We live in a time of constant conflict – as I write
the police in Hong Kong are firing rubber bullets, pepper spray and tear gas on
a peaceful protest for democracy. Every time I read or hear the news there is
yet another depressing story of aggression and dispute – planes sent to bomb
Kobane (as part of the US-led coalition against ISIS); fighting near Baghdad; drug
cartels murdering and intimidating innocent citizens in South America; airstrikes
in Pakistan; the misery of people inadvertently trapped in war zones around the
world, kidnaps, beheadings, victimisation and rape. For a supposedly civilised
species, we should be ashamed of ourselves.
.jpg) |
| Student protester amid clouds of tear gas Picture taken from Twitter |
Things have not changed since Marvin Gaye recorded “What’s Going On?” his subtle protest
against the Vietnam War.
or indeed since the early 1590’s when Shakespeare wrote
his famous tale of “star-cross’d lovers”. Despite its reputation, Romeo and Juliet is perhaps more about conflict than it is about
love. Certainly that is the impression that Mats Ek gives in his modern version
of the classic romance.
I saw Mats Ek’s ballet, Juliet and
Romeo on Saturday night and
wept; it was the final performance by the Royal Swedish Ballet at Sadler’s
Wells in London. I did not cry at the state of Swedish dance, nor was it was the
tragedy of a love so powerful that it is worth dying for that reduced to me
tears, but the agony of a mother who had lost her son. Despite the modern,
thought-provoking set and costumes, the production is visceral, at times
brutal, occasionally humorous, but consistently charged with emotion. Juliet is
charming, on the cusp of womanhood – a gawky adolescent filled with passion and
mood swings. The rival gangs mooch and posture within their stark urban
environment and there is little compassion towards others in an unforgiving and
hierarchical society. There is some warmth displayed by The Nurse, but she is a
rebel, breaking the rules (riding off to fetch Romeo on a Segway) in a bid to
gain a piece of happiness for the girl she clearly loves. Her compassion,
willingness to cross boundaries and ability to communicate with all types of
people mark her out in contrast to the majority of the other characters. Most
are self-seeking and oblivious to the harm they cause. Tybalt urinates
contemptuously on the corpse of Mercutio, after murdering him. Romeo slays
Tybalt, repeatedly stamping on his head until he dies. There is little compassion or empathy.
Perhaps that is why I was so struck by a moving portrayal of maternal devotion.
It was Tybalt’s mother, played by Marie Lindqvist, that gripped my heartstrings
– the torment of a woman mourning the loss of a treasured son.
 |
| Woman with Dead Child, 1903 etching by Kathe Kollwitz souce: Wikipedia |
Conflict is centred round emotion, but it does not
have to be over something huge like national boundaries, political power, the
destruction of a way of life or murder; it can be as simple as a fight within a
family over a household object or chore. I visited my mother on Friday – it had
been her 82nd birthday while I was abroad on business early last
week, so her grandsons and I went to spend time with her at the end of the week.
 |
| My mother with her three daughters Picture taken by Paul Clarke |
My youngest sister had generously given my mother a cordless telephone as a
birthday gift, but had left it to charge prior to it being ready for use. I
received an SMS from my little sister on Friday, delegating the set-up and
training on usage to me. I appreciate that sounds simple: not being tied to the
phone’s location (on a flight of stairs leading to the kitchen) and being able
to take the handset either into the garden or with her when she wants to sit
down seems a sensible thing for my mother to be able to do. I could
pre-programme numbers of family, friends, her doctor and so forth into the
handset, to make it easier for her to call people. Using a cordless phone would
help familiarise her with her mobile (which she uses sufficiently infrequently
that I have to remind her what buttons to press when making a call each time
she sets off on a trip to the hospital). The intention behind my sister’s
offering was good - it was expected to enhance my mother’s life. However, that
was not how my mother viewed the gift. She likes having her traditional
telephone where it is; she is used to its location, its ringtone and is
comfortable with dashing to the stairway to answer it. Now that she is older, she
has difficulty remembering new processes and the concept of pre-recorded
numbers sitting inside her phone seemed impersonal and distasteful – “what’s
wrong with my address book, leafing through the pages is so full of memories?”
She was worried by the base-station’s cable – there is a shortage of plug
sockets in her house and, without an adapter, she feared losing the use of her
beloved plug-in radio. Our mother did not like her well-intentioned daughters
pushing her around and forcing change. I found myself in the midst of a family
conflict.
The problem could have been avoided if there had been
better communication from the outset.
 |
| Miner birds chattering |
Conflict can occur in almost every area of life. At
work it is one of the managerial problems that individuals find most difficult
to cope with. Many weak or inexperienced managers are tempted to try to ignore
it, but pretending that a problem does not exist will seldom make it go away. Often
taking no action to resolve a matter just makes things worse. Distrust,
distress and misunderstandings can fester and morph into bigger problems when the
initial ill feeling, on which the conflict is founded, is not addressed. When
helping their patients, psychologists usually look for the root of a problem,
as understanding the cause and tackling its issues is more likely to produce
long-term benefits than focusing solely on current symptoms. Managers would do well to follow their
example and to delve a little deeper to understand why team members feel and
behave as they do.
 |
| Be mindful of the roots of a problem |
Team dynamics can be impacted by many things
including: jealousy, insecurity, perceived injustice, fear, alleged disparity
in treatment, stress due to heavy or unequal workloads, disputes over time-keeping,
invasion of personal space or a range of inter-personal matters. If ignored
there is a high probability that performance will drop, factions may develop,
formal complaints will be raised and/or talented employees, who can secure
alternative employment, will leave.
In my experience, the best way to overcome conflict
is by putting yourself into the other party’s shoes, to try to understand their
viewpoint. A degree of tolerance and empathy is often all that is required to
diffuse a charged situation. Few people come to work with the intention of
causing distress and I have never met an employee who actually wants to be
unhappy. In addition, many people fail to appreciate that conflict can be
turned to advantage, as often it provides a wonderful opportunity for learning
and growth. A good leader can leverage conflict for team building and
individual development; the ensuing discussions, grounded in divergent
thinking, frequently result in innovation and creative solutions. All is takes
is effective communication.
Like Mats Ek, twist the expected to produce something
fresh, new and invigorating. Ek changed the familiar title of Shakespeare’s
play (although Elizabethan documents show that Shakespeare also contemplated
twisting the heading so that the lady was named first). The protesters in Hong
Kong are requesting a voice, in that they want their opinion to be taken into
account when political appointments are made. We all want our issues to be
appreciated – this requires communication. I urge you to follow the advice laid
down in Marvin Gaye’s song and hear your employee’s plea (in whatever way they
are communicating to you) to
“Talk to me.”
 |
| The Nurse, who successfully walks the tightrope of effective communication & empathy in Mats Ek's Juliet & Romeo |
 |
| A happy twist! |
No comments:
Post a Comment