The Art of Encouragement - Day 15

Saturday 15th December 2018

15 is the magic constant in a Magic Square. The first Magic Square was known to and
written about by Chinese mathematicians. Legends dating from as early as 650 BC tell the
story of the Lo Shu (洛书) or "scroll of the river Lo".^[11] According to the legend, there was
at one time in ancient China a huge flood. While the great king Yu was trying to channel the
water out to sea, a turtle emerged from it with a curious pattern on its shell: a 3×3 grid
in which circular dots of numbers were arranged, such that the sum of the numbers in each row,
column and diagonal was the same: 15. According to the legend, thereafter people were able
to use this pattern in a certain way to control the river and protect themselves from floods.
It is used today for Feng Shui

As you read this I will be driving south through freezing rain, snow flurries and high winds, bringing my youngest son home for the holidays...and I will be grinning. I love being a mother. The writer of today's post is a renowned, loving parent and husband, a supportive and caring friend/colleague and a huge influence on the global HR community - Steve Browne. I always love his Advent Blog posts - they zing with positivity and good advice.

For the past 12 years Steve has worked for LaRosa's Inc - Ohio's leading pizzeria business and a regional restaurant chain that has grown significantly over the past 60 years. Steve is the Vice President of HR. He has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and has gained experience in Professional Services, Manufacturing and Consumer Products in addition to Hospitality and Leisure.

Steve is an active leader in the SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) in the USA - and was elected to serve as a Director on the Board in 2016. He blogs both for the Society (SHRM Blog) and also on his own site Everyday People, as well as tirelessly communicating with HR professionals and interested parties around the world. His enthusiasm is infectious. I strongly recommend that you follow him on Twitter (his handle is @SBrowneHR) if you have not already done so.

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I am a wildly passionate and positive human !! This is how I entered the world, and I am sure it’s how I’ll leave it someday. It’s intriguing to me that being positive is viewed as being an outlier in today’s climate. I’ve often heard it said that – “Positive people piss people off.” We want others to wallow, grouse and suffer because we feel that our negativity is our common bond.

How sad is that?

Seriously. How sad is that?

Now, please don’t think that I ignore the struggles of others. I work in Human Resources (on purpose) and I swim in the sea of humanity on a daily basis. 

The vast majority of every day at work is filled with darkness and dread. Regardless of the extent of a person’s circumstances, they feel that NO ONE has it as difficult as them. This myopic view of daily existence is so debilitating that it’s hard to adequately capture it in words. Using phrases like “It will be okay” or “Hang in there” ring hollow when someone feels buried or consumed by their situation.

There is one approach though that can ring true and break through any level of heartache. That is the art of encouragement. It truly is an art because to do it requires a few components in order for it to have its full effect.

BE GENUINE

No one likes a fake. This is true with people from all walks of life and occupation. We tend to gauge this on those who have a public or political presence. But, being fake never works for any person. What’s unique about this facet of encouragement is that “being genuine” is determined by others in how they see you behave. This can’t be self-proclaimed.

Genuine people are like magnets. They attract others and people find genuine folks easy to be around. Also, genuine people speak from the heart, and that is key to the art of encouragement.

BE CONSISTENT

Encouragement is needed everywhere. It can’t only be doled out to those with whom you feel closest or most comfortable. It’s not a show. It’s a foundational block for interactions and eventually relationships. Being consistent in anything takes practice and discipline in order for it to become natural in how you approach others. Trust me when I say that it is worth your time and effort to consistently encourage.

BE WILLING

This probably should be the first point, but I listed it third because I don’t want people to become encouragers out of obligation. This isn’t a “guilt” thing with me. Encouragement is an art because people who are willing are observant. They’ll take the time to intentionally maintain eye contact with strangers as they pass through a crowd. They’ll naturally thank a server in a restaurant for taking care of them. They’ll make sure to genuinely return the greeting of those in retail whose job it is to greet. They won’t walk past them. Willing people notice people on purpose !!

This year’s Advent series listed Hope and High-Fives as two of the three components. I know that Heartaches was also listed, but I find encouragement even in the most dire circumstances. It’s true. I know I’m an outlier and I’m very comfortable with that.

My hope is that this season you start living every day as a constant, visible “high-five” for those who you encounter. You never know. You may be the ONE thing that gives light and encouragement to someone where no one else has. That alone gives me joy. So, pick up your palette and brushes. Use the canvas of life to begin your own art of encouragement !!

Bring Me Sunshine by Morcambe and Wise

Katrina and The Waves singing "Walking on Sunshine"

It Only Takes a Spark - Day 41

Day 41 (Wednesday 10th January 2018)

41 miles - the length of the Metropolitan Line on London's Underground railway
- the system's 11 lines total 250 miles in length, which makes it the longest metro system
in the world. It commenced on 10th January 1863 when the Metropolitan Railway opened
a line between Paddington (then called Bishop's Road) and Farringdon Street. It is the
oldest and first underground railway for general public use in the world.

Today I am catching up on some of what we have achieved with money clawed back from the UK Apprenticeship Levy and cementing plans for the year to come. So far we have individuals undertaking MBAs, others benefitting from management training and a group who are joining us as conventional apprentices, commencing their careers. It is always good to know that you are helping people to develop and grow for both their advantage and for the business. 

Today's post is by a chap who is superb at encouraging others - Steve Browne, an internationally known and highly respected HR star. In addition, Steve acts as a unique unifying gel for many of us in the global HR community, cheerfully making contact and encouraging others to do so.  For the past 11 years Steve has worked for LaRosa's Inc - Ohio's leading pizzeria business and a regional restaurant chain that has grown significantly over the past 60 years. Steve is the Executive Director of HR. He has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and has gained experience in Professional Services, Manufacturing and Consumer Products in addition to Hospitality and Leisure.

Steve possesses amazing levels of energy and passion for people and all that he does. He is married to Debbie and they have two grown-up children (of whom they both are justifiably proud). Steve is an active leader in the SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) in the USA - and was elected to serve as a Director on the Board just over two years ago. He blogs both for the Society (SHRM Blog) and also on his own site Everyday People, as well as tirelessly communicating with HR professionals and interested parties around the world. His enthusiasm is infectious. I strongly recommend that you follow him on Twitter (his handle is @SBrowneHR) if you have not already done so.

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I am a hopelessly optimistic human !! It’s odd to see how others respond to my personality, demeanor and approach. It’s amazing how much skepticism and doubt I encounter because we think that if people are positive it’s either some act or a sham. People automatically think that if you’re positive, then you must want something from them. There has to be some hidden agenda because NO ONE is truly optimistic these days.

Sorry to disappoint.

I’m astonished to see how jaded and hardened people have become about all facets of life. It makes me ache. Literally. I am not so naïve as to not see the incredible challenges and dysfunction that exists all around the globe. I also know that this same level of instability exists in my family, friends and co-workers. I choose, however, not to succumb to the darkness.

I empathize with others who are facing challenges without judgement. Something may seem an easy fix for some and be a mountain for others. We need to remember that people don’t want to be “fixed” – they want to be seen and acknowledged. There is an easy way to do this. You need to be the spark that rekindles the life and passion that exists in every human being !!

In my recent past, I was the Scoutmaster of Troop 941. I spent twelve years in Scouting with my amazing son along with many fantastic young men.

They came from all types of family situations ranging from affluent to poverty. Homes that were healthy and others that were not. Positive relationships with parents and siblings as well as those who couldn’t be in the same room as other family members. I never stepped in to try and “fix” any of their conditions. I had no right to do so, and that wasn’t my role.

I was there to be a spark in their lives. I’d be so geeked to see them attend a Troop meeting !! I’d see how they were doing as humans and check on how they were doing in school and at home. I’d listen to every single story and make sure to give them my full attention. When we went on campouts, I’d stay up to play card games with them and make sure they had everything they needed to learn, lead and succeed.

One of the first skills that a scout learns is how to make a fire. Now Boy Scouts is led by the young men in the Troop and not adults. They learn from each other as peers. So, the older scouts teach the new scouts. When it comes to fire building, the older scouts let the new ones try to “figure it out” first with little direction. Inevitably, the boys pile enough wood to start a bonfire, and it fails. After several fruitless attempts, the older scout steps in and shows them that you only need a very small amount of kindling and – a spark.

Once the new scouts see how little material is needed to start a campfire, they get it. A spark is all that is needed !!

This same approach is what happens to us as adults. Instead of stripping back the trappings of life, we pile on more and more until we’re almost immobile. We want to move ahead, but we can’t. We’re stuck in our circumstances and it seems hopeless. It isn’t. We have the chance to strip back all of the excess junk and get down to the basics. Then add our spark.

This coming year look out amongst your friends and see how you can help them unburden themselves by being the light that gives them confidence and courage. Be intentional and be the spark that brings them back into life that has joy and purpose !!

Hooked on a Feeling !! - Day 58

Day 58 (27th January 2015)

58th hexagram in the I Ching, known as Tui or 兌 (duì),
referred to as the youngest daughter, is a character in the ancient Chinese divination
practice, which uses 6 apparently random numbers turned into a hexagram, with a meaning
ascertained via the I Ching texts. Tui is said to represent "Joy", with both the inside and
outside world being in harmony. The hexagram is said to depict two lakes and is interpreted as
a demonstration of inner strength, cheerfulness, an ability to be flexible and to show courtesy to others.
A sole lake evaporates easily, but when two are linked they support each other, Tui represents 
this, demonstrating the benefit of discussion, sharing knowledge & practices with like-minded fellows

Steve Browne is the author of today's post - Steve is based in the U.S.A. in West Chester, Ohio, where he works as the Executive Director for Human Resources for LaRosa's, Inc. - a regional pizzeria chain. He is a strategic HR professional, with a passion for employee relations, networking and organisational culture. He, himself, is excellent at networking and very well connected within the global HR community. Steve is a knowledgeable dynamo - his passion, drive and enthusiasm acts as a glue for many of us. He loves interacting on social media, his Twitter handle is @sbrownehr and he writes an excellent blog, Everyday People. Steve is a vibrant, warm and welcoming individual. When not doing things for HR, he is supporting his community; he is a devoted husband and father and a lover of rock music. He brings a smile to my face whenever we interact.

This is the last in the Advent Blog series - it's always good to end on a high. I would like to thank you all for giving me a chance to get to know you (especially the authors) and to interact with you (anyone who has read/commented on the posts). I had no idea when I told Alison that I would host on her behalf that it would be such a wonderful and rewarding experience. You are brilliant.

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I am wired a bit differently than most folks I know.  I don’t mean in some creepy way, but, you see I’m an extrovert who happens to work in Human Resources.



Now, you’d think that HR would be a field that would be a magnet for extroverts, but that really isn’t the case.  This “curse” has been with me all of my life.  Whenever I’ve taken an assessment, which is somewhat “mandatory” in HR, I peg the top of the scale of extroversion.  I’m nowhere close to the median, or the “safe” range for others.

I really don’t see being extroverted as a curse, and I only say that because it’s how others perceive it.  When you’re in social situations with extroverts, there’s an expectation that they are going to bring energy, have colorful stories and generate life to whatever is going on.  That may happen, but it’s also an odd expectation for us to live with.

Introvert and Extrovert speakers at and after a conference

I’d like you to look at extroversion in a different light.  I see that how I’m wired is a way to connect with people because one of the facts about how I approach each day is that I HAVE to be around people.  I rarely am alone on purpose. It’s an interesting dichotomy with my amazing wife because we are almost complete opposites.  If we go to a shopping mall, she would focus on the task at hand of purchasing some items, and I would be wandering throughout the mall just to see who I could meet.

What I’ve come to observe is that since people are somewhere along the introversion/extroversion scale that it’s better to meet people where they are instead of expecting them to be more like you.  This runs contrary to how most social interactions occur.  People tend to be self-focused instead of others-focused.  What if you changed your focus?  How do you think interactions with other people would go if you moved along the scale to cozy up with them at their point along the spectrum?

I would think that your interactions would be smoother, have more context and meaning and would also lead to other successful interactions !!

A successful interaction

We don’t want to do this because people are a giant ball of emotions.  We’re not really sure what emotions they will be bringing to an encounter, so we tend to keep an arm’s distance and never really take our time together past a very thin surface conversation.

My challenge for you is to get messy !!  We have emotions for a reason.  Do you really want to be connected to a myriad of automatons who give you the “I’m fine, and you?” response every time?  

I find that distance response to be more draining than coming across someone full of any kind of emotion.

This week, take a new approach and get hooked on feelings.  It will mean that you have to open up and share more intimately, but it’s really what people want.  We want meaningful relationships in life, at work and in our profession. Come clean and know that when you avoid the emotions that everyone brings to the situation, those emotions will show up somewhere else and it won’t be good.

Also, remember an answer to the obligatory “Hi, how are you?” doesn’t have to be neutral or assumed negative.  When I see someone and they ask me how I am I respond, “I’m Great !!” (and it’s true.)  I know that it’s the extrovert in me, but it’s also a choice. Being positive is a choice that makes each day, and every moment in it, spectacular !!

I hope that you know that there are people who really want to get to know you – on purpose.  Be on the lookout because I will find you to see if you’re great !!

Deborah Kerr (Marni Nixon singing) "Getting To Know You"

from "The King and I", 1956 film adaption of musical by Rodgers and Hammerstein

Blondie performing "One Way Or Another", 1979

(But, Steve is NOT a stalker)