The blog that it became!

Day 47 (Monday 16th January 2017)

47% of UK children eat confectionary at least once a day, only 1 in 10
has 5 portions of fruit and 20% have no fresh fruit or vegetables
at all on a daily basis. Nearly 40% of Millennials surveyed my Mintel said
 that cereal was inconvenient for breakfast, because they had to
wash up after eating it. Less than 60% of suppers in the UK were
cooked at home last year, compared to 75% 30 years ago. A 2014 survey
by Braun found that 82% of parents used to do household chores
when young, but of those parents, only 28% of them required their children to do chores.

Today is my father's 86th birthday. Yesterday my sons and I went to a Burgundy and Bangers party that he hosted for 28 friends. Great fun. I'm looking forward to next year's event and hope that he has a brilliant day today.

Denise Sanderson-Estcourt, the author of today's post, is an HR, OD and Learning specialist, working at the Royal College of Physicians. Denise describes her interests as Family, Fashion, Faith and Football. She is been a fearless campaigner, raising awareness of and funds for breast cancer, and has even been a glamorous Calendar Girl for the cause. She is also a fashion stylist and image consultant with her own business, Damson Belle - advising individuals on colour, style and cut (hair and outfits) to ensure that they look and feel their best. She is a loving and proud mother of a gorgeous son. Denise is an active blogger with various sites to cover her interests - work, fashion, and health. She lives in London. 

She is active on social media, you can follow her on Twitter (her handle is @DamsonHR).

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The blog that it became!

This is not the blog I'd intended to share. That one (drafted weeks ago) will for now, remain a long, disjointed reflective letter to self.

Instead this is the blog I can write right now. The one that I feel I can share, that talks about where I'm at in this moment.

Writing about the highs and the heart stuff wasn't that much of an issue.

At work, we've had a focus on celebrating success, so thinking about work highs (brand, putting OD on the map, some great training organised and training delivered that was well received) was no issue.

Thinking about life's highs was also a nice experience - the family holiday, re-learning how to ride a bike, most of the time with my son (parenting isn't always a joy!) and seeing the lantern exhibition - an unexpired pleasure, with said son,  would all be on the list. Such things also speak to the 'heart' bit - family time, downtime, fun time, bright things, learning and creativity for example.

Magic Lantern Festival at Chiswick House, West London

The writing about the "hollows" however was a different story - as a usually open person, the block felt like an odd, self-challenging situation. Somehow I just can't get the words around that theme so as to make sense from my head to the page. In truth, I'm not yet brave enough to go into the memory of the heavy hollows that I found myself in last year.

I've struggled therefore to write on all three aspects of the title (and that was feeling like a bit of a cop-out to me), and so I nearly submitted nothing at all.

But thanks to kindness and patience from Kate and a bit of a talking to (by me from me), here I am, sharing something written on a long train journey home.

The hollows piece may show up at some point, but for now I'll just share what I knew was the summary point of my previous attempts to write on the hollows part of the original blog:

• Sometimes your heights are swiftly followed by your hollows - I think to keep you grounded.

• Sometimes your hollows lead you to heights (of sorts!) for example how, for me, attending a funeral last year lead to reconnecting with much loved but long (emotionally) lost family.

• Sometimes your hollows lead you to your heart's needs and dreams and other such things.

• Sometimes your hollows lead to you seeking help and finding the heart in others.

• But always, always the heart will get you through the hollows and to your heights, if you'll go with it.

So there you have it.

The blog that wasn't going to be is now this blog, you see!

And finally, the lesson for me in finally submitting this is...

Doing something over nothing = Feeling like a failure averted!

The choice is yours

Day 46 - (Sunday 15th January 2017)

46% of the UK's electricity was generated by clean energy sources,
according to a report released in July 2016 - this was the first year
when power generated by low-carbon sources outstripped coal.

Richard Westney has one of my favourite job titles (although it sounds onerous - Director of Humankind (OK, perhaps the 'of' should be 'at"). Richard lives and works in New Zealand - on the North Island - in the cultural and legislative capital Wellington and the rolling vineyards of Wairarapa. Quite a contrast to where he started his HR career - in the smog and grey of London.

I have met him in person at Tweet-ups in the UK, when he has been over visiting family and I can vouch for him being a delightful companion and a very decent fellow to spend an evening with. He is an experienced HR professional and tries hard to give back to the profession (mentoring and advising others) as well as continuing to learn and grow himself. He established the Wellington HR Meetup and is involved in the Association of People Professionals. He is active on social media - you can hollow him on Twitter (his handle is @HRManNZ) and he writes an excellent blog: Up The Down Escalator. 

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The choice is yours

The end of the year is always a time of great reflection as these series of personal posts prove.

We often get carried away looking back and thinking too much about the bad things, the learning, the regrets and the heartbreak that shaped our year and not enough about the good things. 

So as you look back, I would suggest there are three questions to ask yourself from both a personal and professional perspective. Effectively your heights, hearts and hollows.

1. What did I achieve these last 12 months? 

2. Who/what did I waste my energy on? 

3. What didn't I achieve that I should have done and why? 

Once you've answered these you can plan for the coming year.

I don't personally believe in new year's resolutions. They are just bland statements with no accountability. Think poor performer saying "yes, I'll be much better" who then goes off and does exactly the same thing. 

I am a fan of goal setting though. Not targets or numbers that can be ticked off a list, but big hairy audacious ones that can be broken down into smaller components. In order to achieve A, I need to do X,Y and Z to get there. 

• So what is it you want to do differently or change in your work or personal life?
• What is the BHAG you are working towards that may only be partly realised?
• What are the knowledge or skills you are lacking to get there?
• What obstacles could get in the way that you need to overcome? 

My advice is to think of your life as a project. It's always a work in progress (the scope constantly changes) and you need a project plan, some risk management and resilience to keep going.  But you have lots of choices in how you live your life.

You also need an element of bravery. How we treat other people says so much about us.  As I've grown older I have realised that it's not what you say to people that you end up regretting the most, it's what you don't say to people. Good and bad. For those of us who have lost close family and friends this year I am sure we will all have things we know we should have said that we never got around to saying. 

If you care about them, are proud of them or they have really pissed you off, then say so. Don't be left with that hollow feeling when suddenly they aren't there and too much was left unsaid. 

I came across a JK Rowling quote while writing this which I thought was the perfect way to finish and summed things up nicely. 

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, not our abilities."

On that note I hope you manage to have an amazing 2017 and not an average one. The choice really is yours to make. 

To you with love…

Day 45  (Saturday 14th January 2017)

45 minutes of moderate exercise can be as beneficial as just 60 seconds of strenuous
exertion - was the finding of a group of scientists at McAlister University, Ontarion,
who published their research in April 2016.

This series is entitled the Advent Blogs and you can tell that Jayne Harrison wrote her piece in the run-up to Christmas, however, I think the theme that sits behind the seasonal content holds it own, needs to be read now and is full of love - it is a reminder to each of us of what should be important in the year ahead. 

Jayne is the founder and Director of the management consultancy, Peak Potential. Both Jayne and her business are (appropriately, given the company's name) located at Chapel-en-le-Frith in the UK's beautiful Peak District. Jayne commenced her career in recruitment, before moving more into the talent and performance space. She exemplifies what Lynda Gratton states will be the typical careers of the future, with skills being gained from various employers, but that in addition individuals will take time out mid-career to do things that, in pervious generations, might have been saved for retirement - I am envious of the year-long sabbatical Jayne took to travel and notch up a number of wish-list activities (including sky-diving, learning Nepalese, under-water caving and white water rafting). Jayne is a popular coach with a human touch and the ability to help clients reconnect with their passions - she focuses on behavioural change. She is proud to proclaim that she is on a mission to normalise people's attitude towards the menopause and encourage kindness and humanity at work. She is a Faculty Member of the NHS East Midlands Leadership Academy

When not coaching or consulting, Jayne loves spending time with her husband and dogs, or enjoying knitting, reading and veganism. You can connect with her on Twitter, her handle is @JayneHarrison3.

The majority of the pictures illustrating the below post were provided by Jayne. Treasured keepsakes. Like her, I am a keen card giver - I used to write and send a card every day to my sons when they were away at school (the nearest I could get to giving a goodnight kiss) - they have kept many of them as mementos. So, Jayne's post resonated with me when she sent it, hence my saving it as a treat for near the end of the series. I hope it inspires you to tell someone you love how much they mean to you...do it today, before it is too late.

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To you with love…

We’ve always been enthusiastic greeting card buyers in our family.  It’s a tradition that’s been handed down to me by my mum and dad. They used to buy each other such elaborate cards, those that folded into four or were practically a book.  I was in my early teens before I realised that they chose those cards because they used to write secret love messages to each other, hidden away under the flap or back page where others might not find them. 

For me, Christmas has always been about family, friends and above all, a chance to show love to those that mean the world to me.  I choose to do this by writing what I feel in a card. It’s just something we’ve always done and it’s a habit I’m happy not to change.  Equally when I receive a card with a well-thought out message, it touches me deeply.  Thank you to all of you out there that have done so this year when I needed support and encouragement, and to celebrate a great milestone birthday.

This year it struck me that my Christmas card list is so much shorter than it used to be. Family members gone, a diminishing list of friends (although I like to think these are the ones who will be on the list until I die) and a gaping hole where my parents used to be.

Dad’s birthday was on Christmas Eve – gran used to say he was the best early Christmas present she’d ever had!  He died through Christmas too – I pronounced him dead at home on New Year’s eve after a short battle with cancer.  And boy, did he battle.  It was almost as if he was hanging on so that we could have that last Christmas together; so that Christmases future would not be tarnished with his loss.  He was wrong.

It will be eight years this year.  I’d like to say it gets easier – and maybe it does for the rest of the year. But his loss, the gap he leaves in our family at Christmas time is unfathomable.  Mum never recovered from his early death and she is almost gone now too, being taken by another type of illness entirely. 

It’s still incredibly painful, as if it was just yesterday.  But to feel this, there had to be heart to start with and for that I am eternally thankful.  I know that life may offer further hollows; that there will be black, heart-breaking, gut wrenching and unbearable experiences yet to come. But I also know that from it will come greater appreciation of the heights and hearts in my life.  To feel such agonising loss, means you have to have something to lose in the first place.

I had the job of clearing and selling mum and dad’s house earlier this year, because her illness means she can no longer live on her own safely.  In boxes, tucked away among the Christmas decorations, lights and other knickknacks one amasses over a lifetime, were all the cards we’d ever sent to her 

and those she and my dad had sent to one another. 

It was such a lovely thing to find and treasure – memories of Christmases, birthdays and other events gone by marked by a picture and loving words.

I’m definitely their daughter.  Christmas is a time when I will spend hours poring over artistic pictures, funny captions, or trying to find the right verse that captures the love and essence of how I feel about someone close to me.  Sometimes I can’t find the right one – so I will have to have a go myself (with varying degrees of success  as you can see J).  Luckily my English improved as I got older.

So this weekend I will be selecting cards once again for my husband, our family and friends. I will do this happily and be grateful that the sands of time gradually fill in the hollows, and remember with enduring love those no longer on my list.

Look Into My Hollowed Eyes

Day 44 (Friday 13th January 2017)

44 titles (with a further two for doubles championship wins)

demonstrate why Andy Murray is currently ranked Number 1 in the world for tennis
and was awarded a knighthood. Congratulations Sir Andrew Barron Murray, OBE.

I am not superstitious and hence have no fear of today being Friday the 13th - indeed to me it seems a great day, given the impact and importance of today's excellent post. It has been written by Keith Gulliver. After many years within a well-known technology business, and a period as an independent, Keith is now working in the Corporate HR team at West Sussex Council on Pay and Reward projects. He is based in Chichester, and walks past Chichester Cathedral every day on his way to and from work - it was in January 2016 that Keith took the photographs that illustrate his piece.

I first got to know Keith on Twitter (his handle is @KeithGulliver). He is a very sporadic blogger - you can read his words on his blog "Through the Talent Twittens". He lives in Havant in Hampshire and is an avid fan of Portsmouth Football Club (in his capacity as a fan and supporter he tweets as @PompeyChicken; and he has Liberal political leanings, resulting in his tweeting  as well under @ThisLiberalAge. 

Given the importance of his subject in the post, I will explain write a brief further explanation at the end of the piece.

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Look Into My Hollowed Eyes

Please don't pass me by.

Look into my hollowed eyes, I will not haunt you. 

Desperate, I fled.

Please don't pass me by. 

Hold my hands, I will not harm you.

Fatigued, I trudge.

Please don't pass me by. 

Tend my bruised body, my weathered face should not scare you.

Exhausted, I stop. 

Please don't pass me by. 

Soothe my troubled mind, hear my murmurings.

Desperate, I am drawn. 

Helpless, I drown.

Look into my hollowed eyes, I will haunt you.

You passed me by.

Some Background Notes

The pictures Keith sent me and I have used are of a statue in Chichester Cathedral titled 'The Refugee', it's by Diana Brandenburger. It's described as 'haunting' and I agree with Keith that that is in part down to the hollowed eyes, and hence there's the connection to this year's theme of heights, hearts and hollows. The statue was given to the Cathedral in 2008, to tie in with the celebration of its 900th year. 

In 2016 over 5,000 people have drowned in the Mediterranean Sea trying to cross to Europe.