Living the T-shirt

Day 7 (Wednesday 7th December 2016)

7 young adults graduated from High School in Iowa -

they are the world's first surviving set of septuplets and the first 

to reach maturity, the McCaugheys. Born on 19th November 1997,

the 4 boys (Kenneth Jr. Brandon, Natahn and Joel) and 3 girls

(Alexis, Natalie and Kelsey) were born at 31 weeks, 

weighing between 2 lbs 5 oz. and 3 lbs 4 oz.

Picture by Rachel Mummy, The Registrar

Today's piece is contributed by Gavan Burdan, the Managing Director of Burden Dare - an executive search and interim management business. You can reach him on Twitter via @burdendare. Gavan lives in Sevenoaks and is a passionate supporter of the local cricket team, Sevenoaks Vine CC, where he chairs the Management Committee and, when asked, still plays for the Old Vines (the Club's over 40's team). He cares about society and the people in it - he is a mentor supporting individuals down on their luck in London (but more of that to follow). Gavan commenced his career in Retail Banking (we are both Lloyds alumni - although not there at the same time). He transferred into consulting and has not looked back.

Gavan's piece is in some ways a tough read. It is for those who have a moral conscience and a realistic outlook. I find it interesting that this is one of a number of posts in the Advent Blog series this year that touches on society, our awareness of others, ethics and making the world better by understanding and being there for others. Gavan is one of those who has been prepared to put himself out, but it is clear that he gains and learns, as do those he interacts with. He is an all-round good egg (and a devoted dad to boot).

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Living the T-shirt 

I’ve lost count of the number of business courses I’ve been on: NLP’s folded arms, Myers Briggs’ types, Kübler-Ross’ denial, Johari’s double glazing, Hetrzberg’s Jelly Beans, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – I’ve got all the T shirts!

This year I learned how they work in the cold, hard, real world that you and I live in.

I joined a private members club with a conscience in central London; it has a mission to break the cycle of homelessness by means of an employment academy that provides basic skills training to help get homeless people back into sustainable employment.

The Academy team are simply awesome, to a person; they regularly win awards and depend on the club for income.

You should join up.

The people they help don’t have even bread, but they want to be JAMS; they always need mentors to “just be there” for their graduates - I’ve now had two mentees.

The first was a young guy, disowned by his family, no job, no prospects, no real home and no real hope. After graduation, which is a truly magical ceremony sprinkling stardust over the really disadvantaged, he found a part-time job. For him, this was the first step back on the ladder back to our world, and then Christmas came along – always a hard time for those on the breadline – and I never saw or heard from him again; I felt hollow, I can’t really imagine how he felt. I don’t know where he is now, but I heard he is alive.

My second mentee was born in the UK and moved to the USA when 3 months old; he’s 34 now and was deported a year ago back to the UK, it doesn’t matter why but he knows he messed up.  He arrived with a T shirt, a pair of “pants”, trainers with no laces and a spine held together by tungsten plates. He was sent to live in a rat infested dilapidated house in Croydon and immediately received an eviction notice, at the same time as Universal Credit cut his benefits. I’d never seen anyone look so disengaged and sound so desperate. So alone, in a world he neither knew nor understood.

He could only afford to eat one 69p Iceland pizza a day.

For three months he talked, he denied, he got depressed, I listened, and Johari’s window began to open; his arms unfolded, we drank fruit juice and he ate beans and fruit, he smiled, he was bargaining; it became crystal clear that he needed to sleep without fearing eviction, to wake up without wet lips and wondering why?

We got him moved into a social housing enterprise in Kentish Town, a room of his own, with a key, in a big house with others. For the first time in 5 years he slept all night. Maslow clapped.

We sat side by side at a benefits tribunal, with a judge judging and a doctor interrogating him. He was passionate, he doesn’t want benefits or pizza. He wants help. We got it.

A few weeks later he got a part time job at Old Spike Roastery (you should buy your coffee there), an agonising trip across London that torments his spine– but he wants to do it, you see he wants to be like you and me; he’s jumped and grabbed Hertzberg’s Jelly Beans, now he wants JAM. He has a big heart.

He sends me texts every day, he keeps thanking me (what have I done...all I did was be there, and say what I thought - you could do that too), he does the hard yards; he keeps checking, we keep talking, now he listens, he’s full of ideas, he has dreams – and he thinks he could probably work a full week.

He’s accepted his lot. Next year he may even be accepted. Some high!

Happy Christmas Dr Kübler-Ross.

Stepping off the merry-go-round

Day 23 (Wednesday 23rd December 2015)

23% of men (compared to 33% of women) would contact their doctor if they had felt low for
at least 2 weeks (according to research by Mind). Suicide is the biggest killer of men aged between 20 and 49.
Christmas is a time when many people feel low and isolated. It is crucial that we, as caring and
responsible members of society are aware, and speak out to cease the stigma of mental health.

One of the joys of hosting the Advent Blog series is the chance to catch up with people, and the blogs submitted make me contemplate the things that are important. Chris Kane exemplified this last year, when he remembered his schoolfriend and rugby playing mate, David, and described the move of London Irish rugby club to its new grounds and how that change was handled with thought and sensitivity - you can read his blog here. Again this year Chris is commenting on change and acknowledging the impact particular friends can have. Chris is an expert in property and the working environment. After many years in corporate life Chris now runs his own consultancy, Chris Kane Associates, which specialises in "getting smart people to smart places" - a much wider remit than just facilities or property. You can follow Chris on Twitter, his handle is @ChrisKane55.

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In the hustle and bustle of our 21st-century “always-on” lives most of us have little time to draw breath, to pause for a moment or two, to take time out. Advent 2015 for me is very different, I’m in a new ball game having stepped off the corporate merry-go-round in April.  

Scene from Banksy's Dismaland 2015 (butcher with lasagne)

It is a completely novel experience where every day is different.  

Every day is different

In setting out on this journey I realised that is was driven in part by my recognising that I can see things differently to many in my former profession. Change is never easy and leaving a full-time job to step out into the unknown world of self-employment is not something that most people do on a voluntary basis.  So far it has been very meaningful and productive in ways I couldn’t have foreseen. 

Scene from Frank Capra's 1946 film, "It's a Wonderful Life"

Last year, Kate, reminded me of my Celtic roots by introducing Samhain as part of my Walking With The Spirits post.  This pre Christian tradition is a period of taking stock of the past year, celebrating those spirits that have passed on and for looking forward.  

Celtic calendar showing Samhain preceding Yule

In taking such a big leap into the unknown it is always helpful to have a bit of help and I’m fortunate in having a good support network. This blog is about the help I got from my friend Nigel which I describe as a comet like relationship, something to be celebrated.

Nigel Roberts

When one is navigating a new course it is always helpful to have a guiding light. Sailors will recognise the importance of the Sun and the North Star but over the last 2 years I had my own guiding light that helped me move to my new world. During times of great change the thought of jumping off the fast moving carousel of corporate life can be daunting 

and a helping, yet challenging hand is very useful.  When thinking about a topic for this blog it struck me that comets are buzzing around the universe all the time yet we can only see them at certain times or with special equipment.  For example, Halley’s comet, only appears in our skies every 75 years.

Halley' comet

Most of us, myself included, assume comets streak through the sky and are gone in a flash. A useful metaphor for the transience of life maybe?  The more experienced astrologists amongst us will tell us that comets can be in orbit for up to 200 years and may be visible from earth for up to 18 months to 2 years. We are all agreed, no doubt, that it is fantastic to witness such a marvellous sight whizzing through the skies.

1908 article, from The San Francisco Call, predicting return of Halley's comet in 1910

Opening a new chapter enabled me to forge new relationships and to build stronger links with others. Nigel Roberts was somebody whom I came across when I went back to school in 2013. He was the interviewer from hell during my media skills training course, having learnt that I worked at his alma matter – the BBC. There was something about this spiky Mancunian that I admired and we decided to keep in touch. Over the past 2 years we developed quite a rapport as he guided me along the path of setting up on my own and how best to use the media.  Nigel pointed out the dangers of “spin triumphing over substance” and a host of other little gems. Little did we realise that like seeing a comet charging across the skies our journey together would be short lived.

Hale Bopp as seen in early 1997

In August, I learned of his untimely death and felt a deep loss of a genuine human being who had the rare knack of being insightful, entertaining and sometimes irreverent. For example, he wrote about the toxic office.   Attending his funeral it was not surprising to see a packed house filled with many people who had come to give him a good send-off. I wonder how long the coal dust of his comet tail will linger?  I suspect for quite some time as he had a big impact on a wide range of people from his Leeds University mates to his media colleagues to his family and friends.

Orionid meteor shower (formed from the dust left by Hally's comet)

Leaving your mark as a legacy

On The Right Path - Day 13

Day 13

13 - A Baker's Dozen 

(The practice of baking 13 items for an intended dozen was insurance 

against the items being lower than the statutory weight & incurring a fine)

Illustration of ancient Egyptian bakers from recently discovered tomb of Ken-Amun,

he was in charge of overseeing the royal records during the 19th Dynasty (1315-1201 B.C.)

Today's post is by Susannah Wheeler. Susannah is a freelance creative photographer and writer, with a background in customer service, before branching out on her own. Susannah's passion for photography shows in the pictures she posts via social media - check them out on her Twitter account (@EnglishFreckle). She is a capable writer (as you can see below) and also edits and proof reads for others. This is a brave and impactful post. It is a pleasure having Susannah as part of my Twitter community; as yet we do not know each other well but I am looking forward to deepening our relationship in the year to come. 

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"Paths and Perceptions"

Seeing that title struck a chord after a week when everything shifted. My perception of my life is very different to how everyone else seems to see it. Aged 14 at school, if we didn’t score above 80% in an exam, it was classed as a fail, ‘everyone’ except a couple of us from that school went to University, I chose a different path. I’ve been choosing different paths since I was a child. Show me the easy way and I’ll go the other way. My ambition when I was younger was to be a mum (and married), to be like my mum and dad, to provide children with a kind, supportive and loving childhood like they had.  So reaching 34, having not scored above 80% in every exam (or indeed many), not going to Uni, and getting divorced with 2 children, my perception of success was a bit skewed. 

Different

Reach 44 and it’s definitely time to take stock and reframe things.  In the last two months the word ‘Mindfulness’ has been brought to my attention with increasing regularity – visually and actually – watching and listening to a speaker talk about it, while I was there as a photographer, not as a conference delegate. But it made me think.  Shove it to one side once the usual day to day stuff takes over, roll forwards a couple of weeks and the woods and trees are closing in.  A friend mentions it in passing in conversation.  So I downloaded the App and bought the book.  After five minutes into a ten minute meditation session, I fell asleep.  Guess that worked then – clearing everything out of my mind and thinking.  But the thoughts got too much and I didn’t want to face them all. 

Overwhelmed by Elena Covalciuc Vieriu

Until a different friend asked why? From his view point  I was fine and doing very well.  So I explained and talked a bit more.  So ‘forgive your younger self’ he said. OK, what for?  For following her own path, her heart and her instinct at the time? Looking at it like that, there’s not a lot to forgive. What a moment.  Hello – you can now get on with the rest of your life!  So I’m not living in a big house, with a husband and our children, like a lot of my friends are. But I’m living my life, walking my path with the people I love close by.

There are a lot of things that I have done that I’m very proud of, making the decision to leave a job of 7 years that, whilst emotionally fulfilling, was neither helping my bank account, nor my creativity.  So I left to become freelance; to take photographs and to write for a living. A massive risk but one I had to take and really I wasn’t as concerned as many of my friends were. A year later, I’m still doing it – unexpected people have opened doors for me, and pulled me through them. With masses of encouraging words, they have rebuilt my confidence, which I had thought was a bit more than broken.

Doors opening to new opportunities
(view in Tuscany)

Some of these are brand new friends, who I’ve met through the world of Twitter. Without them, hearing about their perceptions and the paths they’ve chosen, I wouldn’t be quite where I am today.

Last week I posted a photograph of a tunnel of trees saying ‘there’s light at the end of the tunnel’ – the week before, my light seemed like it was turned off.  It wasn’t, it just had some unhelpful thoughts and perceptions covering it.  With a bit of help from the right person at the right time, the light at the end of that path is shining more brightly than it has ever done.  My perception has shifted, it’s changed and I will be eternally grateful.  Just because I hadn’t taken the path that I thought I would take when I was younger.  Whether it was actually there and I chose a different one, who knows.  Ultimately it’s the path I’m on right now that matters and it’s a pretty amazing one and I do know I’m very lucky.

Light at the end of the tunnel
by Susannah Wheeler

I’m not living happily married in a house with a husband and 2.4 children.  I’m living happily in a flat, with two children and a cat.  My life path isn’t the one I thought I’d be on when I was 14 or 24.  But finally I’ve got there, at 44 to understand and accept that the path I’m on is mine. Chosen by me.  There is a lot of light surrounding this path and I am appreciative of everything that I have.  I’m also very aware that nothing stays the same.   Just because I’m not on the path I’d imagined, doesn’t mean that I’ve failed.  It means I’ve lived; I’ve made my own choices and walked the long way round. 

Maybe next time there’s an option I’ll choose the direct route.  But somehow I doubt it!

One of Susannah's photos
Robin singing his heart out
amongst the poppies at The Tower of London

Take The Long Way Home - Supertramp, 

composed and sung by Roger Hodgson