The Art of Encouragement - Day 15

Saturday 15th December 2018

15 is the magic constant in a Magic Square. The first Magic Square was known to and
written about by Chinese mathematicians. Legends dating from as early as 650 BC tell the
story of the Lo Shu (洛书) or "scroll of the river Lo".^[11] According to the legend, there was
at one time in ancient China a huge flood. While the great king Yu was trying to channel the
water out to sea, a turtle emerged from it with a curious pattern on its shell: a 3×3 grid
in which circular dots of numbers were arranged, such that the sum of the numbers in each row,
column and diagonal was the same: 15. According to the legend, thereafter people were able
to use this pattern in a certain way to control the river and protect themselves from floods.
It is used today for Feng Shui

As you read this I will be driving south through freezing rain, snow flurries and high winds, bringing my youngest son home for the holidays...and I will be grinning. I love being a mother. The writer of today's post is a renowned, loving parent and husband, a supportive and caring friend/colleague and a huge influence on the global HR community - Steve Browne. I always love his Advent Blog posts - they zing with positivity and good advice.

For the past 12 years Steve has worked for LaRosa's Inc - Ohio's leading pizzeria business and a regional restaurant chain that has grown significantly over the past 60 years. Steve is the Vice President of HR. He has worked as an HR professional for over 25 years and has gained experience in Professional Services, Manufacturing and Consumer Products in addition to Hospitality and Leisure.

Steve is an active leader in the SHRM (Society for Human Resource Management) in the USA - and was elected to serve as a Director on the Board in 2016. He blogs both for the Society (SHRM Blog) and also on his own site Everyday People, as well as tirelessly communicating with HR professionals and interested parties around the world. His enthusiasm is infectious. I strongly recommend that you follow him on Twitter (his handle is @SBrowneHR) if you have not already done so.

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I am a wildly passionate and positive human !! This is how I entered the world, and I am sure it’s how I’ll leave it someday. It’s intriguing to me that being positive is viewed as being an outlier in today’s climate. I’ve often heard it said that – “Positive people piss people off.” We want others to wallow, grouse and suffer because we feel that our negativity is our common bond.

How sad is that?

Seriously. How sad is that?

Now, please don’t think that I ignore the struggles of others. I work in Human Resources (on purpose) and I swim in the sea of humanity on a daily basis. 

The vast majority of every day at work is filled with darkness and dread. Regardless of the extent of a person’s circumstances, they feel that NO ONE has it as difficult as them. This myopic view of daily existence is so debilitating that it’s hard to adequately capture it in words. Using phrases like “It will be okay” or “Hang in there” ring hollow when someone feels buried or consumed by their situation.

There is one approach though that can ring true and break through any level of heartache. That is the art of encouragement. It truly is an art because to do it requires a few components in order for it to have its full effect.

BE GENUINE

No one likes a fake. This is true with people from all walks of life and occupation. We tend to gauge this on those who have a public or political presence. But, being fake never works for any person. What’s unique about this facet of encouragement is that “being genuine” is determined by others in how they see you behave. This can’t be self-proclaimed.

Genuine people are like magnets. They attract others and people find genuine folks easy to be around. Also, genuine people speak from the heart, and that is key to the art of encouragement.

BE CONSISTENT

Encouragement is needed everywhere. It can’t only be doled out to those with whom you feel closest or most comfortable. It’s not a show. It’s a foundational block for interactions and eventually relationships. Being consistent in anything takes practice and discipline in order for it to become natural in how you approach others. Trust me when I say that it is worth your time and effort to consistently encourage.

BE WILLING

This probably should be the first point, but I listed it third because I don’t want people to become encouragers out of obligation. This isn’t a “guilt” thing with me. Encouragement is an art because people who are willing are observant. They’ll take the time to intentionally maintain eye contact with strangers as they pass through a crowd. They’ll naturally thank a server in a restaurant for taking care of them. They’ll make sure to genuinely return the greeting of those in retail whose job it is to greet. They won’t walk past them. Willing people notice people on purpose !!

This year’s Advent series listed Hope and High-Fives as two of the three components. I know that Heartaches was also listed, but I find encouragement even in the most dire circumstances. It’s true. I know I’m an outlier and I’m very comfortable with that.

My hope is that this season you start living every day as a constant, visible “high-five” for those who you encounter. You never know. You may be the ONE thing that gives light and encouragement to someone where no one else has. That alone gives me joy. So, pick up your palette and brushes. Use the canvas of life to begin your own art of encouragement !!

Bring Me Sunshine by Morcambe and Wise

Katrina and The Waves singing "Walking on Sunshine"

Never Alone

Day 44 ( Wednesday 13th January 2016)

44 candles are needed, in total, to light the menorah (the 9 lamp, 8 branched candleabrum
used in the rituals during the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah - a celebration of the
rededication of the Holy Temple).  Hanukkah is observed for eight days and nights with a new
lamp lit each day, it is in addition to the earlier lamps being replaced and relit, so the number of daily
candles required are cumulative. Eight candles, one for each day, and one light that stands apart from the
others, called the Shamash, from which all are lit. Other Hanukkah festivities include eating oil-based
foods such as doughnuts, giving gifts and playing with Dreidels (a kind of spinning top).

Today's post is by Susan Popoola, the Managing Director of Conning Towers, a business founded in 2001 in Milton Keynes that specialises in providing practical business solutions to organisations and people with HR issues. She is also the founder of the social enterprise, Engaged For Success CIC, with has a strong focus on young people and issues such as deprivation and exclusion. Related to this, Susan is an award winning speaker and author with a reputation for championing diversity and inclusion, you might like her book on the impact of immigration and multi-cultural society - Consequences: Diverse to Mosaic Britain or, if you like urban history and culture, her first book, Touching the Heart of Milton Keynes. Susan has many years of HR experience and an interest in the power of technology to enhance businesses and the capabilities of the individuals within them. You can connect with her on Twitter - her handle is @SusanPopoola. Outside work Susan is actively involved in education - she is a governor for Hazeley School chairing the Support and Development Committee. She also serves as a Young Enterprise judge and a Business Ambassador for Countec Education Business Partnership. 

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Never Alone

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you.” 
― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

As one year begins to draw to a close and a new year sets in, there is often a tendency to reflect on the year, review the plans made at the beginning of the year and make new ones for the forthcoming year.

I’m yet to meet anyone who says that they made plans for a year and achieved everything on the list. 

Sometimes we come pretty close and even achieve some phenomenal things that were not on the list, but no one really achieves everything.  Sometimes we or at least let me say, I, have got to the end of a year, reviewed my plans and been quite disappointed. This happened to me last year and so I sat down and wrote a list of the things that I had achieved. I was pleasantly surprised and I believe the same would apply to anyone who went through the same process. We often do better than we give ourselves credit for.

Something else that I have come to realise from going through such processes is that there’s nothing that I have achieved alone.  At times support comes from people that I’ve known for a long time, that I consider part of my inner circle, that if I’m to be honest I dare to expect to support me, just as they know that I will always be there to support them. In these cases I’m not overall surprised, just appreciative that they have been faithful to me and come through for me. 

At times support comes from the least expected place. I have no reason why these people reach out to support me – especially without me asking for help or indicating a need to them.

There are also the things that people do that come as a surprise – whether people from my inner circle or not. The unexpected gift, a kind word, the invitation to an event, the recommendation, or the mere mention of my name by someone that I thought had forgotten that I existed, as we haven’t spoken in years. The person that I bump into, who mentions how much he or she likes reading my articles or tweets and finds them to be most useful.

It’s not all one-way though. It means just as much to me to be able to give people help and support of some kind. To help them move that step forward, to overcome a challenge. Even just that little thing that puts a smile on a face makes a lot of difference to me. I actually believe you get more out of giving too.

All in all, my support system says that there are people out there that believe that I have value and worth – because of the big things that I strive to achieve, the fact that they know they can always count on me; I make them laugh or put a smile on a face – or what have you, just because I am who I am. What this says to me is that not only am I never alone in my journey and in what I achieve, but that I can’t give up. I must go on (regardless of the odds) as there are people cheering me on and counting on me to succeed.

The why that draws people in is not always clear.  I think it’s something about passion and purpose, but I’m not really sure – I don’t really ask. Maybe I should as feedback as important  - it’s fuel and it’s reinforcement.

In terms of feedback I’ve always been one to say thank you.  However, if I’m to be honest, I think it would be fair to say that I don’t take the time to let people know how much I appreciate them and the value that they bring as much as I should.  

Going forward, I intend to do this much more as contrary to what we may think, people often don’t know how much they are valued and saying so may make all the difference. Preventing someone from giving up on a job, a relationship, and a project….  By not giving up that person may go on to do something that has a positive live changing impact for them or someone else.

#Selah

Reaching New Heights

This is for those who are struggling with change, for individuals with potential (but who may not even realise it), for those who have been told “It’s impossible” and/or who have been derided for their vision and understanding, for people who aren’t sure whether they fit in and those who wish to help any of them, as well as for my children and god-daughter…  It is my last day in South Africa, so it seems apt to tell you a traditional African tale that was told to me while I was here:

It was a hot summer and the frequent afternoon storms were welcome, as they helped to ease the searing heat and dampened down the dust.  However, the violence of the thunder and the flashing tongues of lightening could be terrifying, as indeed they must have been that day, for the cattle and the herd boys returned to the village in haste leaving one calf behind.  The farmer took up his staff and strolled out into the bush to search for the missing animal.  

He hunted in the valley: he looked along the river bed, amongst the reeds and by the stones; he searched in the scrubby undergrowth and by the gnarled trees where the guinea fowl pecked and scraped, almost invisible amongst the dappled shadows; he looked in the dry rustling grass, standing higher than his chest, and then he climbed the rocky mountain, calling and calling for his beast.  He wondered if it had taken shelter from the storm in a deep fracture that cut into the hill side, slicing up towards the summit.  Slowly he climbed, watching and calling.  His attention was caught by a small patch of white on a ledge of rock and, making his way towards it, he was surprised to find a small eagle chick, less than a couple of days old, huddled forlornly by itself, presumably blown from its nest during the storm. The farmer reached out and gently picked it up.  Cradling it to the warmth of his chest, he turned back towards the village and, on his way home he determined to keep the bird and care for it.

As he arrived back at his house, his children ran to greet him and to say that the calf had returned.  Pleased at the news, he gently opened his hands and showed them the fledgling.  They took the eaglet back to their home and placed the young bird with a broody hen that was only too happy to have a small chick to care for.  As the eagle grew it learned the ways of the hens, pecking at scraps and scratching in the dust for tasty beetles and other good things to eat. Although clearly different from the chickens, the eagle seemed happy enough and people from other villages, when they came to trade, used to stare at the strange bird scraping in the dust with the other fowl. 

One of the farmer’s friends, whom he had not seen for a while, came to visit and the two men sat on the step at the door of the house, chatting and watching the world go by.  The friend noticed the strange bird pecking with the hens and said in surprise, “That’s not a chicken it’s an eagle!”

The farmer smiled and said, “That can’t be so…look, it pecks like a chicken, it walks like a chicken, it eats like a chicken, it thinks like a chicken, so it must be a chicken.”

But his friend would not believe him.  “I will prove to you that it’s an eagle.” He said.

“If you wish…you can try to”, nodded the farmer.

Not deterred by the sharp talons and beak, the friend walked over and picked up the bird and then tried to throw it up into the air to make it fly.  It flapped a little in surprise at being caught and handled, but then, seeing the hens docilely pecking, it contentedly landed back on the ground and continued to scratch amongst the chickens, looking for food.

“I told you it was a chicken,” chortled the farmer.

The next morning the friend returned.  “I will prove to you that this is not a chicken but an eagle” he said and he asked one of the farmer’s sons to fetch him a ladder.

The farmer only laughed and again said “It pecks like a chicken, it walks like a chicken, it eats like a chicken, it thinks like a chicken, so it must be a chicken.”

The friend took the large bird under his arm and, with difficulty, climbed with it up the ladder into the branches of a tree that grew beside the hut.  However, no sooner had he released his grasp, with the intention of persuading the bird to fly, than it flapped free from him and landed back amongst the chickens, where it recommenced pecking in the dust.  The farmer and his family all laughed.

However, the very next day, when it was still dark, the farmer’s dogs began barking and the farmer heard a voice calling gently for him outside the hut.  Rising, he found his friend standing outside with a lantern.  “Please give me one more chance to prove that the bird is an eagle, he said.

Are you mad?”asked the farmer.  “It’s not even light yet.”

“Trust me,” said his friend, “I have an idea.  Bring the bird.”

Grudgingly the farmer fetched the large bird from beside the hearth, where it had been roosting comfortably among the chickens.  Wrapping his cloak around him, he followed his friend out into the dark.

“Where are we going?” the farmer asked.

“Back to the mountain, where you found the bird.”

“But it’s dark and the path is steep.  Shouldn’t we go when it’s daylight?”

“No,” replied his friend, “We must take the eagle to see the sun as it rises in the mountains, so that it is inspired to be in the sky, where it belongs.”

The two men went through the valley, crossing the river, passing the reeds, the tree and the long grass.  Tired the heavy bird remained cradled in the farmer’s arms.  The sky was just turning from star sprinkled dark to pale grey as they started climbing the fissure.  They reached the ledge where the chick had been found just as the sky became pearlescent and then tinged with pink.  They could just make out the line of the river winding like a serpent through the grasslands.  The friend relieved the farmer of the burdensome bird and urged him to hurry, as he climbed still higher up the mountain.  The route was steep and treacherous, with narrow ledges and dangerous shale.  Both men were panting as they stepped out onto a flat outcrop and the friend signaled that they could stop.  Close to the summit, the land stretched out below them with the lines of dark forest meeting the grassland of the savannah just visible in the opalescent, pre-dawn light.

The friend gently placed the eagle on a ledge facing the east and began talking to it.

The farmer laughed “Don’t be daft,” he said, “It can only speak chicken.”

The friend ignored him and continued to talk to the bird.  He told it that the sun was coming and that the sun gives life and warmth to all things on earth.

“When you see the sun, Eagle, you must rise with it.  You belong with it up in the sky, not down on the earth.”

And as he was speaking the first golden rays of dawn blazed out over the mountain and the land was flooded with light.

All was still and the big bird remained crouched on the ledge staring ahead at the blazing light rising slowly up into the sky.  Then, the bird leisurely stretched its wings.

Again the friend whispered, “You belong with it up in the sky, not down on the earth, fly Eagle, fly.”

Nothing moved but the bird could feel the air of the updraught from the valley below catching slightly on the underside of its pinions.

Then, very slowly the bird leaned forwards, catching the air beneath its wings and, suddenly, it was off the ledge and soaring out into the air over the land below.  Then it turned in the thermal currents and allowed itself to be swept upwards, rising higher and higher until it was a speck against the blazing backdrop of the sun and then it could be seen no more.

Dare to "fly" and be what you can and should be…