"Talk to me..."

We live in a time of constant conflict – as I write the police in Hong Kong are firing rubber bullets, pepper spray and tear gas on a peaceful protest for democracy. Every time I read or hear the news there is yet another depressing story of aggression and dispute – planes sent to bomb Kobane (as part of the US-led coalition against ISIS); fighting near Baghdad; drug cartels murdering and intimidating innocent citizens in South America; airstrikes in Pakistan; the misery of people inadvertently trapped in war zones around the world, kidnaps, beheadings, victimisation and rape. For a supposedly civilised species, we should be ashamed of ourselves.

Student protester amid clouds of tear gas
Picture taken from Twitter

Things have not changed since Marvin Gaye recorded “What’s Going On?” his subtle protest against the Vietnam War.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-kA3UtBj4M 

or indeed since the early 1590’s when Shakespeare wrote his famous tale of “star-cross’d lovers”. Despite its reputation, Romeo and Juliet is perhaps more about conflict than it is about love. Certainly that is the impression that Mats Ek gives in his modern version of the classic romance. 

I saw Mats Ek’s ballet, Juliet and Romeo on Saturday night and wept; it was the final performance by the Royal Swedish Ballet at Sadler’s Wells in London. I did not cry at the state of Swedish dance, nor was it was the tragedy of a love so powerful that it is worth dying for that reduced to me tears, but the agony of a mother who had lost her son. Despite the modern, thought-provoking set and costumes, the production is visceral, at times brutal, occasionally humorous, but consistently charged with emotion. Juliet is charming, on the cusp of womanhood – a gawky adolescent filled with passion and mood swings. The rival gangs mooch and posture within their stark urban environment and there is little compassion towards others in an unforgiving and hierarchical society. There is some warmth displayed by The Nurse, but she is a rebel, breaking the rules (riding off to fetch Romeo on a Segway) in a bid to gain a piece of happiness for the girl she clearly loves. Her compassion, willingness to cross boundaries and ability to communicate with all types of people mark her out in contrast to the majority of the other characters. Most are self-seeking and oblivious to the harm they cause. Tybalt urinates contemptuously on the corpse of Mercutio, after murdering him. Romeo slays Tybalt, repeatedly stamping on his head until he dies.  There is little compassion or empathy. Perhaps that is why I was so struck by a moving portrayal of maternal devotion. It was Tybalt’s mother, played by Marie Lindqvist, that gripped my heartstrings – the torment of a woman mourning the loss of a treasured son. 

Woman with Dead Child, 1903 etching by Kathe Kollwitz
souce: Wikipedia

Conflict is centred round emotion, but it does not have to be over something huge like national boundaries, political power, the destruction of a way of life or murder; it can be as simple as a fight within a family over a household object or chore. I visited my mother on Friday – it had been her 82^nd birthday while I was abroad on business early last week, so her grandsons and I went to spend time with her at the end of the week. 

My mother with her three daughters
Picture taken by Paul Clarke

My youngest sister had generously given my mother a cordless telephone as a birthday gift, but had left it to charge prior to it being ready for use. I received an SMS from my little sister on Friday, delegating the set-up and training on usage to me. I appreciate that sounds simple: not being tied to the phone’s location (on a flight of stairs leading to the kitchen) and being able to take the handset either into the garden or with her when she wants to sit down seems a sensible thing for my mother to be able to do. I could pre-programme numbers of family, friends, her doctor and so forth into the handset, to make it easier for her to call people. Using a cordless phone would help familiarise her with her mobile (which she uses sufficiently infrequently that I have to remind her what buttons to press when making a call each time she sets off on a trip to the hospital). The intention behind my sister’s offering was good - it was expected to enhance my mother’s life. However, that was not how my mother viewed the gift. She likes having her traditional telephone where it is; she is used to its location, its ringtone and is comfortable with dashing to the stairway to answer it. Now that she is older, she has difficulty remembering new processes and the concept of pre-recorded numbers sitting inside her phone seemed impersonal and distasteful – “what’s wrong with my address book, leafing through the pages is so full of memories?” She was worried by the base-station’s cable – there is a shortage of plug sockets in her house and, without an adapter, she feared losing the use of her beloved plug-in radio. Our mother did not like her well-intentioned daughters pushing her around and forcing change. I found myself in the midst of a family conflict.  

The problem could have been avoided if there had been better communication from the outset.

 

Miner birds chattering

Conflict can occur in almost every area of life. At work it is one of the managerial problems that individuals find most difficult to cope with. Many weak or inexperienced managers are tempted to try to ignore it, but pretending that a problem does not exist will seldom make it go away. Often taking no action to resolve a matter just makes things worse. Distrust, distress and misunderstandings can fester and morph into bigger problems when the initial ill feeling, on which the conflict is founded, is not addressed. When helping their patients, psychologists usually look for the root of a problem, as understanding the cause and tackling its issues is more likely to produce long-term benefits than focusing solely on current symptoms.  Managers would do well to follow their example and to delve a little deeper to understand why team members feel and behave as they do. 

 

Be mindful of the roots of a problem

Team dynamics can be impacted by many things including: jealousy, insecurity, perceived injustice, fear, alleged disparity in treatment, stress due to heavy or unequal workloads, disputes over time-keeping, invasion of personal space or a range of inter-personal matters. If ignored there is a high probability that performance will drop, factions may develop, formal complaints will be raised and/or talented employees, who can secure alternative employment, will leave.

In my experience, the best way to overcome conflict is by putting yourself into the other party’s shoes, to try to understand their viewpoint. A degree of tolerance and empathy is often all that is required to diffuse a charged situation. Few people come to work with the intention of causing distress and I have never met an employee who actually wants to be unhappy. In addition, many people fail to appreciate that conflict can be turned to advantage, as often it provides a wonderful opportunity for learning and growth. A good leader can leverage conflict for team building and individual development; the ensuing discussions, grounded in divergent thinking, frequently result in innovation and creative solutions. All is takes is effective communication.

Like Mats Ek, twist the expected to produce something fresh, new and invigorating. Ek changed the familiar title of Shakespeare’s play (although Elizabethan documents show that Shakespeare also contemplated twisting the heading so that the lady was named first). The protesters in Hong Kong are requesting a voice, in that they want their opinion to be taken into account when political appointments are made. We all want our issues to be appreciated – this requires communication. I urge you to follow the advice laid down in Marvin Gaye’s song and hear your employee’s plea (in whatever way they are communicating to you) to

“Talk to me.”

The Nurse, who successfully walks the tightrope
of effective communication & empathy in
Mats Ek's Juliet & Romeo

A happy twist!

Shouting At The Rain

I had a weird dream last night about the Minotaur – half man half beast rampaging its way through the dark and complex labyrinth of tunnels under the palace of Knossos.  Remnants of the dream have lingered – betrayal, loss, omissions and subterfuge – it could be a metaphor for the current troubles in Greece, the Eurozone and the world as a whole (or perhaps it was simply too much cheese for supper!).  So this morning, whilst regaining my perspective, I reminded myself of the Greek legend and found elements I had forgotten – when Theseus comes to Crete to kill the monster and hence prevent the on-going sacrificial deaths of Athenian maids and youths, both of King Minos’ daughters fall in love with him.  Ariadne, the elder, is well-remembered for supposedly helping Theseus through the maze by giving him a ball of twine to follow to retrace his steps.  On his return to mainland Greece, Theseus abandons Ariadne on the Island of Naxos and returns home with her sister, Phaedra, who subsequently becomes his wife.  I had forgotten that prior to his departure, Theseus had promised his father that, if he survived the ordeals in Crete, he would fly white sails on his ship to indicate that he was safely returning on board.  His omission caused his father so much distress from the thought that his son had died, that it drove him to suicide prior to the ship reaching harbour.  It is both a Greek tragedy and also an illustration of the fact that Man is slow to learn, often inconsiderate and clearly has not changed much over the centuries.

We need to find a way of learning from our mistakes and the errors of others, or else, as Rob Jones, the leading L&D expert, once said to me, we are simply

“shouting at the rain when we should be finding an umbrella”.

Rob’s neat phrase states a lot – it emphasises the fact that it is up to each individual to take responsible action when in a difficult situation and it stresses the futility of words when deeds are needed.  Churchill made a similar point in a speech to the House of Commons on 12 November 1936, as clouds darkened over Europe:

“The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays, is coming to its close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences.”

We in business are familiar with cause and effect – cunning Reward strategies and incentive schemes are devised that rely on the rationale behind the theory, as indeed are innovative training and development programmes and ways of attracting customers.  The big retailers have become so proficient at predicting shopping trends through cause and effect that within hours of a forecast barbeque provisions are available in the aisles as sunny weather is predicted and the number of soups and comfort foods on the shelves increase when the temperature drops.  It is this basic consumerism of Western Society and similar expectations now occurring in the Developing World that has got us into the current global predicament.  Each of us has contributed in a way.  We search for credit cards, mortgages and loans with the lowest APR of interest rate, we expect a return on our investments be it the deposit rate in our savings account or a growing pension pot – it is not surprising that banks were prepared to take significant risks with the money they held, as they were (and indeed still are) under pressure to provide what their customers demand, as well as covering their own overheads and providing a return for shareholders.

Few of us think when we buy beans or asparagus in the shops about the environmental costs of getting these goods to us.  In addition to the air-miles required to deliver out-of-season produce to demanding consumers, the actual cultivation of these vegetables, often grown in countries such as Kenya or Peru, can take its toll on the local environment (agricultural irrigation in Kenya has had a significant impact on water levels in lakes such as Naivasha, the primary fresh water resource for a significant local community, as has the leaching of chemicals into the local water system).  However, there is a contrasting argument to the carbon footprint of food production – countries such as Kenya or Peru tend to rely on manual labour rather than tractors and hence have a less heavy carbon footprint in production terms, and nurturing the crops provides much needed work/income for local people.  In addition, at certain times of the year it is better to buy imported goods than locally produced ones.  We, the consumer, expect year-round availability of the goods that we like, for example apples.  If UK apples are to be provided throughout the year they would need to be stored in refrigerated units – the impact of ten months’ refrigerated storage is greater than the carbon footprint impact off flying in Gala apples from New Zealand.   However, all of the above illustrations miss the point – the cause of the problem is the consumer demand for out-of-season produce, rather than the carbon footprint, which is an effect.  If we were content to eat what is in season and wait for the availability of once a year of crops such as asparagus, we could have a much more positive impact on the environment.

As some of you know, my eldest son has just returned from travelling in Asia, prior to commencing at university (yes I am aware of the carbon footprint created by his trip).  While he was in Laos he visited an amazing waterfall out in the rainforest near Luang Prabang – a beautiful spot for a secluded swim if you happen to be in the area.  Just near the falls is an enclosure, a sanctuary for rescued Sun Bears.  They are wonderful creatures – a bit like the children’s book character Paddington - but dark, their pelt is almost black, with a golden crescent in the fur across their chests.  The Sun bear is one of the most endangers bears.  They are hunted for their gallbladders, which are used in Asian medicine, and their meat is popular.  Much of their rainforest habitat has been destroyed by logging and farming and the logging roads provide easy access for hunters.  War and military action in the region has also destroyed the land on which they live and has equipped would-be hunters with guns.  Little is known about the Sun Bear and its role in the eco system, but there is no doubt that Man’s actions have caused the rapid decline in its numbers over recent years.  The ultimate impact of their loss has yet to be seen.

The cause and effect see-saw is visible in so many of our current predicaments – economic, social, political and environmental.  We seem to lurch from crisis to crisis, with increasingly briefer periods of apparent calm and plenty in between.  As our numbers increase and our ability to communicate swiftly around the globe enhances, the lulls between the crises get shorter – this may be in part due to viral reactions such as have recently been seen in dealing rooms around the globe, as well as the speed with which the Media can transmit information – there is more than a little truth in the phrase that “When America sneezes the world catches a cold”.  Prior to the Industrial and Technological Revolutions, the impact we had on the world around us was sustainable – there were only about 500 million people on the earth in 1650.  The Industrial Revolution and development of Science and Technology, especially of Medicine, together with the colonisation of new lands has led to a terrifying population explosion, reaching 1,000 million in the mid nineteenth century, 2,000 million at the beginning of the twentieth century and over 5,000 million now.  Clearly, if we continue to expand in numbers at this rate we will be the cause of our own demise when there is insufficient land, food and water to sustain us.

Some tough decisions will need to be made very soon to ensure that there is a stable future ahead of us, not just in the Financial Markets but in the wider world in which we exist.  There are bulls and bears in many forms that need to be taken into account.  We must become smarter at understanding the effects of our actions and be prepared to take steps to stop the causes of harm and imbalance.  As my mother, daughter of the man who co-invented the Iron Lung, keeps telling me “prevention is better than cure”.  At the risk of sounding radical, we cannot rely solely on our politicians to do the right thing, even if we have elected them.  It is clear from recent history that many politicians are driven by matters other than their citizens’ best interests.  Each of us has to be accountable and prepared to act to resolve the issues around us.  Only if we take responsibility for the things within our remit can we ensure a positive future for ourselves and the generations to come.  There is no point yelling; we know what action we have to take in our own lives to shelter from the rain.