Day 13
Reach 44 and it’s definitely
time to take stock and reframe things.
In the last two months the word ‘Mindfulness’ has been brought to my
attention with increasing regularity – visually and actually – watching and listening
to a speaker talk about it, while I was there as a photographer, not as a
conference delegate. But it made me think.
Shove it to one side once the usual day to day stuff takes over, roll
forwards a couple of weeks and the woods and trees are closing in. A friend mentions it in passing in
conversation. So I downloaded the App
and bought the book. After five minutes
into a ten minute meditation session, I fell asleep. Guess that worked then – clearing everything
out of my mind and thinking. But the
thoughts got too much and I didn’t want to face them all.
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13 - A Baker's Dozen
(The practice of baking 13 items for an intended dozen was insurance
against the items being lower than the statutory weight & incurring a fine)
Illustration of ancient Egyptian bakers from recently discovered tomb of Ken-Amun,
he was in charge of overseeing the royal records during the 19th Dynasty (1315-1201 B.C.)
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Today's post is by Susannah Wheeler. Susannah is a freelance creative photographer and writer, with a background in customer service, before branching out on her own. Susannah's passion for photography shows in the pictures she posts via social media - check them out on her Twitter account (@EnglishFreckle). She is a capable writer (as you can see below) and also edits and proof reads for others. This is a brave and impactful post. It is a pleasure having Susannah as part of my Twitter community; as yet we do not know each other well but I am looking forward to deepening our relationship in the year to come.
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"Paths and Perceptions"
Seeing that title struck
a chord after a week when everything shifted. My perception of my life is very
different to how everyone else seems to see it. Aged 14 at school, if we didn’t
score above 80% in an exam, it was classed as a fail, ‘everyone’ except a
couple of us from that school went to University, I chose a different path.
I’ve been choosing different paths since I was a child. Show me the easy way
and I’ll go the other way. My ambition when I was younger was to be a mum (and
married), to be like my mum and dad, to provide children with a kind,
supportive and loving childhood like they had. So reaching 34, having not scored above 80% in
every exam (or indeed many), not going to Uni, and getting divorced with 2
children, my perception of success was a bit skewed.
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| Different |
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| Overwhelmed by Elena Covalciuc Vieriu |
Until a different
friend asked why? From his view point I
was fine and doing very well. So I
explained and talked a bit more. So
‘forgive your younger self’ he said. OK, what for? For following her own path, her heart and her
instinct at the time? Looking at it like that, there’s not a lot to forgive.
What a moment. Hello – you can now get
on with the rest of your life! So I’m
not living in a big house, with a husband and our children, like a lot of my
friends are. But I’m living my life, walking my path with the people I love
close by.
There are a lot of
things that I have done that I’m very proud of, making the decision to leave a
job of 7 years that, whilst emotionally fulfilling, was neither helping my bank
account, nor my creativity. So I left to
become freelance; to take photographs and to write for a living. A massive risk
but one I had to take and really I wasn’t as concerned as many of my friends were.
A year later, I’m still doing it – unexpected people have opened doors for me,
and pulled me through them. With masses
of encouraging words, they have rebuilt my confidence, which I had thought was a
bit more than broken.
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| Doors opening to new opportunities (view in Tuscany) |
Some of these are brand
new friends, who I’ve met through the world of Twitter. Without them, hearing about
their perceptions and the paths they’ve chosen, I wouldn’t be quite where I am
today.
Last week I posted a
photograph of a tunnel of trees saying ‘there’s light at the end of the tunnel’
– the week before, my light seemed like it was turned off. It wasn’t, it just had some unhelpful
thoughts and perceptions covering it.
With a bit of help from the right person at the right time, the light at
the end of that path is shining more brightly than it has ever done. My perception has shifted, it’s changed and I
will be eternally grateful. Just because
I hadn’t taken the path that I thought I would take when I was younger. Whether it was actually there and I chose a
different one, who knows. Ultimately
it’s the path I’m on right now that matters and it’s a pretty amazing one and I
do know I’m very lucky.
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| Light at the end of the tunnel by Susannah Wheeler |
I’m not living happily
married in a house with a husband and 2.4 children. I’m living happily in a flat, with two
children and a cat. My life path isn’t
the one I thought I’d be on when I was 14 or 24. But finally I’ve got there, at 44 to
understand and accept that the path I’m on is mine. Chosen by me. There is a lot of light surrounding this path
and I am appreciative of everything that I have. I’m also very aware that nothing stays the
same. Just because I’m not on the path
I’d imagined, doesn’t mean that I’ve failed.
It means I’ve lived; I’ve made my own choices and walked the long way
round.
Maybe next time there’s
an option I’ll choose the direct route.
But somehow I doubt it!
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| One of Susannah's photos Robin singing his heart out amongst the poppies at The Tower of London |
Take The Long Way Home - Supertramp,
composed and sung by Roger Hodgson
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