For when your heart feels hollow

Day 35 (Wednesday 4th January 2017)

35 - the age at which Ronnie Corbett met Ronnie Barker, he was 36
(they first became acquainted when they were asked to work together
on the Frost Report). It was after they successfully ad-lib-ed for
nearly 10 minutes, during a technical breakdown, when they were
presenting at the BAFTAs in 1970, where the BBC1 controller
was present, that they were given the opportunity to host
The Two Ronnies. Ronnie Corbett was a bee keeper - another
role in which timing is important. He died 31 March 2016.

Today is my Silver wedding anniversary. It was 25 years ago that I walked down the aisle of Temple Round Church on my father's arm and I commenced married life. I now have 2 wonderful sons, and their father and I will be celebrating with them tonight.

Today's post is by Rachel Burnham the much respected Learning and Development (L&D) specialist, based in Manchester. Did you know that she is a public policy advisor for the CIPD? However, her "day job" is providing learning support and individual development through her business, Burnham L&D. Rachel genuinely cares about the people she works with and enjoys seeing them thrive and grow as well as providing advice and support to L&D professionals to help them become even better at their roles. She really values her own personal learning network too. She writes an excellent L&D focused blog - L & D Matters and is active on social media (you can follow her on Twitter via @BurnhamLandD). 

Outside work she enjoys spending time with her family and is a keen jazz fan, as well as having a passion for gardening. I don't need to tell you much about Rachel, as the marvellous list she has produced within her post will inform you far better than I evert could. She is a wonderful and inspirational woman.

********************************

For when your heart feels hollow

When Kate announced that the theme for this year’s Advent Blog series was ‘Heights, hearts and hollows’, it seemed as though those three words summed up my year. 

The first 6 months of 2016 were full of heights.  Then in mid-summer a close friendship went wrong and despite my best efforts I haven’t been able to put things right.  So, the second half of the year has left me with a hollow heart.  

As I have written before, many years ago my son was born prematurely at 28 weeks.  He weighed 1lb 13oz and spent the first three months of his life in hospital – firstly in intensive care and then in special baby care.  We visited him twice a day in the hospital.  We were so excited to finally bring him home. 

Then began the most challenging time of my life – and the most socially isolating.  Because of the weakness in his lungs, we were advised not to mix with anyone who had any contact with other children.  Just about everyone we knew had children or worked with children and young people – I had a background in youth work and we both volunteered as children’s workers.  We couldn’t take him out for more than an hour.  I had had him so early that I hadn’t even started baby classes.  This was of course pre-internet, pre-social media, pre-Twitter.  I felt so at sea.  So lost.

Arthur Rackham illustration of Danae and her son Perseus

Apart from the loving support of immediate family, one thing really helped me through this time.  From a most surprising source.  I read an article by Julie Burchill (I think) which suggested looking for small things to enjoy every day – it must have been an early piece on positive psychology.  So that is what I started to do. 

It was the middle of winter.  In north London. I couldn’t go on the tube.  We had no money for cafes (don’t get me started on maternity pay and premature births!).  So, I used to go out everyday for a walk with our new baby in the pram – the maximum hour permitted – and I would look out for small things to enjoy.

This is when I really started to appreciate other people’s front gardens.  A winter shrub here, a glimpse of an early snowdrop there, hoar frost on the grass and fallen leaves, a scrap of winter blue sky and just how wonderful tree bark can be!

So for 2017 I will be back to appreciating small things every day.  Here are some of the things I will be looking forward to:

·      Homemade soups – filling the house with warm smells, probably including dumplings.

·      The scent of lemon – I may be making lemon curd.

·      Splashing in puddles – you may need to tap into your inner 8 year old for some of these – I find my inner 8 year old is never far from the surface!  This is a good all year round standby activity – particularly if you live in Manchester.

·      Lighting candles.

El Greco - A Boy Blowing on an Ember to Light a Candle 

·      Growing and picking sweet peas – for the strongest plants you can get sowing these indoors anytime from now on until March.  Apart from the scent, one of the best things about sweet peas is that the more you pick, the more you get.

·      Chatting with neighbours – particularly the ones I don’t yet know so well.

·      Decorating eggs at Easter.  Trundling them down a hill.

·      Thanking someone.

·      Watching waves crash on a beach – my favourite beach is the appropriately named ‘Farr Beach’ as it is right on the north coast of Scotland near Bettyhill – it is also right by a bee sanctuary, which is a great place on a sunny day for spotting all the many different kinds of bees.  Which leads me on to…

·      Growing more bee-friendly plants – I have just widened the borders in my garden to make room for more plants – I’m in the process of getting rid of my lawn entirely – so now I can plant more plants to attract bees.

·      Learning a language – try Duolingo – I’m having fun learning Greek – I’m finding it immensely challenging and enjoying it all the more for that.

·      Taking breaks in my working day to dance enthusiastically – my current favourite track for this is ‘Afro-Blue’ by Cecilia Stalin.  This is also good for your back as well as your spirits.

·      Making home-made birthday cards – some drawing may be involved.

·      Getting in touch again with someone I used to know.

· Going to hear live music – already looking forward to the Manchester Jazz Festival 28^th July to 6^th August.

·      Reading a great book and passing it on to a friend.

Getting pollen on my nose, from getting too close to a lily when sniffing its scent.

·      Keeping in contact with an older relative or family friend who is on their own.

·      Trying out new paints or pencils and enjoying making a mess.

·      Having a picnic, possibly in the rain, though this is only likely, not compulsory.

·      Learning all the words to a song with a challenging lyric – I think this may be my year for mastering ‘The Waters of March’ – though not in the original Brazilian.

·      Picking blackberries.  And eating them!

·      Speaking up for a cause I believe in.

·      Stomping on crisp autumn leaves.

·    Enjoying the sound of rain falling, when you are warm and cosy inside.

·      Cooking something new & different.

·      Walking in woods frequently.

·      And not forgetting enjoying beautiful tree bark.

 The winter my son was born had a happy ending.  One late February afternoon, as the light faded outside, I sat holding him after a feed.  I held him close, felt his warmth and nuzzled his clean baby hair and felt that all was right with the world.   And now, of course, he is 21 and happy, healthy and taller than me.

Where our stories for 2017 will go, we don’t know.  We can’t control all the big stuff that may or may not happen.  We can enjoy the many small moments along the way.

Finding Philosophy in Unexpected places

Day 34 (Tuesday 3rd January 2017)

34% of women business owners say they have experienced gender discrimination in the
workplace. This was felt particularly in sectors that are traditionally male dominated -
such as construction, where over half (54%) had experienced discrimination according to the
report ‘Women in Enterprise: The Untapped Potential’ published on 21st April 2016.  Another
discouraging 34% figure relating to women is that 34% of women with a health problem
or disability had experienced violence by a partner in their lifetime, compared to
19% of women without a health problem of disability according to the results
of an EU survey, published in March 2016. NB cartoon is by Clay Bennett

I suspect today is the first day back to work for many of you (me included) - I hope 2017 proves an exceptionally good year in every way, both at work in in your broader life. I look forward to sharing moments of it with you. The holidays may be over, but the blog series continues and we have some excellent posts yet to come, today's is one of them...

Written by Angela Mortimer, the trailblazing doyenne of the recruitment industry and founder of Angela Mortimer plc, which she established forty years ago with a secretarial recruitment business based in London (in 1976). Angela is an extraordinary entrepreneur and a highly successful business woman. She grew her group during a time when most women were expected to be in lowly administrative roles and when there were very few senior women working in recruitment. Over the decades she has inspired, mentored and opened career opportunities for hundreds of thousands of women (and men). 

I am fortunate in that, over the years, I have become friends with Angela - she is delightful company, with a swift wit and a sharp intellect. A good person to bounce ideas off, as she is commercial, pragmatic, emotionally intelligent and fun. She writes excellent, entertaining blogs on LinkedIn and can be found on Twitter (her handle is @AngelaMortimer3). She has many interests outside work that provide some of the "heights" of her year (as you can tell from her below post); in addition to golf, she loves tennis, fine food and wine, skiing and being a great grandma. 

Being told she needed to improve at golf could have counted as a "hollow", but Angela has taken "heart" and gained much from the lesson.

***********************************

Finding Philosophy in Unexpected places

So there I was, hounding my way through last years Christmas card list to see who still qualified and adding new qualifiers.  Yesterday had been an mêlée of shopping, anxiety attached to each purchase – would they like it?  Then the food for the festivities, and feeling sick at the thought of a poor outcome from the recipes researched on Google.  When will the agony of possible anticipated failure end?  At least that is one certainty – not before 28th December.

To relive my tension, I visited my golf coach, Lucinda, to cash in springtime Birthday Treat from my girlfriends. My newly purchased driver was sending the ball for many yards but a puzzling 30 degrees wide of target.  She videoed my swing and came out with a diagnostic which was to prove apocryphal.

“You’ve got a weak grip,” she said.  She handed me a rubber mould that corrected my finger and thumb positions.  “That’s the correct grip and you've got to practice.  You’ve got to practice your grip”.

And that was it - as simple as that, my ah-ha moment.  My golf pro is unexpectedly a philosopher too.  What I learned at my golf lesson I must apply to the rest of my life and certainly my build up to Christmas.  I’ve got to get a grip, correct my grip and practice my grip, in preparation for the festive season. 

It’s the only way to enjoy and celebrate the good things, family and friends we are fortunate to have – and stop flipping worrying about the unimportant.

As this is being published early in 2017 - Happy New Year Everyone

High Five!
(Gecko foot has tiny hairs that exploit electrostatic attractive forces, called
van der Waals forces, for temporary adhesion. Scientists are proposing
using a similar approach to trap space debris.)

Gains, failures and feelings

Day 33 (Monday 2nd January 2017)

33% increase in hospital admissions for allergic reactions and anaphylactic shock,
compared to 5 years ago, according to data from NHS Digital released in October 2016.
Doctors and scientists believe that the increase is due to our living in cleaner environments
and hence not having to opportunity to build up natural resistances to substances like dust and pollen.

Today's post is a brave and honest poem by Maya Drøschler that reflects on the highs and lows of her past 12 months. As you will appreciate, once you have read her verse, Maya has experienced some significant heights, as well as some hollows, (in what she has described to me as "successes, failures and feelings") during the time that she has set up her own business. She has clearly learned from everything that has happened.

Maya is Danish and lives in Copenhagen (although her clients come from wider afield). Given the style of her post, it should perhaps come as no surprise that Maya's university degree was in Literature with a minor in Philosophy. She has retained her connections with Academia and now occasionally acts as a guest lecturer in HR and People Management. She writes a good and informative blog - in Danish - HR forretning (which translates as HR Business). She has a background in HR (and has worked in Retail, Engineering and Medical Technical Equipment and Analysis).

Maya now runs her own business and specialises in what she calls "The Point of HR" - that intersection between HR and communications. She is very commercial in approach, believing that a business and its leaders need to bear in mind: • a company's particular industry and its place within that sector, including the broader competitive environment • available research and knowledge • global trends in business creation and professional life. She is a huge fan of technology and believes that, used wisely, it will greatly enhance the workplace. Maya uses technology herself, you can find her on Twitter (her handle is @MayaDroeschler).

As well as being a passionate business woman, Maya is also a passionate parent and cares for mothers and children within society. She supports the charity Mødrehjælpen, which helps pregnant women, and families with children, in vulnerable situations with social, professional, legal and financial advice, as well as offering a variety of programs and interventions for young parents and those who have suffered violence, in particular vulnerable women and children.

All of the pictures used in the post have been provided by Maya herself.

****************************************

Gains, failures and feelings  

Leaving my job to become an entrepreneur: gains, failures and feelings   

Heights

The sensation of freedom when I quit my job

A leap into daylight, leaving the mob

I had clients; I had money coming in - 

There was no way I could lose; I was smart and thin

Hollows

I spent all my savings; I spent every dime

When clients stopped calling at the most crucial time

With agony growing, I met my deepest fears

My fear of not succeeding, neglected for years

Hearts

A heart is always broken; all perfection has a scar

My daughter moved away from home, my cat crushed by a car

I buried the cat, I promised the girl

She would feel safe & loved in her bright new world

Heights

The feeling of mastery, the concept of thrill

When I got a new, big client and they paid their bill.

I felt like a champion, I felt like a queen

I was developing into a money machine

Hollows

My flaws began appearing and they were real

Suddenly, I was no rock star; I could not close the deal

The world didn’t need me as much as I needed it

I was overwhelmed by doubt, I was ready to submit

Hearts

Apparently, I attracted scumbags and crooks

And this is a sad fact, but not as bad as it looks

Big-hearted people are not always those you suspected

But they are out there somewhere, and you need to collect them

Heights, hollows and hearts

I quit my job to face fear and challenge

I quit my job to give life a new balance 

No one will pay me just to show up

And no one, but me, will decide when to stop

***

Should you follow your dreams and do something completely different with your life?

The New Year is an ideal opportunity to think about your future. I decided to quit my job during the Christmas holidays last year. I’ve never earned this little, I’ve never learned this much.         

Happy New Year!