Forget-me-not

This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, but I, and many others, live with mental health issues much of the time.  I could talk to you about depression and the importance and value of being there for friends with a range of mental health problems, however, the matter I would like to share here is the struggle of coping with dementia in a loved one. Although not a mental illness per se, dementia is a "mental disorder" that is defined by a reduction in cognitive capability, with the cause originating in the brain.

    "Dementia is an 'umbrella' term used to describe a collection of symptoms associated with physical changes in the brain which result in the gradual loss of mental functions such as memory and the ability to use words or to carry out previously familiar tasks.
Dementia encompasses a number of conditions, the three most common being:

      ·      Alzheimer's disease, which accounts for approximately 60 per cent of cases

      ·      Vascular dementia (20 per cent)

      ·      Lewy body dementia (15 per cent).”         
– definition provided by the Social Care Institute for Excellence, London

• There are 850,000 people with dementia in the UK, with numbers set to rise to over 1 million by 2025. This will soar to 2 million by 2051.
• 225,000 will develop dementia this year, that’s one every three minutes.
• 1 in 6 people over the age of 80 have dementia.
• 70 per cent of people in care homes have dementia or severe memory problems.
• There are over 40,000 people under 65 with dementia in the UK.
• More than 25,000 people from black, Asian and minority ethnic groups in the UK are affected
• The forget-me-not is widely used as a symbol in healthcare to indicate a person suffering from dementia - in hospitals the flower is placed in patients' files and above beds so that nurses and staff can easily identify individuals and plan their care accordingly.

Almost a year ago my mother was rushed into hospital with sepsis and two pulmonary embolisms – one on each lung. A mix up between her doctor, the local pharmacy and herself resulted in her being taken off blood thinning drugs nearly 18 months ago, but not having the alternative medication prescribed to her provided by the chemist and as a result she developed blood clots that moved into her lungs. A brain, like any other living thing, when starved of oxygen, begins to die. The clots and sepsis, by preventing oxygen circulating, have exacerbated my mother’s early-onset dementia. She will suffer from cognitive impairment and poor mental health until she dies.

There are various signs that can, and in my mother’s case do, indicate dementia:

• Trouble with memory (most commonly short-term memory issues – such as being unable to remember what was for lunch, while still being able to list all the actors in the amateur dramatics production in which she played the lead role over 50 years ago)
• Having problems finding the right words – even common words used every day
• Confusion – I am mistaken for my mother’s cousin (over 30 years my senior) and she has introduced me to my sisters explaining to me that she has 3 daughters
• Being forgetful/misplacing things – such as keys, hair-combs or her purse
• Loss of her sense of direction – she does not trust herself to find her way home or to direct me if I drive her to places
• Fear of doing things or being left in a place that is not familiar
• Becoming repetitive (my youngest son says this is a blessing, as she can relive the pleasure of hearing good news a number of times during a conversation, for example, each time it is repeated, during the course of a meal)
• Losing the plot – quite literally. I took my mother to the theatre and she struggled to follow the storyline of the play and at times she struggles to participate in a conversation.
• Unable to perform daily tasks – my mother can no longer cook for herself and, unless encouraged to do otherwise, would probably happily remain in bed
• Mood changes – it’s odd, my mother used to have a fierce temper and was very demanding, but now she seems content in herself, despite the above list of problematic symptoms. She is not in pain, she sleeps well and is happy.
• Change in a fondness for certain foods or tastes - my mother has developed a very sweet tooth and now no longer enjoys fizzy drinks
• Losing time - often my mother is unaware of the day or year, although her passion for wildlife means she is usually aware of the season.

In many ways it is harder for those who knew her earlier in her life to cope with the change – my aunt, my mother’s younger sister, finds the current situation deeply distressing. Most of the time my mother is unaware of the alteration that has happened in just a year. For me, at times, the situation is heart breaking. I hate the fact that my sons will never know the fiercely intelligent, fascinating, attractive woman that she was (and to me still is).

The pint is not hers!

If you are interested in understanding dementia, or even if you are not, I urge you to watch Barbara’s Story – a film developed by nurses at Guy’s and St. Thomas’ Hospitals in London. It is a powerful film about Barbara and her experiences during a hospital visit. It was designed to raise awareness of what it is like to suffer from dementia and to enhance the way we interact with a person who suffers from the condition. It is used for training of medical staff and others and has been shown to numerous people around the world. Be warned, you may find it very emotional to watch. There are six films in total compiled here into one viewing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtA2sMAjU_Y - is the link on YouTube

It is only by talking about mental health that we can end the stigma. Mental health is a struggle but it is not a disgrace (and it is a struggle not just for those suffering, but also for those people who love and care for the people who are afflicted). Intolerance, indifference and cruelty are disgraceful. I am here because I want to try to help, to understand and to offer what support I can. If you want to talk I will listen.

If you want further information or someone else to speak with try these:

·   Samaritans available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you need a response immediately, it's best to call on the phone. This number is FREE to call. ☎ 116 123 (UK)

·       MIND, the mental health charity: Website ☎ 0300 123 3393

·       Rethink Mental Illness: Website ☎ 0300 5000 927

Silent Nights and Untravelled Paths - Day 43

Day 43 (12th January 2015)

43AD - London was founded by the Romans

It was intended to be a communications hub, just above the tidal stretch of the Thames

Picture - an aerial view of Roman London or Londinium by Pat Nicolle

Today's post comes from the wonderful Janine Baillie-Stewart who lives and works in Cape Town, South Africa. She has a BA in Psychology and has made an excellent career for herself in HR. She is acknowldedged as on of South Africa's most social HR professionals (she and I met via Twitter, her handle is @JanineBS. We failed to meet up IRL at a tweetup when I was last in Cape Town due to family illness - but I look forward to next time.)

She writes a delightful blog about life, work and the things that matter to her.

******************************************

"Silent Night, Holy Night.."

My Dad's voice rings out on Christmas Eve. He would start singing carols and slowly cajole the whole family to join in. As a young girl I was always torn between singing along and wanting to stay outside and peer into the dark summer sky, hoping to see Santa's sleigh.

Many years later, I am the parent and my girls are all grown up and know that Santa is not real.

Father Christmas cooling off near Cape Town

This year I pause and reflect on the path of my life.

From childhood to adulthood.

Finishing High School I had no idea what I wanted to become. At some point I yearned to be an astronomer, but discovered that with my average Maths mark that would not be possible. 

Female astronaut, by Sarah Dworak 

I do not recall any burning ambition about what I wanted my life to be like. I went to University hoping I would discover my deepest passion.

And then life happened.

I have written before of a number of tipping points in my life.

My Mom died when I was 13, so my teenage years were extremely turbulent. Suffice to say that I was rebellious, outspoken with strong views on almost everything. My Dad called me (and still does) Number 7 - named after a donkey on a TV show from the 80's. The donkey's character was as stubborn as hell, hence my nickname.

Mad Jack and # 7 in TV series Grizzly Adams

At University my Dad was convinced I would become a political activist but strangely enough I mellowed out enjoying the freedom of early adulthood and the creative friendships which are synonymous with student life.

Then marriage and two children. My wonderful girls who mean the world to me. My life would be barren without them. I marvel how both are becoming wonderful young ladies.



3 Beautiful Baillie-Stewarts

My second tipping point was my divorce. My first real experience of failure. I never ever expected that I would fall into the category of "Divorced".

Those who have shared a similar experience will vouch for the embarrassment, self degradation,  sense of failure and torment which go with a divorce. Your perception of self is rocked to its very core. Although the stigma of divorce is much less these days, one still finds people who judge and perceive you as "different".

I am now grateful for my divorce as it altered my view of life completely.

Perceptions of what success, a good life and being true to oneself changed. Slowly, I cared less what the soccer moms thought and cared more about what I thought.

Decision making went from "we" to "me". I needed to discover what was important to me. A realisation that, to this point in my life, I had not yet defined what I wanted out of life.

A journey of self discovery began. A path not traveled yet.

My third tipping point was a massive career change. I had many lessons to learn from this too. Through this period I slowly began to understand that I am not defined by the work I do. I encountered HR colleagues who coached me through this transition. A wonderful community of people who understand. I found support in dear friends and those who know me.

It has taken me a long while to realise that it is OK to not do mail at night. To switch off and to do the things which give me pleasure. I am not my job. It is something I do and it gives me great joy but life is more than 9 to 5.

Better balance

I have found my love for travel. Experiences more than things. Adventures in strange countries with my daughters are a constant source of energy and enlightenment for me.

The path is not yet done and I am sure my perceptions of what matters will continue to change and evolve.

This path traveled is mine. 

This year I plan to sing "Silent Night, Holy Night" and get my girls to join in.

Silent Night sung by Sinead O'Connor, 2007

We Need To Talk...

This is a repost, but with pictures, of the piece I wrote for the LinkedIn UK HR Group blog http://discusshr.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/we-need-to-talk.html.

Brain fibres enabling communication and neuron connections

At the start of February I attended an inspirational HR-focused event.  It was refreshing to be surrounded by people who had made a conscious choice to be there, who came in their own free time because they shared a genuine interest in the topic and they wanted to learn and be involved.  There was a buzz and a sense of camaraderie, in the way you hope there will be at a learning and awareness session.  My fellow attendees were willing and active participants - honest and authentic.  At the end of the evening there was a mutual conviction that, between us, we can improve the world in which we live and work.  

Neurons

The event was organised in response to reactions to an extraordinary and powerful online blog post published on 12th January – if you have not read it, I urge you to do so now: http://thehrjuggler.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/day-43-courage/

These courageous words resulted in people around the globe talking and tweeting on the subject of Mental Health in the workplace.  With HR interest rising and numerous individuals asking what they could or should do, it was clear that the dialogue needed to be brought into the off as well as on-line arena.  Alison Chisnell, HR Director at Informa (and host of the blog on which Jon, the author, posted his piece) offered a meeting space.  A number of people worked together at speed to determine the format and experts, including Mind, the NHS and various individuals who have been or are impacted by mental health issues, agreed to be speakers and be involved.  Jon went public at the event and wrote about doing so on https://projectlibero.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/it-starts-with-a-conversation/.  There is a simple and well written blog about the evening that is more eloquent than I on the impact of the evening http://treacletiger.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/start-conversation.html.  I hope that by talking here about my own thoughts on the evening and by sharing some of the recommendations made, that I can encourage you too to think about how you should approach this issue in your workplace and with the organisations and people with whom you do business.

According to ACAS Mental Health problems cost employers in the UK £30 billion a year through lost production, recruitment and absence http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1900 .  I suspect that the hidden and non-financial costs have an even more severe impact on work, employees, their friends, families and business.  It is a sad fact that the approach towards Mental Health by the majority of employers is woefully inadequate and the time has come for that to change.  I am not advocating that we form a militant group and campaign, there is an easier solution – to dispel common fears and misconceptions, to remove the stigma and to enable us understand so that we can do the right thing... we simply need to talk.

Despite the fact that one in four of us will suffer Mental Health problems in our lives, there is still a social reticence about admitting to being a victim, and/or living with and supporting someone with Mental Health issues.  It is clear that this reserve is partially rooted in fear.  People don’t know how to start the conversation and they are embarrassed and don’t want to say the wrong thing.  Mental Health is seen by many as a dark and complex issue that, by its very nature, is private and should be hidden from others.  Certainly it is personal – the reasons why people suffer from Mental Health issues are complex and varied and each victim is an individual, so there is no simple, standard approach or treatment.  However, I think we should take a step back and consider ourselves and those we come into contact with. 

Humans are wonderful.  We are sentient and expressive beings – we would all be the poorer for not being able to feel and think about the world around us.  However, there are times when our emotional and mental reactions are overwhelming and uncontrollable and can prevent us from being the person we like and feel we are, or can make us antisocial and potential dangerous (to ourselves or others).  Mental Health is a broad term that encompasses a range of issues such as clinical depression, Bi-polar disorder, anxiety, phobias and Schizophrenia; unlike emotional problems, these cannot be resolved swiftly – they require treatment (often medication and therapy) to control the symptoms and to lessen the impact on the individual and others.  It is probable that a number of Mental Health sufferers are also suffering emotionally and often not just because of their own health but also because of the way in which we, the people they work and interact with, treat them.  The stigma of Mental Health is so strong that people avoid talking about it and hence they exacerbate the problem, because they isolate and alienate individuals who are already suffering.

There is often a fine line between Mental Health and emotional health.  Each one of us is who we are due to the environment in which we have grown up and the circumstances impacting our lives at any moment in time.  I am not naturally tidy, but I have friends who are fastidious; they say it is because of the spotless households in which they lived as children, where even an ornament out of position was viewed as unacceptable – regimented neatness is their comfort zone.   I know others who close in on themselves and cease contributing to discussions whenever voices are raised - they have told me that they were deeply disturbed by arguments between their parents when they were small and that the increased volume of colleagues, enthused or trying to stress a point in an argument, is sufficient to make them feel uncomfortable.  I love films, but potentially I am an embarrassing companion, as I can easily be reduced to a weeping wreck when watching characters show how much they care for each other - I know that this is partially due to my own insecurities, my devotion to my friends and family and my own desire to be loved.  Many parents find news footage depicting suffering children immensely disturbing, because they transpose themselves into the scenario and can imagine how awful they would feel if it was their own offspring.  Each of these people, me included, is reacting emotionally –although emotions can induce some symptoms that are similar to those experienced by a portion of Mental Health sufferers (such as sleeping disorders, anxiety and sadness) these responses tend to be short-term and can be treated and resolved swiftly.  However, many people suffering from Mental Health issues also have to contend with emotional pain, either because of their condition or induced through the reaction of others around them.  Many sufferers feel isolated due to many others’ desire not to bring matters into the open.  By appreciating the impact our emotions have on us, it is perhaps easier to start understanding how others may be feeling.  Empathy is a good step towards trying to support and be helpful.

On a moral and social level we have a responsibility to be considerate towards others.  Even without that, employers have a legal duty of care to employees.    We in HR need to devise strategies to promote well-being and to ensure that we and others are equipped to support when an employee has a problem.   BUT strategies and policies will not solve a problem.  Good managers and colleagues are attuned to those around them – if you know your people and how they are, you can spot when they aren’t themselves.  You must foster a culture of trust and understanding where management and employees are comfortable having non-judgemental and open conversations.   We need people to be able to ask with ease:

                “What do you do to look after your health and well-being? And what can I, your manager, do to help?” 

If managers invest in their people, by talking with them, their team members will in turn be more engaged and committed to their employer.  If employees feel comfortable talking about Mental Health, awareness and understanding will increase and colleagues who are suffering will no longer feel so isolated or ashamed – everyone can be a winner.

Progress won’t happen unless we make an effort.

We have started...come and join us.

As Jon says in his original post: “here’s to 2013 and a change in attitudes...”