The hopes of a lioness - Day 24

24th December 2018 (Christmas Eve)

24 is the number of karats (k) in pure gold (the gold content is as close to 100% as is possible).
If you split the content of the metal into parts all 24 parts are gold, whereas 9k gold objects are
9/24 ratio of gold to other metals. Gold is very soft and hence it is usually mixed with copper or
silver to add strength so that it can be used for jewelry or intricate objects. 24K gold is used
in electronics and medical devices such as those used for children suffering from ear infections who
are fitted with gold tympanostomy tubes that are known to improve aeration of the middle ear.

Today I am going with my mother and a friend to the panto (oh yes we are) - I hope we all enjoy it. It seems a suitably festive thing to do on Christmas Eve. Then I must drive back to London and I am greatly looking forward to having supper with my goddaughter and her family - to me the Christmas period is about love and sharing.

The Christmas Eve post, a piece of pure gold writing shining with love, is by Tamasin Sutton. She is an HR consultant, currently based in the North East of England. She specialises in supporting technology businesses. He company is TSHR Limited. She is an effective, pragmatic and experienced professional who is qualified in the use of various psychometric tools, as well as being an NVQ assessor with the PTTLS qualification. She co-founded Connecting HR Northeast in 2017 and works hard to bring together and develop the capabilities of the HR profession and the people within it - she is a Facilitator with Developing People Globally (DPG) supporting and assessing those studying for the CIPD Level 5 qualifications.

Tamasin is active on social media - you can follow her on Twitter (her handle is @TamasinS). To relax, Tamasin enjoys travelling, but she is happy to unwind with a gin and a chat. She is supportive within her wider community and is a school governor  for  primary school. However, as you will read, the most vital part of her life is being a devoted and passionate mother.

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This is my 3rd year of contributing to the Advent blogs, and the 3rd year I have indulged in being vulnerable to whoever reads these words. 

It's like therapy, something I dread, yet I feel strangely at peace when I have purged.

This time last year I was desperate to get out of hospital with my newborn little girl, and 4 days ago, she turned 1. When I reflect on this year, I feel overwhelmed. It has been unbelievably hard in so many ways. Motherhood is hard. I'm not a natural, not one of those earth mother types who gush about the joys of maternity leave and every day they spend with their precious mini me. But I have found my way, through sleep deprivation, difficulty breastfeeding, struggling to continue working and sometimes receiving lacklustre support of my choices. It's been hard. I think I lost myself, and I'm not back yet, despite my first KIT day being when she was 3 weeks old.  It's sometimes frowned upon to be so honest about the impact that childbirth and becoming a mother can have. I spent 40 years being, well, selfish. I could do as I pleased and enjoyed the flexibility that being child free afforded me. I didn't always fully empathise with the struggles that other carers had, but boy do I get it now. 

I feel my identity is a little blurred around the edges. I see it not just through my own eyes, but through the eyes of people close to me. Who am I and what do I want to be? I'm at odd's and in some distant way my heart aches for the life I used to have and I realise that I am trying to mourn. But my heart would break immeasurably if I couldn't see my beautiful daughter's smile, if I couldn't hold her and keep putting her unicorn furry hat back on even though she relentlessly removes it..... She gives me hope.

And I have dark thoughts. Consuming ones where my daughter comes to harm. What the hell is wrong with me?! It terrifies me. I cry, get distressed, have to distract myself. What's normal?

I cry. More than I've ever cried before. I feel more deeply than I've ever felt before. I get scared when before I didn't bat an eyelid. It all comes back to her, and for her I am the lioness. 

My hope for her is that she will always feel loved and be happy. 

As she enters her second year I look forward to the high fives as she takes more than 3 steps on her own (and then quickly wish that she wasn't growing up so fast or moving so independently!!), starts to entertain us with her chatter and keeps growing into the cheeky spirited girl I see every day. 

I hope that she adapts as we make our way back towards London in January, 2 years after moving away. What a different life we now have, but what hope there is for adventure, fun and most of all, making memories.

Be the light - Day 24

Day 24 (Sunday 24th December 2017)

24 times in a row - the number of times a radio DJ in Austria played Wham's
"Last Christmas" after blockading the door to the studio to stop others from getting
in to change the record. Jo Kohlhofer wanted to "get listeners into a festive spirit"
and ignored callers begging him to stop. He only ceased after his 4-year-old
daughter was put on the line to tell him how much she hated the song.

This Advent is flying past, it's Christmas Eve already. Have you been naughty or nice? Today's author is unfailingly nice. He is Mark Catchlove, the Director of the Knowledge and Insight Group at Herman Miller. Mark is a thought leader on the work environment and what occupiers and designers need to bear in mind when creating great places. I first encountered Mark on Twitter (you can follow him too - his handle is @markcatchlove). He writes an excellent blog and he will make you think. He wrote a very popular post for a former Advent Blogs series on our need to be there and shine a light for others. This year's post also encourages us to share and support. Mark is musical - an enthusiastic and accomplished singer and guitarist. Mark is values driven, he does his bit to make the world a better place - such as by running youth clubs and Sunday schools and being a stalwart of his local community. 

All of the photographs illustrating the piece have been taken by Mark himself. 

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"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Make a difference - be the change - be the light in the darkness.

Total darkness can only exist if there is no light.
Even a dimly glowing light is better than no light.

Some people can see better in the gloom than others.
Some people are even afraid to open their eyes in the darkness.
Some people need to be helped along the way.
Some people just need to know if they require help it is readily available.

Light gives direction.
Light leads the way.
Light gives hope.
Light sustains life.
Lights work together to dispel the darkness and make a brighter world.

Be a light to others as their light appears to be fading.
Share the light, don't keep it all to yourself.

There will be times when you will need to let others light your way - don't be too proud to walk in the light of others.

Make a difference - be the change - be the light in the darkness.

Regent Street angel picture taken by Mark Catchlove Dec. 2017

Barefoot in the heart: Father Christmas

Day 24 (Saturday 24th December 2016)

24 successive match wins is international rugby's longest winning streak
(achieved by Cyprus between 2008 and 2014, when their run was ended by Andorra in Paphos) -
something for the England team to aspire to. England won their 14th consecutive rugby union
international when they beat Australia 37-21 at Twickenham on 3rd December 2016,
and ensured that they finished 2016 unbeaten.

It is Christmas Eve. I hope you have managed to get all that you wished to achieve done by now - I have a busy day ahead and may have to cram all my Christmas preparations into the late afternoon. Mind you, it is only my fault that I have left things so late. However, regardless of my own short comings, I can always find time to read a piece by today's contributor - he has become part of the Advent Blogs' tradition - Neil Usher. Neil is widely recognised as a creative and inspirational wordsmith. His offering this year is one of his barefoot pieces; given the day, the subject, a traditional festive character, is apt. Due to the need for it to be read as a complete piece there is no pictoral punctuation. Neil invariably delivers a thought-provoking and beautifully crafted Advent Blog and this year does not disappoint.

In addition to being an exceptional writer, Neil is known for his position at the forefront of thinking about work and the workplace, he writes an excellent blog on the subject - workessence. Neil is employed as the Workplace Director for Sky and has deep roots in property and facilities management. Neil understands that the environment in which people are based has a profound impact on how they feel and hence perform. You can follow Neil on Twitter (his handle is @workessence).

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Barefoot in the heart: Father Christmas

December only means one thing your obsession with possession the gift of receiving it never stopped you wanting scoping believing in hopeful fragility I'm everywhere at the same time via the impossibility of fractal transgression that eludes the military and even time I'm the least feared man with a beard in history no need for a third runway I'm living pantomime always behind you weaving fantasy through a childhood where everyone has been good irrespective no filters no sortation just one commonly-held nation without vanity older than creation but unstamped by time I bring fighters from their trenches for a fleeting moment of humanity amid the collective insanity I'm reconciliation the living manifestation of forgiveness even Trump gets to ask for a PlayStation beyond the miracle of the shimmy of my sleekly sleddish vehicle by the snowbound still of the awakening dawn I'm back in the peace of my lair with just the symbolic yet shambolic reindeer terrified of the pale pink skies content to just be iconic it's me that eats all your carrots and mice pies though I wish you'd leave a rare steak and chunky fries got to maintain this orbital girth it’s the USP that makes you love me long after you stop believing I have any part of reality but there’s always a distant bell that rings the faintest possibility of the frailty of your adult logicality for beyond the jolly innocence I’m destiny but in my frostbitten heart I am barefoot you perpetrate this state of clinical obesity I'm ridiculed stripped of my masculinity the ultimate self-parody no succession plan in the recurrence of eternity tortured by a lack of elf engagement and frantically maintaining the illusion of home delivery my seminal utterance a shallow trio of santa guffaws the spirit as ephemeral as a flambé as armies return to the trenches the homeless to park benches I keep thinking this year it will endure but it's repacked and returned nothing ever learned and while I promise myself with exhausted regularity I'm done from a love stubborn whole and pure every year I've returned