Into the Dark - Day 6

Day 6 (Wednesday 6th December 2017)

Six sides form the typical shape of a snowflake, due to
the arrangement of water molecules in the ice crystal lattice.
The slang term 'snowflake", meaning a person with an inflated opinion of their
own uniqueness, who is easily offended and poor at coping with challenge
or criticism, was coined as a phrase by Chuck Palahniuk in the 1996 novel Fight Club .
"Generation snowflake",  referring to  young adults of the 2010s, entered common parlance
in 2015 following an incident at Yale University

Traditionally today is the day that people celebrate St Nicholas. In the Italian port of Bari St. Nicholas' statue will be carried by sailors from the Cathedral, where the saint's bones reside, to the sea to bless the water and ensure their safety over the coming year. Being the patron saint of sailors, St Nicholas was the saint that William the Conqueror chose to pray to before setting off across the Channel to invade England in 1066. Most people think of St Nicholas (or Santa Claus or Father Christmas) as the jovial fellow who delivers gifts to good girls and boys. In the Netherlands many children will have woken to find their shoes or clogs filled with gifts and sweets. In parts of Germany, Switzerland and Austria St Nicholas is accompanied by the Knecht Ruprecht who acts as a foil to santa's generosity by giving naughty children lumps f coal, sticks and ashes. I am pleased that today I have a gift to offer to you and it is a treat.

Last year Niall Gavin pledged in his Advent Blog (on this site) not to "wallow in the hollow" - although judging by this year's post 2017 has held its challenges for him, I think he has succeeded in his aim. Niall is a respected and much-liked independent L&D and learning technologies specialist (after having had a successful career working in both the public and private sectors). Prior to helping people develop and grow, Niall spent some time as an actor, a postman and a fruit picker. He writes an enjoyable blog, A Little About a Lot and is active on social media, you can find him on Twitter (his handle is @niallgavinuk). He usually has some great insights that he shares on #LDinsight every Friday morning on Twitter. Niall lives near Worthing on the south coast of England. He is a devoted husband and father. In his spare time he enjoys walking and is also an "armchair astronomer".

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It's that time of year again, when the wonderful Kate Griffiths-Lambeth (@KateGL) invites contributions to the now-annual Advent Blog series which she curates. This year's theme of Darkness and Dawn has inspired me to dig out an unrealised blog idea from Autumn this year and to flesh it out as my humble contribution.

As Summer moves into Autumn, from my West-facing home office window, I watch the sunset creep further and further South as Earth’s axial tilt moves the UK further away from the Sun. Winter approaches. Dark days ahead. My heart sinks as the clocks go back and my annual feelings of seasonal claustrophobia starts to colour my world. Time to check the weatherproofing, gather in the harvest, and batten down the hatches. Short days, long dark nights. Cold and wet. 

I'm not a Winter person. Did you notice? You'd have thought that the Scot in me would have developed coping strategies by now. Wonder if I have any Mediterranean DNA in me at all. Maybe I have a form of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Although looking at the NHS 'Choices' info pages (https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/), I suspect not.

The good news is that the seasons come round relentlessly. The cycle continues. Within a couple of months I'll be eagerly tracking the sunset's slow progress back North again, looking forward to the new seasonal dawn that is Springtime. Just like I do every year.

When I was in full-time, employed work, commuting to and from that there London during the Winter, I'd get up in the dark, got to work in the dark, travel home in the dark and, other than brief sojourns outdoors at lunchtime, spend my whole working week in the dark. 

Maybe it's the years of doing that, being triggered by those memories, that unsettles me. But, of course, I don't work like that any more. A combination of part-time work at my local college and occasional consultancy and accreditation work means I can now balance workplace visits, classroom sessions and working from home and I have taken control of if, when and how I include daytime travel into my work schedule (and now having a Senior Railcard and getting that off-peak fares discount helps too!)

But there are still dark days. I started to feel out of my depth recently and very concerned that I might be letting people down as a result. Imposter syndrome, basically. I wasn't sleeping, felt sick, anxious, scared that I would be found wanting. Everything that I wanted to avoid feeling, I was experiencing. Dark days indeed.

But if I have learned anything in the last three years since my heart surgery and redundancy, by focussing on my physical and mental health recovery and ongoing maintenance, it has been to not be a victim, to not feel that I have to accept uncomfortable situations and feelings as the norm and try to 'push on'. So I sat down and mapped out what was going on for me, clarified what I felt was 'wrong', what I needed to change and what my options might be to effect that change. And then I shared it - with my wife and with my counsellor - and guess what? Whatever decision I came to was going to be OK.

So I had the courageous conversations that I needed to have with the people that could help me resolve the problem and, together, we made some adjustments and it's going to be all right.

Out of the darkness came a new dawn. I'm good enough. And that's good enough for me.

If you’re fighting your own battle that no-one knows anything about, maybe it would be helpful to share how you’re really feeling. There’s no shame in talking stuff through, in asking for some help.

How are you doing?

We Need To Talk...

This is a repost, but with pictures, of the piece I wrote for the LinkedIn UK HR Group blog http://discusshr.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/we-need-to-talk.html.

Brain fibres enabling communication and neuron connections

At the start of February I attended an inspirational HR-focused event.  It was refreshing to be surrounded by people who had made a conscious choice to be there, who came in their own free time because they shared a genuine interest in the topic and they wanted to learn and be involved.  There was a buzz and a sense of camaraderie, in the way you hope there will be at a learning and awareness session.  My fellow attendees were willing and active participants - honest and authentic.  At the end of the evening there was a mutual conviction that, between us, we can improve the world in which we live and work.  

Neurons

The event was organised in response to reactions to an extraordinary and powerful online blog post published on 12th January – if you have not read it, I urge you to do so now: http://thehrjuggler.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/day-43-courage/

These courageous words resulted in people around the globe talking and tweeting on the subject of Mental Health in the workplace.  With HR interest rising and numerous individuals asking what they could or should do, it was clear that the dialogue needed to be brought into the off as well as on-line arena.  Alison Chisnell, HR Director at Informa (and host of the blog on which Jon, the author, posted his piece) offered a meeting space.  A number of people worked together at speed to determine the format and experts, including Mind, the NHS and various individuals who have been or are impacted by mental health issues, agreed to be speakers and be involved.  Jon went public at the event and wrote about doing so on https://projectlibero.wordpress.com/2013/02/05/it-starts-with-a-conversation/.  There is a simple and well written blog about the evening that is more eloquent than I on the impact of the evening http://treacletiger.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/start-conversation.html.  I hope that by talking here about my own thoughts on the evening and by sharing some of the recommendations made, that I can encourage you too to think about how you should approach this issue in your workplace and with the organisations and people with whom you do business.

According to ACAS Mental Health problems cost employers in the UK £30 billion a year through lost production, recruitment and absence http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1900 .  I suspect that the hidden and non-financial costs have an even more severe impact on work, employees, their friends, families and business.  It is a sad fact that the approach towards Mental Health by the majority of employers is woefully inadequate and the time has come for that to change.  I am not advocating that we form a militant group and campaign, there is an easier solution – to dispel common fears and misconceptions, to remove the stigma and to enable us understand so that we can do the right thing... we simply need to talk.

Despite the fact that one in four of us will suffer Mental Health problems in our lives, there is still a social reticence about admitting to being a victim, and/or living with and supporting someone with Mental Health issues.  It is clear that this reserve is partially rooted in fear.  People don’t know how to start the conversation and they are embarrassed and don’t want to say the wrong thing.  Mental Health is seen by many as a dark and complex issue that, by its very nature, is private and should be hidden from others.  Certainly it is personal – the reasons why people suffer from Mental Health issues are complex and varied and each victim is an individual, so there is no simple, standard approach or treatment.  However, I think we should take a step back and consider ourselves and those we come into contact with. 

Humans are wonderful.  We are sentient and expressive beings – we would all be the poorer for not being able to feel and think about the world around us.  However, there are times when our emotional and mental reactions are overwhelming and uncontrollable and can prevent us from being the person we like and feel we are, or can make us antisocial and potential dangerous (to ourselves or others).  Mental Health is a broad term that encompasses a range of issues such as clinical depression, Bi-polar disorder, anxiety, phobias and Schizophrenia; unlike emotional problems, these cannot be resolved swiftly – they require treatment (often medication and therapy) to control the symptoms and to lessen the impact on the individual and others.  It is probable that a number of Mental Health sufferers are also suffering emotionally and often not just because of their own health but also because of the way in which we, the people they work and interact with, treat them.  The stigma of Mental Health is so strong that people avoid talking about it and hence they exacerbate the problem, because they isolate and alienate individuals who are already suffering.

There is often a fine line between Mental Health and emotional health.  Each one of us is who we are due to the environment in which we have grown up and the circumstances impacting our lives at any moment in time.  I am not naturally tidy, but I have friends who are fastidious; they say it is because of the spotless households in which they lived as children, where even an ornament out of position was viewed as unacceptable – regimented neatness is their comfort zone.   I know others who close in on themselves and cease contributing to discussions whenever voices are raised - they have told me that they were deeply disturbed by arguments between their parents when they were small and that the increased volume of colleagues, enthused or trying to stress a point in an argument, is sufficient to make them feel uncomfortable.  I love films, but potentially I am an embarrassing companion, as I can easily be reduced to a weeping wreck when watching characters show how much they care for each other - I know that this is partially due to my own insecurities, my devotion to my friends and family and my own desire to be loved.  Many parents find news footage depicting suffering children immensely disturbing, because they transpose themselves into the scenario and can imagine how awful they would feel if it was their own offspring.  Each of these people, me included, is reacting emotionally –although emotions can induce some symptoms that are similar to those experienced by a portion of Mental Health sufferers (such as sleeping disorders, anxiety and sadness) these responses tend to be short-term and can be treated and resolved swiftly.  However, many people suffering from Mental Health issues also have to contend with emotional pain, either because of their condition or induced through the reaction of others around them.  Many sufferers feel isolated due to many others’ desire not to bring matters into the open.  By appreciating the impact our emotions have on us, it is perhaps easier to start understanding how others may be feeling.  Empathy is a good step towards trying to support and be helpful.

On a moral and social level we have a responsibility to be considerate towards others.  Even without that, employers have a legal duty of care to employees.    We in HR need to devise strategies to promote well-being and to ensure that we and others are equipped to support when an employee has a problem.   BUT strategies and policies will not solve a problem.  Good managers and colleagues are attuned to those around them – if you know your people and how they are, you can spot when they aren’t themselves.  You must foster a culture of trust and understanding where management and employees are comfortable having non-judgemental and open conversations.   We need people to be able to ask with ease:

                “What do you do to look after your health and well-being? And what can I, your manager, do to help?” 

If managers invest in their people, by talking with them, their team members will in turn be more engaged and committed to their employer.  If employees feel comfortable talking about Mental Health, awareness and understanding will increase and colleagues who are suffering will no longer feel so isolated or ashamed – everyone can be a winner.

Progress won’t happen unless we make an effort.

We have started...come and join us.

As Jon says in his original post: “here’s to 2013 and a change in attitudes...”