Showing posts with label adversity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adversity. Show all posts

Monday, 10 December 2018

Wake up and smell the coffee...parents - Day 10

(Monday 10th December 2018)

10 different letters are used in a Snellen Chart (an 

eye chart that can be used to measure visual acuity).
Snellen, a Dutch ophthalmologist, developed the chart in 1862. 

I hope you had a good weekend. I spent mine in Somerset with my mother and sister. Despite the awful weather, we managed to make a trip to a local farm and select a tree to put up for Christmas. 


We had a super celebratory meal with family and friends - I am beginning to feel a bit festive :-)  Family are so important and that, for me, is part of what makes today's post so impactful. I have lived first hand the impact that family relations can have on individuals, both good and bad - a member of my team has had a very traumatic relationship with their mother - this continues to torment them and has been very damaging. My own family is currently suffering due to harmful disputes and actions, many of which seemingly are originated from childhood issues - not a good lead into the Christmas period, so it was good to see some people laughing and enjoying themselves this weekend.


The author of today's post is Gavan Burdan, the founder and Managing Director of Burden Dare - an executive search and interim management business. Gavan has a huge heart and really cares about those less fortunate than himself. He is also social and engaging company - you can reach him on Twitter via  @burdendare. Gavan lives in Sevenoaks and is a passionate supporter of the local cricket team, Sevenoaks Vine CC, where he chairs the Management Committee and, when asked, still plays for the Old Vines (the Club's over 40's team). As you can tell from his post and from his comments in previous years), he is proactive in his approach towards supporting others; he is a mentor supporting individuals down on their luck in London (but more of that to follow).



*******************************


Heartaches, Hopes and High Fives


With apologies to sensitive eyes & ears
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had 
And add some extra, just for you.”

Philip Larkin goes on to suggest that we should all stop having children, and thus solve the problem!



Well that’s not very Christmassy is it?

You may remember my two previous Advent Blogs talking about the adventures of my previously-homeless-mentee; well, his tale continues, and his last 12 months have been “Heartache, Hope & High Fives” to a tee!

Let me take you back to December 2017.

After another storming year of advancement and achievement (he had been on the 6 O’Clock news; in videos; in The Times twice; promotion at work; he was really buzzing – wow was he moving on!), for the first time in 5 years he was looking forward to the 2017 Christmas break. We had even had laughs about Merry Christmas Vs Happy Holidays, whereas previously he would have been reflective and sad because this time of year has bad memories; his father had left home when he was young, he went into the penitentiary system, deportation, loneliness, and his birthday alone – all in these winter months.

But in 2017 things had gone so well.




Then, almost a year ago to the day, I got “that” call; just as we were putting our decorations together, he was falling apart. His mother had sent across a bunch of magazines from what had been home for 33 years, which he was quite enjoying actually, but tucked into the last fold was a short hand-written time bomb saying 


“I’m so pleased you are making a success of your new life in England, don’t fuck it up like you usually do”.

Heartache for him, it completely fried his mind. Heartache for me, I felt so bad for him – frog in well.



Why on earth do (some) parents do it, but at least we now knew the true cause of all the fuck-ups in his life?! It made me wonder about all the things I might have done, without meaning to, to affect my children over the years; I’d like to hope nothing that had come across as stupid!

But, we had fixed exactly this before; I told him we would do it again, he would get through this, he knew the ropes, he knew the small steps we would re-take – and he knew he could have hope; he would get over this, and that’s one of his most endearing features, he always has hope.



This year he’d hope that his first ever business presentation would help secure the coffee franchise on Virgin Trains; he’d hope that he wouldn’t be flustered giving his first ever corporate speech in Manchester; he’d hope that he might get the last sought-after place on a training course; he’d hope that he could feel good this Christmas.

Fast forward to this week.

Two friends meet in London for a Christmas catch-up and chat through that last twelve months, laughing and joking at past fears and worries that had been washed away by yet more success and further advances, and wishing each other Merry Christmas with high hopes for 2019.

And as they parted…………?


PS. If you buy coffee then please support “Change Please” when you see one of their coffee carts or travel on Virgin trains, and buy Tom’s blend in Sainsbury – you’ll be helping homeless back into sustainable employment.





Friday, 19 April 2013

A T-ypical Leader?

Originally posted on 17th Apr 2013 on the Discuss HR blog for

 Human Resources UK


Mrs T - A Typical Leader?

In the week of the ceremonial funeral of Baroness Thatcher at St Paul’s Cathedral, it seems apt to consider her style as a leader and her legacy to the world in which we now live and work.  Love her or loathe her and, as certain songs show, feelings run high on this one (there is an irony to the fact that her words, on entering Downing Street, were “Where there is discord, may we bring harmony”) most people have an opinion about her.  The schism in public attitude has remained long after her retirement and looks to continue for years to come.  However, whatever your personal opinion, no one can deny that she had presence and made an impact that has endured.

Coffin of Baroness Thatcher in the Crypt Chapel of St Mary Undercroft
beneath the Houses of Parliament
on the night before the funeral
What most people forget is that, like many new leaders, she was slow out of the blocks.  In the late 1970s the UK was heavily unionised and the unions wielded considerable power (during Heath’s leadership 9 million working days in the UK were lost to strike action, and that is not counting the impact of those employees who were “working to rule”).  I can remember from my childhood the repercussions that strikes had on the world around me  - piles of stinking rubbish in the streets, exciting evenings when we used candles for light and ate sandwiches because the electricity was off, queuing for hours for petrol.  It was a tough environment: inflation was high (over 20%), VAT had just been introduced (much to the concern of my father), taxes were high and the UK was in the grip of a severe recession.  Yet, when Margaret Thatcher came to power she was initially very cautious - her 1979 manifesto made no mention of privatisation nor union reform (indeed initially her government was highly supportive of the public sector unions, awarding them increased funding) and in her speeches she sounded very pro-Europe.  It is not uncommon for a new leader to do little at first, preferring to assess the environment for a while, to gain a better understanding before starting to make their mark.  Many have criticised Obama for doing too little too slowly during his first years after election – he had so much to contend with and comprehend on attaining office that delay was inevitable.  The reality of what is possible is often different from that which a new leader anticipates before appointment and almost everyone needs some time to acclimatise when starting a fresh challenge.

It took an unexpected event, in the form of the Argentinean invasion of the Falklands, for Thatcher’s approach noticeably to alter.  It is easy to speculate that Mrs Thatcher’s confidence in her own capabilities and resolve to change Britain came as a direct result of her burgeoning popularity.  Post the Falklands she was vaunted as a Churchill-esque leader who had saved Britain’s honour and restored its pride.  Her determination to introduce what she saw as beneficial change could have been fuelled by the apparent nationalistic pride and confidence shown in her, which seemed to give her licence to do as she saw fit.  Certainly, it was not until she was buoyed up by public sentiment and media accolades (following the successful regaining of the Falklands) that Thatcher really started to drive through change.  I may be being controversial, but I suspect that, like many leaders whose confidence is reinforced after a high profile success, Margaret Thatcher considered herself more talented than those who worked with and for her.  I doubt Dennis whispered in her ear to discourage hubris.  Many leaders fall into the trap of believing the hype and sycophancy that often surrounds them (and some deliberately enfold themselves with adulation because of how good it makes them feel to have their ideas praised and encouraged).  Many leaders often only achieve results after their confidence is bolstered by knowing that they are supported and deemed capable. 

Adulation
In her early years Margaret Thatcher was neither well known nor popular and throughout her career there was open hostility to her from a number of quarters.  (Prior to becoming Prime Minister, when she was appointed into Edward Heath’s cabinet as education minister it is reported that Willie Whitelaw said “if we take her we’ll never be able to get rid of her” – hardly the words of a supportive colleague, even if surprisingly accurate.) Many of the House of Commons’ members behaved as if in an ill-mannered bear-pit during the 1970s and early 1980s (the BBC was not the only institution to suffer from a misogynistic culture at this time) – Thatcher as a junior cabinet minister was regularly greeted on the floor of The House to chants of “ditch the bitch” ,as the parliamentary opposition viewed her as a weak link in the government’s team, even after becoming Prime Minister there were cat calls of “Here’s the Immaculate Misconception” in an attempt to put her off and to raise a laugh from others in Parliament.  As a side note - she was not noticeably supportive of other women - during her 11 years in power Margaret Thatcher only appointed one other woman to the Cabinet (Baroness Young).  That aside, it must have been tough and unpleasant being jeered at – to survive she had to be resilient and to develop an unswerving sense of her own self-worth to counter balance the taunts.  Being able to remain resolute, with conviction, in challenging circumstances is a prerequisite for most leaders.

Standing firm in times of adversity
Margaret Thatcher was a swift learner - although only in Heath’s cabinet for three and a half years she observed some significant events that influenced her actions as a leader: namely Heath’s highly confrontational manner and refusal to listen to others that resulted in his downfall; the potential damage of U-turns; and the impact of strikes (based on her exposure to the 1973-74 Miners’ strike).  Thatcher was intelligent and capable of applying on-going learnings to achieve her aims.  Rather than being directly confrontational with her Cabinet, she devised approaches to ensure that she could get things done.   She introduced a system that helped her to have policies adopted, despite the reservations of her Cabinet members.  She established committees populated by sympathetic back benchers and external experts who shared her views.  These committees devised and put forward policies which she then asked The Cabinet to approve.  Simple ratification is easier to achieve than having to argue each point along the way.  She was an excellent orator and good at winning audiences over to her way of thinking.  Despite not being popular within the centre of the party (she had been voted into the leadership initially more because of a desire to oust Heath than due to support specifically for her and her policies), she was highly effective at building a significant following within the Party roots.  Her attitude towards U-turns is now legendary, as is the war she waged against the Miners (few people mention that Thatcher closed 154 mines between 1979 and 1990 - less than Wilson, who closed 211 in the five years from 1965 - 1970).  Although her policy of shutting down unproductive industries was painful, and has in part led to the high unemployment we suffer today, it is clear from her actions that she was a keen observer, a swift learner and apply to use knowledge to frame her actions.  Notable leaders are able to learn and use understanding, gained from events they experience, to inform and help them to achieve goals.

Anti pit closure badge - Goldthorpe 1984/5
Like many leaders who start enjoying a streak of successes and the resultant adulation, Thatcher didn’t always seem to consider broader repercussions before forcing through what seemed to her to be desirable change.  Her policy of selling council houses was motivated by a desire to reward effort and industry and to enable individual free choice, but there was no plan nor apparent interest in building affordable housing to replace the buildings that were sold.  Similarly, having defeated the minors, little was done to revive and develop industries in the impacted areas - this resulted in huge damage to communities and even now the legacy of poverty and unemployment cannot be shifted from certain formerly industrial towns and regions.  I started my post legal career in The City, shortly after the 1986 Big Bang reforms, because there were opportunities for people prepared to work hard.  Deregulating Financial Services and thereby propelling London into a globally dominant role within the financial markets, resulted in a surge of talent and capital coming into the City.  Being a grocer’s daughter, one should not be surprised that Thatcher was influenced by consumerism and interested in the markets.  She professed to wanting to enable to transform lives and futures, by giving people ownership and individual control.  Yet again, the repercussions were not thought through and many of the shameful and scandalous occurrences, involving banks and bankers, that have dominated the media since 2007, can be traced back to the risks of deregulation and greed.  Once in power it is tempting to forge ahead, to try to get things done - but to do so without thinking things through can be very damaging and cause dreadful repercussions.    

Thinking things through
It would be easy to write pages on the lessons (both good and bad) that we can learn from Mrs Thatcher.  She possessed enviable energy, didn’t suffer self-doubt, was tenacious to a flaw and proud to fight for what she believed in.  She was not always right, nor was she always wrong.  We all need to remember that she, like us, was a human.  Certainly an extraordinary woman with the ability to lead and inspire others, but also to invoke intense hatred and distrust.  Whether you adore or detest her, it cannot be denied that she has left a lasting legacy as a leader that will be contemplated long after most of us have been forgotten.