and moments that represent hearth. My home life is no Norman Rockwell painting (is anyone's?)  and as often as not my family is scattered to the winds with family and friends of their own to be with during the end of year. One rule for happy healthy adult children: never guilt them into spending the holidays with you - you have several hundred other days for that.

Yet I experience hearth in many ways throughout the year:

• The cashier who calmly worked with a customer who - wrongly - thought she'd been cheated. When I complimented the cashier she just said, "People get confused, so you have to help them." Were you that calm the last time you were chewed out in front of others?

• The neighbor who always takes in the trash can of his next-door neighbors even though they don't ask him to. His neighbors go away for the weekend a lot and he simply doesn't want burglars to get any ideas.

• The kid at school who sticks up for another, shy and quiet, so the bullying never begins.

• The landlady I've had for years who does everything with a handshake. We've never had a written piece of paper - or a problem - with anything. Some people you can just take at their word.

• The businessman who loads an old woman's (overstuffed) bag in the overhead without being asked. Just because.

The beauty in all these vignettes is they just happen as a part of life. It's what these people do when no one is watching.

As I get older the highs and the lows have smoothed out a little bit. Maybe it’s having grown children or not worrying about promotions at the office anymore or simply having gotten over myself: who knows? The point is I experience the warmth and hope of hearth throughout the year in the goodness of those around me.

The hearth is a touchstone. It gives us relief and resolve. I hope the hearth in your life is broad and strong and warm and safe as you find those moments throughout the year that remind you of what really matters.

Stardust

Day 36 ( Tuesday 5th January 2016)

"36 Strategies" a unique collection of ancient Chinese proverbs formed into a book
providing advice for soldiers, politicians, diplomats and spies (also of interest to modern-day
businesses and leaders). It was rediscovered on a roadside stall in Sichuan in 1941.

Today's post comes to us from the United States of America, Texas to be precise. It is written by Christopher Demers, a leading HR professional, currently working as the Senior Manager for Employee Relations at VMware. He wrote a splendid piece last year about the joy of Christmas. This year he is testing the opposite spectrum of emotions - although both are touched by love. Christopher is an excellent blogger - you can read his thoughts on ChristopherinHR. Otherwise, follow him on Twitter - his handle is @ChristopherinHR. I really value having Christopher as a friend - he is wise and knowledgable and does not begrudge his time or sharing his thoughts.

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The melody haunts my reverie, and I am once again with you...

Ah, what memories.

My friend, Kate Griffiths-Lambeth, asked if I might put a few words together celebrating Comet Trails and Coal Dust as part of a year-end series. I can only think all the real writers were busy and Kate was in a bit of a pickle when she reached out to me, but nonetheless vanity let me respond. (Editorial comment - as those of you know who read Christopher's blog/his post from last year's series, he is an accomplished and a very "real" writer who adds a huge amount of value to what has become a globally celebrated series.)

Many of us take time out at the start of a new year for reflection, and a healthy habit that is. Sometimes, in the States anyway, we distrust those over-prone to navel-gazing. Too much introspection can be a dangerous thing and often leads to missing the change in traffic lights as people tend to self-gaze while meandering in their cars. To help alleviate this we've managed to corral most gazers and most cars into Southern California so it all kind of works out.

Yet a little introspection is a good thing. I've actually seen comet trails and coal dust both, but then again, I am ancient so don't worry if you haven't yet. They are indeed both matter at the same time hard to hold but not easily forgotten, much like the memories of love.

As it happens, ironically, this morning at o'dark thirty I rose from bed to the delicious taste of some fresh Sumatra with Stardust on my mind.

Sundays are my days. As a child I resented the forced march to church and the endless sermon telling us we were all going to hell (anyway). Well, let's get on with it, I used to think, because hell can't be as bad as this damn sermon... But as a grown man, with grown children now gone and on their own (and the best damn children in the world I must say), Sundays are my day and I purposely leave them free of any scheduled event. It is my day for reverie and introspection.

This morning I was (and still am) listening to Stardust, the absolute classic by Hoagy Carmichael. A quick search shows that something like 1,500 artists have recorded this song... Folks: that's a good song and while I prefer the rendition done by Harry Connick Jr. (he's from the South - I'm biased) there are many you could choose from. Such a haunting melody and words that, to me, speak to my soul.

Ironically Hoagy wrote the song several years before Mitchell Parish ever put words to it and yet the work is a seamless piece of art. 

It reminds me of my ex-wife, simply a beautiful woman who is a fantastic artist. The kind of person who would wake in the middle of the night and have to get to her studio to explore an idea. Her amazing eyes truly are windows to her soul and I, I was fortunate enough to look in those eyes every day. Just not for as many days as I had hoped.

The idiosyncratic timing and phrases of Stardust reach me in a place where nothing else does, every time I hear it, and I am immediately transported back to that garden wall Mitchell described, reminding me of so much beauty in my life with my ex. Following the dissolution of our union it was painful for many years to hear the song I admit. But time soldiers on.

Much like comet trails everything eventually comes to an end and, thankfully, like coal dust even the signs of a broken heart can be worn away after enough time. 

So, boys and girls, as you start the New Year full of vim and vigour and with the penchant for a new resolution or two, I wish you the best in all the parts of your life and living. 

Me? 

I've made peace with myself for having lived the most beautiful days of my life with a woman I'm likely never see again. The pain is gone even as the melody haunts my reverie.

Be well and enjoy the comet trails you ride as everything indeed in the end turns to coal dust. 

Happy Holidays - Day 22

Day 22

22 yards (known as a chain)
is the standard distance between the two wickets on a cricket pitch.

Other unusual measurements include a link (100 links = a chain),

A fathom, which is 6 feet (derived from Anglo Saxon faethm meaning an embrace, because

it is roughly the distance from 1 hand to the other if your arms are outstretched) and

a league (3 miles) which is the distance an average person can walk in an hour.

Today's seasonal post is by Christopher Demers. Based in Austin, Texas, Christopher is an influential figure in global HR, happy to share wisdom and insight with interested individuals around the globe. He has worked with Dell, P&G, Home Depot and Apple and is currently a Senior HR Consultant for Travis County, specialising in Talent Management, Organisational Development and Employee Relations. Christopher writes an excellent blog, ChristopherinHR, (as well as producing a weekly Best Blogs list to share others' great posts). You can tell from the below post that Christopher has a way with words (he is also a fine poet and public speaker). He and I first became acquainted on Twitter, his handle is @ChristopherinHR

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Happy Holidays

It's that time of year again.

All of us – even Ebenezer Scrooge – manage a bit of a smile when the cold winds first blow and we realize the year is rapidly coming to an end.

"Scrooge Awakens" - illustration from the Diamond Edition of
Dickens' A Christmas Carol in Prose: being a ghost story of Christmas, 1860

Why doesn’t this beautiful feeling last?

Many people will tell you the key is to keep Christmas in your heart all year. A nice idea but this essentially waters down the notion of Christmas. Why not try to keep yourself in your heart all year? It might be easier.

When the holidays arrive feelings that have been muted take over. We become more forgiving, more gracious, more understanding. Is this not our normal self though? Think about the time you enjoy with your family and friends this holiday season: how relaxing it all is when the big feast is over, the presents unwrapped and the stress of holiday planning is a thing of the past. How can we get that good feeling all year?

The true meaning of Christmas is not that we can be happy and peaceful bringing good will to others every December but that we could do this all year if we wanted. 

How?

• Drop Expectations. By now you know the numbers: 90% of what we worry about never comes to pass, and the 10%, well somehow or other we learn to deal with that. Holding expectations of others simply sets us up for failure, since most of the time those expectations are unshared or at least unvalidated. Better to be in the moment and act consistent with your beliefs and perspective and stop assuming others will have similar views. Let people be who they are and go easy on yourself.

• Take Time. So many of life’s needless conflicts arise because we are too quick to respond or assert ourselves. Feel like you’ve beeb snubbed in a meeting? You lash out at co-workers. Partner not appreciating you? You do silly harmful things to them. Friends taking you for granted? You skip the next happy hour widening the chasm between you. Stop it. Take a time out, and recognize you’re not the center of the universe. Give yourself a breath and see how much better things can be.

Print by print by Sarah Sherman Samuel

• Acknowledge Others. Part of what resonates with Christmas is our willingness to drop our guard a little and tell others how we feel about them. But why don’t we do this all year? Because its risky. We have to take the first step, and might be rejected. But you might not be rejected too. You might find others happily reciprocating to your action. You might find the peace of satisfying relationships can be experienced all year. Recognizing others as a way of being will help you build stronger and healthier relationships all year.

That Christmas is a special time is without doubt. Yet, a few simple modifications in how you view yourself and others will bring the true meaning of Christmas – peace and joy – to you all year round.

Merry Christmas one and all.