Treading a Better Path - Day 35

Day 35 (4th January 2015)

Today is my "silver plate" wedding anniversary - we had a wonderful winter wedding in the Temple Church, London - a beautiful building, created by the Knights Templar in the 12th century (you might have seen it in Harry Potter or The Da Vinci Code).


35 years, if we had been married that long, would be my "coral" wedding anniversary
This stunning macro photography shows dragon-eye zoanthid coral.
Reef making corals use up 2.5 times more energy per hour than a resting human

The popular Gemma Reucroft is responsible for today's post. Gemma, an HR Director within the healthcare sector, writer and speaker, is a much loved personality within the HR social media community - encouraging, supportive and knowledgeable. A great person to contact for advice or suggestions. She writes a couple of  a well followed blogs - hrgemblog.com and careergem-blog.com. She lives and works in Yorkshire. On Twitter she is aptly known as @HR_Gem.

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When I saw that the theme for this year’s advent blog was Paths and Perspectives, there was really only one thing that I could write about.  I have written about it before, for my first contribution to an advent blog, but it feels like it is time to revisit those thoughts. 

Three years ago, I was morbidly obese. 

When you are overweight, the perspectives come built in and held fast.  And every single one  of them starts with the words ‘I can’t’.  I can’t lose weight.  I can’t stick to a diet.  I can’t do any exercise.  I can’t find time to go to the gym. 

But can’t is only a perspective, no matter how tightly held. 

I’d walked the path to obesity very slowly.  Taking such small steps that I barely noticed it. Being overweight takes a lot from you, big things and small.  But like the fabled boiling frog, so incrementally as not to alarm.  Being able to wear high heels.  Being able to walk up a flight of stairs without pausing for breath.  Being able to find pleasure in shopping for clothes.  And then one day comes a realisation.  This path is leading to no place good.  This path leads to the sofa.  To spending more time with my special friends Ben and Jerry.  To ill health and sadness. 

Aptly named!

So I changed my perspective and got the hell off it.  Weight loss and fitness doesn’t start in the gym.  They don’t start in the kitchen.  It starts inside your own head. 

As I stand on my path today, I can turn and look back over the last three years.  Behind me I can see every milestone. One stone, two stone, three stone, four.  The piles of discarded clothes.  The bins stuffed full off food that I used to love but was doing me harm.  The first 5K that I ran with my team, that I didn’t think I could do but instead beat the time that I had secretly set for myself.  But I turn back around, because I am not going that way.   In front of me on my chosen path is the next milestone to stomp all over.  The big one.  Target Weight.  Not to mention running the 10K that I promised myself I would get fit enough for.

Yorkshire milestone

I have learned much walking this path over the last three years.  That I am capable of more than I thought I was.  That there are some people who will cheer you on every step of the way, and some who will not. That you can fall off the path or temporarily get diverted, but find your way again just the same.  I have learned that there will be plenty of people with an opinion they are happy to impart, but what matters most is your own opinion and feelings about what is right for you. 

When celebrating a recent milestone, someone asked me ‘when are you going to stop?’. 

For me, there is no stop.  I am walking a path to better health, to fitness, to strength.  This path is my life.

Whilst we cannot choose everything that happens to us or the path that life takes us on, I firmly believe that you are entirely in control of your perspective.  And to anyone who is thinking about making a change like this in their life I will say only this.  If I can do it, anyone can. 

Gemma - fit and fabulous

You Can Get it if You Really Want by Jimmy Cliff

The Harder they Come, Island Records, 1972

Gulp...Friction

Warning – this post includes spoilers for the film Pulp Fiction.

Why is it so hard at times to find your mojo? I know that I’m not the only one of us who has sat looking at a blank page or the commencement of a project, wondering where to start. Even prior to composing this blog I had to take a deep breath – like bracing myself before a dive into an icy pool – and try to summon some determination and enthusiasm to bring up the goods. It’s not that I don’t like writing; it’s just that all of us occasionally have days when it is hard to feel motivated. The root of the problem is friction between what you know you should do and what you actually feel motivated to achieve.

Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help yourself, as both change and action are influenced by attitude:

• Think of a reward that you will enjoy once you have started to break the back of the task – a cup of tea? A phone call that you’ve been wanting to make? A walk? Lunch with a friend? A fresh picked plum from the garden? But be careful to remain aware of your reaction towards short and long-term gain.

Drinking Tea, Konstantin Makovsky 1839-1915

• Act as though you are inspired and engaged – research shows that if you pretend to be happy and motivated – smiling, encouraging others and explaining your plans in a positive and uplifting manner – you often begin to feel the way that you are appearing, because the body releases confidence boosting hormones. 

• Inspire yourself by looking back on great things that you have done and avoid mistakes by understanding when things have not gone as planned. Think about ways that you have succeeded or failed in completing similar tasks or projects in the past. Can you use the same approach; are there some short cuts to success that might help you or things you should avoid.

• Try positivity – there are a number of viral challenges circulating round Social Media at the moment, that have their roots in psychology – for example #3Goodthings on Twitter, where people list three occurrences that have made their day enjoyable. If you can, make sure that listing small successes, or the ground that you have gained towards achieving a dreaded task, occurs in your record on a regular basis. 

• Mix with a different group of people – if those around you are dragging you down, or preventing you from getting on with something important, spend less time with them, so that you don’t become tainted by their attitude and approach. This approach is advocated in sport, but can apply to any aspect of life.

• 
• Frame your thoughts in a different manner – instead of fretting that “I can’t do it”, change the sentence into “I can do it if…” and fill in the blanks – often that can be sufficient to get you started. As Jimmy Cliff once sang “You Can Get It If You Really Want”. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18EAqHx2lMk

What is it that makes or prevents people from doing that which they know they should?

On Saturday evening our family watched Pulp Fiction. The film is 20 years old this year, but it still has the ability to surprise, shock and make you think. The longer I ponder the plot and its themes the more I get out of it.

 

A clever film, it is superficially about the apathy and nihilism of our modern, Western culture, however, the more compelling sub-plots are the personal dilemmas and contrasts between the characters. The distinct segmentation of the film hangs together on the threads of care and duty that individuals bear towards one another. Self-interest and personal preservation are strong motivators for all of the characters, but the film is deeper than that. Two of the three core individuals, namely Butch and Jules, are on journeys of self-discovery from moral corruption to compassion and a degree of spiritual awakening. They are in contrast to Vincent, who is unable to appreciate his need to change. Symbolically he is isolated from others at crucial stages in the plot (deliberately removing himself further from those around him by retiring to the toilet, where he pontificates to himself or immerses himself in the fantasy world of a Modesty Blaise comic). It is this self-isolation that ultimately leads to his demise. In contrast to Jules, Vincent refuses to see any greater meaning to his life, indeed he chooses indulge in a trashy existence, even stealing the dance trophy (as announced in the background on the radio when Butch returns to his flat) and only blowing a kiss to Mia, the nearest he gets to a genuine relationship, once she is no longer looking at him and hence he can avoid the emotional connection with another being.

We in the world of work can learn a lot from Pulp Fiction:

 

• People are inspired to do the right things when they have a sense of purpose. The speech that Jules makes at the end, in the diner, (superbly acted by Samuel L. Jackson), is haunting and in contrast to the recited, pseudo biblical sermon that he ritually makes when killing people as a hit-man. The intensity in his eyes as he says "You are the weak and I am the tyranny of evil men, but I’m tryin’…I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.” stays with you, and it is this passion that inspires the robbers to depart, leaving the briefcase and thereby enabling Jules to complete his last task for his boss.

• Accidents will happen (witness poor Marvin) and effort usually is required to clear things up – indeed, sometimes, external assistance is the necessary solution to ensure that a job gets done (Winston Wolfe clearly makes a good living as an efficient “cleaner” and some of my best friends are consultants).  

• People will do the wrong things when there is friction and discord or if they are frightened (witness the massacre in the flat, especially when Brett’s associate bursts from the bathroom and fires wildly, missing his targets, but creating greater carnage). 

• Most individuals are self-seeking, but can be encouraged to rise above their base needs, and contribute towards the greater good, if they have a vision that inspires them. Butch’s decision to rescue Marcellus from the rapists is partially self-seeking, in that it provides him with an opportunity to reduce the longer-term danger to himself and his girlfriend, but he also does decide to help a man, who only a short while earlier was seeking to kill him, after a moment of deliberation, because he knows it is the right thing to do. 

• People are inspired by people, Butch needs the motivation provided by thoughts of his father (symbolised by the gold watch) to encourage him to do the right thing.  

• There will always be some who are inclined towards anti-social and inappropriate behaviour, be it stealing the office stationary (the equivalent of Mia going through Vince’s pockets to help herself to drugs) or taking advantage of others (clearly the victimisation by the rapists is extreme, but they act as a reminder that bullying and harassment should never be tolerated).

Inspiration can come from almost anywhere – I rediscovered my mojo to write this business-orientated post through what, on the surface, appears to be a film with nothing to do with the world of work. Like in Pulp Fiction, life can appear to be a series of compartmentalised experiences – home, work, time with friends, going to the gym, doing the shopping… but there is always a thread of connection. Traditionally a mojo was attached to its wearer by a thread or cord - a mojo being a small bag, often of red flannel, containing herbs, talismans (such as coins) and charms. It was a common belief, particularly amongst rural African Americans in the 19th century, that a person with a mojo could protect themselves from harm, as well as being able to influence others, for their own advantage.  Although the belief in a mojo's supernatural powers has fallen away, the expressed desire for having a mojo remains in common parlance. It is no longer an object of fear, but a phrase that means we feel inspired and energised to do things. 
 

I hope you have your mojo with you today and hence possess the drive and motivation to achieve your goals with ease. Part of the magic of a mojo was created through the mixing together of "magic" ingredients - almost like an ointment. It was a way of using the supernatural to lubricate life and make it an easier ride. In that spirit...may your challenges prove surmountable and slip by easily, instead of you being left to traverse the rough potholes and gulp at friction.

Difficult Discussions

I often wonder why people in the corporate environment are so sensitive about feedback.  If we were athletes or sportsmen, we would welcome suggestions as to how we can enhance our performance.  However, many employees find “constructive criticism” difficult – in tough economic times it can make individuals feel that their position is insecure, the resultant worry reducing their contribution further  and potentially having a knock on effect on others.  When the market starts picking up, it is your disengaged employees (good performers as well as bad) who will be the first to take up opportunities elsewhere.

We all know that performance reviews are a crucial part of modern corporate life – if people don’t know how they are doing, how can they improve?  Without effective key performance indicators (KPIs) how can we measure how well employees and the business are doing and ensure that everything is on track?  Data is becoming increasingly important, but it is crucial to remember that the employees who make a business succeed are people and not just numbers in a spreadsheet or a formula.  Even when having “difficult conversations” – such as informing an employee that they have not met required levels of performance or behaviour, you should take care to be calm, professional and informative.  Here are a dozen simple actions and approaches that can make a meeting easier for both parties:

• Don’t delegate the discussion to someone else, if you are nervous or feel that having a witness is necessary, bring a colleague or member of HR but let the employee know that you are doing so;

• Come prepared and hold the meeting in a suitable place with no distractions or interruptions;

• Remain calm – for any professional manager this discussion should be about their team member’s performance and should never disintegrate into a character assassination nor be used as an opportunity to humiliate someone;

• Have facts to hand to substantiate your comments (such as the mutually agreed objectives and specific examples of where performance and results have fallen short);

• Remember that performance = ability x motivation;

• Determine whether the person is capable of doing what is expected - do they have the aptitude, training and necessary resources?;

• It is easy to ask someone whether they have what they need to do a job;their answer (and the way they say it) will probably tell you much of what you need to know about their approach, frustrations and attitude.  The simple fact that you have asked for their input may go a long way towards resolving a problem, because you have signalled that you are interested and prepared to help;

• Be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view – there may be facts and circumstances that you are unaware of;

• If they cite external factors as the reason for poor performance, look into their claims; sometimes people find it easier to blame others before admitting to their own weaknesses, but if they are correct there may be other issues that also need to be resolved;

• Verify whether they are willing to make the required effort to do the job well and, if not, find out why not;

• Don’t wait until the meeting to inform an employee that you are disappointed with their contribution – a good manager has regular discussions with their team members and both parties should know how things are going at any stage of the year; and

• Remember to comment on the things a person has done well, in addition to discussing the areas for improvement – if you leave some of these points until near the end of the meeting both parties are more likely to leave in a positive frame of mind.

Remember this dozen

People usually respond better to praise than criticism – Aesop’s fable of the Sun and the North Wind competing to get the traveller to remove his cloak has a sound moral message.  Gentle warmth towards others will often achieve results faster than harsh words and hostility. 

Increasingly work is becoming less repetitive task orientated and is requiring individuals to use their initiative and knowledge to achieve complicated and sophisticated outcomes.  Incentivising performance is a conventional way of encouraging people to perform as required.  However, rewards do not have to be financial (indeed, money is often not the most effective motivator 

as demonstrated in Daniel Pink’s excellent talk at the RSA (one of my favourite RSA Animates):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

Simple praise, granting autonomy, staying in touch throughout the year, being interested and saying thank you for work well done, can often achieve more, through motivating and engaging an individual, than a manager will ever do through demoralising criticism in the annual review.

So here's to "getting better" at treating people like people and hence getting the best out of them (with thanks to the Beatles).

Perceiving Threats

Please excuse my typing – I allowed myself (through my own stupidity) to get stung by a bee whilst checking the hives yesterday.  My left arm is a third larger than my right and an attractive shade of virgin’s-blush red combined with radiating the heat of a Korean Bibimbap stone-cooking-bowl, which has not added to my physical appeal or capabilities.  My sons tell me that I am an idiot to keep bees when I react badly to stings, but it was my fault: I was clumsy, in a rush and did not treat the colony with due respect, so I shouldn’t complain at an alarmed bee’s response to a perceived threat.  A similar reaction can be perceived in corporate life when employees do not feel that they have been given due consideration and the time necessary for their issues to be understood.  Good leaders need to keep their eyes open and their wits about them to perceive and avoid potential risks. 

There is significant, compelling research to support the claim that the majority of employees leave their employer due to a poor relationship with their boss – like the defending bee (it was doomed to death when it sting me), employees are prepared to sacrifice their role within an established group and their living in order to rectify something that they don’t like and which they feel strongly about.  The Saratoga Institute, considered by many to be the world leader in third-party exit interviews and employee engagement surveys, conducted a survey using data from 19,700 exit interviews and questionnaires, it revealed that 89% of managers believe employees leave for more money.  (It is a very human trait to seek rationale that seems to prove that undesirable outcomes are not attributable to you).  Whereas, in fact, the survey found that 88% of employees leave for reasons other than money.  Ironically, most of the attributed reasons for a good employee’s departure can be laid at the door of management.  The ten most frequently mentioned issues that employees say companies do poorly, which contribute to their desire to leave an employer, are:

Poor management – being supervised by apparently uncaring and unprofessional managers; feeling overworked;  being shown little or no respect; not being listened to; managers putting people in the wrong jobs or ignoring performance issues that impact on others; demand for speed over quality; and a poor manager selection processes.

Lack of career growth and advancement opportunities – people see no perceivable career paths for themselves; job openings are not plainly advertised, nor communicated internally and not filled from within; employees object to blatant favouritism or what they perceive as unfair promotions.

Poor communications – People are aware of issues with communicating, especially top-down and between departments; this is notably problematical after mergers; poor interaction between functions often results in individuals focussing on internal frictions rather than getting on with the job at hand.

Pay – people feel that they are paid under-market or less than their contributions warrant; blatant pay inequities within a team or across divisions/borders grate; slow raises or lack of reward despite results and contribution; apparent favouritism for bonuses/raises; ineffective appraisals.

Lack of recognition – remember even simply saying “thank you” can make a difference

Poor senior leadership – leaders seen to be not listening, asking, or investing in employees; senior leaders seen as unresponsive, aloof or isolated; leaders sending out mixed messages.

Lack of training – non-existent or superficial training provided; no support for new hires, recently appointed managers and no provision of development to enable career progression.

Excessive workload – employees told that they have to do more with less, without knowing why; employers seen to be sacrificing quality and customer service/relationships for numbers.

Lack of tools and resources - insufficient, malfunctioning, outdated, equipment/supplies; overwork without relief or at the least a communicated timeframe for resolution.

Lack of teamwork - poor co-worker cooperation and/or commitment; lack of inter-departmental coordination.

To retain top rate employees you need to provide them with a work environment that inspires, supports and enables them.  In today’s demanding business environment, we all need people who are prepared “to go the extra mile” and, for them to do that, they need to feel motivated and inspired by their environment and what they can achieve. 

On many occasions over the years I have pondered what motivates individuals – none more so than Friday a week ago when I listened to an excellent talk given by Sir Ranulph Feinnes.  I admire his stamina and achievements (he, with two former army colleagues, Oliver Shephard and Charles Burton, was the first man to visit both poles by surface means and to completely cross Antarctica on foot accompanied by Dr Mike Stroud, who took advantage of the opportunity to study the human body under severe stress) however for the main part the challenges he has overcome are not things that appeal to me (I wouldn’t mind finding a lost city buried in the sand - the one he located is purported to be Iram, the City of “the lofty pillars” mentioned in the Quran and located in Oman – it was supposed to have been driven into the sands after its king disregarded prophets’ warnings; but having to amputate digits after over exposure to the elements is low on my list of desired achievements and I cannot even begin to imagine completing seven marathons on seven continents within a seven day period).

When asked what drove him on, Sir Ranulph explained that he did not want to let others down – be it his wife who had compiled an agenda and relied on him to follow it to ensure that he returned home, or colleagues who were waiting with a boat and did not want to become ice-locked during the cold winter months and so needed him to arrive within a specified timeframe or, in moments of extremis, his father and grandfather (both of whom died before he was born) as they have been his inspirational heroes throughout his life and he would not want to fall short of what he imagines to be their expectations of him.  Each of us is driven by different things and an astute employer should be aware of this and communicate accordingly.  A few years ago, Tesco categorised employees into groups and used different incentives to appeal to each section in a bid to ensure maximum engagement – those looking to raise money to travel are not likely to be inspired in the same way as those with ambitious aspirations to be on the Tesco Board or indeed those who came to work in a store because it provides them with a welcome income and opportunity to socialise whilst working with fellow adults, before returning home to look after a family.

As some of the current Olympic themed web pages show (for example the BBC page where, using your height and weight, you can align your body to that of a competing athlete http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19050139 ) the world is made up of diverse individuals.  We each like to be treated with consideration and respect and can turn unpleasant when we don’t like what we perceive is happening to us (a bit like the bee that stung me).  However, the key is often in the perception.  Good leaders ensure that they communicate effectively and frequently with those around them.  This needs to be a two-way dialogue.  If I had been more alert to the bee and its predicament (it became trapped in the folds of my suit sleeve before it stung me) I would not be in my current uncomfortable state.  Did you know that when a bee stings you it releases a pheromone to encourage other bees to sting as well, ideally in the same location (perhaps how the phase making a bee line came about).  I have learned much from the experience and will be more careful and observant in the future.  Please learn from my mistakes... 

It is always wise to prevent a problem before it occurs, rather than having to contend with an escalating problem.