Focus - Day 53

Day 53 (22nd January 2015)

53 villages alone, from across the UK, required no war 
memorial after World War One.
The First World War lasted 53 months, from June 28 with the attack
on Sarajero, until Austria proclaimed the republic 
and its return to Germany, November 11, 1918.

Today's post is by Jon Bartlett, who has been an important figure throughout the history of the Advent Blog series - it was his impactful post, Courage, about the experience of suffering poor mental health, which you can read via this link, that resulted in the creation of #HR4MH (HR for Mental Health). Jon works as a coach and mediator, specialising in resilience and conflict resolution. Increasingly over the past few years he has become recognised as one of the UK's foremost experts in raising awareness of mental health. Jon has an active body as well as an active mind - he walks, cycles, travels, reads, and is a valued friend. He and I met via Twitter (his handle @projectlibero is the same as his business site, Project Libero). As well as being an inspirational writer and thinker, Jon is a talented photographer - all the pictures in the below post, summarising his journey over 2014, were taken by him during the course of the year. It is said that "a picture is worth a thousand words", certainly, these pictures spoke to me. 

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When my mind fractures and betrays me I often take comfort in nature. Over the years it has been an escape, a sanctuary and an analgesic. In 2014 I decided to try to make nature my teacher by studying shamanic practice. Now before you rush to imagine naked dancing round the campfire, painted faces or ritual sacrifice I had better reassure you that my studies have been far more prosaic. What they have involved is a greater appreciation of the world around me and a good deal of quiet reflection on rhythm and harmony within nature. I've looked at the seasons and the behaviour of animals, drawing wisdom from their innate reactions and responses. If I tried to write down all I have learned then we would be here a long time, so instead I offer you a quote from the photographer Ansel Adams:

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”

Whilst not in the same league as Adams, I take comfort from photography, as a way to record and retrieve some of the insights that nature gives me. Here are some images of my path and perceptions from my year on the “Red Road”

“Trail”

This picture was just an instinctive snap but actually as I looked at it again I realised that being out on the ‘trail” often helps me make sense of the thoughts which “ail” me.

“Reaching”

I lay under this tree a long time. Although damaged by fire it continues to grow and thrive - much like I do.

“Siesta Lake Reflection"

This reminded that the very best of us is often reflected in what we do for others.

“Formation”

Pelicans working as a team to search and quarter the water - a theme for me professionally this year.

“Relaxing”

This sea otter taught me about being willing to relax in any environment.

“Fallen”

This picture of rose petals reminds me of recent friendships that have crumbled and fallen, people worn down beyond the limit of their patience by the slowness of my recovery or hurt by the outbursts of rage I have fired at them. Those people remain ever bright and colourful in my mind.

“Fragility”

At the most beautiful stage of its life this butterfly was fragile and vulnerable.

“Hiding in plain sight”

However I feel about myself, most people won’t have noticed any dysfunction.

“Ghosts”

Many of my darkest thoughts are like these jellyfish - they can give an uncomfortable sting but they are not deadly. It’s learning which thoughts are the most dangerous which takes time.

“Intricate”

The complex connections here inspired me when I was working on a creative project this year.

“The gathering storm”

Light is sometimes found at the darkest of times.

“France to the left, Italy to the right"

Stood high on the Mont Blanc massif, I realised that most of the boundaries and limitations in my mind are man made and artificial - much like the borders between countries.  

“Last Day”

Trying to focus on the perfect sunset led to an insight about focussing on the texture / quality of my life now, right in front of me, rather than worrying about the happy ending.

Whilst there are no humans in these images Adams always maintained that there were two people in every photograph. The photographer and the viewer. I’ve told you where I am, so I hope you find something of yourself in these pictures and that you’ve enjoyed walking with me on my path for a brief while.

Landscape With Couple Walking and Crescent Moon
Vincent van Gogh, 1890

Walking Man - sung by James Taylor, 1974

I'm Scared of the Dark - Day 52

Day 52 (21st January 2015)

52 cards in a deck of Playing cards (excluding Jokers)
illustration - selection of antique playing cards c 1790-1800 by Hunt, London
It is claimed that 52 cards represents the 52 weeks in a year 4 suits represents the 4 seasons13 cards in each suit represents the 13 weeks in each season12 Royals represent the 12 months2 red and 2 black suits represent the 4 different solstices

Today's post is by Jo Stephenson who works as a Learning a Development Manager for Addaction and is passionate about positive change - she genuinely has made the world a better place - for example she can demonstrate that the training she has devised and delivered has made a measurable difference to the service provided by substance abuse practitioners. She believes in being kind and loving freely, in her own words "nice is underrated". You can follow her on Twitter (her handle is @joeystepho ). Jo, whose personal sanctuary is yoga, is mindful, which is indicated by the name of her blog Growing in the Komorebi. "Komorebi" is a Japanese word meaning the dappled sunlight that filters through tree leaves - the interplay of light and shade - an apt word, given the theme of the below post... 

“Out of our deepest memories come the forgotten forms of the past,

given new life by the living sentience of an ancient and eternal forest.”

                                                                                                              - Robert Holdstock

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I've enjoyed reading these Advent blogs. Mostly because of the personal touch, truth and emotion expressed within. A glimpse into what life is like over there. Some celebratory, some bravely writing about the not-so-merriness, and some showing how life often has both - at the same time. If you chose to see it.

I've been publicly blogging since Sept, and not really thought about audience. Then after committing to writing this one I got a bit lost in thinking it had to meet some standard, and maybe guard my head-spill a little more. Unfortunately that meant I wrote something awfully contrived

so I gave up and I wrote this:

I'm scared of the dark.

A life loving dogs has always meant walking, often alone, often for hours. Something that I now realise is precious. Like in the morning when the sun is coming up and it's cold and quiet and through the whole walk you don't see a single other person. A piece of time, just for you. Magic. 

But I never walk alone in the dark.

It's not a fear of attack or monsters as I've tried to explain many times. It's the not-knowing. The corner over there, the path ahead, and that vast space to either side of me. I can't see what's there!

In response my heightened senses, I seek to see, and my mind hallucinates to make sense of the unknown. In the woods by my house in the black of night there are elephants in wheelbarrows, black panthers, lawnmowers, sea lions, a clothes-horse and once I'm certain there was a piano. This doesn't scare me more, but (the adrenaline and) imagination required is tiring.

Arthur Rackham frontispiece for Comus

This attempt to make up the missing pieces and fill in the gaps with something more sure. More comfortable and fitting. Human memory does this a lot. Do you want the truth or something beautiful?

The human brain is very good at filling in the gaps

I get to work with some amazing people at Addaction, who save lives through the work they do. I was live-supervising a colleague in December delivering a learning session on Domestic Abuse. My role was writing feedback all day (as strength based maps, not assessment scores) watching and listening. It was remarkable - a topic of darkness, emotion and problems we can't solve for others. She enabled safety, to shared bias, beliefs and facilitated opening up to new ways of thinking - with compassionate and timely injections of humour against the seriousness. An evocative topic handled with care. At lunch I confessed I was left feeling flat, and low from the topic. So I questioned how she aimed to start after the break and up-lift us. Like it was her responsibility. She didn't have a plan to do that, and explained that part of the learning is the discomfort with the darkness, because that's what people experiencing abuse live with. Part of being a good practitioner is the ability to sit with that kind of share.

On Christmas Day night we played Cards Against Humanity - it's not for the faint hearted. It was my fault because I bought it for my bro-in-law. I heard my mum read aloud scenario cards that left me howling with laugher, and she awarded me points for being obscene. At the first deal of the white cards my Mum's partner's hand included the cards "dying" and "brain tumour". Then he later pulled "hospice care" from the deck. He's post-op disabled and in the very late stages of a terminal grade four cancerous brain tumour. Hospice care is imminent. Could you write that hand? You have two options. Or you're presented with a third where you're laughing and crying in equal measure and not sure which to give way to. But you do have the choice.

I love this obnoxious game. It gave me the opportunity to laugh till my belly hurt, with my family, as friends. I was afraid of the darkness that this 'last Christmas' would bring, but we took that darkness and owned it. We were winning!

I'm hearing about optimism a lot. As a desirable trait, a strength, a must have leadership quality and applied positive psychology. I also recognise depressive realism. True optimism doesn't come with delusions, mania or inbalance. It comes from the opposite; an ability to experience the dark and the light. Not being afraid of the unknown or afraid to really shine. And allowing both to change you for the better, whilst knowing what 'home' is for you. I think I prefer the term resilience, however that looks for you.

This year I've been learning the ability to fully experience the darkness life brings, without fear. And to always notice the brightness that emerges from it. There's being solution focused, but doing so without avoiding the complexity of the problem and the conversation that's needed there too. There's leading to towards conflict and handling this with full regard of the difficultly and discomfort it may present. With no intention of romanticising, when I see people struggle I also see their true colours, what really matters, and their strengths shining through. When I see people realise time is precious I also see their love, the verb.

I used to be scared of the dark. I still am. A fear of not-knowing. But I'm comfortable with the discomfort because sometimes we need to be able to sit there. Sometimes you have to walk through the dark of the forest to truly experience the komorebi.

One of my favourite things in this world is other people. This year has been about people. Thank you for changing me 2014. I'm ready for 2015.

"There's a light in the darkness of everybody's life....."

A Path to Compassion - Day 51

Day 51 (20th January 2015)

51% is the minimum maize content in Bourbon Whiskey

(with the other grains usually being a mixture of Rye and Malt).
Most distillers use 65-75% "corn" hence the sweet taste.

It must begin ageing in charred oak barrels (for colour & flavour) 

at no more than 125 proof and be bottled between 80 and 160 proof.

Un-aged Bourbon is called White Dog.

There are more barrels of Bourbon than people in Kentucky.

Illustration - 19th Century Bourbon bottle

Today's post is by Janice Howitt - a wonderful lady whom I met when we were colleagues in Edinburgh in 2011.  Janice is an experienced Senior HR Manager at RBS. When I was with her she worked formidable hours and some colleagues were slightly intimidated by her. She is a strong character and has a quick wit. We forged a friendship and remained in touch when I left. I have immense admiration for the way in which Janice has coped with the trails of the past two years. This is her first ever blog. She read others' posts that I had linked on Facebook and decided to contribute. In her piece below she is making a public pledge that many of us would do well to emulate.

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Compassion  can be defined as the  emotion  that one feels in response to the suffering of others that motivates a desire to help. Nowhere has this been more evident than in recent days in my wonderful dear city of Glasgow. The bin lorry tragedy followed so recently after the Clutha Bar tragedy, bookending two festive periods, has left the city with a dreadful sense of loss and questioning why. And yet what we have seen in Glasgow are human beings showing and demonstrating real compassion in such terrible events. 

Clutha disaster - police helicopter crash, November 29th 2013

The bin lorry crash resonated so deeply with us all for three reasons; firstly, an incident so near Christmas causing death, injury and emotional distress is always tragic, secondly Glasgow and its people suffering again from what could be described as an act of God so soon after Clutha has felt unjust, and thirdly, it happened in a busy shopping and commuting area of Glasgow where any one of us may have been that day, had fate shared a different hand. 

View down Queen Street towards George Square, Glasgow
shortly after bin lorry crash, 22nd December 2014

What was witnessed was truly awful and yet people helped in their droves, treating the injured, closing eyes of the dead and supporting other human beings in their time of need. 

Glaswegian compassion
Floral tributes and messages for the victims of the crash in George Square

Today a vigil at the first of the crash sites attracted more than 1000 people, each joined in grief, compassion and a unified desire to help others. 

Glasgow vigil, Sunday 28th December 2014

This is the city I know, the people I love and the spirit I am proud of. Prayers and thoughts are with those affected directly or indirectly by these events and I am hopeful that over time, these people can heal and recover.

I Wish I was In Glasgow -sung by Iain MacKintosh, composed by Billy Connolly

This recent tragedy, and the reaction of normal people, has motivated me to engage differently with my own emotional responses to compassion going forwards. Too often, I am motivated to help others in response to my emotions, but I choose not to. I am realistic - I know that I will never give my life up to go and volunteer to help stop the spread of Ebola, and perhaps I don't need to, but too often life gets in the way and the smaller, less material things, which I could do to help others, get brushed aside. The people who lose out are those I have emotionally responded to, but then done nothing for. 

In the latter part of 2013 I contracted Septicaemia, given only a 20% chance of survival and recovered. 2014 has consequently been a year of recuperation, with long periods off work and the isolation associated with this, the discovery of true friendship, the divorce of some other friendships and learning to adjust to a different pace of life. I have however been given a gift that I truly cherish: I have learnt to properly balance my work and personal life, am significantly less stressed, I now have a perspective I have never had and an inner peace that only comes with facing death, choosing life and valuing family and friendships. 

Perhaps it has also been this life changing event that has engendered in me a desire to be more compassionate to others and try to actively and passionately help others. 

Perhaps it was always there but life, work, and exhaustion gave me neither the clarity or desire to change from FEELING compassionate of others and events, to ACTING also on these emotions. 

Proactive Compassion
Generosity Bestowing Her Gifts, by Giovanni Battista, 1734

And so, I am committed in 2015 to "pay it forward", choosing carefully the events, occasions or people I will not just desire to help, but ACTUALLY help.

These will not be monumental actions such as responding to Ebola or War but neither will they be the easy choices, such as always donating money. These will be the choices that require time, courage, commitment and consistency of response from me and I hope, by taking this approach, I can do a little to help others. Glasgow as a city and a population will continue to support those affected by recent events, show and demonstrate compassion well beyond 2014 and I too will now step up and do more to help others.

Providing a helping hand

My questions to you are: 

"Do you feel, do you act, do you walk by, do you care?" 

and 

"What if it were you who needed help and support, who would be there for you?" 

One act, one time, one event, one person, is all it takes.......

The Good Samaritan by Honoré Daumier ,1828
Burrell Collection, Glasgow

What Matters - Day 50

Day 50 (19th January 2015)

50 - is a denomination found either as a coin or note in every currency around the world
Illustration - Trinidad & Tobago 50 Dollar polymer note 1st issued in December 2014
The American slang "50 Bucks" meaning $50 supposedly originates from the early
days when settlers traded or bartered with native Americans for animal skins

Today's post arrived just before Christmas and is from Rachel Burnham. Rachel is a respected Learning and Development (L&D) specialist, who is passionate about the impact learning and development can have on people from all walks of life. She runs Burnham L&D based in Manchester. She writes an excellent L&D focused blog - L & D Matters and is active on social media (you can follow her on Twitter via @BurnhamLandD). She hates heights but loves her family, jazz and gardening (as well as seeing people grow).

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I love the way the seasons slowly unfurl and gradually, at times almost imperceptibly, change from one to another.  Lots of things mark those changes: the plants that stand out in the garden each having their brief moment of glory; the quality of the light; the religious festivals; the food that is in season – in our house you can always tell the time of year by the type of vegetable soup made on a Saturday – currently French onion & spicy parsnip are regular favourites, but we’ll soon move on to roast swede, vegetables with dumplings, then it will be leek & potato, asparagus, pea, carrot & orange, then the abundance of the allotment harvest, cucumber, carrot & courgette, yet more courgettes, butternut squash, celery and back to parsnips.

UK seasonal fruit and vegetables

Years are perhaps harder to distinguish one from another – looking back brief moments, one off events, stand out rather than each year being clear and distinct.  There are of course, exceptions, the year my son was born stands out sharply and memorably.  He was born at 28 weeks, a tiny thing of 1lb 13 oz less than a bag of flour, about 3 months prematurely and he spent those months in the hospital.  He was so connected up to various pieces of equipment that changing his nappy was at first more akin to wiring a stereo system.

That was a year of both joy and darker emotions.  When he was finally released from hospital we were told not to mix with anybody who came into contact with children for fear of infection and spent a very lonely first 6 months.   He’s now 19, taller than me.

This year has been another memorable year. Not perhaps as immediately momentous, but a stand-out year nonetheless. A year of doing differently. After many years in various roles that have involved training and L&D, I think I had got a little stale.  My view of the world and of my work had got a bit sepia and faded. I had lost my sense of smell.  I had lost my path, well mislaid it.

But the zest is back, the colours are fresh & vibrant again and the sounds are full on. I think what changed for me this year was that I got connected and not just with social media, though that certainly played a part.   

I got connected again to learning new things, to experimenting in my work, to meeting new people, to discussing ideas, to writing about what I was interested in.  I got enthused with the possibilities of L&D again & infuriated with slide-led talks masquerading as learning all over again! 

It wasn’t all work - I spent time visiting art galleries again, went back to the theatre after a very long gap, spent an amazing week at the Manchester Jazz Festival, gardened, made new friends – all the things that matter to me. Evaluated, took stock.  I started drawing again and found ways to use this in my work.  I took on new challenges, did some different things and turned a few things, old familiars, down.

It wasn’t all excitement and fun, there have been moments of:

‘I’ve no idea what I’m supposed to be doing’ confusion;

a few waking up at 3.25 in the morning panics ‘Oh, my goodness, I don’t have enough work booked in my diary after the next few weeks’  - usually followed a few weeks later with waking up at 5.25 am panics ‘Oh, my goodness, I have too much work booked in – how am I ever going to get it all done?’

and some days of real of pain & sadness.

Life Has Its Ups and Downs, by Canadian artist Ruth Palmer

But the main thing is that I’ve reconnected with why I do what I do.

People matter, we spend such a lot of our lives at work, that how that time is spent matters,

and so how people are managed matters.  

Of course people management is important, not because it’s what we do, but because of its impact.

I have been thinking about those people cared for in their own home, whose carers don’t get allocated sufficient time between calls for travel, so that they are always running late, under pressure and have little time to talk.  

I have been thinking about workers in garment factories and factories making gadgets who are poorly paid & working long, long hours and the ‘ethical’ policies of the companies that they supply for.
 

Garment factory, Bangladesh

I have been thinking about environmental disasters caused by too much concern for targets & the bottom line and too little for health & safety passed onto contractors.  

Crab crawling through an oil spill

I have been thinking about customers badly advised on any number of financial products by staff perhaps focused on earning their bonus rather than what is the right for them. 

I have been thinking about individuals suffering from stress caused by the way their performance is managed at work and a bullying management style. 

People searching for jobs, not hearing back from countless job applications.  

An economy faltering, in part, due to low productivity, a lack of investment in people and people management.

What we do matters.

I don’t know how I forgot this, because it is why I came into HR in the first place.  But I had. And now I’ve reconnected.

A path rediscovered - On the Road Again

performed by Gugun Blues Shelter at Mostly Jazz, Jakarta, 2012  

Rachel Burnham

22/12/14