Heartaches, hopes and high fives - Day 18

Tuesday 18th December 2018

18 - the number of chapters into which James Joyce's modernist novel, Ulysses,
is divided. It was initially published in installments in an American journal, but was then
released as a complete work on the author's 40th birthday. The novel's stream-of-consciousness
technique, careful structuring, and experimental prose—replete with puns, parodies, and
allusions—as well as its rich characterisation and broad humour, have led it to be regarded
as one of the greatest literary works in history

The Christmas silly season has arrived - lunch in Cambridge yesterday followed by supper at the RAC. I will need to pace myself. (I say that to myself every year and I seldom manage, but I am exhausted - this year has been more demanding than any I can remember). But enough about me, onto the blog...

In many ways, today's post is a perfect follow-on from Niall's of yesterday and Nick's from the day before - it considers our world, how small we are within it and has hope for our future. It has been written by David Head. David is a highly respected executive coach and mentor; he specialises in supporting people through periods of change and career transition. Just over five years ago David decided to move down a slightly different branch in his own career, away from senior search within the IT sector and qualified as a coach. Since 2013 he has worked for the award winning, London-based business performance and leadership consultancy, Accelerating Experience, as an executive coach and mentor. David for many years has been a keen sportsman (tennis and golf) and is also well read and an erudite writer - you would probably enjoy his articles posted on LinkedIn. You can follow him on Twitter - his handle is @DavidAHead2. It is a pleasure to have him back in the series this year. 

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This image of the Northumberland coast (you can just see Bamburgh Castle in the background), recently won an amateur photography award and was taken by a friend, John Chappell.  I chose this image because the sea is significant to most of us on these small damp islands. It is somewhere we go to have fun, reflect and take stock. Significantly, it ‘delivers something the soul loves too’.

I love gazing out to sea, particularly at this most moody, evocative time of year. 

Looking at this image you can sense the eddies, currents and flows going on under the surface, rather like our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. The sunset in the background represents a sense of hope to me, or is it the fading of the light?

It is this sense of ambiguity which draws our wandering minds and souls in, like mariners navigating the unseen flow of our unconscious.

‘We are tied to the ocean..and when we go back to the sea, we are going back to whence we came’John F Kennedy

From dry land the sea becomes restorative and nurturing, soothing our deepest heartaches and fears. Stand silent, gaze out and sense the darker and unknowable, yet instinctively known forces of life, and death.

The sea is the most primal force of nature, unpredictable, wild, ragged and untamed. It reminds us that whilst we can damage nature, we can neither tame it or destroy it. We are insignificant, small, vulnerable and therefore ‘at sea’. Shakespeare reminds us of that;

‘We to the gods are as flies to wanton gods, they kill us for their sport’

To look at this seascape reminds me of the turmoil of our times and of the sea’s transcendence. It also reminds me of our own relative insignificance, for better and worse.

Like a goldfish bowl our own world is often too small for us, and we are drawn to the sea.

‘The world is too much with us late and soon…Getting and spending we lay waste our powers’

From the same poem Wordsworth reflects;

 ‘ ..I’d rather be a peasant suckled in a creed outworn; so that might I standing on this pleasant lea. Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn; Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea; or hear old triton blow his wreathed horn.’

The sea, through Wordsworth, or Wordsworth through the sea reminds us of deeper wisdom...

This is a time of year for reflection and If gazing out to sea is a reflective exercise, then ‘taking it on’ and entering the waters’ domain requires great courage and resilience. It may also be equally cathartic. I am reminded of the Yachtswoman Susie Goodall who was recently rescued from sea after capsizing. I don’t doubt that she will go to sea again. Not just for the high fives but like the mountain, because it is there.

I am struck by how many leaders and adventurers are passionate about sailing, sometimes to the exclusion of all else. When I asked a friend why, she replied that it was ‘the spirit of adventure..not knowing what the next day would bring’ that draws her in. Compare this to Susie Goodall’s text when her 12 meter boat was taking a pounding in the middle of the Southern Ocean;

‘Wondering what on earth I’m doing out here’

And yet still we come, and still she goes...

If we can overcome our fears and risk all at sea, what more might we achieve? What would we do or take on if we knew that we could not fail? In this sense the sea challenges us, drawing out our deepest hopes and fears, whispering its siren call to set sail..

‘Time in the sea eats its tail’Ted Hughes

Holding On

Day 31 (Saturday 31st December 2016)

31st ever Summer Olympics officially opened in Maracana Stadium, Rio de Janeiro, 

Brazil, on August 5th 2016. We need fireworks on New Year's Eve! 

Another 31 that might appeal to many readers of this blog is a

 31% increase in base salaries for HR Managers in the UK during 2016 - 2nd highest salary 

increase (joint with Business Development Senior Managers) and topped by 

MarCom specialists and Corporate Bankers.

It is New Year's Eve. For those of you who are celebrating today, I wish you a wonderful end to 2016 and a great start to 2017. May the New Year prove a happy, healthy, enjoyable, memorable one, in which you achieve your goals, inspire others to do the same and find contentment. In my opinion, Tamasin Sutton has written a perfect post for New Year's Eve - reflective, candid and optimistic for the future. 

Although now a recognised as a "non fluffy" and highly effective HR professional, Tamasin commenced her career in retail, working for one of the UK's leading jewellery chains. In 2003 she changed path and commenced in HR - achieving a Masters in HRM at Bournemouth and establishing the HR function for a what was then a small insurance broking business, with two sites, in the south of England.  Since then she has worked in a number of sectors, usually establishing and managing teams, including housing, technology, business to consumer transportation and then as an independent consultant. Until recently, Tamasin was working and living in London (indeed she was my near neighbour in Brixton). As you will see from her post below, her life has changed again; she will have new challenges and opportunities to experience in the year to come. On the cusp of the year I am raising a glass of gin to Tamasin to wish her all success in 2017.

Tamasin is on Twitter (her handle is @TamasinS). She is an avid traveller (indeed she wrote and sent me her piece whilst on a trip in the USA just before Christmas).

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I've read the Advent blog series for the last few years and wanted to share, be as open and self effacing as others were. Push myself. I'm not one for being vulnerable in public and at many times in my life people have assumed they knew me, a different me from the person I really am. Someone critical, distant, perhaps even cold. Why is this relevant for my blog? Because it's been a tough year, and one where I have tried to show 'me' more than ever, sometimes successfully, other times I've missed the mark spectacularly.

This year has been filled with both personal as well as professional challenges. It's also had it's fair share of highs and at times, hollows. Deep dark hollows which have overwhelmed me and threatened to consume me whole. The gut wrenching ones where you just want to run and hide, cry, be with people you love and who love you back. Here's the problem sometimes.....it's really hard to be that vulnerable. I am so thankful for the people around me that I can be that vulnerable with, 

and I'm sorry to those who want to be there for me and I haven't let them in. It's the old cliché - it's not you, it's me....

Everyone has their challenges and so many people I love and care about have had so many ups and down this year - I'm not any different, except I feel that 2016 has been a defining year. A year which started with a long bedside vigil with my Nana, whom I had a sometimes difficult relationship with. She passed away in a great deal of pain, something that no person should ever have to endure. My loss was tempered by the elation of a new working relationship, supporting people in my profession to develop themselves. It was, and is, one of the best things to happen in my career. It has brought me joy, firing my passion for HR and doing great people stuff. It's given me opportunities in abundance to reflect and grow in my practice, all whilst battling the inherent self doubt in my capabilities. I've battled with exhaustion, with trying to help friends understand that it's not about them, the reason I can't meet up as much as I would like. I juggled with a more demanding (than I thought) contract to help transform a HR team. I was attracted by the challenge. I forgot to put me first and learn from previous experience. I've felt isolated, hollow, guilty for putting work first, knowing it was short lived, a light at the end of the tunnel.

This has been a year of change, one which is taking me well out of my comfort zone and out of London, back to the north. I'm excited, but equally sad to leave wonderful friends and a home I love. But what opportunity. What hope. As I have driven the vast distances in the US for the past few days I have reflected long and hard about my journey this year. About the highs, the hollows, the hope. One of the most difficult things in my life happened recently and as I drifted into a deep hollow, I drew on strength I didn't even know I had. It was the love and support from people I never expected. Their hearts were open and whilst the clock chimes, the Thames continues to flow, I stand still. 

But the love and support I have from those people give me hope for next year. Take a moment, at this time of year, to show people you appreciate them, and be kind to yourself. Find your joy and happiness. Mine is to be with the ones I love, embracing my never ending wander lust and being the best person I can be. I'll be holding on to hope and hearts.

A New Star

Day 38 (Thursday 7th January 2016)

38 is often referred to as "Triple Prosperity" in Chinese culture.
Both the number "3" and "8" are viewed as auspicious - number 3 sounds similar
to the character for "birth" and number 8 resembles the word for "prosper" or "wealth".
Illustration - Chinese 3 coin earrings representing triple prosperity

Today's very personal and inspiring post is by Laura Codling an Organisational Development Business Partner at Torus, based in Manchester, UK. You can follow Laura on Twitter (her handle is @Laura_Torus). On graduating in HR Management and Accounting at Bolton, Laura commenced her HR career with the Police in Manchester, before transferring into a project management role in HR within Bolton Council's Adult Disability Services department. She left the public sector in 2008, moving into not-for-profit; she joined Helena Partnerships, developers and providers of affordable housing. She moved again last October to Torus (a new name within the affordable homes sector). Laura was born on Valetine's Day. She has a powerful moral compass and loves the challenges of working in an environment that stretches her and where she is helping make the world a better place. She has a passion for learning and a fascination with effecting positive change.

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This blog, whilst a little self indulgent (its about my experiences after all!), is hopefully a timely reminder to all of us about appreciation and living in the present. You may read this and not be able to relate to what I'm saying, but I'd like to think that everyone can take away something, even if it only serves to remind you that you already cherish the events and people that are in your life.

When you strive for goals it's easy to forget that the journey holds its own experiences and memories and sometimes we forget to appreciate it along the way. It sounds like common sense doesn't it?

I've heard it said many times, but it's one of those things that usually only hits home when a life event stops you in your tracks and you reflect back. The benefits of hindsight are immense.

I have always been a bit of a perfectionist wanting everything to be "just so" with boxes ticked, I's dotted and T's crossed. I have always labelled it as being "determined and driven", but you can get to the point where you are so focussed on the goal that you forget to enjoy the journey and appreciate the experience of where you have been, where you are now and where you are going.

I'll give you an example.....When I finished work for maternity leave to have my first child I was really anxious about being off work - would things be done how I do them?; would the managers I supported get the support they expected.....? I actually worried about whether they would cope without me! (No seriously I did - this wasn't about me having an inflated sense of what I contribute, but about me needing to feel that I mattered.)

I didn't spend days at home waiting for her arrival wondering what was happening at work, but that is only because she arrived the day before I was due to finish work! I went from one busy existence to another in less than 24 hours and I soon realised that a shift in focus was a good thing for me on so many levels.....and, you know what? I didn't obsess about being off, and work didn't fall apart!

We can become so immersed in our own part of the world that perspective can become skewed and small things can become international disasters. I had been so focused up to that point on my career that I couldn't see outside of it, which is pretty sad to think when I look back now.

Still Life and Street, 1937, Escher's 1st print of distorted perspective

Now, after a few massive events in my life including another period of maternity leave, I have to say my outlook is very different, but this was probably the first time I stopped and thought long and hard about what really mattered to me.

Up until that point, if you'd asked me who inspired me in life I would probably have picked some pretty obvious names - Sheryl Sandberg, Richard Branson - but, not wanting to take anything away from what they have achieved in their careers, I've come to realise that inspiration can be found closer to home and people close to you can have a far more profound impact than someone that you may never meet.

Circle of Calm painting by Katie Berggren

My inspiration now comes from a small group of people far closer to home and one little girl in particular. Georgia is my niece and the bravest person I know. At 9 years old she has gone through more on this earth than any one of us will go through in our lifetimes, battling cancer for the last 4 years. She fought hard to beat the odds, always with a smile on her face, a sparkle in her eye and you would never hear her complain. She took every day as it came, faced unimaginable obstacles and appreciated everything and everyone around her.

I should also point out that I am in awe of her mum (my sister); Georgia was, and always will be, the centre of her world and she has worked tirelessly. She has bravery, care and resilience by the bucket load.

Our hearts have been broken, we said "au revoir" to our gorgeous Georgia a few days before Christmas, after her brave and courageous fight and we will be led by the bravest lady I know. I am proud to say I'm related to them both and, if I have even a fraction of the courage and resilience they have had, then I'm good.

I no longer focus ahead at the goal so much, yes the goals I have for my life are still there (very definitely adjusted from the goals of 5 or 6 years ago) but it's much more about the journey, the experiences and the people along the way.

Blazing a trail is great but missing out on seeing the events, experiences and people that have been part of creating it and appreciating the journey would be such a shame wouldn't it?

Perspective - Day 8

Day 8

Octopus - an ancient creature with 8 limbs, the
oldest fossil found belongs to an animal living 296 million years ago.
They have 3 hearts but 2 stop when they swim (hence their habit of crawling).
2/3 of an octopus' neurons reside in its arms (hence it can do at least 2 things at once).
To survive in deep, chilly waters, octopuses have copper rather than iron based blood,
in the cold, copper is better than hemoglobin at transporting oxygen, so their blood is blue.
illustration by Ulisse Aldrovandi, 16th century 

Welcome to a new week and a delightful post by Ailsa Suttie, who clearly enjoys her new life in the country. Ailsa is an experienced HR Director with passion for the people around her and the business she supports - she started her current role in January of this year. She is also a popular, caring voice on Twitter, via @AilsaSuttie, with a breadth of knowledge and insights to share. A wonderful cook and highly creative, Ailsa is a lady of many talents and a good friend. I am sure you will enjoy her post...

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One of my favourite places to walk is in the lanes across the road from the cottage. It’s a historical area and I know when I’m wandering along, stopping often for my small canine companion to sniff, that Saxons and Romans walked this area before me. On a winter afternoon when the light drops early and the wind moves the trees it gets quite atmospheric. About a mile up there is a marker for the Meridian Line, East literally meeting West and this is a place where I often stop to look over the fields and do some thinking, one foot on either side.

Meridian Marker, Hamsey Lane, Sussex, England

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about connections, collaboration and coincidences and the ways in which those things come together, often at the right time even though we may not initially recognise it. Three things stand out for me this year and all have brought changes in their way.

When I moved to the country last year I was amazed at how quickly I got to know people and the generosity of spirit that a lot of my neighbours and the villagers have. I got to know a group of like minded ladies quite well over last winter, ok, those who know me know that this is the not so well kept Secret Ladies Wine Society! Taking aside the evenings we’ve spent over a few glasses, what is great about them is that they really are involved in the local community and do a lot of good for the area we live in. They run the village fair, several community groups and one serves on the Parish Council. They campaign for improvements to services, stopping trains, bus cuts, young people’s issues and many others. When they asked me if I’d consider taking on the editorship of the Parish Magazine I was really flattered and jumped straight in. I’ve been given the chance to see how rural areas really work, be involved in a lot of different events and have met lots of interesting people. When there is little funding its the effort that the locals put in that makes the real difference.

Through the magazine I met a great lady in the village who has 3 rescue dogs of her own and acts as a ‘finder’ for re-homed dogs locally. When boarding a plane to Italy I had a text from her asking if i’d consider a 2 year old Jack Russell. the rest is history. and Pamela is now a huge part of my life and  whilst Jack Russell’s may be small they have a wolf sized presence. She’s on my knee licking the keyboard as I write this!

Pamela

Work has been happening too. Starting the year in a new role and losing your entire team in one month is not ideal, especially when you have immediate deliverables and are in the spotlight. i thought I was being punished for some never before mentioned crime for the first four months! Then I got ill. I had almost three weeks of enforced time off and for once did not check emails but I did do a lot of thinking. It was clear, I could either give up or I could take control. Two things swung it for me, I had recruited a great team and the company was amazing when I needed them.  When I got back we had a new CEO and a new direction. He keenly saw the need for change and has embraced every off the wall idea I’ve thrown at him. Lots has happened in between, but this saw me taking our newly formed Exec Team with me to Meaning Conf in Brighton and it was just brilliant to see them all participating, so much so that the CEO has formed his Christmas presentation based on what he gained that day.  11 months into the job I love my team and have a passion for what we will do next year, it will create a real change in culture and many of the initiatives will have an immense, my impact on our success.

How does this tie in with me wandering rural lanes, a village wine club and a dog?

It’s all about people isn’t it? The people who spend time contributing to local issues, the lady who gives of herself to help dogs and the people I work with whose workplace will change next year and become something to aspire to.

And the lanes? They all lead somewhere.  As I said it's where I do my thinking and with one food on either hemisphere it gives me perspective and a (literal) view of more than one side.

Greenwich Meridian marker, East Sussex, England

Wishing you all warmth for the festive season and hope you have the year you want in 2015.

A stunning view near Ailsa's home