Taming Your Adversity - Day 35

Day 35 (Thursday 4th January 2018)

35 years on top of a tall pillar in an old temple sited near Aleppo in Syria - the
chosen abode of Saint  Simeon the Stylite (it is his feast day today).  He lived on
a platform 1 meter square (surrounded by a baluster) on the pillar that was fifty foot
from the ground until 459AD. The Saint had spent the previous two years on a 9 foot
pillar but found the general public intrusive. He was consulted by emperors and
leading theologians. His was provided with food by local boys who would climb the pillar
with parcels of flat bread and goats milk or else he raised up food, drink and messages via a rope.

Today is my wedding anniversary - 26 years!! We are going to out celebrate with our sons at a smart restaurant in central London. It is amazing how time flies. I can remember as though it was yesterday making my way on my father's arm through Middle Temple on our way to the Temple Round Church - it was drizzling and I had a long cream train to my dress, so keeping it out of the damp was a challenge. My bridesmaids were dressed in dark green velvet and we all had garlands of holly, ivy and winter berries. My shoes were heeled with the same ornate cream silk that formed part of my dress.

Today's post is by Mike Shaw. It is nearly a celebration day for him too - it's his birthday in a few days. Happy early birthday Mike! Mike says more about his background below (it has had some significant ups and downs), but you might be interested to know that he studied Sociology and Psychology at Liverpool, before completing an MA in Sociology at Leeds. He is also a qualified coach. 

Mike lives in Manchester and, after commencing his career in Education, crossed into the commercial world in 2011, commencing as a Learning Consultant. Over the years he has built on his skills and he undertook further personal development and training, before accepting a permanent role eight months ago as an L&D Advisor for Mitie Plc. He believes in fairness, diversity and inclusion at the heart of the workplace and espouses the use of learning and development to enhance performance and achieve strategic aims. Mike writes a blog, Shaw Things and is active on social media - you can find him on Twitter under @MikeShawLD or on Snapchat as MikeShawLD.

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Running in the cold and wet isn’t exactly my idea of fun. Yet there I was in my shorts and t-shirt trying to avoid the puddles and dodge the car splashes, and I was beginning to wonder if I’d made a mistake going running in this weather. Strangely, though, I felt a kind of exhilaration. I felt a resolve, that despite the abysmal weather and the burning cold sensation, I would keep going. Somehow, the adverse conditions seemed to conspire to speed me up and build my determination.

As I ran, it hit me that this experience, right now, was a useful metaphor for my past couple of years and, indeed, beyond. To be honest, at that exact moment I was surprised I was able to think at all, but somehow despite the adverse conditions, or maybe because of them, I had clarity of purpose in what I was doing and, critically, a vision for what I wanted to achieve. In this case it was not only to finish this run but also to set myself a target of running a half-marathon.

Earlier in the year I wrote about the importance of creating my own sunshine, and now I realise that this goes alongside navigating the cold and rain. As 2017 comes to an end it’s naturally got me reflecting on the past two years. The beginning of 2016 was a time of change for me. I wasn’t sure what my future held, where I’d be working, or even what I wanted from my future career. Nevertheless, I embarked upon a new professional life. However unknown or scary it might have been, in my eyes, I only had one choice - grab life and make the most of it.

In the words of Friedrich Nietzsche and Kelly Clarkson, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!” It might sound glib, especially in a pop song, but if I look back at my past 30 years, that is how I have tried to live, and like many, I have had my own modest set of hurdles to clear. At 16 I failed my O’ levels. At 19 I barely passed my A’ levels.  At 33, as a married man, I came out as gay and split from my wife.  At 40 I had a relationship break-up. At 44 I found myself in a toxic and stressful work environment. And at 49 I had a ‘career crisis’, followed by a ten-month journey to establish a new one.  

As I look at each of these written in front of me, some of them having considerably faded, although they have been incredibly impactful on me and on others, with the lapse of time their magnitude has lessened and they seem like part and parcel of life. I know that people experience vastly more challenging events in their lives, and I am in awe of how they often emerge with an even greater capacity for achievement. I feel I’ve been exceptionally fortunate in life so far, but you deal with what’s in front of you, or as they say in snooker, you play the balls.

Without sounding grandiose, with each life event, I have attempted to use it and grow from it. Rather than get knocked down, I guess today we’d say that I demonstrated resilience.

Though I'm sure they did, I don’t recall people talking much about resilience years ago. When reading about psychological resilience, I like Brad Water’s description of it as, “riding the waves of adversity, rather than being pulled under by the torrent”.  I think this nicely describes the, sometimes, fine line of adversity. That said, I don’t want to misrepresent myself as someone who was close to ‘going under’ and, somehow, managed to embrace the positivity in a moment of challenge. That’s not really me, or at least that’s not my self-perception. Without doubt, there have been times of darkness but I'm a pragmatist. I'm an optimistic cynic and I'm conscious that I don’t want to set myself as an example of how to deal with life’s stuff.

I don’t particularly want to make this into a ‘top tips’ blog but as I’ve reflected, it has helped me to identify my own strengths and, of course, areas for development. Maybe others will take something from it, maybe they won’t. We all have our ways of approaching and dealing with things. Interestingly, I think my own pragmatism sometimes stops me from considering what I draw upon. But in the midst of my reflections, I have realised these have served me well:

Doing new things! I’ve loved developing new skills, such as making videos and podcasts, doing an Ignite talk, and blogging, to mention just a few. In a non-work context I’ve run my first 10K, been to my first jazz concert, and experienced my first live opera. All these, in very different ways, have been enlightening and invigorating.

Taking a “don’t ask, don’t get” approach. The worse that can happen is that people say no, but they rarely do. So, I’ve asked and, through people’s generosity, I’ve got!

Being creative. I don’t particularly consider myself a creative person, despite my O’ level Art (yes, I did pass that!). However, creativity comes in many forms and, of course, as a designer of learning I am exercising creativity.

Using humour and having fun. I use this a lot. I try to see the funny or lighter side of life. A well-placed joke or a bit of play with your colleagues can do wonders.

Being kind to myself. I try not to place too much pressure on myself to always be doing positive and productive activities. I aim to be good enough in what I do and, sometimes, putting things off until tomorrow is absolutely fine.

Finding good people.  As I have written about before, I have built up my networked and learned so much from people. I’ve gained encouragement, confidence, new skills, and so much more.

Using positive self-talk. Sometimes easier said that done but my inner voice is usually my friend and able to tell me that I will be fine. So far it’s been right!

Although, at first, the challenges in my life knocked me back, I know that each and every one of them acted as a driving force. Without these events, in all likelihood, I would have travelled a very different path and my life would look very different. I haven’t let these events define me but, without doubt, they have shaped me. Out of my adversity, emerged hope, and out of hope came new opportunities and new life. My learning is that, whatever the weather, I need to keep running, because that is how I grow.

Soft Fruit and Hard Balls

I have spent the past week in South Africa on business.  It is a beautiful, complex and inspiring country and I appreciate how fortunate I am to enjoy some time here, gaining a better understanding of the environment and working with its people.  On Saturday, on the advice of a friend, I went to explore the charming town of Franschhoek in the Cape Wine region.  On arrival it reminded me slightly of Arrowtown, the gold mining town established in 1862 in the Central Otago region of South Island, New Zealand.  Both locations have amazing mountain backdrops; produce exceptional wines; are located near good golf courses; can boast charming, well-preserved, rural architecture, predominantly dating back to the mid-nineteenth century - you might be interested to know that Franschhoek was only formally declared a town in 1881, having formerly been a nameless “dorp” (small town on the Platteland) for over two centuries.  Both towns’ successes are founded on the arrival of productive and passionate settlers (in particular the Huguenots in South Africa - but that is a topic for another day).  The towns’ buildings are adorned with Victorian-style artefacts, such as verandahs and sash windows, and to this day they have retained an old world charm, with tree lined avenues and space, that make them feel like the European towns that many settlers had left behind. In each location, these attractive stone buildings were only erected after initial pioneers had established themselves, living frugally, with little other than basic tools and their bare hands to forge a place within a wild and inhospitable environment.

Platteland at Frenschhoek

Each town is beautiful and appealing, but there are darker sides to their development that are also important factors in making them into what they have now become.  Each has a history of slavery, exclusion and exploitation (the Chinese miners at Arrowtown were invited to come and seek gold, but only once the majority of European originated miners had given up and moved on, due to the diminishing levels of gold).  The Chinese, seen as alien foreigners, were ostracised by the wider community, so that they were forced to reside in miserable accommodation and conditions, far away from the main town.  

Chinese gold miners' accommodation

In Franschhoek slaves were imported from countries such as Malaysia, other regions of Africa and India, soon after the land was colonised.  These slaves undertook hard labour on the land to create productive homesteads and grow produce for trade and supporting the Dutch East India Company ships and other vessels rounding The Cape.  The deliberate introduction of slaves was a clear alternative to utilising the local indigenous people - the San and the Khoikhoi bushmen in South Africa, whom the setters considered primitive.   The indigenous people had little desire to work for or with the Europeans - their culture was fundamentally different, being bushmen they did not appreciate the concept of homesteads and the ownership of land; they were by choice nomadic hunter-gatherers and herdsmen.  Indeed, it was not until the after the two tribes had merged to become the Khoisans, and their populace was decimated by Smallpox (brought over from Europe in 1713 by setters and against which the bushmen had no immunity) - resulting in their numbers being reduced from over 200,000 to a mere 15,000 - that they were compelled into living and working with the colonialists in order to survive.   They became farm hands as the main activities around Franschhoek were the production of orchard and soft fruit such as apricots and grapes.  The Khoisan have left little by way of a tangible legacy of their own culture, other than intriguing rock art and cave paintings - some of which show the influence of the colonial settlers at the time that the traditional bushmen lifestyle in the Cape region was in decline.

Bushmen rock art

In New Zealand, the Maori also were nomadic people and regularly used to pass through Arrowtown on route to hunting the giant Moa birds (not unlike the African Ostrich) and seeking greenstone, which they treasured for making beautiful and functional tools. (Neither the Maoris nor the African bushmen developed smithing and smelting skills to make their own metal artefacts, prior to the arrival of Europeans).  The Maoris were not in favour of the settlers’ arrival and possession of land - as with the tribes in South Africa, they did not share the same outlook and ways of living.  And, like the Khoikhoi and San aboriginals, the Maori were talented and exuberant artists, leaving rock art and various artefacts, as a memory and record of their time in the land.  Neither indigenous peoples survived contact with the new arrivals without significant change to their own cultures and way of living.  Much was lost as well as gained by the contact.  One thing that was lost forever was their unique and perhaps simpler outlook on the world based on they own experiences.  Contact with different cultures and approaches inevitably results in change.  As Lady Bracknell comments in Oscar Wilde’s play The Importance of Being Ernest: 

“Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone.”

The parallels between the two towns and their people continue to amaze me: more recently, both locations saw a decline in populations until the 1950s, when they both independently reinvented themselves as genteel holiday destinations.  It is hardly surprising that, on wandering through Franschhoek at the weekend, I was very struck by the similarities to Arrowtown.  They may be far apart but the men who created the towns shared smiler cultural roots and outlooks.

During my visit, as well as admiring the stunning views, I tried to get a better feel for the local culture (as perhaps you can tell from the above comments).  I paid a brief visit to the Huguenot Memorial Museum in Franschhoek  - a treasure house of personal property, family history and people’s stories.  I was inspired by what I saw and it made me think about the world of work in which we now operate and how we treat people. I could talk further on slavery and toil - timely and apt perhaps, given the recent Oscar success for “Twelve Years a Slave” (winning Best Film and Best Actor) .  However, despite my concern for ensuring fairness and equality within the workplace, it was a very simple exhibit, lying amongst a collection of fairly nondescript agriculture objects, that has remained embedded in my thoughts.  It was a collection of beautifully shaped, very simple, wooden balls, used in the past for making indentations in straw or other suitable packing material, to ensure safe passage for soft fruit when being transported to market or overseas.  When I first saw them I thought that they were a child’s croquet set, but then, on closer inspection, I realised that none of the balls was exactly the same size as any of the others.  The correct sized ball would be selected each time, by comparison to the piece of fruit, to ensure a perfect, snug fit.  Attention to detail and was required when using the balls. This was not an environment where a “one size will fit all approach” was deemed appropriate, despite the effort required to create a space of optimum dimensions and security for a peach, apple or apricot.  And no “placing of square pegs in round holes”, so to speak - each piece of fruit was provided with its own, bespoke hollow, appropriate and unique to it.  

Apricots - the first popular crop grown at Franschhoek

Throughout the growth of industrialised and large-scale commercial businesses, organisations have sought to commoditise and standardise approaches - to benefit from efficiency and speed.  However, I wonder if a time for a change in this approach is now upon us.  With the advent of technology, it is easier to be more bespoke both for customers and employees, without incurring significant costs and inconvenience.  Environmental planning and workplace considerations can now be quite individual, as indeed can learning and development.  In training, a “sheep dip” approach, despite having a purpose (such as ensuring required compliance or regulatory awareness), will seldom produce the best outcomes.  One of the reasons why I am a supporter of coaching within the workplace is that people are individuals and optimum outcomes require individual focus and understanding.  The time has come to stand back and consider what we are trying to achieve in the workplace, rather than simply tweaking an existing approach or offering. 

“Everyone thinks that the principal thing to the tree is the fruit, but in point of fact the principal thing to it is the seed.” - Nietzsche

So we need to think not just about the business objectives, but also about the people we are relying upon to achieve results - do we know what is important to them?  If you don’t understand what drives and motives the people you are supposed to be leading, you cannot expect to be able to get them to follow you.  Getting it wrong, disregarding them as individuals and treating them only as part of a process rather than a person (with feelings, frustrations and aspirations) can demotivate and demoralise.  All too easily a disgruntled employee, like a bruised piece of fruit, can turn foul, possibly contaminating others around them.  Little sophistication was required to make the wooden balls a valuable tool, only an eye for detail and an appreciation of size and individuality. The farmers around Franschhoek have, through hard work and the help of others, created a beautiful and productive environment.  Centuries ago slavery was deemed appropriate to achieve desired results.  Nowadays, to get things done you cannot rely on a whip and harsh treatment.  People are delicate.  You need to inspire them, make them comfortable so that they can share your vision and support them so that they will support you, hard results can and should be achieved through a soft touch.

J. H. Pierneef (1886-1957) painting of South Africa

Rock art in the Drakensberg