Finding Sunlight - Day 26

Day 26 (Boxing Day)

26 - the number every side must add up to in Henry Dudeney's Heptagon Puzzle.
Using numbers 1-14 place a different number in every circle.
Dudeney was an English author & mathematician who specialised
in mathematical games & logic puzzles. If you enjoy maths problems you should
try Dudeney's book "Amusements in Mathematics" published in 1917,
with over 400 puzzles + solutions.

I hope you had a wonderful day yesterday, full of all the things you like and value. Welcome to Boxing Day.

Today's post is by Ryan Cheyne - whom I met in real life for the first time at the CIPD conference this November. I have followed Ryan on Twitter for years (His handle is @ryskicheyne). Ryan works as the People Director at Pets at Home  (awarded as one of the Best Places to Work in the UK) and his passion for his work and colleagues is infectious. Ryan is a retail expert. Outside work Ryan has a passion for music, both playing (he is a talented guitar player) and listening (he's a great source for musical inspiration). He lives in Alderley Edge and is an active member of the Manchester CIPD and ConnectingHR groups - always willing to support and encourage others in the profession.

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I last wrote a blog for the Advent series two years ago, it was one of the first blogs I’d written. The theme was essentially, life is challenging but I guess things aren’t that bad really, there are always people who’ve got it worse and it’s New Year so here’s to the future (it was a little longer than that to be fair!).

This year’s series of Advent blogs with the theme of Pathways has been excellent, and has helped me reflect on the last two years and it suddenly occurred to me, I’ve started to find the Sunlight!

Photo by Debi Ireland (@MajikBunnie)

2012 was a tough year personally for a number of reasons. I was genuinely grateful for the things in my life that were good: my health, my job, my kids, but my route forward had changed completely, I hadn’t anticipated it changing, I couldn’t control it, I couldn’t change it and most frightening of all I couldn’t SEE it.

Unanticipated life changes
Brown pelican (Pelecanus occidentalis) mired in oil from spill
 on beach at East Grand Terre Isle, Louisiana coast, 2010
photo by Charlie Riedel for AP (via Boston.com)
,

Where was I going? What should I be doing? And Why?

Hand stamped nickel silver sheet metal bracelet

At this stage of my life, I hadn’t anticipated finding myself living alone in a flat, with 4 plates, 4 knives, 4 forks etc. I was supposed to be the family man in a family home, supporting the kids as they moved seamlessly through teenage life (still keeping my fingers crossed on that one) and starting to enjoy the freedoms that come as the kids get older. Plans around houses, holidays and more quality time disappeared to be replaced by a complete lack of PURPOSE!

A rudderless boat

In HR we’ve built an industry around, objective setting, goal setting, succession planning. We know that great businesses have a “clear and common purpose” that their colleagues can unite behind and we measure success on how well we do against these measures but what happens out of work, in real life when that purpose goes?

It threw me, I felt lost! Work was great, but, what was it for, if it was not helping build a life outside work?

Destination Lost in the Fog, photo by Stu Willard

Now don’t get me wrong (and this is important), the last two years have not been bad at all, in fact they have been amazing. Professionally my proudest moment was when we were named as The Best Big Company to work for by the Sunday Times. Personally, I rediscovered my love of music and playing the guitar and I am having a ball playing live. The kids are doing well and I’m very proud of them, I’ve travelled, I’ve enjoyed the freedom of living without “stuff”. I’ve also met some amazing people, made some fabulous new friends and spent time with a very special person as we both tried to work our way through the fog of life. Our paths have now taken a different route, but you know who you are, Thank You.  

So life’s been good but all the time it has been clouded by a lack of purpose and a lack of clarity and this troubled me. What did I want to achieve at home and at work?

Claude Monet, 1879 Path in the Fog oil on canvas

A turning point came when I spoke to my coach about this (everyone should have one). She listened to me bemoaning my lack of direction, ambition, clarity and purpose. She listened and then asked, “Why are you worried?” It’s ok not to have a plan for a while, it’s ok just to live for a while, rediscover who you are and what you want to be, plans can come later.

So that’s what I’ve been doing, living life with no plan and trying not to worry about it, going with the flow, living in the moment, right here, right now and seeing what happens.

To be honest that’s still where I am, but over the last few weeks something strange has started to happen. I still don’t have a plan or a route but there is a gap in the clouds with the sunlight breaking through, a beam of light hinting at what could be ahead. Sunlight as a metaphor works well, but it has also started to feature in other areas of my life. I’ve discovered Port Sunlight on The Wirrel, in itself a little oasis of a village, created as a twentieth century approach to employee engagement (well worth checking out www.portsunlight.org.uk) and at work I’m starting to rediscover my own sense of purpose.

Images of Port Sunlight, model village
built from 1888 for his workers by William Lever of Lever Brothers.

I am not a religious person but I do (somewhat bizarrely) believe in fate and that what’s meant to be will be. Who knows what the future holds? There will no doubt be bad things and challenges thrown in along the way because there always is, that’s life, but for the first time in a while I am starting to see a potential direction, a possible pathway, I am starting to find The Sunlight.

Photo by Debi Ireland (@MajikBunnie)

Natasha Bedingfield - Pocketful of Sunshine

The Best is Yet To Be - Day 10

Day 10

10 Downing Street
the UK Prime Minister's London residence
Downing Street is named after Sir George Downing,
one of Harvard's earliest graduates; he financed the building of the street.
Samuel Pepys described him as a "perfidious rogue".
Until the 15th century, the site was the location of the Axe brewery, run by monks

Vera Woodhead wrote today's piece. Vera was one of the first people I got to know via Twitter and she is an inspirational and supportive contact. You can follow her via @verawoodhead. She works as a facilitator and professional coach, with a particular interest in women's leadership and career progression. She also lectures for a number of academic establishments and organisations. If you want to know more about her career and professional experience check out her profile on LinkedIn or read her blog. What she writes below will tell you more about how she views and lives life...

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The best is yet to be

A startling realisation has been dawning on me. Given that the life expectancy of women in the UK is 82.5 years, I have lived more than half of my life! And in a few years I would have lived half a century.

UK life expectancy predictions, via BBC, 2014

Age brings some benefits and freedom. Permit me to share some:

Carefree

I care less of what other people think or say about me. The accumulation of life experiences grows into a thick skin which gives you a certain worldliness and wisdom. I know ‘me’ best – my values, strengths, talents, shadow side, weaknesses….I have had plenty of time to learn to accept who and what I am – and this is so very liberating.

There is less of having to prove oneself or compare self to others. No longer do I feel guilty if I am out on the moors at 2 pm on a weekday afternoon whilst everyone else is tweeting how busy they are or how wonderful work is.

The Yorkshire moors - photo by Steve Jackson

Learning to live in the moment is more evident. To be blunt, the number of moments (or years) is diminishing, so best to make the most of them!

Family

I have made certain choices – work, lifestyle, financial… to give my children the best childhood they could have. Even though it was a choice, it did not stop me from feeling resentful at times and even frustrated.

On the other hand it has enabled me to develop and extend my portfolio of skills and knowledge which made me adaptable, flexible and suitable for today’s market place.

   

And most importantly, I am reaping the rewards of watching my children grow into happy, balanced and responsible young adults.

A life lived

So far, I have survived 2 near death experiences and one life saving surgery. Life is precious, time limited and needs to be lived fully.

When my children started secondary school, holidays became adventure time.

The shared experiences and memories created when experiencing different places, cultures, and people are priceless and imprinted on our souls. They will hold us together.

Nothing can beat being woken by the loud guttural sounds of Howler monkeys in the Rainforest, being 10 m from a brown bear as he enters the water and swims across the lake in British Columbia, witnessing a humpback whale and its calf on its migration in San Francisco or fearing for your life when the only thing between you and the caimans is a dugout canoe in the Amazon.

I hope that my children will cherish these moments and when they leave, I will create some of my own – a gap year for the over 50’s, a world challenge expedition, volunteering overseas….the possibilities are endless!

Work

Leadership development is big business with US organisations spending an estimated $13.6 billion in 2012. After 18 years in the field of leadership, I am becoming cynical and wondering who is benefiting from all this development?

Effective leaders need to become masters of themselves – self awareness, clarity of purpose, values, strengths and have the desire to lead. Leadership starts with a journey of self discovery.

Most leaders are already competent in what they do. It is often the ‘how’ that needs adjusting. This ‘how’, stretch and emotional courage needs to come from real situations – to be vulnerable, to communicate difficult things, to listen with empathy, to receive real time feedback, to make tough decisions and be accountable for them…

We are all leaders in our own capacity and the behaviours demonstrated in good leaders, are the same that can be seen in any good person:   

Play

My biggest learning this year has come from completing my first marathon. It has tested not only my joints but also my mind. I have learnt so much about myself: my resilience, motivation, being in harmony with my body….and the true meaning of the cliché, ‘it’s a marathon, not a sprint’. It really is one step at a time.

Practice needs to be mastered so am having another go next year with the London marathon and raising funds for Children with Cancer UK (any donations gratefully accepted). Have recently been told that I need a new knee, am unsure how the joints will hold up – ever the optimist!  

Grow old with me. The best is yet to be! (Robert Browning) 

@verawoodhead

In case the picture doesn’t work:

1.     Be kind

2.     Be grateful

3.     Show empathy and compassion

4.     Know your values and having the courage to stand up for what you believe in

5.     Be generous

6.     Recognise and use your talents and strengths

7.     Be aware of your shadow side and learn to manage

8.     Be collaborative 

9.     Build and nurture relationships

10.  Know your purpose and drive