The Pull

Day 37 (Friday 6th January 2017)

37 - the number of years that the singer, song writer, poet, painter, Jew and novice Zen monk,
Leonard Cohen was with the record label, Colombia. In 1988, when accepting an award, he
thanked Colombia, saying "I have always been touched by the modesty of their interest in my work."
Leonard was initially a poet, but turned to music as he wanted a better income. He died on 7th November
2016.  He was writing up until the end. His last album, You Want it Darker was released
on his 82nd birthday in October 2016.

Congratulations and welcome to the end of the first week in January. Today is often described as the last day of Christmas - traditionally in my family, midnight tonight is the time by which the decorations have to come down, as tomorrow is Epiphany. However, if you take the 12 Days of Christmas as being literal and the 25th as the first Day, then Christmas should have ended yesterday.

Today's post is a treat - a poem on the theme of emotional care and connection, written by Phil Willcox. Phil is passionate about the power and importance of emotions, having completed a MSc in Emotion, Credibility and Deception. He even ran a conference on Emotion at Work in 2016 and has established a movement, which is gaining in popularity and interest, as people begin to appreciate the impact that emotions have on individuals, business results and interactions within the workplace. He is continuing research into emotions  and their impact and has much science-based information that I am sure he would be glad to share with you.

Phil is the founder and Managing Director of e3 Consultancy Training and Coaching Ltd (e3ctc), a consultancy based in Lincoln, UK, which specialises in training and coaching to enable individuals and organisations to learn and develop. Phil is a regular and supportive voice on Twitter (his handle is @PhilWillcox). 

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The Pull

Like a thread right through me, pulling along

Unknown and unseen, yet saying "let’s go"

The places I visit, the people I meet

It is always there, moving my feet

Sometimes pulling back, fighting the move

Scared, unsure and nervous, saying "This? No!"

Doing things that are new, that make me fall

The movement + the blocks, I don't like at all

It still pulls me though, even if it means to crawl

Getting back up, to go again learn more

Looking back at the hollow, I was there, but now

I’m upright again, even if I’m not sure how

On occasion I run, it doesn't feel like a pull

More a fuel, extra juice to keep moving even more

The run and the fuel, helping reach an amazing height,

At times like these, it was worth the fight

I do wonder though, does it pose me a risk?

Caring this much, giving heart and helping all the time

And it does, really does leave me exposed

But I do it again, and I walk down the road

Working with feeling, and loving it so

I can't turn it off, and leave those occasions

Where people need me, or it is the right thing to do,

Come hollow or height, following my heart and seeing it through.

Winter Warmer

Day 19 (Saturday 19th December 2015)

19 out of 20 graduates change jobs at least once within three years of graduating and
only half work in a field directly related to their area of study, according to research undertaken by the
New College of the Humanities. Over a third of the respondents cited financial reasons for moving on,
1 in 10 decided to start their own business and 2 in 5 changed jobs in order to
acquire new skills and hence be more employable in the future. 

This post has been submitted by Alastair Cockroft. Alastair is a Learning Resources Manager in the UK's National Health Service (NHS), working for Salford Royal Foundation. Alastair has a genuine interest in emerging technologies and how they can be used to enhance people's experience at work and improve performance, safety and patient care. Alastair is a popular and well liked individual on social media (that is how he and I first met). You can find Alastair on Twitter (his handle is @acockroft). He is a devoted husband, father , guardian of Wilbur and valued friend. Many of us appreciate his music recommendations social media. He lives in a beautiful part of the UK, near Manchester, and occasionally shares photos of some of the wonderful places where he and his family escape to at the weekends. I remain jealous. Alastair describes himself as "not really a blogger", but I greatly enjoyed his piece written for this year's series and am delighted to share it with you.

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If I’m honest, I’ve struggled to write this blog. This is the umpteenth time I’ve sat down to write it. For some reason these days I really struggle with Winter and Christmas. I didn’t used too, I have fantastic memories of singing in Christmas choirs, going to church on Christingle (admittedly because we got a satsuma with sweets sticking out of it). 

I see how excited the kids are now when it snows and I remember being that excited too – waxing the sledge in anticipation of a day spent freezing cold, 

then too hot, then wet, but ultimately ending up dry and warm. 

I remember being warned not to warm up my feet on the radiator as it can cause frost bite (we did it anyway and I still have all my toes).

I remember the excitement of waking up on Christmas morning to find a stocking at the end of the bed (one of my dad’s old hiking socks which always contained an apple, satsuma and a bit of loose change amongst other small gifts – he still does them to this day). 

I remember unwrapping Lego or computer games or fishing gear and being immensely grateful. 

I remember grandparents coming over for Christmas dinner and the whole family sitting down together. I remember the smell of the sherry my Grandma and Nanna would drink (just the one of course). 

I remember the chorus of snores as I tried to watch Bond or Star Wars or Indiana Jones. I remember an afternoon ambience that you would only feel on Christmas day – warm, over-fed, sleepy. I remember heading to bed feeling incredibly happy and yet tinged with sadness that it was all over for another year.

1980 Christmas TV guide

But somewhere along the line Christmas for me became less exciting, more about duty and more stressful. The pressure to make others happy, to buy inventive and ecstasy-inducing presents, the dreary commute in the dark, the shops filling their shelves with Christmas crap, the ‘must be a party to end all parties’ office do, the need to cook like a chef, the top ten lists of top ten lists of mince pie reviews, the TV advert competition, the top ten top ten Christmas films top ten lists, Slade, Wizzard, The Pogues, bloody Band-aid…AGAIN!

So what to do? Well this year for the first time in over a decade my direct family will be together on Christmas day. It’ll probably be messy. There’ll probably be an argument here and there, the kids will get over excited, I’ll get stressed. Some part of the meal will go wrong and someone will probably spill something. Someone will be disappointed at the present they receive. Someone will be disappointed at someone else’s reaction to the present they gave them. Someone will probably take offence that someone faked a delighted response to their gift. We’ll get too hot and someone will cry about losing a parlour game. The butler will probably expect to leave work early (ok I may be getting carried away a bit now). I’ll definitely wish I hadn’t offered to be designated driver.

But I do hope that at some point (probably in a few years’ time when we’re all speaking again and we’ve finally paid for the carpet to be replaced) some of us will realise that being with family and friends and enjoying a meal together can light up the middle of winter and see us through to the next spring. 

Christmas Dinner by John S Goodall

That it’s really about relaxing and celebrating that we’ve made it through this far and that from hereon in, the darkness will start to recede and spring will begin it’s gentle soothing and settling of winter. It won’t be long before the snowdrops appear and there’s a change in the air. 

We still might see snow (I hope we do) and get some sledging in but all the time we know that we’re on our way to a warmer and lighter season full of potential and promise and life and love.

And if it all goes wrong? Well I have all the Bond films on DVD these days so next year I’ll just hibernate and sod the lot of you!

Have a good one folks.

Hooked on a Feeling !! - Day 58

Day 58 (27th January 2015)

58th hexagram in the I Ching, known as Tui or 兌 (duì),
referred to as the youngest daughter, is a character in the ancient Chinese divination
practice, which uses 6 apparently random numbers turned into a hexagram, with a meaning
ascertained via the I Ching texts. Tui is said to represent "Joy", with both the inside and
outside world being in harmony. The hexagram is said to depict two lakes and is interpreted as
a demonstration of inner strength, cheerfulness, an ability to be flexible and to show courtesy to others.
A sole lake evaporates easily, but when two are linked they support each other, Tui represents 
this, demonstrating the benefit of discussion, sharing knowledge & practices with like-minded fellows

Steve Browne is the author of today's post - Steve is based in the U.S.A. in West Chester, Ohio, where he works as the Executive Director for Human Resources for LaRosa's, Inc. - a regional pizzeria chain. He is a strategic HR professional, with a passion for employee relations, networking and organisational culture. He, himself, is excellent at networking and very well connected within the global HR community. Steve is a knowledgeable dynamo - his passion, drive and enthusiasm acts as a glue for many of us. He loves interacting on social media, his Twitter handle is @sbrownehr and he writes an excellent blog, Everyday People. Steve is a vibrant, warm and welcoming individual. When not doing things for HR, he is supporting his community; he is a devoted husband and father and a lover of rock music. He brings a smile to my face whenever we interact.

This is the last in the Advent Blog series - it's always good to end on a high. I would like to thank you all for giving me a chance to get to know you (especially the authors) and to interact with you (anyone who has read/commented on the posts). I had no idea when I told Alison that I would host on her behalf that it would be such a wonderful and rewarding experience. You are brilliant.

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I am wired a bit differently than most folks I know.  I don’t mean in some creepy way, but, you see I’m an extrovert who happens to work in Human Resources.



Now, you’d think that HR would be a field that would be a magnet for extroverts, but that really isn’t the case.  This “curse” has been with me all of my life.  Whenever I’ve taken an assessment, which is somewhat “mandatory” in HR, I peg the top of the scale of extroversion.  I’m nowhere close to the median, or the “safe” range for others.

I really don’t see being extroverted as a curse, and I only say that because it’s how others perceive it.  When you’re in social situations with extroverts, there’s an expectation that they are going to bring energy, have colorful stories and generate life to whatever is going on.  That may happen, but it’s also an odd expectation for us to live with.

Introvert and Extrovert speakers at and after a conference

I’d like you to look at extroversion in a different light.  I see that how I’m wired is a way to connect with people because one of the facts about how I approach each day is that I HAVE to be around people.  I rarely am alone on purpose. It’s an interesting dichotomy with my amazing wife because we are almost complete opposites.  If we go to a shopping mall, she would focus on the task at hand of purchasing some items, and I would be wandering throughout the mall just to see who I could meet.

What I’ve come to observe is that since people are somewhere along the introversion/extroversion scale that it’s better to meet people where they are instead of expecting them to be more like you.  This runs contrary to how most social interactions occur.  People tend to be self-focused instead of others-focused.  What if you changed your focus?  How do you think interactions with other people would go if you moved along the scale to cozy up with them at their point along the spectrum?

I would think that your interactions would be smoother, have more context and meaning and would also lead to other successful interactions !!

A successful interaction

We don’t want to do this because people are a giant ball of emotions.  We’re not really sure what emotions they will be bringing to an encounter, so we tend to keep an arm’s distance and never really take our time together past a very thin surface conversation.

My challenge for you is to get messy !!  We have emotions for a reason.  Do you really want to be connected to a myriad of automatons who give you the “I’m fine, and you?” response every time?  

I find that distance response to be more draining than coming across someone full of any kind of emotion.

This week, take a new approach and get hooked on feelings.  It will mean that you have to open up and share more intimately, but it’s really what people want.  We want meaningful relationships in life, at work and in our profession. Come clean and know that when you avoid the emotions that everyone brings to the situation, those emotions will show up somewhere else and it won’t be good.

Also, remember an answer to the obligatory “Hi, how are you?” doesn’t have to be neutral or assumed negative.  When I see someone and they ask me how I am I respond, “I’m Great !!” (and it’s true.)  I know that it’s the extrovert in me, but it’s also a choice. Being positive is a choice that makes each day, and every moment in it, spectacular !!

I hope that you know that there are people who really want to get to know you – on purpose.  Be on the lookout because I will find you to see if you’re great !!

Deborah Kerr (Marni Nixon singing) "Getting To Know You"

from "The King and I", 1956 film adaption of musical by Rodgers and Hammerstein

Blondie performing "One Way Or Another", 1979

(But, Steve is NOT a stalker)