A perfectly imperfect year - Day 22

Saturday 22nd December 2018

22 picture cards in a Tarot deck of 78 cards (these picture cards are referred to as Major Arcana
by fortune tellers and it is said that there are 22 to reflect the number of letters in the Hebrew
alphabet and the 22 paths in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life) - it was not until the 18th century that
Tarot were used for divination; in the 15th century they were just playing cards.

We had a splendid meal last night, lots to celebrate in addition to Christmas festivities - my cousin James' wife had learned that her amazing father, Naas Steenkamp, had died at 8.10 yesterday morning. He was a true polymath and lived an extraordinary life. Amongst other things, he was instrumental in changing South Africa by ensuring, during Apartheid, that black Africans were able to belong to trade unions and receive benefits. He wrote beautifully and was so learned. I used to love sitting and chatting with him, over a fine glass of Stellenbosch red, when I visited South Africa and I always learned something new. My thoughts are with his partner, Paula, and all the family. His was a life to celebrate and aspire to emulating. In addition, yesterday, my mother and I had an excellent hospital session, where we were informed that her deterioration in the past 12 months is less severe than had been anticipated by the experts and we have a plan to try to slow the decline. Today I am looking forward to a trip to Wells with my sister, aunt and mother and then, in the evening, we are going to see the new Mary Poppins film. 

However, enough about me and my plans for the day...we have much more exciting things to contemplate. This is Natalie Ellis's debut Advent Blog - welcome to the series :-) Natalie is an HR consultant based in Northampton. She is becoming an increasingly well known voice in the HR social media community, her Twitter handle is @NatalieEllisHR. She has become an accomplished blogger, writing for and on HR matters, her own blog is at natalieellishr.com - her own blog is up for the UK Blog Awards this year. Whilst on the subject of awards - she was the Highly Commended Finalist in the CIPD's People Management Awards 2012 for the Michael Kelly Student of the Year, sits on the CIPD Northamptonshire Committee and is a Steps Ahead Ambassador. Natalie has always enjoyed helping people (this does not mean that she is "pink and fluffy") she started her career in a customer service role before moving across into HR. When not working in HR, she enjoys a good cup of tea and listening to the Spice Girls.

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As I write this blog post, instead of sitting in my usual spot, the office at home, I thought I would get in the festive mood by sitting by the Christmas tree with it’s beautiful twinkling lights whilst drinking a cup of tea and a mince pie. You cannot get more festive than this!

Christmas is a time of year conjures up a mixture of thoughts and feelings, it is also a season of familiarity, full of traditions and not to mention an endless to do list. Whilst most soak up the atmosphere of the festive season, one thing that people think of, yet often forget to do is reflect upon the year that we are about to leave behind; sometimes we just need to take stock amongst the overflowing preparations to organise ourselves for the fresh year that awaits.

I am certain that we can all agree that resolutions are temporary and mostly ineffective (sorry diets and gym memberships!); reflective practice has a much higher success rate and is sustainable for the long term, by being more contemplative and positive rather than focussing on the negative aspects of life, we are able to truly achieve happiness in both our personal and professional lives. This may not be new information, nor will it be surprising, but by taking time to reflect on the year gone by, we are able to be better prepared for the new year. 

We live in a world of perfect idealisms, and there seems to be ever increasing pressure on our lives, but over the past few months I have embraced self-reflection techniques, and by doing so, I have been able to see the benefits of getting comfortable with who I am, purely by bringing it back to the simple things that really matter. These days, there is too much emphasis upon socially acceptable “norms”, or we worry unnecessarily about what people think of us; this led to a very important decision and I simply said to myself one day “I am enough”, and so I began to adopt reflective practices.

To be thirteen years into my professional HR career and only just uncover the benefits of self-reflection could be seen as embarrassing, but by allowing myself to be vulnerable and actually taking the time to practice what I preach, it really shows that we never stop learning and that it is never too late to start.  

Reflection is such a powerful tool, yet it is often overlooked or taken for granted. It provides an opportunity to look deeper at who we are, whilst learning from our experiences, by doing this we can not only become the best version of ourselves and embracing what makes us unique, but also acknowledge that we don’t want to change who we are as individuals, but by undertaking positive self-reflection, it also allows us to see ourselves as we are now so we can develop for the future.

When we reflect, we may notice that it is easy to see the negative aspects within our circumstances such as blaming other people or pick faults, I often hear the terms “I can’t” and “I’m not good enough for…” this only leads us to believe these phrases which impact upon our confidence levels for the long term. Reflection is not about identifying faults within ourselves, our views of these external aspects are actually directing us to look inwards, by what we see on the outside is a reflection of what we may find in ourselves. I must stress that self-loathing is not ok; no matter what your opinion is of yourself, this blog was created to help people recognise that there is hope irrespective of circumstances. We must acknowledge when we are being too harshly critical of ourselves as the long term effects can be difficult to resolve.

By recognising that these thoughts and feelings are of our own creation, we can begin to understand them and that is when the magic starts to happen!

Reflecting upon our thoughts, feelings, motivations and behaviours is not a tool designed to make harsh criticisms or judgments, it is simply to help us recognise so we can learn and develop and so that it becomes a positive practice, rather than allowing our problems and worries to control us. Reflective practice is the key to becoming accepting of ourselves, but it can be a painful process, especially when we seek solutions to our everyday worries. It is important to remember that it takes time; when we were children, we couldn’t ride a bicycle right away, it took time, patience and many hours of practice. It’s also important to be mindful that there are no shortcuts to those worthwhile destinations.

Remember to value self-awareness; it is really wonderful when you discover more about yourself and it is incredibly powerful to understand who you are, why you do things as well as clarity of your personality, emotions, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs and motivations.

To be able to adopt reflective practice, we need to be willing and truly believe that we are enough. From this we can then begin to make positive changes, encourage ourselves to truly understand our purpose and, even if this isn’t your cup of tea, you’d be surprised at the results when you start using these tools.

So, my message to you all for 2019 is simply, embrace your uniqueness, ignore that voice in your head that says, “you can’t” and realise that you are the master of your own destiny. 2018 taught me personally that life is too short, it’s time to make 2019 your very best year. 

Remember, that we cannot change the past or what we have done, but what we can do is take steps to positively influence the future.  

I am what I am - Gloria Gaynor.

A Journey from Darkness to Dawn - Day 33

Day 33 (Tuesday 2nd January 2018)

33% of UK adults paid for Christmas on credit during 2016, according to research
by National Debtline run by the charity Money Advice Trust - this percentage increased
to 37% in 2017. Money worries are an issue for many throughout the year, but
the festive season can be particularly demanding. 24% or respondents stated that
this year they paid for food on credit that is an increase of 22% compared to last year.
Worrying statistics.

For many today is the first day back to work after the festive period. I hope it proves an excellent start to your working year. I have booked one day's holiday and suspect I will spend most of today sleeping - I must confess that I am exhausted. I have not shared a lot of the complications of my past few weeks, although reading between the lines in some of my daily updates, you might have deduced a bit of it. I am not complaining, I know how lucky I am to have the life I have, but it has been demanding.

Today's post is by Andy Campbell. We have known each other for a number of years, but only really got to know each other well when my company opted for Oracle as our HRIS and payroll system and I started attending more of the Oracle-hosted events to learn how to get the best from the system and to meet fellow users. In addition, Andy is an active and supportive member of the City HR Association -we both contributed chapters to the recently published book on advanced people analytics and HR metrics, Measuring Up, which was co-published with Oracle.  Andy grew up in the south of England and took his first degree in Biology at Exeter University. He commenced his career working for Devon County Council, before moving to the supply side by joining the Consortium. He has a head for business and enhanced his skills by undertaking a Diploma in Management Studies, Business, Marketing and related Support Services at Bristol University followed by an MBA from Nottingham Trent. Andy has undertaken a number of successful roles at Oracle since 1996, culminating in his current position of HCM Strategy Director. He is a much-loved and trusted member of the business and HR community. You can connect with him on Twitter, his handle is @Axcampbe. He writes an interesting blog via his LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andycampbelloracle/detail/recent-activity/posts/. Away from HR and work he is a loving husband and father with a wide circle of friends - not a bad thing given the challenges he has had to cope with in 2017.

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I live in a very pleasant location on the outskirts of Salisbury, Wiltshire. An estate agent might describe it as having a view of the cathedral, but frankly you risk putting your neck out trying to prove it. 

Salisbury Cathedral at dawn

My office , window looks out over a relatively long garden and a couple of months ago I bought a stone bird bath. I am still not quite sure what drove me to it, but it fits in well with the other garden furniture and looks quite nice. The garden plays host to a wide variety of birds, blue tits, great tits, chaffinches, sparrows, robins to name a few, all of which take great delight in the abundance of bird boxes and feeders that frankly litter the place. I am especially drawn to a family of magpies that live in a large hornbeam tree and are regularly seen attempting to remove our solar light fittings and take them to their nest. They still get fed peanuts on a regular basis despite their kleptomaniacal behaviour.

Magpies Roosting by CF Tunnicliffe

I really enjoy watching the birds, finding it really relaxing and quite therapeutic. Most of us have a stressful life in one way or another, so having the opportunity to pause and reflect in the company of such beautiful creatures is a great privilege. I am also fortunate enough to have a loving partner, two wonderful children and some fantastic friends. I enjoy my work finding it stimulating, rewarding and fun. Things might be a bit better if Bath won the rugby more often but all in all, life is good.

In January 2017 I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. About 6 months later after a series of tests, biopsies, scans, probes and therapy I finally went public, once there was a clearer understanding of the likely prognosis and the planned course of action. I underwent a rather invasive operation which was followed by many weeks of radiotherapy. The latest news is that these interventions appear to have worked and whilst the treatment continues for another 2 years, the outcome so far looks positive. This one relatively short paragraph describes the year 2017 and my personal journey from darkness to dawn.

So what have been my reflections on this rather unfortunate but sadly all too common journey taken by many men as they get older?

The first it that, unlike that charming Mr Gove, I found great solace in the advice of experts. They offered a clear explanation of facts with great clarity, answering any concerns and questions with understanding and calm reassurance. As a consequence I did not feel depressed or angry to an extent that would have bemused Elisabeth Kubler Ross and other supporters of the ‘change curve’. I found comfort in being pragmatic, willing to accept things over which I had little if any control without stressing unduly and surrendering to the expertise of trusted professionals, an experience that was strangely calming. My outlook has been described as stoic.  

Second, as many who have been through any form of invasive procedure may testify, you cannot afford to be precious. In hospital it does not take long to learn that one's personal sense of dignity is a purely artificial construct and we should not let things like that unduly influence how we act or behave. If a nurse or doctor is not worried about things, then there is probably no point in worrying. Once I had realised and accepted this I was quite surprised to feel a strange sense of freedom.

Sharing and communicating my experiences came quite naturally and this was the source of the third big learning. Having written a blog at the time of my admittance to hospital I was overwhelmed by the kindness shown by people who were generous with their thoughts, time, energy, love and money. I am very proud to say that my son Finlay ran a half marathon for prostate awareness charity and raised over £2,000, a fantastic effort.  Many people came forward to share their own experiences. Some were close friends, some I did not know that well and there was even a few who were total strangers, but all of them had a personal story to tell. So what is the point? Well there is real value to be found in candour, honesty and openness. We should not be scared to express our feelings and beliefs in case we offend, annoy or upset someone. Keeping things bottled up is not good for anybody.

The next point is quite similar and has probably been most manifest at work. I have become much less tolerant of minor irritants and much more willing to call out things that seem to be either wrong or a waste of time. It has felt quite liberating!! Time is a precious commodity and it does seem rather odd to fritter it away on things that do not really matter that much.

Lastly, as well as thinking about the good things that we want to do, I have learnt that it is also worth thinking about the things that we decide not to do. For example, I love scuba diving and a month ago I went on holiday to Sicily with my wife. There is some great diving in Sicily and a couple of nice volcanos to boot. Did we go diving?-No and we didn’t visit the volcanoes either. And we were fine with that, because we didn’t feel pressured into doing something just because we felt we ought to, we have learnt to be receptive to the unexpected, and it feels good.

So there you have it, an eventful year and my personal journey from darkness to dawn. I have learnt a lot over the past 12 months and hopefully in the long run it will all prove to be for the good. I wish you all a happy festive period and hope that you get the opportunity to rest and relax with family and friends. If you do get a chance to take a little bit of time out to watch the birds then do, I can highly recommend it.  



Solstice reveries and reflection - Day 21

Day 21 (Thursday 21st December 2017)

21 December is the astronomical first day of winter in the Northern Hemisphere. 

It is known as the Winter Solstice and is the day with the fewest hours of sunlight 

for the whole year. The word comes from the Latin "sol" for "sun" and "sistere"

meaning "to stand still". In folklore, today was a traditional day to bring sprigs of

holly and ivy (symbols of masculinity and femininity respectively) to the home, both being 

evergreen they acted as a talisman and reminder that the leaves and crops would return. 

Holly was viewed as protective - evil spirits would get trapped in the branches of the tree.

At the Solstice the Oak and Holly Kings would fight, with Oak winning to rule until the Summer 

Solstice. In the Middle Ages unmarried women used to tie a sprig of holly to their beds to

ward off evil spirits. Ivy was seen as symbolising peace because of its ability

to link and bind two different plants together.

After today I am on holiday until the start of 2018. I will be driving down to my mother and sister's tonight, to ensure that all is OK for them over the Christmas period. Today's gem is written by Kate Jones, the founder of Inspired Lives a company that specialises in facilitating individual and organisational transformation based in Manchester. Kate is a superb coach. She and I first met in real life when she was exhibiting her business at the CIPD's annual conference a few years ago, we got chatting and a friendship was formed. Kate is highly intuitive and sensitive to the needs of others, whilst also being commercial and highly organised. She has a flair for understanding people (and not just because she has studied psychology). Kate commenced her career as a lawyer and spent time in professional services, consulting, media and financial services before founding her own business in 2000. She is the former in-house European General Counsel and General Secretary for Kellogg's and has many Blue Chip organisations on her CV. I love catching up with her via Twitter (her handle is @Inspired_Lives - she provides intelligent insight and much appreciated cheer. It is a pleasure having her as a contributor to this year's Advent Blogs series. 

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21 December The Solstice – In the northern hemisphere this is our shortest day. With nature dormant all around us this is a good time for us also to be still, quiet and rest. Consciously notice and appreciate the returning light and the energy of rebirth. Focus on renewing our inner light. What will it take to turn that spark into a flame?

In the southern hemisphere the sun is at its fullest and highest. In the peak of expansiveness we are reminded that from here on the days begin to draw in. 

Embrace the season. Wherever you are today

‘Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.’ Henry David Thoreau (1817 – 1862).

Engage with the ebb and flow of the season exactly as it is where you are. Align with its pace, work with its metaphors. Enjoy what it feels like to be in tune with, rather than resisting, the patterns of Nature around you.

At Inspired Lives we use the Winter/Summer Solstices to retreat and reflect.

‘Take a rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop’ - Ovid

Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to STOP and say “No, not now”. Whether in our personal or business life it takes a certain steeliness to withdraw when chaos surrounds us. Time is of the essence when it comes to decision making and all manner of stakeholders are looking to us for answers or direction. The urge to please, rescue or solve a problem, can drive us to make a decision before we are ready, have all the pertinent facts, have asked all the questions, researched the options and taken time to look for another/different way.

And yet, what is the price of not doing this? Those who are used to making time for a retreat know that they cannot afford not to.

The definition of retreat includes ‘an act of withdrawing, to reconsider’.  Retreating, stepping back or away from a situation, set of circumstances or habitual way of being gives time to distinguish between what is true and what is false, what is real and what is fiction - a distortion born out of fear, reflex (unconscious automatic) responses, assumptions, partial information or even unconscious bias and hidden agendas.

Taking stock of where we are allows us to appreciate subtleties, uncover the roots of the challenges we are facing, review alternative perspectives and discover wider possibilities. Consciously allowing time and space for reflection helps us find a calmness and centredness that will bring clarity and insight.

Traditionally the calendar year end is a time for reflection; the beginning of a new year, a time for refocusing and re-engaging commitment to action. Taking time out to do this is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Any leadership role or senior management position is highly visible, with great expectations of positive impact both from the organisation and from the individual her/himself. High profile and high stakes in a constantly changing economic environment are likely to be pressurised and stressful. It is also an incredibly exciting and creative challenge, full of potential and possibility.

Stepping on to the Path of Choice - Day 55

Day 55 (24th January 2015)

55 years of marriage = Emerald Wedding Anniversary. 
Emeralds are one of the four "precious stones" (with diamonds, rubies and sapphires).
Most emeralds have internal fractures and particles; a pure emerald is very rare.
It is common practice to "oil treat" fractures (usually by allowing cedar oil to permeate
into the stone disguising flaws). However, if internal characteristics are attractive
they are referred to as "jardins" and can add value to the stone.
Illustrated the Gachala Emerald - 858 carats

Gina Chapman Gina Chapman and I first became acquainted on Twitter (her handle is @ChayneDaisy). She is consistently encouraging and an active and popular member of the L&D community. She lives to the west of London (on the Berkshire Buckinghamshire borders) and currently works for a respected local consultancy. Prior to becoming a consultant she was employed by one of the world's leading computing and technology businesses. As well as being an excellent trainer (both design and facilitation) Gina is learning to look after herself - she is an aspiring yogi and keen on gardening and wildlife.   

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I have been blown away by the quality of the Advent Blogs - not just the quality of the content, but the quality of the sharing - people have shared some very personal experiences with us all and I for one am very touched by that.  I feel that a great deal of thanks needs to go out to the lovely Kate for curating this year’s series.  Upon the second time of asking me if I would like to contribute and join in, how could I not when she has given so much.  Dear Reader, I have never blogged before and my writing is nowhere near as eloquent as yours - you have been forewarned!

Gina takes to blogging like a duck to water...

“You cannot do this job” was on permanent play in my head for a good 10 months when a change of command happened within our L & D Team.  The team needed to move from L & D partnering within a business unit to working within a practice model as L & D Practitioners.   I am not going to bore everyone with the detail of the various guises this took in the early days  and am going to fast forward to where it ended up.  What I will say is that, as a remote team we became incredibly close and supportive of each other.   We needed to be as we’d been on a hell of a journey, it hadn’t been pleasant and there had been the inevitable people casualties along the way.

Difficult journey

Fast forward 8 months ..... The practice model was still in place and more change was ahoy, due to another change at the L & D helm.   We had a choice of two roles – Content Designer or Deliverer, as our workshops were now to be designed and delivered in-house.  As happens in all change initiatives,  a whole raft of emotions were experienced by all the team.  This is when the permanent play in my head - “You cannot do this job”- stepped up a gear.

Things are not looking good

“Gina, we know you’ll be a great facilitator”….. the choice I thought I had was taken away – too many people wanted to design!  Now, don’t get me wrong, as an L & D Partner, of course I’d delivered workshops; I’d also researched and designed workshops and they were favourably received by the business units I looked after.  They knew me, they trusted me and knew I understood the challenges they had on a day-to-day basis.   On reflection, it was cosy and nice - not many mean people on my patch!    

My new role would be a whole different ball game.  A change of CEO and a corporate-wide change initiative was reverberating across the Company and the word on the mean streets by the coffee machines was not a positive one ..... My role, should I choose to accept it, was to deliver workshops designed by my colleagues, across the whole business, to some pretty unhappy peeps!   The message needed to be consistent and I was told “you cannot change the content - it needs to be delivered as written”. 

  

“You cannot do this job”  - it was still there, that niggling gremlin, whispering to me.  For a time, though, the reality was I could do the job, although my gremlin was constantly on my shoulder, telling me something to the contrary.

The devil whispering in Maxentius' ear
Peter de Dene window, York Minster

The feedback from workshops was public to all within the L & D Team and published each month.  I used to steel myself to open the spread-sheet and search for my name, to read my course feedback.   Sometimes people said great things, but sometimes people were tough with their comments – par for the course and you can’t please all the people all of the time ….. but in my head, I wanted to please them, I really wanted to help them and even more so, I wanted to be perfect - “winging-it” was not in my vocabulary but “You cannot do this job” was still in my head.  

Sleepless nights started  – I would fall into bed, each night, totally exhausted, but my mind would be racing, unpicking what had happened during the day and replaying what should have happened.   I started cancelling weekend arrangements, because I needed to rest.  I didn’t.  I spent weekends reading facilitator notes which would, in some instances, run to some 100 pages and then I would anticipate possible questions - lots of them.  I wanted to be perfect and expected myself to know everything.  I felt totally out of control and I asked for help each month from a remote and faceless SMT who demanded we complete a ‘Happiness Survey’ each month.   Eventually I was working with a mentor - one of my adorable experienced colleagues - who threw a lifeline of hope to me. Workshops were then being scheduled into my diary automatically by a remote admin team and, if I wasn’t delivering,  I was on the road; if I wasn’t on the road, I’d be reading and preparing for the next day!

It came to a head when I looked in my diary to see I was to deliver two workshops, back to back, to a group of Future Leaders - the facilitator notes which were normally OTT with detail were scant to say the least and no-one was available to talk me through the facilitator pack.    Blind panic set in and my niggling gremlin was now shouting at me - “YOU CANNOT DO THIS JOB”! I got through the first day only because the adrenalin pumping through my body kept me going.  I had no time to gather my thoughts during breaks, as there was always someone wanting to talk with me about their challenges. I knew my evening would consist of grabbing something to eat and spending an evening working out how the hell I was going to run the next day.  I could not think straight and the next day did not happen - I had completely broken down and my boyfriend held me and said “you have to stop”!

Reaching breaking point

..... I was signed off work for 3 months with chronic work related stress.  My Doctor told me I wasn’t to look at a computer screen for at least two weeks and I needed to rest.  My adorable mentor went over and above what she needed to do.  She contacted our Employee Assistance Programme (EAP) and a lovely lady called me and I went through weeks of counselling. Through our conversations, she guided me through to a path I had not been able to see during my very dark days - it was the path of choice.  

Choose your path

They say the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result and my choice was not to return to a regime which had taken so much from me.   

After 11 years with a Company I had initially loved working in, I left my role seven months ago and it was so the right decision for me.   I am now working part-time for a small consultancy - still in L & D - and giving myself some breathing space to reflect and to continue my own personal  learning journey. A couple of months ago I was asked to design and deliver a Stress Awareness workshop to a group of schoolteachers - it was well received, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and they want me to work with them some more.

 

My self-esteem has returned and I am now looking forward to what 2015 holds.

 Chariots of Fire, theme tune