Home - Day 51

Day 51 (Saturday 20th January 2018)

51, the age of Franklin D. Roosevelt when he was first elected to be President
of the U.S.A., in 1933. On the 20th January 1945 he was sworn-in for an unprecedented
(and never to be repeated) 4th term as US President. He was the first sering President
to fly in a plane, the first to speak on television (when he opened the World Fair in 1938)
and the first to appoint a woman to the US Cabinet (Frances Perkins, who was Secretary
of Labor from 1933 to 1945. She was one of only two cabinet members to remain
throughout his presidency. She helped establish many of the important aspects of the
New Deal, including laws against child labor, the first minimum wage and overtime laws,
assigned the forty-hour work week, a policy for working with labor unions, established
unemployment benefits, pensions for uncovered elderly, and welfare.)

Today is Saturday and I am relieved, as it has been a busy week. There were moments when I wondered whether I would manage to keep a flow of Post-Advent blogs running for you. I am looking forward to a period of calm. Despite the rain, some of today will be spent pootling in the garden, filling bird feeders, etc... in preparation for next weekend's RSPB's Big Garden Birdwatch - something I do every year; playing my part in the annual assessment of  birdlife in the UK. Last year's results showed that there has been a 44% increase in the numbers of goldfinch since 2007. I love goldfinch - social, chattering flashes of yellow, with red patches on their heads that come to feast as a family on the Nyger seeds. Goldfinches are the connecting imagery through the pages of the beautiful book, The Lost Words, given to me as a gift by fellow nature-lover Simon Heath. The book was inspired by the words that were being removed from the Oxford Junior Dictionary and hence being lost to parlance. Robert Macfarlane (one of the authors) wrote a beautiful piece, Badger or Bulbasaur, about the book and our diminishing connection with nature last September. We may not like it, but we are a part of nature and should be more careful with our home - the Earth is the only one we have.

Today's post, whose theme is "Home" is written by an Advent Blogs pioneer - she was one of the very first to become involved when the series was founded and established by and she has remained loyal ever since. This piece comes all the way from New Zealand and has been crafted by Zoe Mounsey. Zoe was born and raised in the UK, in Nottinghamshire. She initially studied Psychology and commenced a career linked to the Education in the UK. In 2013 she, her husband and two children emigrated to New Zealand. She has retained her close links to Academia and now works as a Senior Research Programme Advisor for the New Zealand Fire Service (a job she started last February, having previously focused her academic attention on Disaster Research at Massey University). Zoe and I first became acquainted via Twitter (you too can follow her on Twitter, her handle is @zoemounsey). 

Both photos are provided by Zoe, I added the music at the end.

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Recently I have been thinking a lot about home and what it means to me as an immigrant. I use the word home to mean one of two places - firstly the place where we live in Kapiti, New Zealand. When driving from Wellington there is a point on the road or train line, where you suddenly see the sea and Kapiti Island which always tells me I am nearly home. Home, also means my parents house in the UK where I lived from aged 11. This year my parents will move into a new house and it will be interesting to see how I feel about their new place - will it be home for me? Or will their old house always be ‘home’ because of the memories. Is home about four walls or is it about people and connection? Is it about a space where you feel safe, accepted for who you are? 

My work in disaster research has taught me about the importance of home for those who experience disasters - those that have to relocate due to damage from fires, floods or earthquakes often experience more negative psychological outcomes. This has been on my mind, especially with the Grenfell disaster, as I know the community has been dispersed and I worry what this means for the people impacted by the tragedy. I know I feel more secure in New Zealand now that we have bought a house and have slowly made it our own. It’s more than security, it’s about having our own space and being able to make decisions about how that space looks. 

When I was 13 I wrote a poem called Home which was published in a children’s poetry anthology. 

Back when I wrote that I was the one growing up and home was very much a place of safety and security for me. Now I am the parent and it’s my job to create the home where my kids feel that they can tell the tales of growing up. It’s harder than I ever imagined - this year has involved bullying, friendship difficulties, first boyfriend and first kiss, anxiety about academic performance, concerns about appearance, internet boundaries and discussions about sex, pornography and suicide. Technology has been a key theme and her ability to access information that she is not yet mature enough to process. YouTube and a series of vloggers are Miss 10s preferred sources of information and provide her with insights into the world. I have learnt that while we can restrict access the best approach is to discuss with her what she has been watching and try to put it into context for her. Not always easy when I am often the last person she wants to talk to. 

So I am still musing about home, what it is, what it means and how I can create a space/place that my kids will always feel is home. And hoping that there is still a ‘home’ for me in the UK.

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Home Is Where The Heart Is

The Path to Here - Day 16

Day 16

16 - The age at which the fairy tale princess,
Sleeping Beauty, pricked her finger & fell asleep.
Sleeping Beauty, sculpture by Ludwig Sussmann Hellborn, 1878
Berlin National Gallery
16 is, of course, the number of hours in a day if you follow
an eight hour sleep schedule.

Colin Ellis, a self-styled "energetic leader", with passion and a great sense of humour, has provided today's piece. It is wonderfully personal, which may come as a surprise to some as most of Colin's social interaction on Twitter is work related. One of the things I love about the Advent blogs series is that it gives people a chance to share and/or see the human-side of others. Colin, as well as being a devoted dad and football fan, is a management consultant, specialising in project management. He lives and is based in Melbourne, Australia. If you want to know more about his work check out his website.

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The things that made me who I am...

I'm not one for regrets. I never have been and never will be. That's not to say that I've been a bundle of happiness and energy for the 45 years I've been here. Indeed, according to my parents the first 3 were quite the opposite. I just don't see the point in focussing on the negatives of my life.

I think I've always been this way, although like most I've had periods of intense stress that have tested my powers of positivity to their limits. I've never taken the time to reflect on why this is, mainly because I don't have the greatest memory, but I thought that in the spirit of Xmas I'd give it a go. Maybe the psychologists out there can see patterns in the things that I can remember that can point to my positive approach, or maybe I'm just using this as something my kids can be embarrassed about in the years to come.

So this blog is for me, you and them. These are the things that I remember that have made me who I am today.

I remember

I remember...swinging on the washing line we had in our paved back yard, it snapping and me breaking my leg. I also remember the fact that my Mum thought I was faking injury, despite the leg being visibly broken! I also remember returning from hospital at around midnight and watching the Battle of Britain on TV.

I remember...sitting on my Dad's knee at Everton matches. Back in the '70s you used to be able to lift small children over the barriers for free, providing they were sitting on your knee. I remember the sights, smells and sounds of being surrounded by 40,000 people and finding the whole atmosphere electric. It was also interesting seeing a different side to Dad.

Everton FC in 1970s - photo from Joe Neary (exacta2a)

I remember...being a half decent footballer who loved to score goals and I'm not sure that will ever leave me, despite the fact I'm not able to play anymore. I also remember how exhausted I used to be playing/training 6 days a week and being relieved when I told my Dad on Edinburgh Waverley Station that I didn't want to play any more. He was deeply disappointed.

I remember...copying code from a book into my Sinclair ZX Spectrum, saving the resulting game to a tape and taking it round to my Aunty and Uncle's house so they could play it. My parents weren't interested in computers, however my Aunty and Uncle had been early adopters and loved the fact that I'd 'written' the games for them. They gave me 50p every time I took a tape around.

Sinclair ZX Spectrum

I remember...holidaying in Devon every year for about 10 years and only ever having one nice summer (1976, the year of the UK drought)! Mum and Dad would buy us outfits for our Action Man figures and we would then roam the caravan park playing with other kids until it was time for tea. Or else sit on the beach behind a wind break waiting for the temperature to reach 20 degrees Celsius so we could go into the sea.

1970s Action Man figures 

I remember...receiving a BMX bike for Christmas and thinking it was the best thing I'd ever owned. I spent hours practising the tricks until I was proficient in bunny hops, bar-spins and feebles. I fell off a few times, but it never deterred me from wanting to master the tricks.

Colin with his treasured BMX

I remember...our extended family parties being fantastic fun, but that they almost always ended in a fight. It was the only time we got to see all of Dad's 6 brothers and sisters together in the same place along with their children. We'd start by eyeing each other suspiciously before progressing to sliding on our knees together over polished hardwood dance floors. The party was officially over when the first punch was thrown!

I remember...Dad letting us stay up late to watch comedy shows on a Thursday evening after we'd been swimming. The Two Ronnies, Dave Allen, The Kenny Everett Show, Monty Python, Kelly Monteith and so on. Those shows and the hilarious personalities in and around the city of Liverpool made me want to be a stand up comedian. Laughing until I cried was (and still is) one of my favourite things.

1970s TV shows, good enough to make you cry!

I remember...being unhappy at school because I just didn't know what I wanted to do with myself. I was fairly introverted and tried too hard to fit in. I was endlessly compared to other children and felt the pressure of that. By 16 I just wanted to leave, get a job and buy records. Which is exactly what I did.

Vinyl record collection

I remember...one year wanting to spend my school holidays helping my Grandma. She lived alone upstairs in an old shop 3 miles away from us and, for some reason, one summer I just wanted to do some nice things for her. I would ride to her house on my bike every day and move furniture about, fill holes, brush up the mouse droppings or help her with her basic chores and she would make me a sandwich for lunch and cups of tea throughout the day. She died tragically 4 weeks later whilst we were on holiday in Devon.

I remember...very little about my early twenties! Having left school for a job with a bank, I suddenly found I had money. Not only that but that I'd grown 4 inches and found an inner confidence not previously seen. So I did what any late teen in the UK would, I invested it in alcohol and girls. Apart from a glorious day with my mates at Wembley Stadium watching INXS, most of  the details of my early twenties have been conveniently forgotten!

INXS live at Wembley, 1991

I remember...feeling unfulfilled in my safe and secure bank job. I'd done really well for myself in terms of progression but felt that something was missing and also that my efforts were worth more money. To my parents dismay ('but they give you a 0% mortgage!') I resigned and got a job working in Telesales for my local newspaper. A decision that changed my life.

I remember...Everton winning the FA Cup, not long after I started with the newspaper. Despite my brother and I being regulars at the games, big match tickets went to a ballot and we missed out. Thankfully my manager was married to a local radio celebrity and she was able to get us tickets. We travelled down with my mate, his Dad and sister and it was one of the best days of my life. Everton won, obviously.

I remember...being appointed as a project manager for Y2K systems implementations because 'I was good with people' and having no idea what to do. However, after day one I remember feeling that I'd found something that I could truly love. Organisation, planning, people, travel, deadlines, an expense account(!); it all fitted my idea of what great work looked like.

I remember...working horrible hours for 3 years with only two 2-week holidays. And I remember loving pretty much every minute of it culminating in successful implementations in every site we worked at. I learned so much from so many great people who welcomed me with open arms into their workplaces despite us changing the way that they worked forever.

I remember...feeling the effects of stress for the first time. It was a completely alien experience for me and was resolved, 14 months later, when a new doctor told me: to stop wasting my time worrying about things I can't control; to exercise regularly; and to only do the things in my spare time that made me feel good about myself. Probably not prescribed medical practice but it worked!

I remember...the time when I decided to become a leader not a manager and it was all down to an email. I mistakenly copied a senior manager of a consulting company into an email to my boss expressing my dislike/distrust for the work that they were doing. He gave me a 15 minute lecture on what it meant to have integrity and sent me to apologise. It was deeply embarrassing and I made a decision to be better at communicating both internally and externally.

I remember...my first earthquake and wondering what the hell it was! 5 months after emigrating to New Zealand I was stood looking out across a valley and thought I could hear a freight train, then 5 seconds later feeling the house shake like jelly. My heart was pounding for about 20 minutes afterwards. The 2013 earthquake was more terrifying, but I'll never forget the first time.

Christchurch, New Zealand, post earthquake 2013

I remember...the birth of both of my children and the bravery of my wife throughout both. Despite it being the most inappropriate time for situational comedy, it didn't stop me trying! Don't get me started on birthing pools...

And finally...

I remember...realising that what I missed most about the project management environments I'd worked in was the ease in which we did things. Communications, meetings, collaboration, our approach to delivery and the way we celebrated success. When I decided to work for myself in 2010 I resolved to stay true to the simplistic, communicative and positive approaches that had served me and the teams I worked with so well pre-year 2000.

All of these things contributed to make me the person that I am today. I'll never stop learning, embracing the positive affirmation or constructive feedback that I'm given or trying to be the best person that I can be in every situation that I face. I won't always succeed or get it right, but I'll use the decisions, experiences and memories to make sure that mistakes aren't repeated and positive outcomes cherished.

Happy Xmas!