Flying the nest

This weekend, I experienced what I suspect will be a profound moment in my life – I helped my eldest son to fly the family nest and move into his own home. The experience made me reflect on the nature of change and the importance of recognising when it’s time to embrace new chapters in life and career. My eldest son moved into his own home the same month the world saw President Biden acknowledge that he should stand down from the US election. Both events, though vastly different, share a common theme: the right time to accept change.

Seeing my son step into his new home filled me with a mix of pride and nostalgia (and yes, a few tears were shed). It’s a monumental step, signifying his transition into true adulthood. For years, he has prepared for this moment— saving diligently, learning to budget, buying useful items, and making plans. As a parent, it’s a bittersweet milestone. We nurture our children, provide them with guidance, and support them until they’re ready to fly solo. When that moment arrives, it’s both a validation of our efforts and a poignant reminder that change is constant and inevitable. I am going to miss waving him off to work in the mornings – he always left the house earlier than me. However, as the saying goes: If you truly love something, let it go. On a more positive note, I am glad not to be loading up and driving a transit van again this week.

On a broader stage, President Biden’s decision to step down from the upcoming election is a pivotal moment in political leadership. Leadership is not just about knowing how to govern but also understanding when to pass the baton. President Biden’s tenure has been marked by significant achievements and challenges. His decision to not run is a testament to his self-awareness and commitment to the greater good. It’s an acknowledgment that new leadership might bring fresh perspectives and renewed energy, essential for addressing future events.

These two occurrences prompted me to think about the right time to accept change in life and career. Here are a few reflections:

1.     Self-awareness: Understanding your strengths, limitations, and the context around you is crucial. Whether it’s moving out, like my son, or stepping down from a role, like President Biden, recognising when your current path no longer aligns with your goals or the needs of those you serve is key.

2.     Preparation and Planning: Change is less daunting when it’s planned. My son’s move was the result of years of preparation (if his lawyer had had any more involvement, it might even now still be an on-going project). Similarly, effective career transitions often come from thoughtful planning and readiness to embrace new opportunities.

3.     Courage to Let Go: It takes courage to let go of the familiar. For my son, it was the comfort of home – laundry, cleaning, a full fridge all laid on; for President Biden, it’s the power and responsibility of leadership. Embracing change often means stepping into the unknown, which requires bravery and confidence in the future.

4.     Openness to Growth: Change often brings growth. New challenges and environments push us to adapt and evolve. By moving into his own home, my son will learn and grow in ways he couldn’t under my roof. For President Biden, stepping aside allows for new leadership to tackle emerging issues with fresh vigour.

5.     Legacy and Impact: Ultimately, the decision to embrace change should consider the legacy you leave behind. My son’s independence is a part of the legacy of our family’s values and way of being (we are all strong-minded individuals). President Biden’s decision reflects his desire to ensure a stable and prosperous future for the nation, valuing the legacy of his leadership.

Change is inevitable and necessary for personal and collective growth. Whether it’s watching a loved one embark on a new journey or witnessing a leader make a selfless decision, these moments remind us that the right time to accept change is when it aligns with our values, readiness, and the greater good.

Here’s to embracing change with wisdom, courage, and a forward-looking perspective. And may Charles be very happy in his new home.

Active Hope - Day 26

26th December 2018 (Boxing Day)

26 miles is the approximate distance of a marathon. Originally, from 1896 to 1908,
the distance was 25 miles (the same as that run by the legendary Greek soldier Pheidippides
when he from the Battle of Marathon to Athens to deliver news of a Greek victory, after which
he collapsed and died). The marathon distance only became 26.2 miles during the 1908 London
Olympics. Queen Alexandra requested that the distance was adjusted so the royal household
could see the race from Windsor Castle.

I over indulged yesterday and was over indulged. however, it was wonderful to spend time with the family. Today I am planning to take things quietly and spend time appreciating the gifts I have been given. I have been very spoiled but I am very grateful. 

Siobhan Sheridan is the Civilian HR Director at the UK Ministry of Defence. When I first made her acquaintance she was the Director of People and OD at the UK charity the NSPCC. Siobhan's career started in a customer facing role within financial services; it was clear that she had a flair for understanding and developing rapport with people. On joining the consumer lending business Capital One, her talents were acknowledged and she moved into HR, initially via training and development (she headed up the UK-based Corporate University), before eventually becoming HR Director for the Cards business. Siobhán moved out of London earlier this year and now lives on the coast in a stunning house with the most beautiful views of the sea. She is a popular public speaker (renowned for her pragmatic attitude and passion for doing the right thing). She is also a valued contributor on Social Media - her Twitter handle is @SiobhanHRSheri. 

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There have been two regular features of my Christmas these last few years. One of them is this series of Advent Blogs, the other is the time that I spend with thousands of others volunteering for Crisis at Christmas.

Arriving at Charing Cross Station in the mornings and walking along Whitehall towards the office I pass too many curled up bodies resting on crumpled cardboard, sheltering in doorways from the cold night air.  It breaks my heart to see the Big Issue seller with yet another set of new bruises and to hear the tale of the guy whose sleeping bag was set light the night before. 

As I pull my coat more closely around me I know that the chill I feel is not entirely about the temperature outside, but more from a sense of overwhelming despair about how some of the world's problems can ever be solved.

Joanna Macy says that

 ‘Grace happens when we act with others on behalf of our world.’ 

And I guess that is what I see at Crisis every year. People caring enough to act. Just a one example of that is a woman I will call Karen who volunteered for the first time about three years ago.

The first evening in a Crisis centre is a whirlwind rush of so many things. Guests are welcomed to a centre where they can eat, shower, get their clothes mended, see doctors and dentists, access the internet, make a call to a loved one, find a bed for the night. Each centre is run by a group of volunteers whose day jobs probably ill-prepare them for what they find themselves doing. Spending time talking with the guests is something we encourage all our volunteers to do, because many of our guest spend their days being ignored, avoided, or worse. Talking to them is one of the most important things that we do.

During the rush of that first evening I passed Karen a few times, as she sat quietly knitting and chatting to guests. 

There was something deeply calming about her presence and her focus and I found that I slowed a little every time I passed her. Later that evening I saw her talking to a young couple by the front door who were sleeping on the streets and scared to come in. Over the course of an hour she patiently coaxed them into the centre to eat, and later I spied her persuading the woman towards the showers. She came back half an hour later clearly delighted to be clean for ‘my man.’ And I watched somewhat hopelessly as the woman and her partner went off again into the night, saying they felt safer together on the streets than they would in a shelter they didn’t know.

Returning the following evening Karen asked if I would mind if she went to see if she could find the woman again, she’d been told by another volunteer that the woman had been seen earlier in the centre very angry and upset. Karen wanted to find out why. When she found her the woman explained that she had been sleeping on the streets for so long that her long dark hair had become thickly matted from tying it in elastic bands and chronic lack of care. There was a huge ball of knotted, matted hair at the nape of her neck, so thick and tight that when she tried to lay down to sleep it hurt her head. As a result, even when she could get to sleep she was frequently woken by the pain. It was clear she was in a lot of distress. After her shower of the evening before she had started to feel hopeful that perhaps the hairdresser might be able to help her. She was angry because she had been told that all they could do was to shave her hair off. Having her head shaved she said would make her feel even more ashamed than she already did. She was inconsolable, her hopes completely dashed.

Every single one of us I think has a reason for volunteering. Something that caused us to make the decision to do so. In talking with Karen about what her reason was she shared with me that she had lost her adult son in a car accident a year or so before. A proud, strong, elegant woman, she spoke of her loss gently and with just the faintest glisten of a tear in her eye.  

Her heartache was very present but so too was her warmth, her openness and her compassion.  

Over the course of the next few days I watch Karen sit with the woman and her partner for hours. She talked with them about their plans for the New Year, helped them get advice,  laughed with them, ate with them. And throughout all of that she combed. For hours and hours she gently teased, combed, untangled and snipped the woman’s hair. For three afternoons and evenings Karen worked with the patience that perhaps only a parent who has lost their own child could summon. 

On the last evening, they walked hand in hand to the hair salon again, where the woman was treated to her first proper haircut in many years. Beautifully blow dried she turned to the Karen and I watched as first they high-fived, and then giggling like teenagers collapsed into a huge tangle of a hug.

As the woman left that last evening Karen and I both said good bye to her and her partner. We never say ‘see you next year’ because we hope, that we won’t. And I’ve never seen them again. Karen returns every year and continues to channel her amazing compassion and patience into heartbreak, hope and high fives.

So, as I contemplate the start of Crisis again this year I hope, somewhat strangely perhaps, that my heart will be broken every day. Because as the poet David Whyte says:

‘Heartbreak is our indication of sincerity…..it may be the very essence of being human, or being on the journey from here to there, and of coming to care deeply for what we find along the way.’

I am lucky enough to care deeply about the work that I do both in my day job and my volunteering and am blessed to be surrounded by many other colleagues who do too. They make me want to do better every day because they deserve the best that I can possibly be. Crisis acts as a special reminder to me though every year.Whilst it is about finding homes for others I always notice that it helps me to come home to myself too. To remember some of the qualities that I want to strive to bring into my life and work every day.

‘The heart is the inner face of your life. The human journey strives to make this inner face beautiful. It is here that loves gathers within you. Love is absolutely vital for human life. For love alone can awaken what is divine within you. In love, you grow and come home to your self. When you learn to love and let yourself be loved, you come home to the hearth of your own spirit. You are warm and sheltered.’

                                                                                                                              John O’Donohue

Crisis also leaves me constantly amazed by just what we can achieve as human beings when we set our mind to do so. And each year it leaves me with a heart full of hope that we have everything we need to deal with the many challenges that our world faces today. We just need to crack on, and act on that hope, regardless of what others might say.

So I’d like to leave you with some of Joanna Macys words about Active Hope and to wish you all adventures in the New Year.

‘Active Hope is not wishful thinking.

Active hope is not waiting to be rescued by some savior

Active hope is waking up to the beauty of life

On whose behalf we can act.

We belong to this world.

The web of life is calling us forward at this time.

We’ve come a long way and are here to play our part.

With Active Hope we realise there are adventures in store,

Strengths to discover, and comrades to link arms with.

Active Hope is a readiness to discover the strengths

In ourselves and in others;

A readiness to discover the size and strength of our hearts

Our quickness of mind, our steadiness of purpose,

Our own authority, our love for life,

The liveliness of our curiosity

The unsuspected deep well of patience and diligence,

The keenness of our senses, and our capacity to lead.

None of these can be discovered in an armchair or without risk.

                                                     

                                                                                          Joanna Macey, Active Hope

The Power of Praise - Day 25

25th December (Christmas Day)

25 (or "Pachisi", which is "25" in Hindi) is the national board game of India. It is a game for 2-4
participants played on a board shaped like a symmetrical cross. It was first mentioned in records
in Medieval India. It requires a combination of strategy, numeracy, probability and luck for
a player to win - bit like life.

Welcome to Day 25, Christmas Day - I hope you are enjoying the series to date. I think we have had some exceptional posts and today's is no exception - it is by a new voice, Diane Fennig. Diane is based in Atlanta in the USA and works as a search consultant for the Human Capital Group Inc. - part of the global Cornerstone  International Group. Diane is lively, positive and passionate. She is an excellent storyteller and writes beautifully, as you will see. I love the joyous tone and generosity of her piece - perfect for Christmas Day ( although I suspect that she wanted it posted slightly earlier in Advent). Its message applies to any and every day of the year.

At work Diane focuses on assisting within the higher education sphere, working  with universities and colleges. Prior to moving into search she served as Director of the Career Center at Augusta State University, where she developed and implemented a comprehensive Alumni Career Services Program and authored GeorgiaHire.com, a shared resume database program for 34 institutions within the University System of Georgia. Diane has a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and Secondary Education from Marquette University and a Master of Science degree in College Student Personnel from Miami University. She also holds a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Educational Leadership and Organizational Behavior from the University of South Carolina. Diane is a graduate of the Relationship Masters Academy and serves as an ambassador in the Relationship Management Program. Outside work, Diane is a very capable cook. You can follow her on Twitter, her handle is @FansofFennig.

Both she and I wish you a joyous day, please spare a moment to proffer some praise to someone else who has done something good. (I am going to start by mentioning Diane herself for being so kind writing this post for the benefit of all of us).

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The Power of Praise

Born and raised in the Catholic Church and schooled there too, I still can recount the many symbols of Catholicism. I can still recite the Act of Contrition and the Rosary to this day, but I digress. When I heard Advent, I was transported to a church pew of yesteryear.

As a teen, I recall the December Sunday morning banter between siblings and a mom before church. The young girl noted, “someone should tell the priest that the candles do not match?"  As the mom readied an answer, the older brother chimed in, when we get to pink, the real count-down begins. The third candle, the sole pink candle of the Advent wreath, represents joy. 

The young brother got it right, joy is the answer.

In this challenge from Kate Griffiths-Lambeth, I was immediately drawn to the high fives and the power of praise and joy along our journey. 

Praise and joy can be offered, witnessed and received in so many ways….

--it is the unexpected hello, acknowledging a stranger, and bidding a sincere hello?

--maybe, a random act of kindness, from paying for someone’s coffee or bringing the morning paper to the door of a neighbor? 

--or, a hand-written note thanking someone for their efforts on a project or for a special gift?

--it could be a public acknowledgement of someone for their work or efforts?

--maybe, an unexpected favor? 

--or, is it the gift of time to gather and celebrate? 

--maybe, it is a bouquet of flowers?

--it might be a homemade treat? 

--could it be complimenting a young boy for exceptional manners? 

--maybe, permitting someone who appears in a rush, to step in-front of you? 

--or, is it commending a sales person for exceptional service? 

--might it be shoveling a neighbor’s driveway?

These efforts take little more than time. I can promise that you will continue to smile long after this act and the recipient will remember this event with a similar smile.

It is magic, spread some joy and more will come your way…

This power of praise is available 24/7/365.

Back to my Catholic roots, make a Joyful Noise...

The Wassail Song

Here we come a-wassailing

Among the leaves so green;

Here we come a-wand'ring

So fair to be seen.

REFRAIN:

Love and joy come to you,

And to you your wassail too;

And God bless you and send you a Happy New Year

And God send you a Happy New Year.

Our wassail cup is made

Of the rosemary tree,

And so is your beer

Of the best barley.

REFRAIN

We are not daily beggars

That beg from door to door;

But we are neighbours' children,

Whom you have seen before.

REFRAIN

Call up the butler of this house,

Put on his golden ring.

Let him bring us up a glass of beer,

And better we shall sing.

REFRAIN

We have got a little purse

Of stretching leather skin;

We want a little of your money

To line it well within. 

REFRAIN

Bring us out a table

And spread it with a cloth;

Bring us out a mouldy cheese,

And some of your Christmas loaf.

REFRAIN

God bless the master of this house

Likewise the mistress too,

And all the little children

That round the table go.

REFRAIN

Good master and good mistress,

While you're sitting by the fire,

Pray think of us poor children

Who are wandering in the mire.

REFRAIN