What still remains - Day 31 (New Year's Eve)

Day 31 (Sunday 31st December, New Year's Eve 2017)

31 December is known as Hogmanay in Scotland and is a night of celebrations
that have become famous around the world. Many view Hogmanay as a bigger
party than Christmas. It is thought that the word originates from the French
"hoginane" meaning gala day and was first used in 1561 on the return of Mary
Queen of Scots to Scotland. At that time, in Normandy, presents given at
Hogmanay were "hoguinetes'. An alternative derivation of the word is the
Scandinavian "hoggo-nott" meaning yule. A tradition linked to Hogmanay is
"first footing" - the first guest to cross your threshold after midnight - it should
be a tall, dark stranger (to Scots many years ago the surprise arrival of a blond
often signified a dangerous Viking trying to cause harm). A first footer should
bring gifts of coal (for heat), rich fruit cake known as Black Bun (for food for
the year), salt (a symbol of friendship), and whisky (for good cheer and hospitality).

It's the last day of the year. Happy Hogmanay! I have had a memorable year - full of precious moments shared with loved ones, new colleagues and friends coming to help me do things I need and want to do, some recognition (which is much appreciated) and visits to amazing places and events. I know that I am fortunate. I hope that you have been too.

The start of a New Year is seldom dark and dull and the year ahead does not have to be dark either - as David D'Souza points out in his post below. 

I am fortunate to have had David as a colleague and to have him as a friend. He is a true polymath, with a thirst for learning and a passion for positive innovation (especially technology - his latest fascination is cryptocurrencies). David is globally recognised as a thought-leader who is not afraid to challenge the status quo. You can get a taste of his views if you follow him on Twitter (his handle is @dds180). He is a devoted husband and father and a loyal friend (although, as Head of Engagement for the CIPD, a job that takes him around the globe, he is so busy that he is seldom able to spend the time he and others would like have with him just to catch up and connect). I strongly recommend that you read his blogs, he writes his own under banner on 101 Half Connected Things and also posts pieces often on behalf of the CIPD (the UK-based professional body for HR and Leading and Development professionals).

Because of the personal nature of this post I have not added any pictures - the photograph was provided by David.

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"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains"
The Boxer, Simon and Garfunkel, 1969

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There are some years that are better than others. There are some years that are definitely worse. The relatively arbitrary unit of the year gives us a chance to reflect and renew. Why January 1st? It doesn't really matter.  Our lives are made up of these little units. They actually seem big units when we are young and then they seem to rush by, barely allowing us time to process their impact.

I remember listening to The Boxer by Simon And Garfunkel being played live on an acoustic guitar in a vineyard in South Africa. My late mother was drunk. She would have said she was tipsy. She was certainly tipsy enough to be drunk... She was conducting a crowd of strangers in making the distinctive noise heard in the latter parts of the song. Everybody was grinning.

Wikipedia describes the creation of that distinctive noise in the original recording thus

"The iconic crashing sound in the refrain was recorded by setting up a drum kit in front of an elevator shaft, which provided the proper reverb"

That seems a very elaborate set up when all you had to do to create that noise was give my mum a bottle and a half of white wine and some sunshine.

I can't listen to that song now without it being bittersweet. Google Photos threw up photos from that day recently as part of its 'do you remember this happened on this day?' type function. A function that can still catch me unawares, but that I don't turn off. 

I recall my mother on that day smiling. Grinning.  All Google can offer me is this photo of her with her 'if you take a photo of me you'll be in trouble' face. I was also very familiar with that. 

Anyway, I digress...

The point is that the memory both hurts and cheers. That will be true of so many memories for people of this year. It's been a tough one for many. 

We are shaped by our past and our experiences, but also by those experiences yet to come. The past does not determine the future unless you let it.  And we have control over the here and now and how we react. 

As people get set to write their resolutions for the New Year they will focus on diets and budgets or spending time with others. 

Here is what I hope you resolve. 

Let it be a genuinely New Year. Let it be unencumbered by the weight of past memories. Let it be a new day and a welcome dawn. Take with you into the next year the things you want and need and none of the things that hold you back. Shape the future, rather than being anchored in the past. Have the year you want. And if it doesn't turn out that way, well, there's normally another one in a few months. 

It's a whole new arbitrary unit to make the most of. That's a beautiful creation, one of our best inventions.

For when your heart feels hollow

Day 35 (Wednesday 4th January 2017)

35 - the age at which Ronnie Corbett met Ronnie Barker, he was 36
(they first became acquainted when they were asked to work together
on the Frost Report). It was after they successfully ad-lib-ed for
nearly 10 minutes, during a technical breakdown, when they were
presenting at the BAFTAs in 1970, where the BBC1 controller
was present, that they were given the opportunity to host
The Two Ronnies. Ronnie Corbett was a bee keeper - another
role in which timing is important. He died 31 March 2016.

Today is my Silver wedding anniversary. It was 25 years ago that I walked down the aisle of Temple Round Church on my father's arm and I commenced married life. I now have 2 wonderful sons, and their father and I will be celebrating with them tonight.

Today's post is by Rachel Burnham the much respected Learning and Development (L&D) specialist, based in Manchester. Did you know that she is a public policy advisor for the CIPD? However, her "day job" is providing learning support and individual development through her business, Burnham L&D. Rachel genuinely cares about the people she works with and enjoys seeing them thrive and grow as well as providing advice and support to L&D professionals to help them become even better at their roles. She really values her own personal learning network too. She writes an excellent L&D focused blog - L & D Matters and is active on social media (you can follow her on Twitter via @BurnhamLandD). 

Outside work she enjoys spending time with her family and is a keen jazz fan, as well as having a passion for gardening. I don't need to tell you much about Rachel, as the marvellous list she has produced within her post will inform you far better than I evert could. She is a wonderful and inspirational woman.

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For when your heart feels hollow

When Kate announced that the theme for this year’s Advent Blog series was ‘Heights, hearts and hollows’, it seemed as though those three words summed up my year. 

The first 6 months of 2016 were full of heights.  Then in mid-summer a close friendship went wrong and despite my best efforts I haven’t been able to put things right.  So, the second half of the year has left me with a hollow heart.  

As I have written before, many years ago my son was born prematurely at 28 weeks.  He weighed 1lb 13oz and spent the first three months of his life in hospital – firstly in intensive care and then in special baby care.  We visited him twice a day in the hospital.  We were so excited to finally bring him home. 

Then began the most challenging time of my life – and the most socially isolating.  Because of the weakness in his lungs, we were advised not to mix with anyone who had any contact with other children.  Just about everyone we knew had children or worked with children and young people – I had a background in youth work and we both volunteered as children’s workers.  We couldn’t take him out for more than an hour.  I had had him so early that I hadn’t even started baby classes.  This was of course pre-internet, pre-social media, pre-Twitter.  I felt so at sea.  So lost.

Arthur Rackham illustration of Danae and her son Perseus

Apart from the loving support of immediate family, one thing really helped me through this time.  From a most surprising source.  I read an article by Julie Burchill (I think) which suggested looking for small things to enjoy every day – it must have been an early piece on positive psychology.  So that is what I started to do. 

It was the middle of winter.  In north London. I couldn’t go on the tube.  We had no money for cafes (don’t get me started on maternity pay and premature births!).  So, I used to go out everyday for a walk with our new baby in the pram – the maximum hour permitted – and I would look out for small things to enjoy.

This is when I really started to appreciate other people’s front gardens.  A winter shrub here, a glimpse of an early snowdrop there, hoar frost on the grass and fallen leaves, a scrap of winter blue sky and just how wonderful tree bark can be!

So for 2017 I will be back to appreciating small things every day.  Here are some of the things I will be looking forward to:

·      Homemade soups – filling the house with warm smells, probably including dumplings.

·      The scent of lemon – I may be making lemon curd.

·      Splashing in puddles – you may need to tap into your inner 8 year old for some of these – I find my inner 8 year old is never far from the surface!  This is a good all year round standby activity – particularly if you live in Manchester.

·      Lighting candles.

El Greco - A Boy Blowing on an Ember to Light a Candle 

·      Growing and picking sweet peas – for the strongest plants you can get sowing these indoors anytime from now on until March.  Apart from the scent, one of the best things about sweet peas is that the more you pick, the more you get.

·      Chatting with neighbours – particularly the ones I don’t yet know so well.

·      Decorating eggs at Easter.  Trundling them down a hill.

·      Thanking someone.

·      Watching waves crash on a beach – my favourite beach is the appropriately named ‘Farr Beach’ as it is right on the north coast of Scotland near Bettyhill – it is also right by a bee sanctuary, which is a great place on a sunny day for spotting all the many different kinds of bees.  Which leads me on to…

·      Growing more bee-friendly plants – I have just widened the borders in my garden to make room for more plants – I’m in the process of getting rid of my lawn entirely – so now I can plant more plants to attract bees.

·      Learning a language – try Duolingo – I’m having fun learning Greek – I’m finding it immensely challenging and enjoying it all the more for that.

·      Taking breaks in my working day to dance enthusiastically – my current favourite track for this is ‘Afro-Blue’ by Cecilia Stalin.  This is also good for your back as well as your spirits.

·      Making home-made birthday cards – some drawing may be involved.

·      Getting in touch again with someone I used to know.

· Going to hear live music – already looking forward to the Manchester Jazz Festival 28^th July to 6^th August.

·      Reading a great book and passing it on to a friend.

Getting pollen on my nose, from getting too close to a lily when sniffing its scent.

·      Keeping in contact with an older relative or family friend who is on their own.

·      Trying out new paints or pencils and enjoying making a mess.

·      Having a picnic, possibly in the rain, though this is only likely, not compulsory.

·      Learning all the words to a song with a challenging lyric – I think this may be my year for mastering ‘The Waters of March’ – though not in the original Brazilian.

·      Picking blackberries.  And eating them!

·      Speaking up for a cause I believe in.

·      Stomping on crisp autumn leaves.

·    Enjoying the sound of rain falling, when you are warm and cosy inside.

·      Cooking something new & different.

·      Walking in woods frequently.

·      And not forgetting enjoying beautiful tree bark.

 The winter my son was born had a happy ending.  One late February afternoon, as the light faded outside, I sat holding him after a feed.  I held him close, felt his warmth and nuzzled his clean baby hair and felt that all was right with the world.   And now, of course, he is 21 and happy, healthy and taller than me.

Where our stories for 2017 will go, we don’t know.  We can’t control all the big stuff that may or may not happen.  We can enjoy the many small moments along the way.