Divine Darkness - Day 22

Day 22 (Friday 22nd December 2017)

22 pantomimes are still performed in the UK over the festive period (Aladdin, Ali
Baba and the Forty Thieves, Babes in the Wood, Beauty and the Beast, Bluebeard, Cinderella,
Dick Whittington and His cat, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Jack and the Beanstalk, Little
Red Riding Hood, Mother Goose, Peter Pan, Puss in Boots, Robin Hood, Robinson Crusoe,
St George and the Dragon, Sinbad, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs,
The Little Mermaid, The Wizard of Oz and Thumberlina). Pantomimes were, in Roman times,
a one-performer play, where an actor played multiple roles, using very expressive hands.
Over the years the art form picked up other traits, such as elements of Commedia dell'arte and
Harlequinade. But that is all "behind you." In modern times it has developed into a family-friendly
show combining elements of dance, song and music, slapstick, innuendo, topical references
and satire, cross-dressing, audience participation, and jokes. It has become a very British tradition, "oh yes it has..." (although there are regular festive performances in Canada, Jamaica, Australia and parts of the USA).

Today is my first day of "being on holiday", but, like for many of you, I know that the next few days will be manic. I drove to Somerset late last night to get Christmas ready for my mother and sister - it will be the first time that they have celebrated alone in the least five years. My sister Anna is amazing - having always been cared for (she has Asperger's), she now needs to be the carer, as our mother is suffering from dementia. Anna is game-on to try and cook a simple Christmas lunch for them - so long as I prepare the food and write clear instructions. Ah well, here goes...

Today's post is by an equally (probably even more) brave lady, Jayne Harrison, the amazing co-founder and leader of Peak Potential Consulting Ltd - a career development and coaching business based in the Midlands of the UK. Jayne is a strengths-based specialist. Many of you will remember Jayne's delightful post about Christmas cards and love in last year's series. However her piece in Henpicked about the value of coaching for those going through menopause is perhaps a better indication of her expertise as a coach and the reputation she has built with people enjoying successful careers in later life. Jayne is an accomplished public speaker. She does much to make the world a better place: she is a faculty member of the NHS East Midlands Leadership Academy, is an accredited feedback facilitator and is passionate about kindness and humanity at work. When not coaching or consulting, Jayne loves spending time with her husband and dogs, or enjoying knitting, reading and veganism. You can connect with her on Twitter, her handle is @JayneHarrison3.

******************************

What do the words darkness and dawn conjure up for you dear reader?  Which one are you more drawn to?  In what direction might your previous experiences now be leading you?  Could you experience those words differently? Create new worlds around those words?

 “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”  -  Mary Oliver

I’m a fan of the dark; I’ve always been somewhat of a night owl and my favourite time of year is winter, when the night envelopes our world by late afternoon.  

One of the best things in the world to me is snuggling in front of the fire on a cold frosty evening with my favourite human and soppy canines. As I’m writing this the light is changing, from a cloudy hue to a grey blue; it will be dark soon in our village.  A comforting darkness.

However, when I was little I used to be frightened of the dark. I would need the hallway light on to get to sleep; the door left ajar. I’d often wake in the middle of the night; or sleep walk down to where my parents were sitting. I had an affinity even then with traversing in the night time.  A restless, sleepless darkness.

Christmas lights. Burning Candles. Roasting chestnuts. 

Santa making his deliveries by the cloak of darkness; leaving precious gifts for our loved ones.  A giving darkness.

I’ve experienced a lot of darkness over the past few years. Some of it due to poor health (mine and loved ones), some of it due to loss so painful I wished for endless dark; and some of it of my own making.  A mournful darkness in my soul.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.

We like absolutes, we humans. Good and evil, black and white, light and dark.  But nothing is ever that clear cut for me.  If we were to travel the spectrum between those places, what unexpected gems might we find?  By boxing things up into distinct, separates pieces, what are we denying for ourselves and others? 

Darkness exists for a reason. What if instead of driving out darkness, we seek to understand, cherish and accept it?  Polarisation leads to hatred, a lack of compassion and mistrust. 

There have been many times this year when the light of others has truly inspired me.  They have travelled through the dark and have emerged the better, kinder, more human somehow.  I can’t list all the charitable, humbling and heart-warming stories here, but I do want to share just one which is so wonderfully apt:-

It’s Twitter at its very, very best. It’s about connecting through darkness and finding the light.  Please read the thread.

Rachael Prior (@ORachaelO) tweeted at 5:14 pm on Sat, Nov 11, 2017:

Nowhere and no time do I miss my dad more acutely than in the men’s department of M&S at Christmas.

(https://twitter.com/ORachaelO/status/929397011429974016?s=03)

“I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.” ― Og Mandino

I have said before that to truly experience loss, you have to have something to lose in the first place.  To fully appreciate the dawn, I need the dark.

To you with love…

Day 45  (Saturday 14th January 2017)

45 minutes of moderate exercise can be as beneficial as just 60 seconds of strenuous
exertion - was the finding of a group of scientists at McAlister University, Ontarion,
who published their research in April 2016.

This series is entitled the Advent Blogs and you can tell that Jayne Harrison wrote her piece in the run-up to Christmas, however, I think the theme that sits behind the seasonal content holds it own, needs to be read now and is full of love - it is a reminder to each of us of what should be important in the year ahead. 

Jayne is the founder and Director of the management consultancy, Peak Potential. Both Jayne and her business are (appropriately, given the company's name) located at Chapel-en-le-Frith in the UK's beautiful Peak District. Jayne commenced her career in recruitment, before moving more into the talent and performance space. She exemplifies what Lynda Gratton states will be the typical careers of the future, with skills being gained from various employers, but that in addition individuals will take time out mid-career to do things that, in pervious generations, might have been saved for retirement - I am envious of the year-long sabbatical Jayne took to travel and notch up a number of wish-list activities (including sky-diving, learning Nepalese, under-water caving and white water rafting). Jayne is a popular coach with a human touch and the ability to help clients reconnect with their passions - she focuses on behavioural change. She is proud to proclaim that she is on a mission to normalise people's attitude towards the menopause and encourage kindness and humanity at work. She is a Faculty Member of the NHS East Midlands Leadership Academy

When not coaching or consulting, Jayne loves spending time with her husband and dogs, or enjoying knitting, reading and veganism. You can connect with her on Twitter, her handle is @JayneHarrison3.

The majority of the pictures illustrating the below post were provided by Jayne. Treasured keepsakes. Like her, I am a keen card giver - I used to write and send a card every day to my sons when they were away at school (the nearest I could get to giving a goodnight kiss) - they have kept many of them as mementos. So, Jayne's post resonated with me when she sent it, hence my saving it as a treat for near the end of the series. I hope it inspires you to tell someone you love how much they mean to you...do it today, before it is too late.

********************************

To you with love…

We’ve always been enthusiastic greeting card buyers in our family.  It’s a tradition that’s been handed down to me by my mum and dad. They used to buy each other such elaborate cards, those that folded into four or were practically a book.  I was in my early teens before I realised that they chose those cards because they used to write secret love messages to each other, hidden away under the flap or back page where others might not find them. 

For me, Christmas has always been about family, friends and above all, a chance to show love to those that mean the world to me.  I choose to do this by writing what I feel in a card. It’s just something we’ve always done and it’s a habit I’m happy not to change.  Equally when I receive a card with a well-thought out message, it touches me deeply.  Thank you to all of you out there that have done so this year when I needed support and encouragement, and to celebrate a great milestone birthday.

This year it struck me that my Christmas card list is so much shorter than it used to be. Family members gone, a diminishing list of friends (although I like to think these are the ones who will be on the list until I die) and a gaping hole where my parents used to be.

Dad’s birthday was on Christmas Eve – gran used to say he was the best early Christmas present she’d ever had!  He died through Christmas too – I pronounced him dead at home on New Year’s eve after a short battle with cancer.  And boy, did he battle.  It was almost as if he was hanging on so that we could have that last Christmas together; so that Christmases future would not be tarnished with his loss.  He was wrong.

It will be eight years this year.  I’d like to say it gets easier – and maybe it does for the rest of the year. But his loss, the gap he leaves in our family at Christmas time is unfathomable.  Mum never recovered from his early death and she is almost gone now too, being taken by another type of illness entirely. 

It’s still incredibly painful, as if it was just yesterday.  But to feel this, there had to be heart to start with and for that I am eternally thankful.  I know that life may offer further hollows; that there will be black, heart-breaking, gut wrenching and unbearable experiences yet to come. But I also know that from it will come greater appreciation of the heights and hearts in my life.  To feel such agonising loss, means you have to have something to lose in the first place.

I had the job of clearing and selling mum and dad’s house earlier this year, because her illness means she can no longer live on her own safely.  In boxes, tucked away among the Christmas decorations, lights and other knickknacks one amasses over a lifetime, were all the cards we’d ever sent to her 

and those she and my dad had sent to one another. 

It was such a lovely thing to find and treasure – memories of Christmases, birthdays and other events gone by marked by a picture and loving words.

I’m definitely their daughter.  Christmas is a time when I will spend hours poring over artistic pictures, funny captions, or trying to find the right verse that captures the love and essence of how I feel about someone close to me.  Sometimes I can’t find the right one – so I will have to have a go myself (with varying degrees of success  as you can see J).  Luckily my English improved as I got older.

So this weekend I will be selecting cards once again for my husband, our family and friends. I will do this happily and be grateful that the sands of time gradually fill in the hollows, and remember with enduring love those no longer on my list.