Damn Good - Day 21

Friday 21st December 2018 

21 Shillings make a Guinea - although no longer circulated (it ceased being minted in 1814),
the term guinea survives as a unit of account in some fields, including horse racing, Oxbridge May
Ball tickets and the sale of rams to mean an amount of one pound and one shilling (21 shillings)
which is £1.05. It was the first English machine-struck gold coin, originally worth one pound sterling,
equal to twenty shillings, but rises in the price of gold relative to silver caused the value of the guinea
to increase, at times to as high as thirty shillings. From 1717 to 1816, its value was officially
fixed at twenty-one shillings.

I am not going to be back in the office until after Christmas - it has been so full-on over the past few days and weeks that that feels really weird. We had a great party last night. Today I am driving to Somerset to take my mother to hospital. All being well, she and I are looking forward to going out to dinner tonight with friends and some other members of the family. It will be wonderful to spend some quality time with loved ones. The older I get the more I appreciate the importance of love and relationships. Is there someone or some people you can see or renew contact with at this festive time? My mother is sliding into severe dementia; I am so glad that we made and cherished our moments together over the years, as you can never get that time back.

Today's post is reflective and open. It is by Sara Duxbury, whose post last year caused a lot of positive and active discussion about mental health, friendship and the workplace.  Sara is an amazing lady, full of energy and ideas; she works as a business psychologist and is Head of Commercial at Carter Corson. After studying Psychology, Sara commenced her career in Retail and held operational roles before moving into Learning and Development and through that into HR. She has been an award winning HR Director with particular expertise in Professional Services. Sara has an excellent reputation as a thought-leader and is an active and engaging member of the social media community; you can connect with her on Twitter (her handle is @SaraJDux).

All the illustrations and music in this post were selected by Sara herself.

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#MyStory – the sequel

If last year’s blog was about putting myself out there, this year is about how I lost myself out there.

When I wrote my Advent Blog this time last year (http://kategl.blogspot.com/2018/01/mystory-day-37.html)  the response I received was completely unprecedented. I was incredibly humbled by words of respect, admiration, love and the “we knew you were mad, and we love you anyway”. I was in fact quite speechless (which for those who know me, you will know the world must have been considerably quieter for a moment!). The whole experience at the time, felt like the ultimate high five!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmDzqWqTXa8

Martin Luke Brown - Opalite

When I reflect on the year that has passed since, I can see that there have been unexpected consequences, which have caused me heartache

Having a public support network meant that what I used to keep private, I now get support from my work colleagues and my friends – I have help. I bet you’re thinking how can this be a bad thing Sara? But all my coping strategies involved up until then… me. To now have people caring and wanting to share the burden was and is strangely difficult. I find it hard not to withdraw.

My self-confidence took a serious battering – I felt afraid and doubted myself. I still do on an hourly/daily basis. By being so honest to myself, I think I have made myself vulnerable and my imposter syndrome just LOVES that. I’m still learning how to channel that negative drain into positive energy.

My worst fear did come true – some people did and do judge me. Some do view my behaviour without understanding where it might be coming from. I think if they could spend some time inside my head, they might be kinder?

I’m overdoing it – my off-switch has completely left the building. You know you need to look at your wellbeing when you are conducting a three-week sleep study on yourself to determine if you are getting enough sleep! Maybe I think I need to prove myself more? (see previous two points)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dmQ3QWpy1Q

Linkin Park & Kiiara – Heavy

I remember disagreeing with quite a few people last year who described me as brave. I feel more like this year I have needed to be brave, and I think I will need to continue to be brave to begin/carry on making good choices in this brave new Dux world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwPa71UZRaQ

The Wombats – Lemon to a Knife Fight

I can only do my best and I think I need to learn that my best is good enough. Hope is seeing photos of me like the below (thank you Kelly Swingler!) where I see captured, just for a moment, a glimpse of that girl who still gets so much joy from a wonky life (especially if it involves tacos!).

So, if you are someone who doesn’t struggle with your mental health, use your powers for good.

To quote this awesome girl I know: “My biggest hope is that by sharing my story, you who are sitting there battling on both sides, or you managing someone with mental health struggles. Look at me and see you CAN be the best version of you, be DAMN good at what you do, and be a bit bat-shit crazy” Here’s to hope…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_5WHnQd9pY

Curtis Walsh – Full Recovery

On The Right Path - Day 13

Day 13

13 - A Baker's Dozen 

(The practice of baking 13 items for an intended dozen was insurance 

against the items being lower than the statutory weight & incurring a fine)

Illustration of ancient Egyptian bakers from recently discovered tomb of Ken-Amun,

he was in charge of overseeing the royal records during the 19th Dynasty (1315-1201 B.C.)

Today's post is by Susannah Wheeler. Susannah is a freelance creative photographer and writer, with a background in customer service, before branching out on her own. Susannah's passion for photography shows in the pictures she posts via social media - check them out on her Twitter account (@EnglishFreckle). She is a capable writer (as you can see below) and also edits and proof reads for others. This is a brave and impactful post. It is a pleasure having Susannah as part of my Twitter community; as yet we do not know each other well but I am looking forward to deepening our relationship in the year to come. 

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"Paths and Perceptions"

Seeing that title struck a chord after a week when everything shifted. My perception of my life is very different to how everyone else seems to see it. Aged 14 at school, if we didn’t score above 80% in an exam, it was classed as a fail, ‘everyone’ except a couple of us from that school went to University, I chose a different path. I’ve been choosing different paths since I was a child. Show me the easy way and I’ll go the other way. My ambition when I was younger was to be a mum (and married), to be like my mum and dad, to provide children with a kind, supportive and loving childhood like they had.  So reaching 34, having not scored above 80% in every exam (or indeed many), not going to Uni, and getting divorced with 2 children, my perception of success was a bit skewed. 

Different

Reach 44 and it’s definitely time to take stock and reframe things.  In the last two months the word ‘Mindfulness’ has been brought to my attention with increasing regularity – visually and actually – watching and listening to a speaker talk about it, while I was there as a photographer, not as a conference delegate. But it made me think.  Shove it to one side once the usual day to day stuff takes over, roll forwards a couple of weeks and the woods and trees are closing in.  A friend mentions it in passing in conversation.  So I downloaded the App and bought the book.  After five minutes into a ten minute meditation session, I fell asleep.  Guess that worked then – clearing everything out of my mind and thinking.  But the thoughts got too much and I didn’t want to face them all. 

Overwhelmed by Elena Covalciuc Vieriu

Until a different friend asked why? From his view point  I was fine and doing very well.  So I explained and talked a bit more.  So ‘forgive your younger self’ he said. OK, what for?  For following her own path, her heart and her instinct at the time? Looking at it like that, there’s not a lot to forgive. What a moment.  Hello – you can now get on with the rest of your life!  So I’m not living in a big house, with a husband and our children, like a lot of my friends are. But I’m living my life, walking my path with the people I love close by.

There are a lot of things that I have done that I’m very proud of, making the decision to leave a job of 7 years that, whilst emotionally fulfilling, was neither helping my bank account, nor my creativity.  So I left to become freelance; to take photographs and to write for a living. A massive risk but one I had to take and really I wasn’t as concerned as many of my friends were. A year later, I’m still doing it – unexpected people have opened doors for me, and pulled me through them. With masses of encouraging words, they have rebuilt my confidence, which I had thought was a bit more than broken.

Doors opening to new opportunities
(view in Tuscany)

Some of these are brand new friends, who I’ve met through the world of Twitter. Without them, hearing about their perceptions and the paths they’ve chosen, I wouldn’t be quite where I am today.

Last week I posted a photograph of a tunnel of trees saying ‘there’s light at the end of the tunnel’ – the week before, my light seemed like it was turned off.  It wasn’t, it just had some unhelpful thoughts and perceptions covering it.  With a bit of help from the right person at the right time, the light at the end of that path is shining more brightly than it has ever done.  My perception has shifted, it’s changed and I will be eternally grateful.  Just because I hadn’t taken the path that I thought I would take when I was younger.  Whether it was actually there and I chose a different one, who knows.  Ultimately it’s the path I’m on right now that matters and it’s a pretty amazing one and I do know I’m very lucky.

Light at the end of the tunnel
by Susannah Wheeler

I’m not living happily married in a house with a husband and 2.4 children.  I’m living happily in a flat, with two children and a cat.  My life path isn’t the one I thought I’d be on when I was 14 or 24.  But finally I’ve got there, at 44 to understand and accept that the path I’m on is mine. Chosen by me.  There is a lot of light surrounding this path and I am appreciative of everything that I have.  I’m also very aware that nothing stays the same.   Just because I’m not on the path I’d imagined, doesn’t mean that I’ve failed.  It means I’ve lived; I’ve made my own choices and walked the long way round. 

Maybe next time there’s an option I’ll choose the direct route.  But somehow I doubt it!

One of Susannah's photos
Robin singing his heart out
amongst the poppies at The Tower of London

Take The Long Way Home - Supertramp, 

composed and sung by Roger Hodgson