The hopes of a lioness - Day 24

24th December 2018 (Christmas Eve)

24 is the number of karats (k) in pure gold (the gold content is as close to 100% as is possible).
If you split the content of the metal into parts all 24 parts are gold, whereas 9k gold objects are
9/24 ratio of gold to other metals. Gold is very soft and hence it is usually mixed with copper or
silver to add strength so that it can be used for jewelry or intricate objects. 24K gold is used
in electronics and medical devices such as those used for children suffering from ear infections who
are fitted with gold tympanostomy tubes that are known to improve aeration of the middle ear.

Today I am going with my mother and a friend to the panto (oh yes we are) - I hope we all enjoy it. It seems a suitably festive thing to do on Christmas Eve. Then I must drive back to London and I am greatly looking forward to having supper with my goddaughter and her family - to me the Christmas period is about love and sharing.

The Christmas Eve post, a piece of pure gold writing shining with love, is by Tamasin Sutton. She is an HR consultant, currently based in the North East of England. She specialises in supporting technology businesses. He company is TSHR Limited. She is an effective, pragmatic and experienced professional who is qualified in the use of various psychometric tools, as well as being an NVQ assessor with the PTTLS qualification. She co-founded Connecting HR Northeast in 2017 and works hard to bring together and develop the capabilities of the HR profession and the people within it - she is a Facilitator with Developing People Globally (DPG) supporting and assessing those studying for the CIPD Level 5 qualifications.

Tamasin is active on social media - you can follow her on Twitter (her handle is @TamasinS). To relax, Tamasin enjoys travelling, but she is happy to unwind with a gin and a chat. She is supportive within her wider community and is a school governor  for  primary school. However, as you will read, the most vital part of her life is being a devoted and passionate mother.

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This is my 3rd year of contributing to the Advent blogs, and the 3rd year I have indulged in being vulnerable to whoever reads these words. 

It's like therapy, something I dread, yet I feel strangely at peace when I have purged.

This time last year I was desperate to get out of hospital with my newborn little girl, and 4 days ago, she turned 1. When I reflect on this year, I feel overwhelmed. It has been unbelievably hard in so many ways. Motherhood is hard. I'm not a natural, not one of those earth mother types who gush about the joys of maternity leave and every day they spend with their precious mini me. But I have found my way, through sleep deprivation, difficulty breastfeeding, struggling to continue working and sometimes receiving lacklustre support of my choices. It's been hard. I think I lost myself, and I'm not back yet, despite my first KIT day being when she was 3 weeks old.  It's sometimes frowned upon to be so honest about the impact that childbirth and becoming a mother can have. I spent 40 years being, well, selfish. I could do as I pleased and enjoyed the flexibility that being child free afforded me. I didn't always fully empathise with the struggles that other carers had, but boy do I get it now. 

I feel my identity is a little blurred around the edges. I see it not just through my own eyes, but through the eyes of people close to me. Who am I and what do I want to be? I'm at odd's and in some distant way my heart aches for the life I used to have and I realise that I am trying to mourn. But my heart would break immeasurably if I couldn't see my beautiful daughter's smile, if I couldn't hold her and keep putting her unicorn furry hat back on even though she relentlessly removes it..... She gives me hope.

And I have dark thoughts. Consuming ones where my daughter comes to harm. What the hell is wrong with me?! It terrifies me. I cry, get distressed, have to distract myself. What's normal?

I cry. More than I've ever cried before. I feel more deeply than I've ever felt before. I get scared when before I didn't bat an eyelid. It all comes back to her, and for her I am the lioness. 

My hope for her is that she will always feel loved and be happy. 

As she enters her second year I look forward to the high fives as she takes more than 3 steps on her own (and then quickly wish that she wasn't growing up so fast or moving so independently!!), starts to entertain us with her chatter and keeps growing into the cheeky spirited girl I see every day. 

I hope that she adapts as we make our way back towards London in January, 2 years after moving away. What a different life we now have, but what hope there is for adventure, fun and most of all, making memories.

Home - Day 51

Day 51 (Saturday 20th January 2018)

51, the age of Franklin D. Roosevelt when he was first elected to be President
of the U.S.A., in 1933. On the 20th January 1945 he was sworn-in for an unprecedented
(and never to be repeated) 4th term as US President. He was the first sering President
to fly in a plane, the first to speak on television (when he opened the World Fair in 1938)
and the first to appoint a woman to the US Cabinet (Frances Perkins, who was Secretary
of Labor from 1933 to 1945. She was one of only two cabinet members to remain
throughout his presidency. She helped establish many of the important aspects of the
New Deal, including laws against child labor, the first minimum wage and overtime laws,
assigned the forty-hour work week, a policy for working with labor unions, established
unemployment benefits, pensions for uncovered elderly, and welfare.)

Today is Saturday and I am relieved, as it has been a busy week. There were moments when I wondered whether I would manage to keep a flow of Post-Advent blogs running for you. I am looking forward to a period of calm. Despite the rain, some of today will be spent pootling in the garden, filling bird feeders, etc... in preparation for next weekend's RSPB's Big Garden Birdwatch - something I do every year; playing my part in the annual assessment of  birdlife in the UK. Last year's results showed that there has been a 44% increase in the numbers of goldfinch since 2007. I love goldfinch - social, chattering flashes of yellow, with red patches on their heads that come to feast as a family on the Nyger seeds. Goldfinches are the connecting imagery through the pages of the beautiful book, The Lost Words, given to me as a gift by fellow nature-lover Simon Heath. The book was inspired by the words that were being removed from the Oxford Junior Dictionary and hence being lost to parlance. Robert Macfarlane (one of the authors) wrote a beautiful piece, Badger or Bulbasaur, about the book and our diminishing connection with nature last September. We may not like it, but we are a part of nature and should be more careful with our home - the Earth is the only one we have.

Today's post, whose theme is "Home" is written by an Advent Blogs pioneer - she was one of the very first to become involved when the series was founded and established by and she has remained loyal ever since. This piece comes all the way from New Zealand and has been crafted by Zoe Mounsey. Zoe was born and raised in the UK, in Nottinghamshire. She initially studied Psychology and commenced a career linked to the Education in the UK. In 2013 she, her husband and two children emigrated to New Zealand. She has retained her close links to Academia and now works as a Senior Research Programme Advisor for the New Zealand Fire Service (a job she started last February, having previously focused her academic attention on Disaster Research at Massey University). Zoe and I first became acquainted via Twitter (you too can follow her on Twitter, her handle is @zoemounsey). 

Both photos are provided by Zoe, I added the music at the end.

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Recently I have been thinking a lot about home and what it means to me as an immigrant. I use the word home to mean one of two places - firstly the place where we live in Kapiti, New Zealand. When driving from Wellington there is a point on the road or train line, where you suddenly see the sea and Kapiti Island which always tells me I am nearly home. Home, also means my parents house in the UK where I lived from aged 11. This year my parents will move into a new house and it will be interesting to see how I feel about their new place - will it be home for me? Or will their old house always be ‘home’ because of the memories. Is home about four walls or is it about people and connection? Is it about a space where you feel safe, accepted for who you are? 

My work in disaster research has taught me about the importance of home for those who experience disasters - those that have to relocate due to damage from fires, floods or earthquakes often experience more negative psychological outcomes. This has been on my mind, especially with the Grenfell disaster, as I know the community has been dispersed and I worry what this means for the people impacted by the tragedy. I know I feel more secure in New Zealand now that we have bought a house and have slowly made it our own. It’s more than security, it’s about having our own space and being able to make decisions about how that space looks. 

When I was 13 I wrote a poem called Home which was published in a children’s poetry anthology. 

Back when I wrote that I was the one growing up and home was very much a place of safety and security for me. Now I am the parent and it’s my job to create the home where my kids feel that they can tell the tales of growing up. It’s harder than I ever imagined - this year has involved bullying, friendship difficulties, first boyfriend and first kiss, anxiety about academic performance, concerns about appearance, internet boundaries and discussions about sex, pornography and suicide. Technology has been a key theme and her ability to access information that she is not yet mature enough to process. YouTube and a series of vloggers are Miss 10s preferred sources of information and provide her with insights into the world. I have learnt that while we can restrict access the best approach is to discuss with her what she has been watching and try to put it into context for her. Not always easy when I am often the last person she wants to talk to. 

So I am still musing about home, what it is, what it means and how I can create a space/place that my kids will always feel is home. And hoping that there is still a ‘home’ for me in the UK.

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Home Is Where The Heart Is

Filling hollows

Day 30 (Friday 30th December 2016)

30 and 35 times the mass of the sun were the sizes of the two 

black holes that were observed merging in June 2016 (and making a 

feeble bird-like cheap when doing so, when the gravitational waves produced, 

as they spiralled ever closer and then combined, were converted into sound waves). 

This momentous discovery demonstrates Einstein's prediction that spacetime can ripple 

and verifies astrophysicists' calculations for how black holes can fuse). 

This has been hailed by many scientists as the greatest scientific finding of 2016.

I love the lull before the New Year - a chance to reflect and plan, even when you have to be back at work during the few days between festivities. Today's post by Mark Hendy might help you to reconsider your life and whether you have the right focus and priorities. Mark is an inspirational and proud proud Welshman. He lives in south east Wales in an area that for centuries has been famous for iron and coal. Mark is a respected HR professional - he started as in HR at Tata Steel before taking on various roles in a range of companies and industries, predominantly in the UK, but with stints in North America. He cares about HR and its role in enhancing individuals and organisations, which inspired him to found and now chair the South Wales HR Forum.

When not focussing on HR, leadership and change management (he is a strong advocate of Authentic Leadership and the value of Evidence-based HR/Evidence-based management), he can be found being a great dad to young Oscar, cheering on or ranting about Swansea FC, boxing or playing music. He is an accomplished guitar player and member of a band. He is quick witted (can be quite sharp) and a writes an interesting, HR focused blog - Hendys HR Blog, as well as being active on Twitter (his handle is @markSWHRF). I'm sure he'd love to hear from you.

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Filling hollows 

I’ve always anticipated a career being some sort of progressive, transcending elevation following the traditional routes, taking the anticipated hits of responsibility, occasional discomfort and situational stress with the obvious benefits of job satisfaction, excitement and salary enhancement. That’s how the last 15 years in HR has been for me and I’m extremely grateful and dare I say it, proud of what I’ve achieved.

I reflected this year on where I was at. Career-wise it was at ‘Head of HR’ level, managing a team of HR Managers, delivering strategic work and, I felt, making a real difference. That’s the ‘Heights’ elements of this. I felt I was “almost there” career-wise for where I aspired to be, but it was coming at a price and I didn’t like it. Things just didn’t feel right, and I guess that's the ‘hollow’. 

My role at the time, along with feedback from a CIPD membership upgrade had made me realise that I had some gaps, particularly in OD where I needed to strengthen my experience. I also missed the heavy industry environments that I had spent most of my career working in, more so than I thought I would when I stepped out of that world. I was no longer convinced that I could plug those professional gaps that I needed to in my role at the time, despite working for a great organisation with fantastic people. It was a huge and extremely difficult personal decision but I needed to move on, step out of that career path that had served me well for the last 15 years and find a role that was going to help me plug those gaps. And that new role, for the first time in my career, was not going to be an “upwards move” as I often heard people say in the corporate world.

But what was more important than this, was I wanted to be home more. My previous role had me all around the country with regular overnight stays in soulless hotels, with minimal interaction with anybody. Meanwhile at home, was my wife and my son. A 2 year old, growing up so quickly, often enquiring where I was (thank goodness for FaceTime by the way). When I wasn’t away from home, I worked in the capital, often getting home 30-60 minutes before my son’s bed time. 

When people asked me how old my son was, they often followed up with “make the most of those early years, they go so quickly, the children grow up so fast.” So far that seems factually (if not literally) correct. I knew things had to change. 

And so fast forward 6 months. I’ve found the job I needed. I’ve started to plug those gaps and It’s filling that hollow. 

I no longer work in the city and I get to spend a lot more time with my family (i’m not bragging, but I’m home by 2pm on a Friday!). 

A great reason to get home by 2.00pm

I needed the change, it was made possible, and I feel infinitely better because of it, despite my initial reservations about how it might affect my career progression. Professionally and personally, sometimes you just have to listen to your heart. The heights can wait.