A Cheeky Little Smile and a Work Life Balance - Day 8

Day 8 (Friday 8th December 2017)

Eight reindeer pull Father Christmas' sleigh, according to the
1823 poem, Clement C. Moore "A Visit from St. Nicholas"(also known as"Twas the Night
Before Christmas". Their names are: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Dunder
(variously spelled Donder and Donner), and Blixem (variously spelled Blixen and Blitzen), with Rudolph being a 20th-century inclusion.Reindeer can run at speeds of up to 48 mph (Usain Bolt ran at 27 mph).
Illustration by Scott Gustafson

Wow that first week has passed swiftly. We are having our team Christmas lunch today (yes I know it's a bit early, but some of the team are going away for a few weeks and so it makes sense to meet up now, while we are all still around). I wonder what Secret Santa will bring me. I love this time of year: the sparkle, surprises, smiles and generosity (more of spirit than of gifts).

Today's piece should raise a smile. It is always a joy to read about personal transformation based on values and who doesn't love a happy ending? It is written by Craig Kaye, who works as an L&D specialist for the charity Addaction, one of the largest Public Health Services across Substance Misuse, Mental Health, Young Persons, Safeguarding and Criminal Justice Sectors. He studied Criminal Psychology at university. He is active on social media (his Twitter handle is @TheCraigKaye ) and occasionally he adds pieces to his fine blog, also called theCraigKaye. Craig, as you will see from below, is a keen football player. He is also interested in Science, Politics, global affairs and things that make the world (and the people within it) tick.

NB All the colour illustrations were selected by Craig.

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As I sit on the 8 hour train journey from St. Helens, Merseyside to Truro, Cornwall I thought I would use this time to make a contribution to Kate Griffiths-Lambeth’s (@KateGL's) Advent Blog Series. With the title of Darkness and Dawn I had the intention to write about: Trumpism, then Brexit and give an anthropological, objective view of why society has decided to take these long lasting political decisions. I'm very, very passionate about decision making processes and behaviouralism, so this initially appeared a really interesting opportunity to air my observations - but would I class this as being in a personal category of darkness and dawn .......... 

The answer is ‘no’ - I want this blog to have more internal, meaningful resonance!! 

So, as I depart Birmingham New Street, my thoughts instantly turn to being a father to our two year only little monkey Oscar Kaye - and the contrast between the person sitting on the train writing this blog and the one of three years ago - this sounds deep. 

Three years ago, I would class myself as first and foremost a loyal husband, however what came next where two personal obsessions of mine: ‘work’ and ‘football.’ 

Firstly, ‘Work’ - prior to joining, in my personal opinion, one of the best Learning and Development Departments money can buy for quality, enthusiasm and professional insight, I was a Manager involved in a service working directly with ‘Vulnerable Adults and their Families.’ When I wasn't working in the office, I was working at home, when I was on annual leave I'd always have my work phone accessible - just in case someone needed my professional guidance or a decision which needed to be made. Yes, I'm putting my hand up - not only was I a careerist but also identified with the term Presenteeism. I didn't wish to take annual leave, just in case a decision was made in my absence and didn't wish to take a day off poorly in case this affected my chances of a promotion. 

Then ‘Football’ - The above amount of work needed its own avenue of stress release, I had been playing football since I can remember and three years ago was easily playing up to five times per week with various teams, friends and work colleagues. If a match at the weekend was called off I'd have a little sulk to myself, if something else occurred, e.g. being injured or feeling poorly, this didn't not matter one inch, my football boots were still going on my feet, eager in anticipation to walk on to the green turf.

Then on the 19th November 2015, a cheeky little monkey, weighing in at only 5lbs was placed in my arms. I still vividly remember his little baby-blue Winnie The Pooh Cotton Hat and Gloves and he made no more than a tiny squeak whenever he wanted a few mls of ready-made milk formula.

What followed, due to complications very much not spoken about in pregnancy, meant remaining in the hospital for an additional four weeks due to his amazing mum's health. You don't really see it in the soaps, I assumed prior to then that we would be in and out with enough time to catch the end of the match and the start of the new series of ‘I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here.’ - we weren't!

A vast number of people told the Craig of three years ago, that having a baby is the biggest life-changing moment in your life, I gave the usual smile and nod without paying it too much notice.

‘What do they know?’ I thought to myself. ‘I manage my time brilliantly, it won't change my beliefs, views or attitudes that much’ I reflected at the time - it does!

I started my new role in Learning and Development in January 2016, based from home. Some can struggle with not working in close proximity with colleagues and no office politics or banter. I very much do not, I have someone working next to me with a cheeky little smile and day by day watching him develop into a confident and happy little toddler who loves nothing more than to get his hands on Penguin Chocolate Cake Bars and to play Hide and Seek behind Daddy's Office Door.

What happened to me in November 2015 was that, before any thought process I had, I weighed up what Oscar needed first. Seeing him and his Mother smile became my primary goal, not work, not football but both their health and happiness and seeing the slightest progress in his emotional or physical development filled me with more joy than a promotion or scoring any goal could.

What's more is that my new role placed a strong emphasis on a healthy work / life balance, personal and professional development through expert coaching and internal opportunities as well as a team who all have such strong specialisms it can only make you even better at what you do when in their presence.

As I reflect over the last year or two and losing my careerism and presenteeism where I would beat myself up if I wasn't the best at everything I did either in work or on the football pitch, I have become a far more skilled, empathic and resilient professional than I ever was pre-2015 and my goal scoring record is actually better too!

I'm incredibly thankful to my Wife and Son for helping me become the incredibly happy person writing this blog, my Manager and Team in Learning and Development who help me become a stronger, more confident professional and my friends and family who regularly listen to my rants about such topics as: Politics, Science, Football Results and Social Injustice.

And a massive thank you for spending the time reading the above!!!!

Craig

Hearth

Day 29 (Thursday 29th December 2016)

29 days - the number of days over which football was played during Euro 2016.
It was the 15th UEFA European Championship and was held in France from 10th June
to 10th July 2016. Portugal won the tournament for the first time, following a 1–0
victory after extra time over the host team, France.

The year is rushing towards its close. Today we have our second post from "Across the Pond". The author of this warming post is Christopher Demers, who is based in Austin, Texas. 

Christopher has worked with many of the big names in Tech: Dell, Apple, Home Depot's Technology Center, all in an HR capacity. He is currently at VMWare, where he is the Senior Manager for Employee Relations. Christopher cares deeply about people and is a highly effective coach. He is driven to help individuals and the organisation thrive as a result of his HR expertise and the service and support he can provide. Christopher has been described as "the happiest man on LinkedIn" and he is active on social media. He is an excellent blogger - you can read his thoughts on ChristopherinHR. 

I love the fact that Christopher has played on the heart in the blog theme of this year and shifted it into a warming hearth, often the centre of a home - usually a refuge from the heights and hollows outside.

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Hearth

Home is where the hearth is.

The end of year is oft a time to look back with some remiss and forward with some hope. We tend to think of highs and lows - heights and hollows - yet I find I think more of hearth as the years continue to pass.

There is a mythology about home for the holidays and renewal of vows to be more conscious of family and friend but these commitments often fade. So let's think about the end of year slightly differently.

Let's think about hearth this year.

Hearth is that place of warmth and comfort, but it need not be a physical spot. We have within our own psyche those experiences and moments that represent hearth. My home life is no Norman Rockwell painting (is anyone's?)  and as often as not my family is scattered to the winds with family and friends of their own to be with during the end of year. One rule for happy healthy adult children: never guilt them into spending the holidays with you - you have several hundred other days for that.

Yet I experience hearth in many ways throughout the year:

• The cashier who calmly worked with a customer who - wrongly - thought she'd been cheated. When I complimented the cashier she just said, "People get confused, so you have to help them." Were you that calm the last time you were chewed out in front of others?

• The neighbor who always takes in the trash can of his next-door neighbors even though they don't ask him to. His neighbors go away for the weekend a lot and he simply doesn't want burglars to get any ideas.

• The kid at school who sticks up for another, shy and quiet, so the bullying never begins.

• The landlady I've had for years who does everything with a handshake. We've never had a written piece of paper - or a problem - with anything. Some people you can just take at their word.

• The businessman who loads an old woman's (overstuffed) bag in the overhead without being asked. Just because.

The beauty in all these vignettes is they just happen as a part of life. It's what these people do when no one is watching.

As I get older the highs and the lows have smoothed out a little bit. Maybe it’s having grown children or not worrying about promotions at the office anymore or simply having gotten over myself: who knows? The point is I experience the warmth and hope of hearth throughout the year in the goodness of those around me.

The hearth is a touchstone. It gives us relief and resolve. I hope the hearth in your life is broad and strong and warm and safe as you find those moments throughout the year that remind you of what really matters.